Kestrel (Hart Briothers #3) (16 page)

“Do
you make a habit of this?”

I
shake my head. “Yeah, I walk around naked all the time. I really do. When you
live by yourself, it’s something you don’t think of.”

“Kestrel,
I live by myself and I don’t walk around naked.”

“Well
you ought to. You look like a damn goddess naked, Carter.”

Her
mouth hangs open.

“Sorry,
angel, it’s the truth.”

I
turn and face her. “Would my dick be hard just thinking about you if you
didn’t?”

Her
eyes roam my body, but move downward at my question. She shakes her head. “No,
I guess not.”

“Own
it. It’s yours.” I head back to the bedroom.

As
I pass her she says, “You baffle me.”

“Me?
Why?”

“The
things you say.”

“Don’t
worry. I baffle me too. And I’m trying to figure it out.”

“What’s
that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.
Don’t worry about it,” I say.

“No.
I want to know.”

“Okay.
I don’t know what’s going on between us.”

“Good,
because neither do I.”

“Fair
enough.” I start to move again.

“Is
that it?”

“Carter,
what else do you want me to say?” I spread my hands out.

She
shrugs. “I don’t know. Something. Like maybe we can try to figure this thing
out.”

Sighing,
I say, “The last thing you want to do is to figure me out.”

“I
don’t get it.”

“I
know. And you don’t want to. I meant what I said about the big bad wolf. I’m
him.”

Then
she does what I was hoping she wouldn’t. She walks up to me, puts her arms
around my neck, and says, “Yeah, well, up until now, I have seen nothing of
this big bad wolf. But what I have seen makes me want more.”

She
moves to kiss me, but I stop her.

“I’ve
exposed you to all sorts of contaminants. I’m not going to kiss you and make it
even worse.”

“It’s
too late for that, you know. I’ve been surrounded by the virus.”

I
cup her cheek and say, “I know and I’m sorry. Had I known you were walking into
a viral infested den, I wouldn’t have allowed it. But let’s not take a chance
with the kissing quite yet.”

“Okay.”

 
“You told me not to make you fall in love
with me. Promise me you won’t,” I say.

“I
promise.”

“I
need to ask you something. Why is a girl like you okay with just sex?”

“Because
you make me feel alive again. Until I met you, I hadn’t felt that way in over
four years. So just sex is fine with me, Kestrel Hart.”

Her
ghostly eyes gaze back at me, and I search in their depths for the truth, but
she doesn’t flinch at all. She speaks from the heart—or at least it’s my
greatest hope that’s what she’s doing. She reaches for my hand and leads me
back to bed.

Chapter
Eleven

Carter

Kestrel
unnerves me. When I get him settled in bed, I bring him some more chicken soup.
As I stand, his hand closes around my wrist.

“Thank
you. If I haven’t told you, I appreciate you so much. You don’t have to do
this.”

“I
want to. Besides, who else is going to bring you homemade soup?”

His
emerald eyes freeze me. Even as sick as he is, hair all disheveled, he’s still
sublimely sexy.

“Don’t
look at me like that,” I say. My belly tightens and the need to clench my
thighs is almost overwhelming.

His
lids drop and sooty lashes dust the tops of his cheekbones like the fringes of
a fern. He hasn’t released my wrist, but he begins to eat. Between bites, he
says, “Sit with me, please.”

One
thing I’ve noticed about Kestrel is his manners. They are impeccable. He is
every bit the gentleman and knows etiquette as only someone who has been
coached from an early age would. How do I know this? I was raised the same way,
so it’s easy for me to recognize it. I take a seat next to him on the bed.

“Are
you not going to eat?” he asks.

Chuckling,
I answer, “I was, but you have quite a hold on my arm.”

He
stops and looks. “Oh, I apologize.” He releases me.

“It’s
fine.”

“Go
and get your food. I’ll wait. Forgive my lapse of manners.”

I
do as he asks and return with my own tray. Pulling up a chair next to the bed,
I begin to eat.

“You’re
a great cook, Carter.”

“Thank
you.”

“Who
taught you?”

“My
mother, mostly. And then I picked up a few things from TV.”

We
chat about cooking. He apparently can’t boil water.

“I
can teach you, if you’d like.”

“What?
Cooking by Carter?”

We
laugh a bit. The apples of his cheeks are flushed and I ask him how he’s
feeling. He shrugs.

“Maybe
you’ll feel better tomorrow.”

“I
hope so. This is a busy week for HTS,” he says.

After
we finish, I collect our trays and remove them. When I return, he’s dozing. I
bring him his medicine.

“Kestrel,
here’s your medicine and then I’m going to leave.”

“Don’t
go. Stay with me.”

“You’re
getting …”

“Please,
Carter.”

His
voice has taken on a different tone. He’s pleading with me. It’s as if he
doesn’t want to be alone.

“Yeah.
Sure. Let me run home and pick up my work things for tomorrow. I’ll be back in
a half hour.”

He
extends his arm and I take it. Then he raises my hand to his mouth and kisses
my palm. But he doesn’t immediately release it. He curls it for a moment and
holds it close to his heart. It’s a curiously intimate gesture.

“Thank
you. I owe you.”

“No
you don’t. Let’s just say
it’s
part of our deal.”

His
eyes suddenly darken, like the sea during a storm. “Carter, are you fucking me
because of this deal between us?”

It
would be a lie if I said yes. The deal hasn’t entered my mind until now. I’m
not sure why I hesitate before I answer, but I do.

“Never
mind. Your silence is the answer I need. Don’t bother coming back.”

His
tone is icy and it angers me.

“You
have no idea what I was going to say.”

“The
mere fact that you had to think about it gives me some idea.”

“Why
are you so sure about that? The truth is our stupid deal hasn’t crossed my mind
in days,” I huff.

“Our
stupid deal? Is that what you think it is?
Because as I
recall, it was all your idea.
We can call a halt to it at any time.”

“No!
Please, don’t.” I hate the way he has me over a barrel, begging.

“Just
go.”

“I’ll
be back in a half hour.”

“You
don’t need to. I’ll be fine.”

I
watch him as he rubs his arms. He’s very agitated. And I’m unsure how to handle
this. Deciding a bit of time to ourselves is not a bad idea, I scurry out of
there and scoot home. It only takes me minutes to gather my things. As I do,
guilt floods me. Why didn’t I immediately answer him? Did I want to make
him
feel guilty? I hate games, so why am I doing this shit?

Less
than twenty minutes have passed by the time I pull back into his driveway. His
door is locked, so I knock, but he doesn’t answer. When I call him, he answers.

“Hey.”

“Your
door’s locked.”

“I
know.”

“You’re
not going to let me in?”

“Should
I?”

Sighing,
I say, “I hate games, Kestrel.”

“As
do I.”

“Then
unlock your door right now, or this is over between us, deal or no deal. I’ll
just have to learn to live without Ells’ room. And maybe it’ll be a good thing
for me. Who the hell knows?”

A
few seconds later, I hear the lock click and the door swings open. He’s
standing there butt assed naked. And I want to lick him. Then he turns and pads
back to his bedroom. That man has one mighty fine ass.

“Quit
staring at my ass,” he says over his shoulder.

“Why
would I do that? If you wanted me to quit staring, you would’ve put some on clothes.”

I
follow him into his room and dump my stuff on the oversized chair in the
corner. After I change into my pajamas, my favorite Hello Kitty ones, I start
to climb into bed.

“Nope.
Huh uh. You are not sleeping in those.”

“Why
not? I love these.”

“One,
they’re ridiculous. You should be in silk. Two, they’re bulky. Three, I want
you naked so I can feel your skin against mine.”

“Okay.
One, you’re sick so no sex tonight. Two, only I get to decide what I wear to
bed. Three, silk is expensive and I can’t afford it.”

“So,
one, I’m not too sick for sex, but who said anything about having sex? Two,
I’ll buy you silk. Three, you can decide. I’ll buy you a variety of things to
choose from.”

“You
are insufferable.”

“No,
I’m a dick.”

“That
too. Now, why did you do that when I came back?”

He
turns to face me. “Carter, I’m trying to save you from me.”

“You’re
being absurd.”

“Look
at me. Do I look like your normal guy? I have more ink than the local tattoo
shop. The only thing I haven’t had pierced is my dick, but I’ll get that done
if you want me to.”

What
the fuck? Pierce his dick?

“What
are you talking about?”

“I’m
telling you to take a good hard look at me. Am I someone you’d bring home to
Uncle Foster? Yes, in a suit I’m fine because all my ink is covered, but what
if Uncle Foster ever wanted to take us sailing? Huh? Have you ever thought of
that?”

He’s
right. He’s totally off the grid from someone I’d ever bring home to Mom and
Dad. But then again, why should I care about what everyone thinks?

“Okay,
so you don’t look like anyone I’ve ever dated, but you know what? I don’t
usually date.”

“Carter,
I’m not fifty shades of fucked up, I’m a million shades of it.”

“Maybe
if you’d explain that to me, I’d understand it a little more.”

“You
already know part of it.
That my dad was a damn monster.
He did things to my brothers and me—things you can’t imagine. It’s not
something I choose to tell people.”

“Jesus,
Kestrel.”

“Amen
to that. Now get those ugly assed pajamas off.”

I
do as he asks, but only because I want to. When I’m naked, I feel shy as his
eyes skim over me.

“Don’t.
Like I said earlier, own it. You are a goddess when you’re naked. If you had
the right clothes, you would be one dressed, too. And soon, I’m going to see to
that as well.”

It’s
impossible for me to feel proud of my naked body. I’ve only been with two men.
One never saw me completely naked. It was a one-night stand in college. Seems
I’m famous for those. The only man that did was Simon, and he told me I looked
like a boy. That kind of shit sticks with you forever.

“Come
over here.” He motions to his side of the bed. When I get there, he pulls me so
I’m sitting on top of him.

“We
will not be having sex tonight. Just so you know.”

He
chuckles softly. “Oh, Carter. You really don’t know me at all.”

“You’d
take a chance in passing the flu onto to me?”

“You
were exposed to it already. You know that. And if you were so worried about it,
you wouldn’t be sleeping with me. Besides, we can do things that don’t involve
kissing. If I recall, you quite liked it when I took you from behind, didn’t
you?”

“Is
nothing sacred to you?”

“Not
when it comes to your pleasure.”

“I
can see that.”

Tonight,
his tattoos fascinate me. Maybe it’s because he brought them up. My fingers
begin to trace them. They are everywhere, but they cover one entire arm. The
other arm has a large number of them, and they are all beautiful art. Some are
just black ink sketches, but others are colorful. His torso has a multitude of
them, as well as his back. But there are several on his hips that have caught
my eye. One is a cage with broken bars and sunlight gleaming through. There is
a lot of script across his lower abdomen.

“Is
this Latin?”

“Yes.
This one says, ‘
Auri
sacra fames.’”

“Virgil’s
quote about the cursed hunger for gold.”

“When
I got that tattoo, it was intended more for my father’s cursed hunger for gold.
He was such a greedy bastard. It was one of the first ones I got and he was
furious with me. That’s what started it all.”

“So
the one right above it?” I ask.

His
chest rumbles. “He was really pissed at me for this one. Seneca’s ‘Si vis
amari
,
ama
.’ Its translation is,
‘If you wish to be loved, love.’”

“It
sounds like your father was a harsh man.”

He
makes a choking sound. “Something
like
that. I
despised my father. All three of us did.”

“I’m
sorry.”

“So
am I.”

My
fingers follow his tattoos further and then I ask, “How many piercings?”

“Ears,
nose, eyebrows, both nipples. I took them all out when I moved here.”

“I
noticed the holes in your ears, but not the rest. Were you punishing yourself?”

He
laughs. “No. I was rebelling against my father. I liked them.”

“Even
the nipples?”

“Especially
the nipples.” His voice is husky when he answers. Again, the need to clench my
thighs is overwhelming.

“Hmm.
Can you put them back in?”

“Yeah.”

“Why
don’t you?” For whatever reason, I’m very curious about these nipple piercings.

He
narrows his eyes. “You mean the prim and proper Dr. Drayton has a wild side to
her?”

“Maybe.
And what about this dick piercing thing?”

“You
really are intrigued, aren’t you?”

“I
guess I am.”

“Apparently,
from what I’ve heard, pierced dicks give pleasure to both partners.”

“Interesting.”

“Don’t
look so clinical when you say that.”

“Sorry.
I was trying to picture it.”

The
vibration of his phone interrupts us.

“Hart.”

He
chats for a few minutes and then ends the call. “That was Anne Crosby, the
realtor. The inspection and appraisals are in. She’s going to set the closing
date. Your Uncle will be handling it?”

“His
firm will. Real estate isn’t his thing, but someone at the firm who does that
type of law will.”

“How
long after the closing date can you be out?”

Wow.
It all smacks me in the face. It’s really happening. My home—the only
home I’ve ever known is being torn away from me. Tears fill my eyes and my hands
cover my mouth as I bite down on my lips to stem the sob that threatens to bust
out of me. I turn away from him because I don’t want him to see how weak I am.
I feel so exposed, so vulnerable right now. And why the hell shouldn’t I? I’m
sitting on his lap, naked, for Pete’s sake, talking about pierced dicks! What
in the world is wrong with me?

“That
was terribly insensitive of me. I’m sorry.”

Jumping
to my feet, I say in a muffled voice, “No. It’s fine,” as I swipe my hand
across my face. I’m on the other side of the bed before I know it, snatching up
my Hello Kitty top and putting it on when I feel his arms around me.