Kev (20 page)

So many dreams and nightmares, an impossible
number to sift through, but sift through them I did, trying to
identify ones that would help me.

I found one of Brok’s dreams buried within
me. Brok had connected with the brain in the vat many years ago,
right after a time when the girl had brought me to Uthio Minor from
the park in Macon to get me to drink green tea, the next day, in
fact, after having a dream in which I figured everything out and
won this game. What would happen if that dream came true?

“I will let you connect to me if you will
tell me exactly what is going on. I want to know what this game is.
Why does Clive want me to connect to you? I want every bit of
information you have,” I said, not believing for an instant that
the sphere would agree to this.

“Sorry, Kev. No can do. Rules are rules. I
was willing to break them just a little bit, but you are asking me
to truly violate them,” said the sphere.

“Fine, but you have to tell me how Clive
manages to get you out of heaven,” I said.

“Deal,” said the sphere. I released my hold
on the sphere, immediately feeling it latching onto me, probing me,
and in that instant, I fed it Brok’s dream.

The sphere immediately disconnected from me,
saying, “No way. I’m not doing that.”

“Why not?” I said.

“Rules are rules,” said the sphere.

“Well, I connected with you, so you have to
tell me how Clive can get you out of heaven.”

“Okay. He doesn’t get me out of heaven. You
always end up setting me free and then I leave heaven and he
eventually finds me,” said the sphere.

“Why do I set you free?”

“I’m not telling you,” said the sphere.

“Bastard,” I said.

“Not nice, Kev. You of all people should
understand why I can’t help you.”

“Why is that?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Well, I’m not going to release you this
time.”

We were in the middle of a beautiful pasture
in heaven, a pasture covered with a wide variety of wild flowers.
In the distance, I could see an immense floating city. I knew of a
place in that city, a place that I believed would make an excellent
hiding place for the sphere.

I teleported the sphere and myself into a
windowless, doorless chamber with walls of glowing gold, a chamber
in the heart of the city. In the center of the chamber stood a
short pillar, a pillow resting on top. I placed the sphere on the
pillow.

“So, this is it then?” said the sphere. “I’m
just going to be a useless decoration for this empty room?”

“It’s not empty. You’re here. You can guard
it from intruders. Should be a lot of fun.”

“You know, if I get out of here, I’m going to
find a way to connect to you and you aren’t going to be able to
control what you give me, and then we will see what happens,”
growled the sphere.

“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m feeling pretty
confident right now.”

“It won’t last, Kev. It never does.”

That irked me a little. While I didn’t know
everything, I knew a hell of a lot, and I believed I knew enough to
avoid screwing things up. I believed there was no way I would get
trapped on The Show again, and I thought it likely that I would
have enough time to figure out what was going on, now that the
sphere was contained in heaven. Of course, I knew that there had
been many times where I thought I had things in hand and had
completely botched it up, so there was room for doubt. I just had
to figure out what this game was all about. What were these rules?
What did the others know? What was Clive’s role in all of this?

I teleported to the bar on Uthio Minor, in
the present. It was still night, although the storm had passed.

“So, did you figure it out?” said Brok.

“I figured something out,” I said. “Have you
seen Clive?”

“Can’t say I have. You want a green tea?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Brok served me a tall glass of tea, and I
took a sip. I heard children laughing and playing, followed by,
“Hello, Kev. Welcome to
The So You Think You Have It All Figured
Out Experience
.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “Get on with it.”

I found myself in a small workshop, standing
in front of a table. On the table I saw a small black cube (I did
not remember the black cube at this moment, given that none of my
memories gained by connecting with the brain in the vat had
anything to do with the black cube, and also because my memories
were pretty compromised anyway) with a circular hole in one face.
Beside it I saw a cylindrical insert with a blue button. I put the
insert into the cube. I pressed the button once and let go, but
nothing happened. I pressed it twice and nothing happened.

“This is the experience?” I said to the
voice.

“This experience is what you make it, Kev,”
replied the voice.

I pressed the button three times and appeared
in a small city on the edge of a river. It looked like twentieth
century Peoria, a place I had been to as a child. I pressed the
button four times and felt a little dizzy. I pressed the button
five times and for the briefest moment had almost infinite
knowledge, far more knowledge than the brain in the vat had given
me.

I then appeared in the park in Macon,
standing at the top of the fort. Beside me I saw the girl and
Clive.

“Do you think he’ll figure it out?” said the
girl.

“I doubt it,” said Clive.

“He has never taken this long before.”

“Yeah, well, you know how he is.”

“Yeah. I’m going to go to the barn. See you
in a few.”

“Yup. I’ll go get Kev. You know, maybe you
can take us somewhere that will jog his memory. Maybe we should go
flying today.”

“Good idea,” said the girl.

I saw a flicker of light and then found
myself back at the bar, looking at Brok. I reached into my pocket
and pulled out three cubes, red, clear and black. I placed them on
the bar, my eyes on the black cube. What would happen if I pressed
the button on that cube?

I will tell you right now, because I want you
to know, because I think it will help you understand. I did press
the button five times and I did get almost infinite knowledge, but
after pressing that button five times, I blacked out for
thirty-seven days, and when I blacked out, I lost control of the
sphere, setting it free.

I wanted to talk to Clive before
experimenting with the black cube, thinking I might be able to get
him to give some things away. So, I teleported to his home, into
his family room, where I found him sitting on the couch eating a
bowl of sugary cereal.

“Neat trick,” he said.

“Which one?” I replied.

“Going back in time and stealing the Proth
Sphere, you moron.”

“Wow, so you remember that after all this
time?” I said.

“You’ve made your move. I take it you’ve
figured things out,” said Clive dryly.

I wondered if I had him, if he really
believed that I had figured everything out, and I thought I might
be able to get him to divulge things that he normally would keep to
himself. “I know you want to use the Proth Sphere on me, Clive. I
know a lot of things.”

Clive smiled and said, “You almost had me,
but you couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you? You’re a real
character, Kev. Why on Earth would I want to use the Proth Sphere
on you?”

I cursed silently, but pressed on,
remembering something Aputi had told me at one point. “You want to
end the universe forever, don’t you?”

Clive’s face changed for the briefest of
moments, a split second reaction that would have passed unnoticed
if I had not been looking for such a reaction.

“Bro, you’ve been drinking too much green
tea. It has addled your brain.”

“What if I told you I have hidden the Proth
Sphere in heaven? You aren’t able to get it there, are you?”

Clive laughed and said, “Now I really know
you are full of shit. Too funny. Rules are rules, Kev. I can’t go
to heaven. I’ll admit that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t win.
Don’t you wish you knew what was going on? Wouldn’t that make your
day?”

I knew I had lost, no wiser than I was before
I had come to him. “Yeah, well wishes are pointless when the entire
universe is set against you.”

“That’s the spirit, Kev. Wishes
are
pointless, aren’t they? You know, maybe if you pressed the button
on that black cube of yours five times, you might have a fighting
chance of figuring things out. Why don’t you try that? See what
happens.”

Flustered and annoyed, I said, “You know, I
thought you were my best friend, but I can see this has all just
been part of some sick game.”

Clive smiled in his easy way and said, “I am
your best friend, you moron, and anyway, you did this to yourself.
This is your thing, not mine.”

“What do you mean?”

“Rules are rules, Kev,” laughed Clive.

“Bastard.”

“Indeed.”

I didn’t usually think of myself as the
competitive type, but knew that deep down I was. I found that all
of this doubt and maybe danger had somehow stirred something deep
within, a sense of purpose and maybe even amusement. If I was
playing a game, then I intended to win, and I knew I wouldn’t win
standing here talking to Clive while he ate a bowl of cereal.

“You’re going to lose,” I said.

“I never do.”

That stopped me, and in that moment I
realized something. This was not the first time I had played this
game, or at least a game with Clive and the others.

“I’m going to win this time,” I said.

“Well, you’re not going to win unless you
press the button on that black cube five times, dummy.”

The black cube. I vaguely remembered
instructions for the black cube. Never press the button five times
on the black cube, but why? Clive wanted me to do it, clearly he
did, and I suspected he wanted me to do it in his presence, but
something told me that was not the smartest thing to do.

“Tell you what, Clive. I’m going to go
somewhere you will never find me, and I am going to press the
button five times.”

“Suit yourself. It’s about time you did
something productive.”

“You really are a bastard, aren’t you?” I
said, before teleporting to a small cottage in Brimfield,
Massachusetts, circa nineteen eighteen, a cottage on a lake, the
only cottage on that lake at that time, a cottage I had built, one
that I believed only the girl and I knew about.

I entered the cottage and went upstairs to my
bedroom. There, I sat on the bed and pulled out the black cube. I
heard a voice, my voice, say, “Are you sure you want to do this
right now?”

I looked around, seeing nobody. I had
forgotten about the voice, the voice that claimed to be me, but in
that instant, I knew it was me and thought it possible that I was
communicating with myself from some point in the future. Of course,
that wasn’t true. In fact, the voice was nothing more than me
talking to myself, or at least to other selves that inhabited my
mind, selves that remembered things I did not and occasionally
communicated with me, most often to warn me about things.

“I need to know what it does. Do you know
what it does?” I said.

“I know, but I think you’re going to have to
get the answer on your own.”

“Should I do it?”

“Should. Must. Will. I think you already know
the answer, but maybe not the right answer for now,” said the
voice.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Don’t you think you should be trying to
figure out what the clear cube is? You know that is the biggie. Why
aren’t you trying to figure that out?”

I did know the clear cube was possibly the
key to everything, but had not thought about it until the voice
mentioned it. “Do you know what it is?”

“No.”

“Then how do you know it is so
important?”

“I don’t know, but I believe it is. Why do
you think Clive wants you to press the button on the black cube
five times?”

“I don’t know. He said that was the key to
winning the game,” I said, feeling doubt creeping up on me.

“Maybe he was lying.”

I had to admit, the thought did cross my
mind, but something told me Clive wasn’t lying to me. Perhaps he
was stretching the truth, but I did not believe it was an outright
lie. “I don’t think so.”

“So, are you going to do it?” said the
voice.

“I think so. Why don’t you think it is a good
idea?”

“I would tell you, but it is impossible for
me, in my present state, to see all ends. Perhaps you should do it,
perhaps not. It is not for me to say, but I believe that this might
be the wrong time. Anyway, you’ve done it before, although you
don’t remember it.”

“You’re me, right?”

“I am.”

“Then why are you talking in circles? You
should be helping me.”

“I am helping you, you moron. Be
careful.”

“Thanks,” I said, as I pressed the button
five times and blacked out, my body falling to the ground.

Jesus

Precisely thirty-seven days later, my time, I woke to
find I had gained almost infinite knowledge, or at least all of the
knowledge of all of the beings who had ever existed in all of the
infinite universes up until the point I pressed the button five
times, with the exception of the girl, Clive, Jesus, Bri, and the
Proth Sphere, but you should know that already if you have really
been reading this story.

I could spend an infinity of ages telling you
about all of the wonders of creation, all of the events, ideas,
realities, all of the funny and sad things, and everything else,
but that would take an infinity of ages, and we really don’t have
that kind of time, or at least you don’t. Suffices to say, creation
is a wonder beyond comprehension, something so ridiculously complex
and beautiful that, if you had the capacity to understand, you
would conclude that it is a wonder beyond comprehension, something
so ridiculously complex and beautiful that if you had the capacity
to understand, you would conclude that it is--well, you get the
point. It is pretty damned amazing.