Keep Me (Beggar's Choice #3) (16 page)

I burst out laughing making Bram smile widely at me unaware
that Sid is examining his face closely. When Bram turns back to him he
instantly wipes his expression clear making me wonder what he was thinking. Sid
instantly launches into questions about what everyone is doing. He avoids
questions about the world at large because apparently they’re not allowed
newspapers or magazines and can’t watch TV. Therefore, Bram and I fill the time
chatting easily about everything from band business and the latest about
Charlie and Mabe, to my course and tales about Elen and Daisy.

He listens avidly, laughing loudly in places and
interjecting astute comments here and there and I can see why Bram values him
so much. The pair are like him and Matt, more like brothers than just friends.
They finish each other’s sentences and crack each other up with silly memories.

The time passes so quickly that I’m amazed when the girl
comes to collect us to leave. We stand up and Bram fusses about passing me my
jacket and bag and checking whether I’m hungry. In the middle I catch Sid
watching us and when he sees me notice he gives me a measured look and then a
very sweet smile, but as we turn to go and Bram has reached the door he grabs
my arm to pause me, pulling me into a loose embrace. I look at him in
astonishment. “Look after him,” he says clearly but so that Bram can’t hear
him.

I relax. “Of course I will,” I reassure him, pressing his
arm that is wrapped around my waist.

“No,” he stresses. “There’s going to come a time with him
when he pushes you away. I know it. It happens every time anyone gets close and
you’re closer than most. He’ll do something or say something and when he does,
remember this conversation. He’s one of the best men that I know. I would do
anything for him,
anything
, and I want to see him happy, but for some
reason he can’t see that for himself. So when he pushes, hold on please Alys.
Hold on with everything that you’ve got.”

I stare at him as he looks at me pleadingly and then Bram
breaks the spell by striding back to us. “Anything the matter?” he enquires
lightly but his eyes are searching and dark with some strange emotion as he
looks at Sid’s hand which is now holding mine. That unnamed emotion flares
brighter and stronger for a second, and then he blinks and it’s gone in a flash
and he has his amiable face on again like nothing had been there before. “Sid,
no trying to capture the visitors. You won’t be able to trade her for stuff
from the tuck shop.”

Sid laughs and the moment is gone.

***

However, I’ll remember those words over the next few weeks
as Bram slowly seems to draw away from me even more than before.

At first I don’t notice it as he’s always been busy but one
day I wake up and realise that I haven’t spoken to him in days. There’s no
longer any of those cosy chats that we always had and he doesn’t seek me out
anymore the way that he did before. It’s almost as if something spooked him and
I’m devastated to think that he might be drawing away for good. When I do speak
to him he appears almost nervous and rarely meets my eyes.

That’s why I’m surprised when he seeks me out in the laundry
room. I’m sorting out darks from lights and idly wondering if he ever wears
underwear or whether women just shred his boxers with their teeth as I never
seem to wash any, when there’s a whoosh of air as the door opens. I jump,
holding my hand to my chest in surprise and then hastily putting it down again
when I realise that I’m clutching a pair of lime green Brazilian panties.

Bram’s eyes seem fixed on my hand but where normally he
would have said something funny, now he just stares until I’ve thrown the
knickers in the tumble dryer. Silence stretches until I stir. “Are you okay?” I
ask and his head shoots up, a determined smile crossing his face.

“Yeah fine babe. What are you doing?”

“Erm the laundry,” I finally offer looking at him in
disbelief and he shuffles, laughing awkwardly.

“D’oh of course you are.”

I stare at him wondering if an alien has abducted my
formerly ebullient housemate and replaced him with this version, and then he
looks up at me gifting me a glimpse of his eyes that are a deep sludgy green
today. “I mean tonight,” he finishes hurriedly.

“Why?” I ask cautiously. This could mean anything and after
living with him for this long it quite frequently does.

“There’s a band playing that I want to take a look at with
maybe a view to them supporting us next year.”

“You’re touring again?”

He rubs his hair. “Yeah that’s the plan but obviously it’s
conditional on Sid being okay. If he’s not then …” He shrugs.

“Is he okay? I meant to ask you but making you stop long
enough to have a conversation lately is like pinning an eel down.”

He looks momentarily ashamed. “Yeah I’m sorry.” He rubs his
hair again which I’ve learnt means that he’s nervous. “I just …”

He falters and I carry on the sentence for him making sure
that I hold his eyes. “You just thought that you’d ignore the elephant in the
room until you were ready. If you don’t talk to me then you don’t have to talk
about the fact that you haven’t been yourself around me since you had your hand
down my knickers.”

There’s a flurry of movement and I hear Matt say ‘
fuck
sorry’
as he moves off sharpish. We’re silent for a second and then almost
simultaneously we break into laughter.

“Fuck!” Bram says finally, banging his head against the wall
gently. “I’m in for a lecture now. Matt the Dad will be gearing up.”

“Well I’m going to give you one now,” I say sharply. “I
thought that we’d said everything that needed to be said when it happened. We
were okay and I’m confused as to why you suddenly felt the need to cut all
contact. If you don’t want me here then I can move. I don’t want to out stay my
welcome.”

“I do want you here,” he says passionately.

“Well you could have fooled me. The last few weeks you’ve
hardly been able to look at me, like you were frightened that I was going to
leap on you and ravish you if we spoke at all.”

“I never acted like that,” he says angrily and in a rush.
“If anything it was the opposite and I was afraid that I’d ...” He falls silent
and although I’d love him to finish that sentence which sounded remarkably like
he was afraid he’d leap on me, one look at his truculent expression and I know
that there will be no more confessions today.

I sigh. “So you were saying about the concert?”

His head shoots up. “Yes, I want you to come with me and
Charlie and Matt.”

“Bram I don’t know. Concerts are difficult with my hearing
and this whole situation …”

“Please. I know it’s awkward and that’s fucking killing me
but maybe if we just act normal then eventually we will
be
normal.”

I hold up my hands. “Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me, but
Bram we can’t keep going on like this.”

“I know,” he says hurriedly. “We’ll sort it out yeah?”

Ten hours later I’m not sure whether this is even possible
because despite the slight inroad that we made this morning it seems gone
again. The concert was great I think. It’s a bit hard to tell as I had to turn
my hearing aid off halfway through, but it was nice to be with the boys even
though Charlie is in a funny mood and Bram … I sigh feeling sick to my stomach
and try not to look down the bar where we’re currently drinking and at where
he’s leaning into a very pretty redhead as she giggles madly at something that
he’s saying. I sigh again and then flush as I realise that Matt has come to stand
next to me.

He turns to face me. “Would you like to talk about what I
overheard this morning?”

I shrug. “I’d rather peel my own eyelids back with a
cocktail stick.”

He wrinkles his nose and then glares down the bar at Bram.
“This is not going the way that I hoped it would.”

“What?”

“You and Bram.”

“There is no Bram and I.”

He sighs unhappily. “Not when he’s being such an unmitigated
twat at the moment, no there isn’t.”

I choke out a laugh. “Say it like it is Matty.”

He shrugs. “I have done to him and now I’m talking to you.”

I twirl my drink idly. “What did he say when you tried to
talk to him?”

“He stonewalled and prevaricated like you’re doing right
now.”

“There’s no point in talking about it Matty. It was an
accident and it didn’t mean anything.”

He flails his arms slightly. “Oh it was an accident. What,
did he just trip and fall over with his hand in your knickers?”

“I’m not talking about this now,” I hiss, smiling
determinedly at a group of men who are standing nearby and have all now stopped
talking.

“Well I want to talk about it,” he says insistently. “Alys
please let me try and sort this out. The two of you …”

I never get to hear the rest of his sentence because a
drunken voice interrupts. “Oh, are you trying to talk sense to a woman. Well
don’t fucking try Matty. You know what, I think you’ve got the right idea.
Being gay has got to be easier when you want to have a fucking civilized
conversation.”

“I beg your pardon,” I squeak glaring at the tousled, blonde
haired, lead singer who is currently almost face down on the counter.

“
Charlie
,” Matt sighs. “You’re fucking drunk mate.
How about we not have any more to drink?”

Charlie’s head comes up indignantly. “No Nanny McPhee how
about we fucking have loads more. I can go all night you know. I may not be a
fucking lawyer but at least I’m a fucking rock star and I can go all night.” He
swings his empty glass around, the momentum unfortunately carrying his body
until he lurches and almost falls off his stool. It’s only Matt slinging one
arm around him that stops him face planting on the floor.

“What is he going on about being a lawyer for?” I hiss. “Is
he thinking about taking adult education classes?”

Matt laughs despairingly. “I think that it’s something to do
with Mabe. Apparently she’s seeing a new bloke and this …” he indicates Charlie
who is now gazing blearily but still seductively at a group of women. “This is
the result. Oh no mate we’re not going there.” He grabs Charlie who has just
made a come hither gesture at a woman who is standing with one of the largest
men that I’ve ever seen who is now glaring at Charlie. I’m almost afraid to see
how interested the woman looks and so is Matt as he grabs him and levers him up
from his bar stool. “I’m going to take him to the loo and throw water in his
face until he sobers up and loses the opportunity to have his intestines
removed through his nose. Will you be okay?”

I look down the bar at Bram who has now moved from
conversation to running his fingers along the redhead’s shoulder and I feel
acid move in my stomach. “I’ll be fine.”

He sighs. “When I get back we’re talking, okay?”

I nod weakly and then watch as they stagger off. I become
aware of someone standing next to me and looking around I see a very good
looking dark haired man with a quizzical expression on his face.

Looking at him I raise my eyebrow and he laughs making his
blue eyes gleam. “You’re very pretty,” he shouts, luckily into my good ear. He
looks me up and down admiringly. I’m wearing a very short black and white
striped t shirt dress with my black Converse hi tops and my black leather
jacket and I’ve left my hair down and wavy with a small side plait which I’ve
pinned back.

“Thank you.”

“No really you’re one of the most beautiful women that I’ve
ever seen.”

“You don’t get out much then.”

He laughs flinging his head back and his shoulders shaking
and I smile because I love watching someone properly laugh when their whole
body gets into it. Bram does … I shut that thought down straightaway and
instead smile at him.

“What’s your name?” he asks.

“Alys. Yours?”

“Andrew.”

“Well Andrew nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out and
instead of shaking it he holds it loosely, moving his body into me.

“Nice to meet you too. Very nice.” Then he laughs. “Sorry
that sounded like a real creeper come on.”

I laugh. “It did a bit. I hope your next conversational
opener isn’t going to be to tell me to put the lotion on my body.” We break
into peals of laughter which are abruptly broken when a wall of heat hits my
side and it doesn’t take inhaling the spicy sweet scent to know who is there.
Turning my head I see Bram glaring at Andrew like he wants to rip his head off.

Andrew prudently takes one step back out of reach. “Can I
help you mate?” he asks cockily but there’s a flare of recognition in his eyes
that makes me wonder whether he’d recognised Charlie and Bram and is one of
those men that get off on fucking women connected to stars. Trust me there are
many like this and I’ve already met a few. However, he might have met his match
with Bram who is almost bristling with anger.

“Yeah you can help me by taking your fucking hand off her
now mate.”

Andrew shrugs. “Don’t see how I’m doing anything wrong.
She’s not yours is she? I mean you’ve been practically eye fucking that bird
down there for the last hour so I presumed that this one was free for the
taking.” He startles me and I jump as he pulls me into him running a hand down
my shoulder and then lightly cupping my breast.

“Excuse me,” I squeak, pulling away and looking around
hastily for Matt who to my relief I see forging his way through the crowd
dragging a swaying Charlie with him. However, he’s too late as Bram steps
forward and with an economy and grace of movement that’s almost scary he
punches Andrew full in the face. The man proceeds to go over like a domino
leaving me teetering until Bram pulls me gently to one side before hovering
over Andrew’s prone form shouting something that I thankfully can’t hear.

I stare open mouthed at Bram as his normally easy going face
is full of an animal like rage. The crowd seethes and broils around them as his
friends start shouting and someone knocks into me almost sending me flying, and
then he’s there wrapping his arm round me to steady me and shoving the culprit
back into another man who promptly turns round and punches the shover, and then
it’s anarchy as a bar fight breaks out.