Kahleena MacCarthy ~ To Meet a Highlander (20 page)

             
“You two are so much alike. No wonder you dislike the other. Imagine what you could do if you teamed up.” Tsarina looked back and forth between them, but neither was going to allow her to take this conversation to another direction. “Oh very well.” She couldn't hold in her sigh. Or her disappointment at the behavior of them. “It seems that boys will be boys and perhaps they truly never do grow up. Just remember. It was the two of you that forced me to this.” She shot glares at both Zarik and Trystan. “Zarik, will you please escort me to my chamber?” She hated doing this to her brother. But he was leaving and this was going to remain her home. Tsarina didn't need serious enemies. Or to give those that already disliked her more reason to do so. The clan was watching and she had no choice other than the Laird's son.

             
Zarik placed her arm in his and led the way to the stairs.

             
They made no eye contact or no attempt to speak as they went up the stairs, with everyone watching them closely. Outside her chamber door, she doubted she'd get away with a simple good night.

             
“Good night, Zarik.” She tried anyway.

             
“Nay, I think not. It doesn't end so easily tonight.” Zarik pushed open her chamber door and entered behind her.

**

              “Zarik, this is inappropriate.” Tsarina tried to discourage him as he closed and latched the door.

             
“Oh, now ye wish for appropriate? After the outburst below stairs? After spewing fuck and asshole in yer sentences? Tell me, would it be inappropriate in yer time for me to be in yer room when we're to marry in less than two days?”

             
“It, well...I...”

             
“Tsarina?”

             
“No, not usually. Most people have sex plenty before marriage and engagement. But I”m trying to fit into your time and not have anyone hate me more than they already do.” Damn her honesty.

             
“Do ye think my father didnae bed my mother until the wedding night?”

             
“Oh.” Tsarina was honestly shocked. She always thought that in old days it was only whores that weren't virgins until marriage. “Really? I didn't realize. But don't they have to hang a sheet or something? For purity?” She really hoped she wasn't getting her history incorrect.

             
Zarik laughed. A real laugh for once. Nothing sinister. “Aye, but there are ways around most everything. Ye see, when he did bed her for the first time, he kept the sheet. They simply dampened it slightly and hung it from the chamber window the next morning. Not many know my mother wasn't a virgin on her wedding night. But, she'd only ever been with my father.”

             
“Well, at least they were creative, I guess.” Tsarina smiled. It was nice to hear Zarik talk of his family rather than obligations or have to's. This Breadan she could fall in love with.

             
“I'm sorry to mention this, but now's as good a time as any perhaps. I am to assume yer not a virgin?”

             
“No, I'm not. Not by a long shot. Sorry. Do you think they expect me to be?”

             
“How many?” Zarik felt he had to know. She was to be his. He was supposed to know her like no other man did. But, it wouldn't be the case. He'd go where many other men did. He was to have her trust, her innocence, her passion.

             
“Don't, Zarik. Just don't. I don't want to discuss it. You don't want to know. Just look at it this way, no one in this time has been near me. So, it's almost like being a virgin.” Tsarina smiled, hoping it would be good enough for him. They were finally talking for once and she hated that it might turn into another fight.

             
“It does matter. I'll be bedding someone that's no a virgin, taking her as my wife, to one day help me lead the clan. And ye have been close with someone in this time. Galen. He may not be from my clan, but he's here with us now.”

             
Tsarina let out a sigh and sat on the edge of her bed. What would she say? What should she say? The truth? A few less? She'd never thought to need virtue. It was far too uncommon in her time. No one paid much mind to it and it was a shock to actually find someone that was a virgin. Here it was the opposite. If only she'd known when she was fifteen.

             
“Tsarina...”

             
“I don't know. Maybe five.” It had been more like fifteen. Or was it seventeen. But she didn't dare tell him. And it was a good thing. The look on his face was worse than if he'd have just slapped her.

             
“Five!” Zarik began pacing. “Five!” He paced more. He went to open her door, then decided against it and turned back. “Five!”

             
“Yes, we've established this already. In my time, that's not very many. By my age, many have slept with fifteen people or more. Sometimes over thirty in a lifetime.” Tsarina was so glad she'd decided not to tell him the truth.

             
“No one. And I do mean no one. No one ever hears of this. Do ye understand me? Ye were a virgin when ye came to my bed. I'll not be disgraced, nor will my clan. This will be our secret.” Zarik watched as Tsarina's face turned a shade of red, then a darker one as she nodded. Good. At least she had the good sense to be embarrassed by her actions. So much for hoping his wife would be tighter than the whores he'd slept with over the years.

             
“But the wedding night sheets...”

             
“Dinnae worry yerself over it. I'll take care of it. So long as ye tell no one. No one will ever know differently.” Zarik had to reign in his anger. She was from a different time. One he did not wish to ever see. So many whores. Such a shame.

             
“Will you take a leman now?”

             
“Nay, lass. I did give ye my word. And though ye think me an overbearing arsehole, I do hold to my word. Sometimes it's all ye've got...a man's word. Mine is good.”

             
“Thank you. Maybe if someone would have warned me that I'd be traveling to another time years ago, I'd have been more careful.” Tsarina smiled hoping that it would be contagious and her and Zarik could go back to their much more relaxing conversation of earlier.

             
“Tell me, while we're speaking of it, and being honest, did Tor have ye?”

             
“No. I told you, no one from this time has.”

             
“Did he kiss ye, feel yer goods?”

             
“No, he didn't
feel my goods
. Yes, I did kiss him. Well, he kissed me.” Tsarina felt like she was being judged. Sentenced on being loose or something. It was awful.

             
“Tell me, Tsarina. When he touched ye, did yer skin burn?”

             
“What? Burn? Of course it didn't burn me.” Tsarina was confused, why would Tor burn her. Zarik reached out and ran his hand down her arm. She forced herself not to pull away.

             
“Hear yer breath?” Zarik took a step forward, then another, so that he could whisper in her ear. “Did his touch feel like mine? I ken ye felt it. The sparks, the burn, the desire. I bet it wasn't there from his touch.”

             
Tsarina shook her head. No one had ever felt that way when they had touched her.

             
Zarik pressed himself slightly closer. “Ye feel the heat from my body, lassie? I can hear yer breathing change. Ye want me. It would be much easier fer the both of us if ye'd not fight it. It's fate after all.:

             
“Do you want me, Zarik?” Tsarina, too caught in the moment, couldn't seem to stop herself from asking. It was  out before she could stop it.

             
Zarik chuckled lightly. “Ye shall see in two days I suppose.” He leaned over and lightly kissed her lips. “Think on what ye want. There's two ways, as I see it, that we can go into this marriage. Choose which ye prefer.”

             
Still standing where he left her, lips scorching from his touch, she watched Zarik leave her room.

             
Standing outside Tsarina's room, Zarik wished for the courage to show her exactly how much he did want her. How much he had wanted her since he first set eyes upon her. But, at what cost? His weakness wasn't allowed and he couldn't become so over a woman.

             
Zarik hastily went to his room, grabbed some clothes and headed to the lake. The very cold lake. He needed it right now.

             
“What brings ye here so late, Zarik?”

             
Zarik shook his head. Of course. Someone would just decide they needed a late swim as well. “Caelan, I could ask ye the same.”

             
“Aye, ye could. But ye didnae and I asked ye first.” Caelan showed off his troublemaker smile.

             
“I'm no a lass, Caelan. The smile doesnae work on me.” Zarik tossed his clothes on a rock and walked in.

             
“Aye, and I'm no a lass. I dinnae care to see ye naked.” Caelan laughed as he swam over to the other side and back.

             
“So why are ye here, Caelan?”

             
“I just needed to think. This has always been my favorite spot to do it. It calms me. Sometimes makes me see clearly, or at least I feel as though it does.”

             
“Aye, nothing wrong with a good think. Especially if ye ken clear yer head. I cannae seem to ever do it.”

             
“Of course ye cannae. Ye have so much on yer shoulders. Battles, soon to be laird, taking a wife, making heirs.” With that Caelan's grin got large. “Now that be the fun part of it.”

             
“Aye, perhaps so, but what about all the not so fun parts. Does that one thing make all the others worth it?”

             
“I cannae tell ye. But ye'll let me know when ye figure it out. Aye?”

             
“Sure. Why not?” Hearing a noise behind him and thinking himself to be quite the dumbass, his sword was over with his kilt, he slowly turned around.

             
“Tsarina, what on earth are ye doing out here. Do ye not have an escort?” Zarik couldn't believe she followed him down here. Had she seen him get into the water? The thought made him hard. Perfect.

             
“I wanted to go for a walk after our talk and all the stress of the day. I didn't think anyone would be down here. It's late.”

             
“Exactly, it's late. And ye are alone. Ye ken yer not to be.”

             
“I'm going to get out of the way. Zarik, we'll continue tomorrow.” Caelan went to jump out and realized his clothes were over by Tsarina. He eyed Zarik who began laughing.

             
“Tsarina, would ye mind doing Caelan a huge favor?” Zarik asked as he still tried to control his laughter.

             
“Sure.” Tsarina was puzzled. What was so funny?

             
“Look down, lass. Ye see to yer right, those would be Caelan's clothes. If he's to be leaving, he'll be in need of them. Would ye hand them to him?” Zarik watched the look on Tsarina's face, then the horror. He laughed even harder.

             
“Caelan, you're naked?” Tsarina couldn't believe it.

             
“Aye, that he is. As am I. Look to yer left, those would be mine. I thought mayhap ye'd come to join me.” Zarik and Caelan couldn't contain their laughter as she ran back to the keep, not looking back.

Chapter 13

             
Tsarina rushed back to her chamber, almost knocking over Tor along the way.

             
“Tsarina, what's happened. Are ye all right” Tor was concerned. “Why are ye alone and why were ye outside? Did my brother leave ye to get back to the keep on yer own?”

             
“No, Tor. Zarik didn't leave me outside. I went out there on my own. I needed a walk and I saw something that spooked me, but it's fine.” She knew her face was still flushed, she only hoped that Tor assumed it was from the wind.

             
“There's no danger?”
              Tsarina shook her head just as Zarik spoke from behind them.

             
“Nay, brother, there's nay any danger. Tsarina came upon Caelan and I in the lake. Of course, ye ken how we all swim there. Evidently it was a fact she wasn't aware of or had forgotten. Or she wanted a peak before the wedding night.” Zarik laughed as Tsarina blushed.

             
“Do ye think teasing her is right? Look at her, ye have her all out of sorts and embarrassed.” Tor felt his anger rising. She should be his, not Zarik's. There was no question he would treat her better than his brother ever would.

             
“Relax, Tor. It's just in good fun. I mean no harm by it. But, Tsarina, had ye wanted a preview, ye had only to ask. I'm not a shy one.” Zarik winked at her as he and Caelan burst out in another fit of laughter.

             
“Arseholes.” Tor mumbled. “Do ye wish me to see ye to yer chamber, Tsarina?”

             
“Nay, I'll do it. I'm certain ye have better things to do now that ye're no longer betrothed.” Zarik held out his arm for Tsarina. She knew better than to not take it. He'd just create another scene, one in which he or Tor could be hurt. She'd not be the cause of it.

             
“Goodnight, Tor. Caelan.” Tsarina then allowed herself to be led up the stairs of the keep for the second time that night. This time, she was staying right there.

             
“Here we are again, my sweetling.” Zarik seemed to be becoming more forward as the time went on. But how could she fault him? They were to be marrying in less than fourty-eight hours. In her time, she'd have likely already slept with him more times than she'd be able to count.

             
“Goodnight, Zarik.”

             
“So soon? I thought perhaps we could finish what ye started at the lake.” He led her into her room and, once again, locked her door. “Ye ken it's no right to tease a man.”

             
“Zarik, I know this is difficult for you to understand, but I didn't know you were there. I had honestly just wanted a walk. I like watching the water and the moon's reflection on it.”

             
“If it's all ye wished, why did ye go alone?”

             
“I like to be alone. I don't like someone holding my hand when I have to walk out of a door. I miss my freedom.”

             
“Freedom. It is a dangerous time. Do ye wish to be killed? Or even worse, held captive? Do ye ken what might be done to ye if they knew ye were my betrothed?” Zarik had really hoped she was being bold rather than stupid. It was looking that such wasn't the case.

             
“I suppose I wasn't thinking.” Tsarina admitted in defeat.

             
“Aye, ye were not. Do I need to station a guard or two on ye at all times? If ye can't be responsible and respect the rules I've laid out to keep ye safe, I'll have no other choice.”

             
Tsarina could take one look and know he meant it. It was one thing she really disliked about this time. Women were treated as though they were children, told what to do by their husbands and, at times, even the men in the family and even their friends. “I'll be more careful. I promise.”

             
“Good. Now, lass, how about we finish what ye started at the lake?” Zarik had a twinkle in his eye that Tsarina hadn't seen before. It gave him almost a mischievous young boy's appearance.

             
“I already told you, I hadn't planned on finding you there.”

             
“So then ye sought out Caelan's company?”

             
“No!” Tsarina couldn't believe how he was turning this around. She had wished for only a simple walk in order to think. Did he wish to keep her flustered?

             
She heard Zarik's laugh as he dropped his sword belt on the floor after carefully lying his sword within arm's reach. “What's wrong, lass?” He took a step closer as she took a step back. “Ye ken this is inevitable. Aye? And ye've already noted that I'll not be yer first.”

             
Tsarina couldn't seem to find her voice, so she nodded. How could he do this to her? She'd had sex plenty of other times. Why was it so different to have his attention? What was it about him that threw her senses off balance? Made them scream for him, yet gave her the urge to run away?

             
“Stop backing up. Or not, soon ye'll be against the wall anyway.” Zarik smiled again as he tugged his shirt from his kilt. His eyes never left hers as he tossed his shirt to the floor. Now against the wall, Tsarina had no where to run to.

             
“I'll scream.” She licked her lower lip, she couldn't help it. Tsarina could only image how wonderful his chest had to look. The men worked hard and their bodies were proof of it.

             
Zarik shook his head. “Really, lass? Ye'd scream? What will ye do night after next? Scream when I wish to have my right by marriage?”

             
“No, of course not.” She wouldn't scream now either. Part of her wished he'd just take her and get it over with. She didn't like how she felt like she was fifteen all over again when he was near.

             
“Then what would be the difference, lass? Two days?” Zarik moved closer to her. She felt as though her heart was going to burst out of her chest. “Ye're going to change yer mind about everything in two days? Just like that?”

             
Touch me. No, don't touch me.
Tsarina's thoughts were all over and all she could do was stare at Zarik's lips. The lips that had so gently brushed against hers earlier that night. How could someone so fierce be so gentle. There had to be so much more to him. A side he'd not let others see. Maybe she'd be that one person he let in. Perhaps it would be the chance their marriage needed to actually become a solid union.

             
“What's wrong, Tsarina?” She loved how her name sounded on his lips. “Ye seem to be having some trouble.” Zarik leaned down to gently brush against her lips again. It was a quick touch. He swooped in for one more quick brush, then another. “Touch me, Tsarina.”

             
She couldn't tell if it was a request or a need. It almost sounded as though he needed her to touch him. Could he have been hiding feelings for her? “I...Zarik, I...”

             
“It's just my chest, lass. Ye've never touched one a'fore?” Zarik fought with himself. His desire to take her in the kiss he longed to give her was weighing heavily on him right now. How content would he be with the simple gentle brushes of their lips? Had he ever wanted to kiss someone so badly?

             
“Of course I have. But...”

             
“But...”

             
Tsarina didn't know what to say. Should she tell him how different she feels around him? What if he didn't feel the same or laughed at her? “I just, well, we're supposed to be married first.”

             
“Before we kiss? A'fore we share a little skin? I'm not asking to bed ye this night, lass. I just want to get to know ye better.”

             
“Couldn't we do that by talking? We need to get to become friends, get to know more about one another.”

             
“Aye, lass, in time we'll talk. But I can tell so much from learning about yer body. I want to ken what ye like and what ye don't. I want to ken what turns ye on, what part of me ye like the best. I'll not be having rumors spread that I cannae satisfy my wife.” With that his mischievous sparkle came to his eyes again.

             
“Oh, Zarik, this is so weird. It's making me really uncomfortable.”

             
“Lass, we're to be married. Ye're already mine.” He leaned over once again, lingering by her lips as she waited for the next kiss. But this time, he moved to her neck and placed several soft kisses along it. “I do want ye, lass.” There, he said it. He'd gotten it out. Admitted it.

             
“Yes, as you've said, you wish to bed me.”

             
“Don't. Just don't turn this into a fight. I've never told another person I wanted them. Tsarina, that means something.”

             
She wanted to believe that it did, but she felt more as though it was to have her willing in his bed after their wedding. He only had a short time to woo her, much less time than Tor had.

             
Zarik took her silence as permission. He took both of her hands in his and placed them on his shoulders, slowly running them down his chest. The lower he moved them, the more she tried to pull them from him. “Lass, it's all right. Touch me.” He stopped at his waist for fear she really would scream. Or perhaps it was from the fear that he'd take her right then. He was so hard. If she looked down, she'd know it too. His kilt wouldn't hide it.

             
Tsarina could barely breath. His chest was so solid, so strong. So many muscles that she'd never noticed on other men. As Zarik moved her hands to his abs, she thought she'd toss him onto the bed and demand him to let her ride him.
How big would it be?
Tsarina tried to stop her train of thought. Zarik wasn't going to have to woo her at all. She'd likely toss herself into his bed and beg him to give her his cock. Still, she kept her eyes from roaming lower on his body.

             
“Put ye're arms around me.” Tsarina listened. Immediately. And was almost ashamed of herself for doing so. As Zarik kissed her neck, she brazenly ran her hands down his back. She knew she let out a sigh, it was all muscle. Hard, very hard, muscle. Scattered scars that were big enough to feel. “Ye can keep going if ye like.” Zarik was giving her permission to go into the 'no-no' zone. Should she? Would his ass be rock hard muscle like his upper body was?

             
Zarik fought the urge to thrust himself against her. He had kept space between their bodies up until this point. Damn. Why hadn't he pushed for the wedding to be today? If she did put her hands on his ass, he'd likely not be able to control himself. He wanted her touch badly. “Lass, I have to go.” His voice was filled with regret. “If I dinnae go now, I'll do something I may regret. I want ye to trust me. To ken I'd not hurt ye or do anything ye didn't wish fer me to. If I stay, lass...” Zarik's voice stopped as he shook his head.

             
“If you stay?”

             
“If I stay, lass, I won't be able to stop myself from taking ye.” Zarik brushed another gentle, quick kiss across her lips. “Goodnight, lass.”

             
Tsarina watched him charge from the room in such a hurry he didn't even bother to close the door behind him. Should she should stop him? Should she tell him she desired him just as much?

**

             
Zarik stomped into his chamber, slamming the door and roughly bolting is shut. He slammed his fist into it three times before letting out a string of curses and dropping onto his own bed. Tsarina had him out of sorts. How would he be able to do as he should if he couldn't contain his desire around her?

             
A man was to protect his clan. Zarik was to be chief. He couldn't let a woman control his head. He had more important matters.

             
Yes, he needed heirs, but the woman he had them with shouldn't hold him by puppet strings because of his desire. Perhaps he'd go to town and find a whore. His cock was so hard it actually hurt.

             
He found another shirt, since he'd left his in Tsarina's room. Luckily he had remembered to grab his sword on the way out. Zarik had another sword belt, so that was of no importance.

             
Zarik stormed from his room, down the stairs and from the keep as quickly as possible.

             
As he saddled his horse in the stable, he grew more and more annoyed. A whore would help. He knew it. As soon as he got his release, things would be well.

             
It was no more than that. Desire. Need. Any woman with warm thighs would do.

             
“Where would ye be off to in such a hurry this night?” Drostan leaned against the stall, waiting from an answer from his friend.