Keep Me (Beggar's Choice #3) (27 page)

Impatience
– I’ve been very lucky in that whatever
I’ve set my mind to get I’ve been given immediately, which makes me impatient
when it doesn’t happen all the time. However, lately I’m playing a long game
and I’m having to be patient about something that I want more than anything
that I’ve ever wanted. I’ll let you know how I get on.

The next question that I need answering is how do you feel
about us?

Yours always

Bram

Your song from me is: ‘Fucking Perfect’ by Pink

From: Alys O’Neill

To: Bram O’Connell

Subject: Hmm

Bram

I think that would be covered by my song choice below. How
about you?

Your Alys xxx

Your song from me is: ‘Video Games’ by Lana Del Ray

From: Bram O’Connell

To: Alys O’Neill

Subject: Hmm Back at You

Alys

I’m hoping that I’ve not misunderstood your meaning because
that song gave me hope. My view of us is in my song choice for today.

I miss you very much.

Your Bram

Your song from me is: ‘Crazy Love’ by Maxi Priest

From: Bram O’Connell

To: Alys O’Neill

Subject: Feeling Blue and Missing You

Alys

Sorry for writing again but it’s late at night and I’m in my
hotel room in Seville and thinking of you. I promise that my hands have stayed
above the waist – well mostly!

Joking aside I really miss you tonight. We’ve only known
each other for a couple of years but I can’t believe how much I miss you when
you’re not here. It’s boring without you, mainly I think because everything is
just more fun when I share it with you.

Touring can be tremendously fun – you get to see so many
different countries, places that some people will never see, and have so many
different experiences, but I’m lagging with this one. I see things all the time
that would interest you and it’s become a compulsion when I check into a new hotel
to find out what interesting places are nearby so that I can imagine taking you
to them.

There’s a party on tonight but I don’t have much interest in
getting drunk and so I find myself sitting in a large, echoing hotel room
wishing that I was cuddled against you on our settee. I wish that I could throw
my arm around you and feel you snuggle into me and that I could stroke your
hair. I want to sit talking to you about anything and everything, but most of
all I just want to get us sorted.

Every day my worries grow that you’ll find someone else,
that you’ll get tired of our drama and find some nice doctor who will treat you
properly and never say some of the things I have said to you but never meant in
the past.

My song for you is below. It’s a sad little song but with
powerful emotions.

Your Bram

Your song from me is: ‘By My Side’ by INXS

From: Alys O’Neill

To: Bram O’Connell

Subject: Waiting for You

Bram

I hate that you’re feeling so low and worrying so much.
Please don’t, because there is no need. I am here. I will always be here – just
waiting for you. There are no doctors or surgeons or handsome men that could
ever compare to you because you’re incomparable for me. They cannot give me
what you do so stop worrying, get a good night’s sleep and rest assured that I
am holding to us. My song choice is below. It too has a lot of emotions and
says what I want you to know.

Yours

Alys

Your song from me is:
 
‘Keep this Fire
Burning’ by Beverley Knight

From: Bram O’Connell

To: Alys O’Neill

Subject: Where are You?

WHERE ARE YOU ALYS AND WHO ARE YOU WITH? YOU MADE ME A
FUCKING PROMISE.

Bram

From: Alys O’Neill

To: Bram O’Connell

Subject: Please Answer Your Phone

Bram

It’s not what you think. Please answer your phone so that I
can explain.

Your Alys
Always

Copenhagen

That
Night

Bram

I slump in my seat feeling my heart beating like it’s going
to come out of my chest. As soon as I sit I have to stand up and start pacing,
feeling rage build inside me like I need to smash something over and over
again. I stumble over a mess of empty bottles and glasses and my eyes fall on
the big screen TV on the wall playing MTV and I’m just making my way to it with
long strides when there’s a massive, frantic pounding on the door and I hear
Matt shouting my name.

I swing the door open angrily. “You’ll have security up here
you fucking idiot. What the hell is wrong with you?”

He doesn’t reply but just forces his way past me and starts
roaming through the suite. I stand still in amazement as he checks every inch
of the rooms including behind the shower curtain, and then comes back to me
still with that panicked expression on his face.

I fold my arms glaring at him. “I must say these surprise
drug raids are getting aggressively thorough these days. Did you think that I’d
put the coke in the tub for a nice soak before snorting it?”

“Cut the crap,” he mutters. “Where’s the girl?”

“What girl?” I can hear my voice rising in agitation. He
should have let me smash that TV because the way that he’s going I’m going to
hit him instead if he’s not careful.

“The girl you left the party with tonight.”

I slump on a large, leather sofa, suddenly devoid of energy.
“She’s not here,” I say dully.

He pauses, staring at me like he’s got laser eyes. “Did you
fuck her Pip? Oh please tell me you didn’t.”

I raise one eyebrow. “Gosh Matty I never knew you felt like
that about me, but don’t worry if you’re jealous because it’s perfectly
acceptable to express your emotions. We are all friends here. No one will judge
you although I regret to inform you that I have not renounced pussy.”

He flails his arms looking unacceptably revolted. “Ugh I’m
not jealous you dick wad and why are you talking like a mixture of Jane Austen and
Oprah? I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t ruining your life.”

“She’s not here,” I finally say, lying back and feeling the
rage die out and pain rush in. “And you’re too late to stop me ruining my life.
That Irish witch I’m in love with has done that.”

“Oh Bram,” he sighs, throwing himself down next to me and
drawing me into a rough hug which I don’t resist because Matt’s hugs are good.
“She hasn’t done anything.”

“She’s gone out with Eddie. I know she has. I rang her
tonight and Daisy told me.”

He shakes my shoulder where his hand is resting. “You mean
Daisy the small child? Alys hasn’t gone out with Eddie at all. She went out
with Eddie
and
his new
girlfriend
who is looking to become a
nurse. Alys rang me as soon as Daisy told her that she’d spoken to you.
Apparently your phone is busy.”

I shrug, avoiding looking at where my phone is lying smashed
to pieces against the wall and then I slump against the cushions feeling relief
steal back in where before there had been this icy biting pain. “You’re sure?”