Kahleena MacCarthy ~ To Meet a Highlander (21 page)

             
“I'm off to town for a bit.” Zarik shrugged as if it was of no importance.

             
“This late? Seems to me the only thing ye'd be finding at this time of night is a whore and some ale.”

             
“Aye. What of it?”

             
“Ye arsehole.” Drostan grabbed Zarik by the shoulders and slammed him back into the wall of the stall. Hard. “Ye are to be married in no time at all and ye'd go to another woman?”

             
“Aye. I'm not doing anything wrong. My promise to Tsarina was for no whores and leman after our vows. We've not yet spoken them, in case ye've forgotten.” Zarik pushed Drostan back from him and freed himself from his grip. “Do ye really wish to fight me, Drostan?”

             
“Aye, perhaps I do. Perhaps ye've hit yer head and only it being thumped again will cause ye to use yer brain. Nothing wrong with what ye are thinking to do? Ye're just to be laird soon and ye've given yer word to marry a lass, one that yer brother had wanted for his own, and ye'd dishonor yer da, yer woman and yer brother by bedding a whore. Have ye fookin' lost yer mind? How can the clan respect ye?”

             
Zarik laughed. “They dinnae respect me now. They say I am blood thirsty, yet they rely on my sword. When I wasnae here, it was my fault that the MacLean's got to the keep. My fault. Ye ken? But when I kill, I'm blood thirsty. But when I dinnae, I've deserted me clan in their time of need. Do ye not see how sick I am of it all? I've no desire to be laird. I just wish for some peace, some quiet, some time with no one telling me what it is that I should be doing and who I need now be doing it with.” Zarik ran his hand through his long hair.

             
“Zarik, I ken ye are frustrated and there's been a lot to deal with since Tsarina arrived. But I'm asking ye, as yer friend, go back up to your chamber for the night. Think of yer wedding night. Do ye want to have to explain a whore a couple nights before.”

             
“How would she ken, Drostan? Are ye going to tattle on me like a small child?” Zarik raised an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

             
“Nay, I'd not tell on ye. But it's no for yer benefit, but fer hers. She doesnae need an arsehole. I'd let her think better of ye than she should over having her feelings hurt. Women are delicate, Zarik. Ye should learn it soon, to save the both of ye trouble.” Shaking his head at his friend's stupidity, he continued. “Do what ye will, just remember the cost of some choices. Just as in battle, for each action there'll be a consequence. Be sure ye can live with it.” Without waiting for any response, and without so much as a glance back, Drostan headed back to the keep.

             
Not for the first time on this night, Zarik slammed his fist in frustration on the wall. This time he followed it by slamming his head into it as well, for good measure.

             
Just what he needed. A conscience. He'd never had one before. Didn't need one now. They were bad things to have.

             
Women. Always around to complicate things for a man. A man should only be required to have his horse. It's all he needed. But no, you have to have heirs and make appearances and have get togethers.

             
“Fook it all.” Zarik said to his horse as he pulled the saddle back off Rage. “Perhaps another night. It seems my bollocks are being clipped and I've no even married yet.”

**

             
Tsarina paced her floor, still frustrated from the evening's events. Could Zarik possibly know the control he held over her? Should he know?

             
She took great care in sitting in the chair and brushing her hair, much more than needed, but she needed a distraction. There was no way she was leaving her room again tonight.

             
What could she do? She knew what she would have done had it been in her own time. Would it work here as well?

             
Without thinking over it further, or else she'd lose her nerve, she pulled off all of her clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor. Tsarina grabbed her robe and headed over to Zarik's room.

             
...Only to find it empty.

             
“Well hell. Doesn't it figure? I find my nerve and am left staring at an empty bed.” Tsarina spun around and headed out the door, running into Drostan as she left.

             
“I seem to have a bad habit of running into people. I'm beginning to think I don't watch where I'm walking.”

             
Drostan, most always in a good mood, laughed. “See why we dinnae want ye walking about alone? Ye'd harm someone.” He laughed again, then stopped abruptly as he noticed what she was wearing. “I beg yer pardon, Tsarina, I'd not noticed yer state of...well, dress.”

             
Tsarina blushed. “I was just seeing if Zarik happened to be in his room. There was something I needed to discuss with him.”

             
“Aye, and it couldnae wait till the morning.” He gave her a knowing smile. “He was out with the horses. Zarik often goes there to think. Rage seems to calm him.”

             
“I see. Well, it will just have to wait till morning after all.” Tsarina started heading back next door to her own room.

             
“Goodnight, lass. Sleep well.” Drostan held his laughter until he was well down the hall. It served Zarik right. All would be well though. That lent an enormous burden from him. The lass was going to love Zarik.

Chapter 14

             
Zarik could smell her. Was he losing his mind?

             
When he returned, without satisfying his needs, he could swear he could smell that strange smelling perfume she wore from her time. It smelled so unique, but so good. Zarik felt himself growing hard again.

             
“Son of a bitch, not again. The woman is making me mad. Now I think I smell her when she's no even in sight.” Zarik looked around his empty chamber. “And I'd be talking to meself as well.”

             
He stripped out of his clothes and threw himself across his bed. Sleep did not find him easily.

             
Zarik was up with sun, as he always was and out to the stalls. He and Rage went on a morning run, with Zarik stopping for a dip in the lake. Then it was back and on to training.

             
“Yer not even taking some time off to prepare fer yer wedding, Zarik? Tsarina looks like a lass that ye may be in need of all yer strength fer.” Caelan laughed as his friends chuckled behind him as well.

             
“Nay, I'll not be skipping practice. Who'd defend the lot of ye if my sword arms wernae strong?” Zarik didn't smile, he simply drew his swords and launched himself at Caelan. “Start training!” He yelled as he blocked a blow from Caelan.

             
Hours later, he'd worn out over half the men that were training. Zarik wiped his brow as Drostan gave a nod in the direction of the keep. There was Tsarina, basket in hand, coming their way. “Looks like I'll see the bunch of ye later.”

             
As Tsarina approached she took in his broad muscular chest. It was even hotter lined with sweat. Zarik's muscles were tight and strained from hours of morning practice.

             
“Good afternoon. I thought you might like some lunch.” Tsarina sat the basket on the ground, spread the blanket, and sat down as she began taking things out. She hoped he'd put his shirt on before joining her. She had promised to be an agreeable wife, though she was finding she had to pretend it was a burdensome task.

             
“Aye, lass. Thank ye. I am starving.” Zarik couldn't hide his goofy grin. This was the first time that someone had brought his lunch to the training field.

             
Zarik continued chatting, but it was a while before Tsarina noticed. When he put her hair behind her ear, she managed to move her eyes from his chest.

             
“Did ye not hear anything I said?” Zarik laughed. “Are ye not going to eat, too??

             
“Oh, yes. I'm going to have some fruit. I'm not very hungry.”

             
“Iffin ye stay too skinny, they'll be thinking I cannae feed ye well.”

             
“Zarik, I've been thin since I got here. No one will blame you. Why don't you put on your shirt?” Tsarina had to say something or she'd likely be sitting in a pool of drool before their lunch was over.

             
Zarik laughed. “Aye, it does seem to be a distraction to ye. Would ye like to go find a shaded spot in the meadow and we can pick up where we left off last night?”

             
Tsarina blushed.

             
“Would ye stop that? Ye're not an innocent. I've nothing ye've not seen before. There's no need for the shyness.” Zarik swatted at an ant that was trying to share his bread with him.

             
`Why did you go out to your horse last night? Tsarina thought best to try to change the subject. She did feel like a virgin with him,

             
Zarik looked shocked for just a short moment and quickly covered it up. “I was checking on Rage.” Had he been told on?

             
“You have stable hands for that. Right?”

             
“Well, I like to do it myself once in a while.” Zarik could tells he wasn't buying his words. But, what else could he say?

             
“I see. I ran into Drostan last night. He's the one that told me you were there.” Again, Tsarina noticed a slight wave of panic cross his face that he quickly masked. What was going on with him?

             
“Yes, I saw him there.”

             
Tsarina continued their lunch with small talk, as it was evident she was getting no further details of his trip to see his horse in the middle of the night.

**

             
“Ye told her I was in the stables?” It was now Zarik's turn to slam Drostan into the wall. “Have ye lost yer mind. I though ye said ye'd tell her nothing of what I was doing. Yet ye ran right to her to tell her.” Zarik felt his rage growing and knew he needed to regain control of himself. He was most deadly when in a rage and didn't truly wish to harm his friend. Well, not too badly, in any case.

             
Drostan had the nerve to laugh.

             
Hysterically.

             
For what seemed like twenty minutes, Zarik just stared at him. Finally he had to ask. “Have ye lost yer mind?”

             
The question only seemed to throw Drostan into another fit of laughter. Soon there were more than a couple of people staring their way. While Drostan was naturally good natured, he never laughed so much.

             
“Fookin arsehole.” Zarik turned to leave.

             
“Now wait just a minute.” Drostan tried to regain his breath. “I didnae tell her why ye were there. Only that ye were. I told her Rage calmed ye when ye had reason to think.”

             
Zarik gave him a glare.

             
“Well, ye did need to think. I didnae lie. I just omitted some parts. She didnea know ye were going to find yer comfort between the legs of yet another whore.”

             
“Whore.” Tsarina was in shock. “You went to a whore? Knowing we are to be married tomorrow?”

             
Zarik and Drostan both looked as though their mother had walked in and caught them in the cookie jar when it was after bedtime.

             
Tsarina crossed her arms across her chest and tapped her foot. “Well? Does anyone have anything to say?”

             
“Now, lass, he didnae go.” Drostan said in way of explanation.

             
“And you know this for a fact? Why was he not with you when I ran into you outside of his chamber?”

             
“Why were ye in my chamber?” Zarik was surprised.

             
“Well, now I did come back in, but I ken he didnae go. He'd have looked at least slightly guilty this morning.” Drostan shrugged. Truth was, there was no way he could be positive. He just hoped his friend had the common sense to not go.

             
“My chamber, Tsarina, why were ye there?” Zarik was more concerned with her being in his room than anything. He hadn't imagined her scent after all.

             
“Oh, just like you to be more concerned with what I'm doing. What excuse do you have for yourself?” Tsarina was angry and hurt.

             
“Drostan, can ye excuse us?” Zarik waited for Drostan's nod and then looked back at Tsarina. “Walk with me?”

             
“No. Whatever you have to say, just say it and be done. Here's as good of a place as any.”

             
“Please, lass. Let's walk by the water.” Zarik instantly wanted to kick himself for saying please. But he figured he didn't have much of a choice.

             
“No.” Tsarina looked even more annoyed.

             
“Verra well. Lass, I was going to seek comfort in a whore that night.” Zarik had to grab Tsarina's arm to stop her from turning and walking away. “Now, hear me out at least.”

             
“Right. Because I suppose I owe you something. Do you know how that looked? You're to marry me tomorrow and you were seeking a whore last night?”

             
“Now, I didnae do anything wrong. I promised ye no leman after marriage. I said naught about whores or between now and our marriage.”

             
Instead of calming her, it seemed to make Tsarina more furious.

             
“Listen, Tsarina. I didnae go. I spent a little more time in the stall with Rage and then went back to my chamber. Truth be told, I though I'd lost my mind as I could smell ye in there.” Zarik shook his head. He had no other choice but honesty. “I, lass...I wanted ye so badly. I didnae ken what to do. I've never...“ Zarik stopped, looking uncomfortable.

             
“You never what?” Tsarina asked with more than a little impatience.

             
“I've never wanted anyone like that, lass. I'm not just saying it. I was...well, I was honestly in pain from needing ye so bad.” Zarik looked away from her eyes. Almost ashamed of himself for admitting it.

             
Tsarina thought she should be sympathetic. But she couldn't. She was furious. “Why couldn't you just tell me?”

             
“What was I to do?” Zarik ran his hand through his hair in frustration? “Rape ye? Take ye against yer will?”

             
“How do you know it would have been against my will?” She waited to see the shocked look on his face. “Did it ever occur to you that I want you just as bad? I can't explain why, I don't understand why myself. But I feel like I'm a virgin all over again when you're near me. I feel innocent, like a man's body is all new.” Tsarina blushed. Had she done the right thing? Letting him gain this control over her?

             
“Ye wanted me too?” He watched Tsarina nod. “Why didnae ye just tell me?”

             
“Why didn't you tell me?” Tsarina raised an eyebrow in challenge.

             
“Aye. Verra well. Ye have a point. Now, I've been honest with ye, it's yer turn. Why did ye go to my chamber?” Zarik figured she might have gone to return his sword belt and shirt, but he'd not seen them lying around anywhere.

             
“I...” Now it was her turn to be at a loss for words. Should she tell him the truth?

             
“Aye, lass. Ye can tell me the truth. If nothing else, we need to start this all out with honesty. I feel everything else will come, in time.”

             
“I, well, I was going to offer myself to you. I wanted you. And, you seem to have too much honor to tell me you need me. So, I was going to tell you.” Tsarina watched the surprise on his face turn to disappointment. He knew he'd missed his chance because he was seeking to bed a whore. “Sometimes, you're really going to have to swallow your pride. Would it really be so awful?”

             
“Lass, I didnae ken. I wouldnae have been with me horse or thinking unforgivable things had I known.”

             
“Of course not. You would have no need for a whore, because you'd have had one in me.” Tsarina was pissed again.

             
“Yer not a whore. Yer to be my wife. It would be no shame in us having one another. Satisfying a need that we both seem to have.”

             
“Yes, but it's not love. It's lust. We only want to sleep together. We don't love each other.” Tsarina wiped a tear from her cheek. “Zarik, I want love. Not just for you to spill inside me.”

             
Before Zarik could say anything, Tsarina spun on her heel and ran back to the keep.

**

             
“Of all the stupid things to do. What an asshole!” Tsarina paced her room as Igrid tried to find something to say to calm her down. “I'll not marry him tomorrow. I can't.”

             
“Aye, lass, ye can and ye'll have to.” Igrid tried to be sympathetic, but she knew there was no way to change what was meant to be. She knew Zarik. “Lass, he'll carry ye over his shoulder to the wedding if he must.”

             
“He'd force me?”

             
“Lass, it's not as dramatic as all that. I ken the two of ye love each other. It's just the two of ye that cannae see it yet.” Igrid gave her a smile.

             
Tsarina rolled her eyes in frustration as she shooed Igrid to the door. “I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well, Igrid.”

             
Once again Tsarina spent most of the night pacing back and forth in her room. She spent most of that time also wondering if Zarik was doing the same. Would he try to fix things? Hours after she thought everyone was long asleep, she heard a commotion from Zarik's room, so she grabbed her robe and went to see what was going on.