Keep Me (Beggar's Choice #3) (23 page)

I stare at him. “You must really watch a lot of films.” He
laughs and I groan. “I’m
so
sorry. You’re so lovely and normally I’d
jump at you like a cat on a mouse.”

He grins. “I’m not flattered at being the mouse in this
scenario. I’m more of a wolf - wild and dangerous.” He sobers. “I presume it’s
Bram?”

“What?
No, why would you think that?”

He smirks. “Mainly because I’ve always got on really well
with him. He’s funny, laidback and easy going to a fault. However, since
Charlie gave me your number he seems to have had a mysterious personality
transplant. He’s now rude, surly and has apparently invented a thousand ways to
say ‘fuck off’ without bothering with the actual words.”

“That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”

He smiles. “Don’t be babe. Once he knows that we’re going
nowhere I presume that he’ll go back to being his normal sunny self.”

“I don’t know why he did that. I suppose he’s a bit over
protective.”

“He passed overprotective in twenty seconds and went
straight to the ‘I want to tear your throat out’ and you don’t know why?” He
raises one perfect, blonde eyebrow his face glaringly gorgeous, and I groan
inside at what I’m passing up and then I shake my head.

“I think it’s because I’m like a little sister to him.”

He laughs out loud at this throwing his head back in
abandon. “Oh my God, only if this is the plot for ‘Flowers in the Attic’.”

I wrinkle my nose. “Ugh, that’s disgusting.”

“There’s a grain of truth in it babe. That man wants you and
I’m damn sure that he doesn’t want anyone else to have you.”

“He doesn’t want me. He had that and …”

I break off mortified but he smiles kindly. “Babe, Bram for
all his easy going nature strikes me as a very complicated man underneath. I
don’t know what his deal is but his behaviour this week indicates that there’s
some strong feelings going on. Perhaps you need to speak to him because that
man wants you. Maybe there’s been some sort of misunderstanding.”

I open my mouth to disagree but then a memory of his face
and body language that morning hits me, but it’s like looking at a picture and
realising that there’s another interpretation of it. It skews everything a
different way and I wonder whether all this mess is my fault.

He was nervous and on edge and I’d thought it was because he
was going to have to let me down gently, but could it have been because he
wanted to try? I wince inside because if that was the case I must have really
hurt him with my careful speech about it being nothing. I remember Viv’s words
and I hurt inside that somehow I’ve been responsible for adding to the way that
he thinks about himself. Me who loves him. I sigh and look at Eddie who smiles
gently.

“Am I getting through?”

I grab his hand. “I don’t know whether you’re getting
through or setting me up for the ultimate failure, but you’re right, I do need
to talk to him and I’m so sorry that I’ve messed you about.”

He squeezes my hand back. “Well look at that. I’m not a side
character at all. I’m the motherfucking architect of change.”

I laugh and change the subject so that we can finish our
dinner in peace.

***

As soon as his words had registered with me I’d somehow
hoped that the meal would have been over and I could have teleported myself
magically to Bram’s side where he would have welcomed me with open arms, but
that’s not what happened. Instead, the meal took ages to come and then our taxi
driver got a flat tyre and we had to wait for him to change it which took ages.
After that I’d insisted that Eddie be dropped off first despite his protests.

It’s therefore midnight when I put my key into the lock so
I’m slightly surprised to feel the thud of very loud music coming from the flat
and my heart sinks.
Please don’t let him have a woman in there
with
him
I silently pray.
Please let me be able to talk to him before I lose
my nerve
. I smooth my hair down aware that I look very dishevelled thanks
to standing in the wind by the taxi for an hour, and then I push the door open.

The music seems to be coming from the lounge so steeling
myself I open the door only to stand in open mouthed amazement. ‘Bye Bye Bye’
by NSYNC is blaring from the speakers and I’m looking at Bram and Sid who are
shirtless, Bram with what looks like one of my scarves draped artistically
round his neck. They are dancing completely independently from one another. Sid
is attempting a shaky head spin while Bram appears to be trying to moon walk,
but in fact just seems to be walking backwards.

I venture further into the room and blink at the sight of
Matt lying asleep on the floor amongst a pile of beer cans, and Mick dancing
frenetically on the settee in just his boxers with a tea towel wrapped around
his head. For a long moment I just stand and stare wishing fervently for a
video camera, but then Mick spots me.

“Woo hoo it’s Alys,” he screeches. “She’s
here
.” He
attempts a Mexican wave which is a forlorn hope and ends up being just him
raising his arms as Matt slumbers on and Sid overbalances and lands with a
muffled ‘shit’ under the table.

Bram however stands stock still, examining me with a laser
like stare. His eyes run over my hair coming out of its chignon and the creases
on my skirt from sitting hunched up next to Eddie on a bench trying to keep
warm. His gaze gets progressively darker as he notes Eddie’s jacket around my
shoulders, until it’s almost uncomfortable.

I try a smile wanting to coax him into a good mood. If he’s
happy he’s more approachable and I want so much to talk to him but it doesn’t
work. Instead he leans against the table and glares at me.

Sid emerges from under the table blinking in the light like
an owl. “Hey Alys did you have a nice night?”

I tug at my skirt nervously, trying to avoid Bram’s stare
which seems to be latched onto my wild hair like a heat seeking missile. “Oh
yes very nice,” I gabble.

“You’re very late. Must have been a
really
good
night.” Sid offers looking at the clock and then he must sense Bram’s mood
because he looks awkward and stutters to a silence.

“Yes it is late. We didn’t realise the time. We got out of
the restaurant early but time flies when you’re …”

I’m interrupted by Mick. “Hey, as long as you enjoyed
yourselves. No need to treat us to the filthy details Alys,” he says, grinning
as he jumps down and starts putting his clothes on nonchalantly as if it
happens all the time. He reaches out and kicks Matt gently. “Come on Rip van
Willy. Let’s get going. The lady of the house is home.”

“Oh no,” I gabble. “You don’t understand, we were only …”

Bram breaks into my attempt to explain what happened by
reaching forward abruptly to my hair. Repressing a flinch I let him run his
fingers through the strands. His hand emerges clutching a leaf. “You look like
you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards,” he says coldly. “I’d have expected
more from him.”

“But not from me,” I say indignantly, catching his gibe.

“Okaaay!” Sid claps his hands together and looks so very
much like a nursery nurse for a second that I almost expect him to make us sit
on the naughty step, but instead he grabs Bram in a head lock speaking in a low
voice. I think that I hear him telling him to calm down but I can’t be sure
because the next minute he heaves a semi-conscious Matt to his feet, and then
he and Mick are gone in a flurry of goodbyes until the door slams leaving us in
an awkward silence.

This is broken by Bram turning on his heel and walking back
into the lounge. I follow him wanting to wring my hands together, and then
stand watching impotently as he rights furniture and starts to gather together the
dirty glasses and empty bottles. His movement are jerky and almost
uncoordinated, and I follow him from one end of the room to the other feeling
like a dog that’s been told off. I can feel a slow burning anger begin to build
inside me at this treatment but I push it down because I need to talk to him
after tonight’s revelations. I therefore decide to try again.

“I
did
have a nice night but you’ll never guess what
happened.”

I don’t have time to complete the sentence because he whirls
on me slamming the bottle that he’s carrying onto the table where it promptly
shatters. He curses under his breath but ignores the mess, coming to stand in
front of me. He’s still shirtless and I can see his chest rising and falling
quickly.

“I couldn’t guess eh?” he says clearly, his voice thick with
some emotion. “Well, why don’t I have a try? What do I win for the right answer
though Alys? A night in your bed? Been there, done that babe and it’s obviously
going cheap now.”

“What the
fuck
?” I feel anger rise through me with
the force of a tsunami. “Where the fuck do you get off talking to me like that
Bram? You have no right.”

He sneers. “Fucking good because I don’t want any fucking
rights to you Alys. I thought you were different but I suppose I’ll live and
learn because you’re just like all the rest of them giving it up for what you
can get. Only your price is a lot lower isn’t it? If I’d known it only took a
fucking meal for you to drop your knickers I’d have cooked a lot sooner.”

The room echoes with the sound of the slap and I gasp
stunned as I cradle my stinging palm and look aghast at the mark on his face. I
have never in my life slapped anyone like that to stop them talking, but his
words are poisonous and there’s such venom in the way that he’s talking to me.

“How fucking dare you judge me,” I shout. He can fuck off if
I’m going to let him know what happened tonight. Eddie was wrong. He’s just a
twat that doesn’t want me but doesn’t want anyone else to have me.

“I’ll judge you,” he shouts back. “You jump into fucking bed
with me, spread your legs and then just jump out like it’s nothing, and now
you’ve moved onto Eddie. Poor fucker had better be ready for when you do
another runner. Maybe he should put running shoes by your bed, not slippers.”

“
You’re
saying this to me. Get over yourself you
fucking, massive hypocrite. You’re the king of the fucking one night stands
Bram, or maybe I should say one hour stands because they’re out the door almost
as soon as you’ve both come.”

“Well it didn’t work with you did it? After all, I’ve had
you and you’re still fucking here hanging around me like a fucking bad smell,”
he sneers and I stare at him for a second unable to believe that this is the
same person that I’ve lived with for two years, laughed with and loved. This
person who is looking at me like I’m a piece of shit that he’s just stepped in.

“You wanted me to stay,” I finally manage to say, feeling
like my throat is full of glass. “You begged me to stay, said that you needed
me here.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, I
lied
Alys. I felt fucking
sorry for you. You’ve got nobody and no money. I owed it to my mum to let you
stay because apparently you’re some sort of charity case that everyone feels
sorry for.”

I gasp standing back and holding my hand over my heart as if
I can force it back into my chest. I guess that’s what happens when you fall in
love with your best friend. They know all your weak spots and where to hit so
it really bloody hurts.

He flinches hard at my gesture and it seems to run through
his body because he’s trembling like a dog that’s been out in the cold, and for
a second I think that I see remorse in his eyes. Seeing it my rage ebbs
slightly and I reach out to touch him only to watch him shy away from me like
I’m acid. “Bram,” I manage. “Please let’s talk. Eddie said …”

The rage flares brightly. “Oh Eddie said something. Well by
all means let’s all gather together and hear his words of fucking wisdom. Come
on Alys, what did Eddie say?”

I swallow hard. This is the end, I know it. I can feel it,
so I might as well be honest. I’ve always been honest with him since the minute
that I met him. I thought that he liked it. “He says that you have feelings for
me and you were jealous when you found out that he was taking me out.”

I flinch as he bends over laughing. “Oh my God that’s
fucking priceless. So you discussed me did you? Poor Bram all alone pining over
the one woman that he can’t have. I bet you were both crying with pity for me
over your fucking crème brulee.” His voice chills, sliding over me like
frostbite. “Well don’t flatter yourself darling. You’re not unattainable. I
fucking had you and you weren’t worth keeping and that’s the honest truth.” He
looks me up and down dismissively. “As if I would want you in a million years.
Have you
seen
the women that walk through this flat? You have an odd
opinion of yourself if you think that you’re better than them, that you’re the
one who will get me.
Please.
Take a look in the fucking mirror.”

I feel tears slide down my face heavy and viscous like
they’re poison, and I can’t bear the thought that I’d had it so wrong. I’d been
right all along. That morning he
had
been looking for a way to let me
go, and I feel humiliation pour through me making me attack because it’s the
only defence that I’ve ever had since my mum died. “Don’t worry Bram I cleared
it up with Eddie. There’s no way I’d take you seriously because I
know
you. You’re Mr Just Enough. Someone for the moment, never anything more. No one
takes you seriously because you’re about as disposable as a used condom.”

He jerks back like I’ve hit him, his face white and haggard
and for a second my words seem to echo on the still air and I put my hand out
to him to say sorry, to tell him that he is everything and I’m sorry that I
used those words which I know will hurt him because I’m privileged enough to
know him.

However, I don’t get a chance because in front of me his
rage dies, dialled down to an almost bitter cold. His face is still and set
like a statue as he looks at me and his voice is clear as a bell as he makes
sure that I can see his lips move. “I want you out of here tonight Alys. I
don’t want you living here anymore.”