Karlology (41 page)

T
h
ere’s now so muc
h
h
istor
y
t
h
at
p
eo
pl
e cram it in
w
herever they can to help us remember it: blue plaques
o
n buildings to let us know who lived there; roads named a
f
ter peop
l
e
f
rom t
h
e past; statues an
d
memoria
l
s. On
l
y t
h
e
o
t
h
er
d
a
y
I notice
d
t
h
e
p
icture o
f
an o
ld
woman on t
h
e
fi
ve
p
oun
d
note. S
h
e’s ca
ll
e
d
E
l
iza
b
et
h
Fr
y
. S
h
e
h
e
lp
e
d
f
oun
d
the Association for the Improvement of the Female Prison
e
rs in Newgate. I’d never heard of her before.

P
eo
pl
e
l
ove t
h
e i
d
ea o
f
g
ettin
g
in t
h
e
h
istor
y
b
oo
k
s, an
d
t
h
is is w
hy
t
h
e
G
uinness Boo
k
o
f
Recor
d
s
g
ets ma
dd
er ever
y
y
ear. The book of records was set up by a fella called Sir
H
ugh Beaver, who was managing director of the Guinness
b
rewery. He got into an argument wit
h
a mate a
b
out w
h
ic
h
w
as t
h
e
f
astest
g
ame
b
ir
d
in Euro
p
e. He cou
ld
n’t
g
et an an
swer o
ff
an
y
one so
d
eci
d
e
d
to
p
ut to
g
et
h
er a
b
oo
k
t
h
at cou
ld
answer such questions. It was first published in 1954. In the space of just over 50 years it’s gone from covering the fastest
b
ir
d
in Euro
p
e to coverin
g
a man w
h
o can
p
u
ll
a truc
k
wit
h
h
is
p
enis. T
h
ere’s no nee
d
f
or an
y
one to
d
o t
h
at (not wit
h
the AA or RAC membership being so cheap). People do this stuff just so they can be remembered and get their name in t
h
e
h
istory
b
oo
k
s, w
h
ic
h
is now
h
ar
d
er t
h
an ever.

M
aybe this is why we’re trying to find another planet t
h
at we can
l
ive on. I
f
we move to a new
pl
anet,
k
i
d
s in sc
h
oo
l
won’t nee
d
to
b
e tau
gh
t a
b
out t
h
in
g
s t
h
at
h
a
pp
ene
d
o
n Earth as none of it would be relevant anymore. Maybe the history books would be scrapped and we’d start again,
l
eaving out t
h
e
k
ings an
d
queens o
f
yesteryear an
d
startin
g
w
it
h
to
d
a
y
’s
k
in
g
s an
d
q
ueens o
f
entertainment. Ma
yb
e t
h
e
f
act a
b
out O
p
ra
h
Win
f
re
y
an
d
h
er six toes t
h
at I
h
ear
d
f
rom the camp American man at the Tower of London could make it in. Not so much history, more his toe story
.

“TI
ME
COU
LD HA
V
E BEE
N
invented a bit better”,
I
t
h
oug
h
t to myse
lf
w
h
i
l
e
l
ying on my sun
l
ounge
r
i
n
M
eno
r
ca
.
I
was
g
oin
g
to te
ll
Suzanne m
y
t
h
ou
gh
t,
b
ut s
h
e was rea
d
in
g
h
er
h
o
l
i
d
a
y
b
oo
k
. S
h
e
l
i
k
es to
p
ass time on holiday by reading, whereas
I
prefer to just sit and think a
b
out t
h
in
g
s instea
d
. T
h
in
k
in
g
is un
d
errate
d
.
I
d
on’t t
h
in
k
thinking is a popular pastime these days due to the fact t
h
ere’s a
l
ways somet
h
ing e
l
se on o
ff
er t
h
at you cou
ld
b
e
do
ing
instea
d
. Ma
yb
e
p
eo
pl
e a
l
so
d
on’t
l
i
k
e to
d
o it as muc
h
as i
t
’
s
n
o
w h
a
r
de
r
due
to
n
o
i
se.
M
y
thinking kept getting i
n
terrupted by the noisy Spanish builders across the road; the small tourist train that goes past every 20 minutes ringin
g
its
b
e
ll
; t
h
e
f
ami
ly
in t
h
e vi
ll
a next
d
oor w
h
ose
k
i
d
s
k
ee
p
l
istening to t
h
e same song
b
y Mi
k
a over an
d
over again; t
h
e music
f
rom t
h
e
b
ar; an
d
on to
p
o
f
a
ll
t
h
at was t
h
e rac
k
et
o
f bottles smashin
g
as the
y
were bein
g
collected from the
r
ecycle bins, which was so noisy it was like being at
S
tomp
t
h
e
M
us
i
ca
l
.

I
t
h
in
k
it is noisier a
b
roa
d
d
ue to t
h
e
f
act t
h
at ever
y
one
d
oes ever
y
t
h
in
g
outsi
d
e. I notice t
h
e soun
d
o
f
t
h
e
b
ir
d
s more
ab
r
oad.
I
used
to
t
hink
t
hi
s
w
as
cos
t
h
e
r
e
w
e
r
e
m
o
r
e
b
ir
ds
abroad than there are in Britain
,
but now I don’t think that
h
as anyt
h
ing to
d
o wit
h
it. It’s just t
h
at t
h
ey
h
ave evo
l
ve
d
to
b
e
l
ou
d
er so t
h
eir tweets can
b
e
h
ear
d
by
eac
h
ot
h
er over
e
ver
yb
o
dy
e
l
se’s rac
k
et. Forei
g
n
p
eo
pl
e a
l
wa
y
s seem to ta
lk
l
ouder too. This is probably why foreign birds such as pa
r
r
ots and cockatiels learn to speak. If we were outside all day
y
e
ll
in
g
at eac
h
ot
h
er as t
h
e
f
orei
g
ners
d
o, I t
h
in
k
our s
p
a
r
r
ows wou
ld
h
ave
l
earnt to c
h
at in En
gl
is
h
by
now
.

An
y
wa
y
, the invention of time. I wonder if it could have
b
een designed better. People are always saying, “Oh there just aren’t enoug
h
h
ours in t
h
e
d
ay”,
b
ut I say it a
ll
d
e
p
en
d
s on w
h
ere
y
ou are. Here in Menorca, t
h
e
f
act t
h
at t
h
e
h
o
l
i
d
a
y
re
p
as
k
e
d
i
f
we’
d
l
i
k
e to
g
o on t
h
e a
ll
-
d
a
y
tri
p
to a leather factory tells me there are too many hours in a day here. Even if there were more hours in the day, I think it wou
ld
p
ro
b
a
bly
j
ust ma
k
e
p
eo
pl
e
l
az
y
. I
d
ou
b
t an
y
more
w
or
k
wou
ld
actua
ll
y get
d
one – peop
l
e wou
ld
just wor
k
a
l
ot s
l
ower. I
d
on’t
k
now an
y
one w
h
o
d
oes an
y
t
h
in
g
use
f
u
l
w
ith the extra hour when the clocks
g
o back in summer. They normally just have a longer sleep.