Karlology (43 page)

The other interesting thing about the Amazon tribe was that when it came to numbers, they only counted to three as t
h
e
y
d
i
d
n’t nee
d
an
y
more t
h
an t
h
at in t
h
eir
l
ives. I’m guessing playing hide-and-seek with them wasn’t much fun, though.

CAVEMEN

“
Cavemen were stu
p
id” is what some sa
y

But they created the wheel and fire

I
’ve
j
ust
p
ai
d
49
p
oun
d
s
f
or
h
eatin
g
t
h
is mont
h

And 38 quid for a new tyre!

Who’s stupid again?

I
su
pp
ose that
y
ears a
g
o there wasn’t as much to do with
y
our time, as there weren’t as many hobbies and pastimes, so 24 hours in a day probably seemed like plenty. But then as time went on, we create
d
more an
d
more t
h
in
g
s to
d
o, an
d
instea
d
o
f
j
ust creatin
g
more time, we trie
d
to s
p
ee
d
e
ver
y
thin
g
u
p
to fit into the time we had. This is when we invented fast food, Velcro straps on shoes instead of laces, instant co
ff
ee, Pot Noo
dl
es, Cup-a-Soups an
d
microwave
o
vens. Peo
pl
e even
p
ut
g
o-
f
aster stri
p
es on t
h
eir cars.

I
t
h
in
k
we’ve s
l
owe
d
d
own
q
uite a
b
it now, t
h
ou
gh
. I
n
stant coffee isn’t half as popular as it was in the 80s – people
now prefer to faff about with mochas and cappuccinos. Gar
d
enin
g
p
ro
g
rammes te
ll
y
ou to
g
row
y
our own ve
g
instea
d
o
f
b
u
y
in
g
it. Coo
k
in
g
p
ro
g
rammes te
ll
y
ou to eat
f
aff
y
thin
g
s like sea urchins and
p
ome
g
ranates, and tell
y
ou to bake your own bread, marinade stuff and cook lamb for six
h
ours to get a
b
etter
fl
avour. I rea
d
t
h
at some peop
l
e are
e
atin
g
ostric
h
e
gg
s – an
h
our an
d
a
h
a
lf
it ta
k
es to
b
oi
l
one
of
the
m
!

I
thought we’re meant to be living in an energy-savin
g
p
eriod, yet here we are boiling eggs and cooking lamb fo
r
h
ours on en
d
.

I
t
h
in
k
t
h
is is going too
f
ar t
h
e ot
h
er way. I cou
ld
n’t
b
e
b
ot
h
ere
d
f
a
ffi
n
g
a
b
out wit
h
a mea
l
I wou
ld
n’t
b
e a
bl
e to eat
f
or six hours – I cook food when I’m hun
g
r
y
. I don’t mind
w
aiting 25 minutes for some oven chips, but six hours fo
r
a joint of lamb? By the time it was ready I might not fancy it an
y
more. I
d
on’t t
h
in
k
a mea
l
or snac
k
s
h
ou
ld
ta
k
e more t
h
an
d
ou
bl
e t
h
e time to ma
k
e as it ta
k
es to eat. T
h
is is
w
h
y
I’m not a fan of oran
g
es. The taste of an oran
g
e isn’t good enough to compensate for the hassle of peeling it.
S
ome peop
l
e are worse t
h
an me, t
h
oug
h
. I saw a
b
ag wit
h
a s
l
ice
d
-u
p
a
ppl
e in it in m
y
l
oca
l
su
p
ermar
k
et. How muc
h
of
a
h
ectic
l
i
f
e must
y
ou
h
ave i
f
y
ou ain’t
g
ot time to cut an apple?

I
think this is why scientists want to create a time mac
h
ine. It wou
ld
a
ll
ow us to ta
k
e our time wit
h
t
h
in
g
s
l
i
k
e coo
k
in
g
l
am
b
f
or six
h
ours,
b
ut t
h
en we cou
ld
a
l
so
g
ain t
h
e
t
im
e
bac
k
.
B
ut
I
do
n’
t
lik
e
t
h
e
i
dea
o
f i
t.
L
oo
k
at
t
h
e
t
r
oub
l
e
Doctor Who gets into with it. I also think people would a
b
use it. Peop
l
e are a
l
rea
d
y too care
l
ess. I
f
t
h
ey
k
new t
h
ey cou
ld
j
ust
g
o
b
ac
k
in time an
d
p
ut t
h
in
g
s ri
gh
t, t
h
e
y
’
d
b
e
e
ven more care
l
ess. C
h
er san
g
t
h
e son
g
“I
f
I Cou
ld
Turn B
ac
k Tim
e
”
about
h
o
w
s
h
e
wi
s
h
ed
s
h
e
cou
l
d
tu
rn
bac
k time just so she could stop an argument that she’d had. I
f
t
h
is is t
h
e sort o
f
stu
p
i
d
t
h
in
g
p
eo
pl
e wou
ld
b
e
d
oin
g
wit
h
time trave
l
, I
d
on’t t
h
in
k
we s
h
ou
ld
encourage it
.

So, time an
d
t
h
e ca
l
en
d
ar. We
h
ave 12 mont
h
s a
y
ear,
3
65 da
y
s, seven da
y
s a week, 24 hours a da
y
, 60 minutes to an hour, 60 seconds to a minute. All man-made, and it’s
n
ever been changed. It’s odd to think that at the beginnin
g
of
time t
h
ere was no
p
ro
p
er time s
y
stem ot
h
er t
h
an
d
a
y
an
d
n
i
gh
t. It’s
l
i
k
e t
h
e invention o
f
t
h
e mo
b
i
l
e
ph
one – we ma
n
a
g
ed without it for a
g
es, but now that it’s here it’s hard to imagine life without it. But while mobile phones have been improve
d
an
d
now
f
eature cameras, vi
d
eo recor
d
ers, e-mai
l
an
d
music
pl
a
y
ers on t
h
em, time
h
as remaine
d
t
h
e same. So
I
won
d
er i
f
it’s a
b
out time t
h
at we c
h
an
g
e
d
time. I
d
eci
d
e
d
I
’d act as an inventor and give some thought to how a new time system would work best
.