Kaitlyn O'Connor (17 page)

Neither of them were in any particular hurry to leave once they
‟
d accomplished their goal. It was the first time they
‟
d had any chance to touch her without the bars between them—at least when they were in any frame of mind to be fully aware of it.

“Balen will wonder what is taking so long,” Dakaar said reluctantly.

Kael didn
‟
t glanced up at him. “I know.” He released a pent up breath and straightened. “It does not matter anyway. She rejected the gifts. She has rejected us.”

Dakaar nodded. “She will not go with us willingly now.”

Kael
‟
s jaw tightened. “Then she will go
un
willingly! I will not leave her here whatever she says!”

“I hope Lecur will not notice the door,” Dakaar said uneasily when they
‟
d fixed it back.

“I hope so, as well. He is greedy and he is vindictive when he does not get his way, but I have never noticed that he is either blind or stupid,” Kael said tightly. “I would not have risked it if I had believed that Lau-ren would be reasonable.”

“She was angry,” Dakaar said when they
‟
d returned their own cell.

“You think?” Kael retorted sardonically.

Dakaar
‟
s lips tightened. “I am only saying that anger is not the same thing as not desiring!”

“Not even when it is as clear as day that she cannot see past our differences?” Balen asked tightly.

Dakaar shrugged. “Tira rejected me twice and took me back twice. She was angry. I do not know why when it was us who had a right to be!”

75

Kael frowned at him in confusion. “Tira?”

Dakaar uttered an angry huff. “Lau-ren! I
know
why Tira was angry…. At least, I think I know.”

“Why?” Balen demanded.

Dakaar flushed. “She said that I was not an attentive lover.”

Balen gaped at him, dumbfounded. “Well, if that was true, why would she take you back?”

Dakaar shrugged. “Because she thought I had improved?”

“Twice?”

“It was for something else the second time,” Dakaar muttered.

“What was it the second time?”

Dakaar glared at him. “That is beside the point! That was Tira. I was talking about Lau-ren!”

Kael studied him thoughtfully. “I have not been rejected before. Do you think it was because of something that we did? Or something that we did not do?”

Dakaar and Balen both glared at him. “Then you are overdue your taste of it!” Balen said irritably. “You might have experienced it yourself if you were not always so quick to move on that you did not give them
time
to reject you!”

Kael
‟
s lips tightened. “Mayhap it does not take me as long to figure out that I am not satisfied with the arrangement?”

“Mayhap you thought it better to leave before you were pitched out?” Balen countered sourly.

“And mayhap it was because you knew you always had your choice?” Dakaar retorted.

“You are
still
angry about Tira? You have had
how
many lovers since?” Kael demanded.

“Anyway, she tossed you out of her pod so often, how was I to know that you were still in favor?

It is not as if she refused you after that!”

“No, but I was second, and I damned well get tired of being second!”

“You were first before I came!” Kael reminded him.

“At least you were not third!” Balen snapped angrily.

Kael and Dakaar both turned to stare at him for a long moment, exchanged a speaking glance, and decided to abandon that discussion. “So,” Kael said after a long moment, “you think she is only angry?”

“Mayhap she did not even know that she was dismissing us? Her customs cannot be the same as ours…do you think?”

Kael considered it. “She seemed pretty set on spurning us,” he said doubtfully. “Not that I am greatly surprised, all things considered. I cannot think we acquitted ourselves very well as lovers while the fever was upon us and there has not been an opportunity since to prove to her that we could do better.”

“We should have taken the time while we there tonight,” Dakaar said in disgust.

Balen and Kael both stared at him in outrage, but for different reasons. “You think we would have proven any gods damned thing if we had pounced on her for five seconds and bounded off again? I cannot see that that would do anything more than
prove
we were piss poor lovers who could not hold their seed long enough to give pleasure!” Kael snarled.

76

“It passes all bounds that you even considered it!” Balen growled. “I should have
known
that that was why I was left to stand watch!”

Dakaar
‟
s lips tightened. “I did not even think of it until we were there!” he said indignantly.

“And you had subdued her by nearly smothering her,” Kael added dryly. “You should not have thought about it then!”

“He hurt her?” Balen demanded in outrage.

“He was not as careful as he should have been,” Kael returned. “I will beat him senseless for it the next time we are on the field. We cannot do anything about it now else it will over set all of our plans.”

“Well, I will also beat him senseless!” Balen growled.

“I am first. I am still pod chief!” Kael reminded him.

* * * *

Kael had composed himself to mentally review his plans and search for anything that he might have missed when he finally lay back to rest. Instead, he found his mind wandering from Lau-ren to the conversation between him and Dakaar and Balen.

It annoyed him that Dakaar had brought up their rivalry over Tira after so many years, confused him, as well. Neither of them had been much more than younglings at the time and both of them had moved on long since. At least, he had thought so. He had also thought that they had settled that issue long ago, though.

He dismissed it after a few moments. He thought, always had, that it hadn
‟
t been Tira that had mattered so much to Dakaar as the wound to his manhood and there was nothing he could do now or then to soothe such a wound when it had been Tira who had inflicted it. And to do her justice, she had also been young and wild…and as thoughtless then as they had been, focused far more on enjoying their new status as adults who could, and did, flit from one lover to the next than trying to form a more permanent bond.

Their comments about that rankled. He didn
‟
t suppose it would have if there had not been at least some truth to it. Or maybe it would have anyway since he would have resented an unjust accusation as much or more? His resentment stemmed from the fact that that had only been true of him when he was young and reckless, however. The young maidens were far more prone to spurn their lovers and run them off than the more mature maids and he had figured he might as well move on as soon as he saw the weather had changed—that and the fact that he did not particularly care to be rejected. Then again, he had not seen the sense of hanging around once he knew, or at least suspected, what was coming.

As for having his choice among the maidens—he supposed he had—later, after he had become a warrior of note and pod leader—not when they were younglings, certainly! He supposed Dakaar
‟
s memory was faulty when it came to those times that Dakaar had claimed a maiden
he
had had his eye on!

He had been no more inclined to change lovers in those days after he had matured than they had. It was true that when the sex cooled and the arguments heated he still tended to consider his welcome worn out and left, but he had spent far more time with no lover at all of late years than either Dakaar or Balen—because he had come to realize that there
were
none that suited him—77

none that he would consider sharing a pod with for any great length of time.

There were troubles enough for him to deal with. He wanted peace when he retired to his pod and he had not found one willing to allow him any peace.

He did not particularly blame the women. From the time the
sheloni
had begun to raid their world for slaves, their lives had changed forever. If there had been more children and a chance to nurture them, the women would have been happier, but the threat of a raid hung over them at all times. Most, like him, had decided to ignore their mating instincts and did not spawn, for they knew the chances were great that they would be snatched or their child would and either way the odds were not in their favor that they would be able to nurture their child to adulthood.

Mostly, the sheloni took the adults and left the young to die, however, and he was not willing to risk that anymore than he wanted to see a child of his taken into slavery.

He shuttled those thoughts aside and tried to focus once more on the plan of escape, but he discovered that he could not put Lau-ren from his mind. Mayhap he had been right along. There was no future for any of them—not now—but he discovered that he could not completely dismiss the hope that Lau-ren had brought him that there was. He did not want to look back.

Nothing but misery and sorrow lay there. The future held some promise…if Dakaar was right and Lau-ren was only angry about something and Balen was wrong and she could and did see that they were worthy of fathering children on her.

And if they could find a place where they could live free and nurture their young.

78

Loren didn
‟
t feel one whit better when she woke up. In point of fact, she couldn
‟
t remember any time when she
‟
d felt worse except rare occasions when she
‟
d been half dead with a cold or the flu. She felt like pure hell. Her head was splitting. Her eyes felt gritty and her eyelids were so swollen they almost felt like they were abrading her eyes every time she blinked. She didn
‟
t feel much better when she
‟
d showered, but the heat on her face from the water had eased some of the pain behind her eyes and she was clear headed enough to realize she
‟
d screwed up royally the night before when she
‟
d decided to pitch a bitch.

Struggling with the urge to flop on the bed and pitch another one, she stared at the pile of

„gifts
‟
at the bars and finally trudged over to retrieve them. Her chin wobbled threateningly when she
‟
d picked them up and recalled the look on their faces when she
‟
d hurled their gifts at them.

Sucking in a sustaining breath, she retreated to the bed and sat down, wondering what had possessed her to throw such a fit.

She was pretty sure she
‟
d never behaved quite that badly before in her entire life. Her parents would
‟
ve been shocked, horrified, and deeply distressed by such a display of ungovernable temper.

She remembered abruptly that she
‟
d thought they were cold and unfeeling when she
‟
d been in her teens—actually ever since then. It dawned on her, though,
why
they
‟
d tried so hard to train her to exert control over her emotions when they threatened to take control of her.

Because she did and said things that were really, really stupid when she let her emotions control her instead of the other way around! She had a bad feeling that they were right and IQ

points started dropping dramatically the moment she gave in to urges instead of using her brain.

She closed her eyes, seeking calm, breathing slow, deep breaths and letting them out just as slowly. The urge to cry retreated.

Since all it took was thinking about the argument and the way they
‟
d looked at her to make her feel like crying all over again, she focused on trying to convince herself it really didn
‟
t matter and she really didn
‟
t care. Their accusations had been unjust and unwarranted! She
‟
d had every right to be angry when they seemed to be accusing her of „entrapping
‟
them by getting her pregnant, she thought indignantly!

The thought brought her mind instantly to that very subject and she glanced at the wall where she
‟
d been scratching marks to try to keep track of her imprisonment. She had no idea
why
she
‟
d done it—it was depressing—but she
‟
d felt a need to know.

It also brought to mind the „nightmare
‟
she
‟
d had and she lifted a hand to her collar. Her chest felt like it would cave in when she felt the slight twist in it that told her the incident hadn
‟
t been the nightmare she
‟
d tried to convince herself it was. Kael had honored his „promise
‟
.

Glancing immediately toward the door, she moved close enough to examine it for any sign of what they
‟
d done. Relieved when she didn
‟
t see anything to incriminate them and possibly get them killed, she returned to the bed and sank weakly on it, struggling with guilt and fear as she 79

accepted that her temper tantrum had put them in danger—because they were determined to protect her no matter how stupid she behaved!

It didn
‟
t bear thinking on what might have happened to them if they
‟
d been caught at it!

She couldn
‟
t even gather up any indignation over the fact that one of them had nearly smothered her. Undoubtedly, they
‟
d been unnerved by the necessity. None of them had ever been careless with her and she didn
‟
t think it was deliberate.

Although, she supposed, if she
‟
d been in their place and had to risk getting caught to do „the right thing
‟
she might
‟
ve felt like strangling the idiot that had forced her to risk her neck.

She pushed the unnerving incident from her mind after a few moments and glanced at the wall again. When it finally occurred to her that her „I don
‟
t want to know
‟
attitude wasn
‟
t going to change the facts, she moved to the wall and counted the scratches, and then recounted them.

A wave of shock went through her despite the fact that she
‟
d almost managed to convince herself that she was scaring herself for nothing. It was weird that she almost felt like she
‟
d been imprisoned a hundred years and it was still a hell of a shock to see it had been thirty two days.

By the time she
‟
d counted the scratches several more times, she was beginning to feel panic clawing at the back of her mind. Searching for a ray of hope, she collected her „privacy
‟
blanket and went to the toilet to examine herself. No blood. No period. She considered it for a moment and finally ran a finger up her passage and pulled it out to examine it. Nothing.

Ok, don
‟
t panic, she told herself! Thirty two days…really that was only a few days off. She was probably just stressed out and she
‟
d start the next day or the next. The trip on the ship had probably
completely
fucked her cycle up and her body just hadn
‟
t kick-started everything up again…yet. She was sure it would. This sort of thing just took time.

Apparently a lot of time. She
‟
d damned near rubbed her pussy raw trying to find some sign of menstrual blood after a few days of searching frantically for it. Slowly but insidiously, her search for some excuse to explain that horrific circumstance other than the obvious one petered out.

She was pregnant.

She felt like squalling her eyes out—not because she was, but because she knew the guys were going to be even more pissed off with her.

Not that they weren
‟
t already. They hadn
‟
t been near her since she
‟
d gone psycho on them.

She resented their defection part of the time and told herself she didn
‟
t care part of the time, but most of the time, she was just totally depressed about it.

One little tiny psycho event
and they acted like she was a leper!

Well, she decided, she wasn
‟
t going to try to coax them back!

Mostly because they didn
‟
t give her the damned chance.

The spineless bastards!

If she hadn
‟
t been so focused on her fears about being pregnant and her misery about being abandoned she might have noticed she was in trouble before it was really dire. As it happened, though, when she heard the door being unlocked, her mind had leapt instantly to the guys and her heart had leapt with so much completely irrational hope that she
‟
d simply stared blankly at Lecur when he pushed the door open.

She hadn
‟
t even fully assimilated her danger when the gladiators began to pour in behind Lecur until she was surrounded and felt their hands all over her. She screamed then, in pure 80

terror, launching a futile counterattack made more ineffectual by the fact that she was already surrounded and had lost the battle before she started.

The only effect clawing and slapping at them had was to encourage two of them to hold her down for the third man and there was no attempt to be the least bit gentle. She felt like they were going to dislocate every joint in her body. “Kael!” she screamed desperately when they finally managed to pin her completely and the man looming over her began struggling to get his loincloth off.

Lecur snickered, the first she realized he
‟
d stayed to watch. “Kael in lockup wid Dakaar and Balen. No good call for dem.”