Kestrel (Hart Briothers #3) (20 page)

“Including
kill me? Because that’s what you’re doing to me now.”

A
husky laugh escapes her and I think back to the first time I laid eyes on her.
What happened to that girl? She must’ve taken a hike because this sultry
goddess kneeling between my legs doesn’t come even close to resembling that
woman.

“Angel,
have I told you how perfectly beautiful you are?”

She
cocks her head and then giggles.
A true giggle.
It
bubbles right out of her. “I’m a nerd, Kestrel. Nerds aren’t beautiful.”

“Oh,
yes they are. At least the one between my legs is. And I’m a great judge of
beauty. So let me begin. Your eyes are the most unique color of gray. I like to
think of them as ghost gray. But really they’re more like secretive gray. Like
you’re hiding something and you won’t ever share. And you have such perfect
skin with those adorable freckles dotting the bridge of your nose and the rims
of your cheeks.
Next, your lips.
Not too puffy and not
too thin.
Just the right amount of plumpness.
They
were made for kissing.
But only by me.
And your teeth
are perfect. I love the way they peek out below your upper lip. Makes me want
to lick them for some odd reason and who the hell ever wants to do that? But I
do.
To you.
And your neck … ah, your lovely neck. It
draws my attention because I want to run my tongue up and down it every damn
time I see you. It’s so long and graceful. Elegant. That’s what it is.” I take
my finger and slide it horizontally across the base of her neck. “To think I’ve
only described from here on up. But from this point on down,” I run my finger
from the hollow in her throat down to her sex, “is a whole other story. This is
where the goddess part begins. Statuesque.
Tall and lean.
Perfect lines with exactly the right amount of curves.
You are a rare delicacy and I was blind the first time I saw you. I didn’t see
through the veil of clothing you wore. But I know different now.”

Leaning
forward, I draw her nipple into my mouth and tug on it with my teeth. Her gasp
is loud, but the moan that follows is even more so. My fingers sink into the
silky flesh of her hips as I hold her steady. She’s like a soft rose petal to
touch—velvety smooth and so strokable. So hot and sweet that I can’t get
enough of her—I could run my hands all over her twenty-four-seven and
never tire of feeling that satin beneath my hands. Her long slender fingers
clutch my shoulders and when her head falls back, I seriously rethink that thing
about only touching. I can hardly believe that this angel—because she
truly is one—is here with me, naked and willing, and all I have to do is
say the word and she’s mine. And right now, I want to bury my dick into her hot
wet pussy so much I can almost taste it. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I
pull her as close as I can. It’s her neck I need to taste now. Her scent is in
my blood, winding its way into my brain, branding me. How did this happen? How
did I go from thinking she looked like a nun to not being able to keep my hands
off her?

“Angel,
look at me.”

Her
lids flutter open and with her lips slightly parted, I know I’m a dead man.

“Kiss
me. Like you did the first day we met.”

“But
…”

“No
buts, angel. Give me your mouth. All of it.”

And
she does.
Tentatively at first.
Because she’s afraid I
may possibly reject her like I did that one time? I’ll put her mind at ease
about that. I kiss her back like
I’m tasting
the most
perfect delicacy in the world. And then I realize I am. She’s sweet; she’s
tangy; she’s salty; she everything I love in a kiss.
Soft and
engaging.
Not controlling but not shy. Her hands drift up to my face,
and then her fingers plunge into my hair. She nips my tongue with her teeth and
deepens the kiss until we both moan. I fall back onto the couch, taking her
with me, and we make out like two teenagers.

“You
kiss like an angel, too. I’m glad I chose that name for you.”

She
laughs. “Did we just make out?”

My
chest rumbles. “Yeah, I think we did. Did my beard scratch you?”

“I
love your scruff. It’s sexy.”

“Your
chin is terribly pink. Chafed, perhaps?”

“I’ll
survive. I’ve never really made out with a boy before.”

“A
boy? Is that what I am?”

Giggles
erupt out of her. “No, you are definitely a man. A very handsome man at that.”

“Yeah?”

“Seriously?”

Looking
down at her neck again, mainly to avoid her knowing eyes, I say, “I’ve been
with a lot of women, but never like this. I’ve never told a woman the things
I’m telling you. My looks are something I take for granted. They’re what I was
doled out at birth. I look at Kolson and think he’s the one with the looks. I’m
too brooding looking. Too stern.”

“Wanna
know what I think?”

“Hell
yes. I’ve told you what I think about you. Fair play, I’d say.”

“Kolson
is very handsome. But you—you’re a notch above him. It’s your eyes.
They’re startling. The first time I saw you I felt you could see all the way
into my soul. The contrast of your black hair and green eyes is—what did
you call me? Oh yeah, perfectly beautiful. Did you know I sometimes watch you
when you sleep? I like to gaze at you, because there are so many things about
you that I miss when you’re awake. Like the way your lashes brush the tops of
your cheekbones. You have the longest lashes I’ve ever seen. And the way the
creases on your face disappear, like all your troubles are gone. And I like to
stare at your sexy body, especially your ass, if the covers have slipped off.
There’s not a thing about you I would change because you’re flawless. That’s
what you are, Kestrel.”

“I’m
honored you would think that. Thank you, angel. But I’m far from flawless.”

“No,
it’s the truth.” She lifts my hand and kisses it. “So, how many girls have you
made out with?”

Laughing,
I say, “None. Well, before tonight that is. With my life the way it was, that
was never a possibility.”

She
looks at me like I’m trying to sell her the Brooklyn Bridge. “I find that hard
to believe. You probably had girls chasing you everywhere.”

“Angel,
they were afraid of my father. There was no chasing, trust me.”

“What
about when you were in college?”

“Yeah,
college. I bounced around a lot. Started out at Harvard.”

“Harvard?”

“Hard
to believe, isn’t it?” I ask.

“Not
at all.”

I
laugh. “Of course it is. I am the opposite of the preppie Harvard type, which
is why I didn’t last long.”

“Then
where?”

“Rutgers.
Langston was pissed over that one. It wasn’t good enough for a Hart. But he
didn’t have to be pissed for too long. I was expelled after one semester. It
seems I wasn’t integrating too well. I got into a lot of fights. And I mean a
lot. It probably had something to do with letting out my frustrations.
Unfortunately, I took them out in the wrong places at the wrong times.”

“And
no girls?”

“Oh,
there were girls. I stayed clear of them, though. You have to remember I was
awkward around them. I never learned how to interact with them.”

“So
then what?”

“How
is it I’m telling you my life’s story in one sitting?”

She
shrugs. “I have that effect on people.”

“Oh,
you have an effect all right.” My gaze drops down and hers follows. Then her
cheeks turn pink. I brush my thumb back and forth over the crest of her cheek,
saying, “I love it when this happens. I can feel the heat here.”

“It’s
because I’m embarrassed.”

“Why?
I’m the one with the hard on.”

“I
know that, but I’m a little shy is all.”

“And
it’s very endearing. I’m not used to shy. I’m finding I like it.”

She
purses her lips and pauses briefly. Then she blurts, “Tell me about the women
in your past.”

It
takes a lot to leave me speechless, but she has accomplished that quite nicely.
“Wow. Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Sorry.
You don’t have to tell me anything. I was curious because you say how you never
hung out with girls in high school or college, yet you told me you’ve been with
dozens of women. It doesn’t add up.”

“No,
it wouldn’t to you. Remember what I told you when I called you angel for the
first time?”

“I
do. You said that I was pure, sweet, and kind.”

“The
women I spent my time with were the polar opposite of that. Some were high end
call girls. Others were as close to that as you could get. They were with me
for one thing only. They got what they wanted and so did I. Afterward we went
our separate ways.”

She’s
as silent as I’ve ever seen her; who can blame her? I just explained to her
that I’ve had sex with the sleaziest of the sleazy. And here she is, the most
wholesome, honorable person I’ve ever met.

It’s
a question I hate to ask, but one that I must. “Are you sorry you asked or are
you sorry you ever met me?”

“Neither.
I’m puzzling you out. On the one hand, I get why you’re afraid to be in a
relationship. Fear is a compelling reason. On the other hand, one would think
you would crave it.”

“Hmm.
I do. A lot. I crave touch, human contact. I crave so many things I can’t even
name them all. When I was that kid locked in the dark, I would tell myself that
one day my mom would swoop into the room, open the shades, and let the sunshine
in. Then she’d wrap me in her arms and carry me away from that terrible place.
When that didn’t happen, my hopes and dreams began to diminish until it got to
the point that the only thing I wanted was a blanket to keep warm. I learned to
survive on very little. That’s what I’m doing now. Even though I crave things,
I’ve learned it’s easiest to go without them.”

“But
you don’t have to. That’s what I don’t understand.”

I
pull her on top of me and thread my fingers into her hair. It’s smoother now,
with soft waves framing her face. “I’ll tell you a story. After all that shit
went down with my father, I decided to get away for a while. So after the dust settled,
I went for a hike.”

Her
brow furrows, so I massage it with my thumbs.

“A
hike?” she asks.

Grinning,
I say, “Yeah. I hiked part of the Appalachian Trail. I was gone for over two
months. During that time, I reflected on the path my life had taken and where
it would go next. It was there I realized I needed a change and made the final
decision to come here. I had been tossing it around in my head for a few
months, but after about a month on the trail of being completely alone, I knew
I needed to separate from my family. If I didn’t, I would never straighten out
my life. As much as I hated my father, I was also tethered to him. And as
strange as this sounds, when he died, I was lost. Yes, I was ecstatic, but I
was lost. He led me around like a stupid dog all those years, and now what was
I to do? The time on the trail gave me my answers. I also learned about myself.
I’m a jerk and an ass. But I’ve changed since I’ve returned. I’ve made a
conscious effort to be kinder to people. The one thing I want the most is
not
to become the man my father was. In order to do that, I needed to make some
changes and I’m working on that. I love my family. They are the most important
people in my world, but I won’t ever become the person I need to be if I stay
dependent upon them. Being away taught me so much about independence and the
kind of a person I want to be, need to be, so that’s why I’m here. Not only to
help my brother, but to help myself.”

She’s
been still as stone the whole time I’ve been talking. Now she says very
quietly, so that I have to strain to hear her, “I was afraid of you the first
time we met.”

“I’m
not a very warm person, so I imagine you were. But you were so brave to propose
that deal.”

“It
wasn’t bravery. It was sheer exigency. I was at the end of the road. All my
options were exhausted. Selling was my last recourse. No one knew of Ells’
room. I never breathed of word of it to anyone—not even my closest
friends. So when you were standing there, the idea formed in my mind and the
more it took root, I knew I had to run with it. Bravery had nothing to do with
it. And then I was so humiliated.” She covers her face with her hands.

Pulling
them away I say, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” And I am. “Extremely so.
And ashamed.
I should have acted more like a
gentleman. You took me by surprise.”

“It
wasn’t surprise, Kestrel. You didn’t want me at all. Not like you do now. I can
tell the difference. Something changed between us.”

“Yes.
That night in your lab.
You were so passionate about
what you do. It was so damn
sexy,
it almost killed me
not to kiss you. Even in your lab coat and those goggles you had on, I was
aroused.”

“Hmm.
I’ll have to remember that.” She yawns and doesn’t bother to cover her mouth.
It’s oddly charming. She looks like a little kid and I chuckle.