Keeper of the Heart (18 page)

Shanelle frowned. “But, mother—”

“I know, I know, but let me finish. So I decided to be brave and bear this son for Challen. I loved him, after all, and he wanted it done the old-fashioned way. But the closer it got to the time of delivery, the more frightened I was, even though I knew I’d have a meditech to crawl into to make it all painless. What I hadn’t counted on was the simple fact that meditechs weren’t designed to accommodate great big bellies, because it’s virtually impossible to gain excess weight eating Kystrani food, and this was a standard Kystrani meditech. So at the last farden minute, I find out I’m going to have to give birth the
truly
old-fashioned way, without a single painkilling agent, without even a Sha-Ka’ani healer on hand, because I’d already Transferred to the Rover and it was too late to find one. Talk about going into major shock.”

“How come I never heard about this before?”

“Because your mother doesn’t like to own up to fear, and I haven’t even got into half of it yet. Your father ended up a nervous wreck. He hadn’t been expecting to do the delivery himself, but only he and Corth were on the ship, and of course Martha. But Martha lacks hands, and Challen still wasn’t letting Corth’s hands get anywhere near me. Before your brother arrived, I must have sworn to every deity in two Star Systems that I was going to murder your father for putting me through that. At least
that
he took in stride. He kept telling me my reaction was perfectly normal, to which I kept telling him to drop dead. And then there was Martha offering instruction by the book, along with her usual drivel, like, ‘If you’d do a little pushing instead of threatening to castrate the big guy, we might get this over with,’ and ‘I think we can safely say there’s nothing wrong with your lungs, kiddo.’ ”

Shanelle couldn’t help smiling, though she said, “That wasn’t very nice of her.”

“Actually, she was trying to get my mind off the pain by getting me mad, but I didn’t appreciate it at the time. But she saved the best for last, when Challen was holding his squalling son in his hands, and I was lying there half dead, or so it felt like. ‘Save the congratulations for later, guys. You’re only half done.’ ‘She means the afterbirth,’ Challen tried to reassure me, but Martha didn’t allow time for being reassured. She replied calm as you please, ‘No, I mean your son’s twin sister, who’ll be popping out to join him shortly.’ ”

“You mean you didn’t know?”

“Hell, no, I didn’t know.
She
knew all along, and not once did she even hint that I was carrying two instead of one. She owned up afterward that she’d decided I couldn’t handle that kind of information, and maybe she was right. I had a hard enough time adjusting to the fact that I was having one baby. I might not have decided to try it if I had known I’d be having two at once. I really don’t know what I would have done.”

“Give yourself more credit, mother.”

“No, I’m being honest, Shani. You’ve grown up expecting to have babies, maybe even looking forward to it. To you it’s no big deal. But I grew up expecting
never
to have to go through that. And that brings me to the second big problem I faced. I’d had you and your brother. Don’t ask me how I survived it, but I did. And I loved you both to pieces. But there was no way in hell I was ever going to go through that again. I made the decision without telling your father. I was going to have the meditech see to it that I couldn’t have any more children. And I was absolutely determined.

“I went to Medical on the Rover. I even punched in the data, telling the meditech what I wanted done. And for once Martha wasn’t saying a word. Total silence from that department. Then I thought about how much I loved Challen and that he’d probably never forgive me, and I started crying. Next I thought of you and Dalden, and how precious you were to me, and I
really
got into a fit of weeping. I sat there on the floor, crying my heart out, finding out that emotions can actually cause physical pain.”

“You didn’t do it, did you?” Shanelle asked softly.

Tedra shook her head, admitting, “I didn’t have to. As soon as the hysterics started, Martha located Challen and Transferred him to Medical. He sat there on the floor with me and held me until I dried up, made me tell him what the problem was, then told me there was no problem. He had had no intention of getting me pregnant again. What I wasn’t aware of was that warriors don’t want big families, that
they
suffer right along with their women during labor because they honestly can’t stand seeing their women in pain. The standard is one or two, on the rare occasion three, children per household, and then a warrior goes back to drinking
dhaya
wine for the rest of his life, the local method of birth control. I’d already given Challen twins, which was more than enough for him.

“But to wrap this up, my first problem, from which I would have preferred to run like hell, simply had to be faced and got through; my second, Challen took care of himself. My point, Shani, is every difficulty and problem has its solution one way or another. You just have to find it. Your problems can be worked out one by one, until there are no more.”

It took Shanelle a moment to get out of the past and remember that Falon was the topic of this conversation. “Sure, I can think of one solution right now. I just go straight from sex-sharing into a meditech for the rest of my life.”

“That’s not funny,” Tedra snapped impatiently.
“That
problem happens to be Falon’s, and he’ll fix it or else he’ll answer to your father.”

“And what if it’s not fixable? He swears it won’t happen again, but, mother, he had to fight to control his passion tonight when he barged into my room. I watched him do it and it scared the hell out of me. And what, really, do we know about these eastern warriors? What else am I going to find different about him?”

Now Tedra grinned. “Maybe that they punish their women differently, or not at all. Maybe that one of those excessive emotions they possess is love.”

Shanelle gripped her mother’s hand excitedly. “Do you
know
that?”

Tedra winced. “Stars, I didn’t mean to get your hopes up, baby. No, I don’t know it. But your brother might. He’s been with these Ba-Har-ani for the last couple of weeks. Why don’t you ask him?”

“Ask me what?” Dalden said from behind them.

Tedra glanced over her shoulder. “Did you only just return?”

“No, we came back in with the food. We’ve been sitting in there starving, waiting for you both to join us.”

Shanelle turned and looked through the tall arched openings that led back into the chamber. Falon was sitting on one of the backless couches, talking to one of his friends, but he must have sensed her gaze, for he looked up just then, found her on the balcony—and melted her with one of those heartwarming smiles of his. She closed her eyes against it with a groan and whipped back around.

Tedra beckoned her son forward. “Your belly can wait a few minutes more. What can you tell us about the Ba-Har-ani and how they differ from our own warriors?”

“They are a little more demonstrative in certain instances,” Dalden said as he moved to Shanelle’s other side. “When they get angry, you know it.”

“Did you hurt him, Dal?” Shanelle asked in a small voice.

Dalden laughed. Tedra patted Shanelle’s hand, assuring her, “If he’d wanted to hurt him, he would have challenged him. Now what about how they deal with their women, Dalden? Particularly in the way of punishments?”

He shrugged offhandedly now, but there was a purely male spark of amusement in his amber eyes as he replied, “I believe they spank them.”

Tedra chuckled. “Is that all?”

“Is that
all
!” Shanelle gasped, outraged. “That’s—that’s—”

“Not what you were afraid of,” Tedra was quick to remind her.

Shanelle clamped her mouth shut. That was true. But spanking? From someone with Falon’s incredible strength? No, thank you.

“What about love?” Tedra asked next.

Again Dalden shrugged. “That was not a subject ever raised in discussion while I was with them. I know the man wants Shanelle. When he thought her a visitor, he would have bought her. Now that he knows who she is, he wants her for his lifemate. And I believe he will care for her as well as any Kan-is-Tran warrior would. I like him as a man. I respect him as a
shodan.
Frankly, I hope father gives her to him—especially since she’s already given herself to him.”

The note of disapproval that had entered his voice at the end had Shanelle glaring at him, even as her cheeks heated up. “That was
my
business, Dal. I chose him, yes, a mistake I don’t intend to repeat. It just didn’t work out, and that’s all there is to it.”

“I know you fear him right now, Shani,” he said with a degree of hesitancy after her outburst. “He told me so. But whatever the reason is, I’m sure he can make it right.”

“And I’m sure he can’t,” she replied angrily. “Stars, he told you everything else, I’m surprised he didn’t own up to that, too.”

This time Dalden grinned. “When you were mentioned, he didn’t know you were my sister, nor did I know it was you he was so determined to buy.”

“Damn it,” Tedra interjected at this point. “That’s twice now you’ve said he wanted to buy her. Does he think lifemates are for sale around here?”

“No, but that’s not how he wanted her when he thought she was a visitor. After all, his family has good reason for disliking visitors. But he still wanted to take Shani home with him—only as a slave.”

“A
what
?!” Shanelle and Tedra exclaimed together.

Dalden frowned. “Didn’t you know the Ba-Har-ani are slaveholders?”

“Now that you mention it, I have a vague memory to that effect, but from so many years ago, it’s no wonder I didn’t recall it,” Tedra said as she put an arm around Shanelle’s waist to lead her back inside, adding for her ears only, “That ties it neatly and for the last time. If your father gives you to that man, I’ll farden well help you pack myself to run in the opposite direction. I may even go with you.”

Shanelle was able to relax a bit, now that her mother was firmly back in her corner. She was even able to get through the evening, losing her temper and her patience only once at the way Falon kept staring at her with such a proprietary air, as if she already belonged to him.

She tried sitting next to Jadd just to put him off, but that poor boy had taken one look at her family as a whole and had decided he didn’t want to be a part of it after all, or have anything else to do with Shanelle. He’d moved away from her three times, with her scooting to follow—too closely each time—before he hissed in her ear, “Don’t
do
that, Shani. Your family wouldn’t like it.”

She wasn’t quite amused by his intimidation. Her family hadn’t even noticed what she was doing— but Falon did.

“I take it this means the romance is off?” she asked dryly.

“Very funny,” Jadd retorted.

But then he caught Falon’s look, and it frightened him so much he turned quite green. In fact, it made Jadd so ill that he excused himself, leaving Shanelle frustrated and glowering at Falon, who now looked the very epitome of innocence.

She was introduced to the rest of his party as the evening wore on, his brother, his cousin Tarren, and his sister’s lifemate, Deamon. They were as darkly bronzed as Falon and as dark of hair, but the brother, Jadell, was like no warrior she’d ever met before. Quick to laugh, even quicker to grin, and annoyingly, he also treated her like she was already a member of his family.

During the course of the evening, she learned that he and Dalden had become close friends through some dangerous undertaking they had shared. She learned why Dalden had brought them to Sha-Ka-Ra. And the difference in their
shodani
was explained. In Ba-Har-an, the titles were hereditary, passing from the father to the oldest son, whereas in Kan-is-Tra, the
shodan
was usually the strongest and wisest, and could be challenged by anyone, at any time, so a son could not gain the title from his father without challenging him for it, which had never been known to be done. But in Falon’s country, the ascending son could be challenged by all comers only during the five days following the father’s death, then never again.

Shanelle found the differences interesting, but still wholly undemocratic. In both cases, might and a superior sword skill were the ruling factors, and that told her plain enough that Falon had to be pretty handy with his sword to have survived five days of challenges following his father’s death. Her father would be able to draw the same conclusion, and that was going to give Falon still another edge if he asked for her, or rather
when
he asked for her. It was too much to hope at this point that he wouldn’t.

And apparently her father was going to get a firsthand demonstration of those skills, or so she was told the minute Falon took Dalden’s seat beside her after they had finished eating and Dalden left the table. She had been dreading that Falon would attempt to speak to her privately. But his choice of subjects was too impersonal to cause true alarm.

“I intend to enter the competitions,” he told her.

“Well, good luck to you,” she said indifferently.

“You mean that?”

He seemed so surprised, she frowned. “Why not? It doesn’t matter to me who wins.”