Kev (21 page)

So, I woke up with tremendous knowledge with
one thought on my mind. Why did I not have the knowledge belonging
to the girl, Clive, Jesus, Bri and the Proth Sphere? There had to
be a reason, but none of the knowledge I had gave me any clue what
that reason was. I knew I would get nothing from the girl, Clive,
Bri and the Proth Sphere, but wondered if I would have any luck
with Jesus, a man I knew quite well, although I had no direct
memories of interacting with him. Rather, I had the memories of
those who had witnessed my interactions with him. Few of these
memories offered anything telling, so I decided I would pay him a
visit and see what he could tell me about this game.

At the time, Jesus was back in ancient
Israel, his stomping grounds. He had this thing about going there,
becoming the savior, and then getting crucified for being perhaps
too good a savior. He had done this an infinity of times. A quirky
guy with a big heart and a strong desire to help others, he tended
not to get involved in the game. However, I wondered if he was
somehow playing the game in some subtle way.

I found Jesus in ancient Nazareth, in a
market, walking with Judas. Upon seeing me, Judas frowned, as he
always did when he saw me, something I did not quite understand
given that Judas’ memories offered no explanation for his distaste
for me.

“Look who it is,” said Judas. “So, Kev, what
brings you to these parts?”

“Hey, Judas. How’s it going? Do you think I
could have a word with Jesus?”

“Well, we were in the middle of a
conversation,” said Judas.

“Yeah, well, maybe you can continue that
conversation later,” I said, annoyed.

“It’s okay, Judas. I won’t be long,” said
Jesus.

“Fine. But, just tell me what you think about
my idea,” said Judas.

“Look, I think you should ask for more than
thirty pieces of silver, dear friend. I bet you could ask for
double that. Think of all of the people we could feed with that
money,” said Jesus.

“I don’t know, Jesus. The priests are real
cheapskates, but I’ll try for sixty. Anyway, are you sure you
really want to do this? I mean, they are going to put you through
hell.”

“I know they will, but it is for the greater
good,” said Jesus, patting Judas on the shoulder. “Now, give me a
moment with Kev. We can talk about this more in a bit.”

Judas nodded and then shot me a dirty look
before walking away. Jesus looked at me, a kind smile on his
face.

“He really doesn’t like me,” I said.

“Well, he thinks you put me up to having him
betray me to the priests.” said Jesus.

“Why does he think that?” I said, wondering
why I did not have this part of Judas’ knowledge.

“Well, he thinks you’re God.”

“What? Why?”

“Ask yourself that question, Kev. Anyway,
what’s going on?”

“I need your help.”

“I can see that. Tell you what; Let’s go to
the bar on Uthio Minor. Nobody will bother us there.”

Jesus and I teleported to the bar.

Brok approached us and said, “Green tea?”

“Yes, Brok,” said Jesus. “Make mine a
double.”

I nodded a Brok and turned to my friend. “If
I ask you to tell me what is going on are you going to cite the
rules and refuse to answer me?”

“No.”

“Okay then. What the hell is going on? What
is this game I’m playing? Did I create it?” I said.

“What makes you think this is a game?” said
Jesus, a kind smile on his face, one of sympathy and
understanding.

“Wait a second. This isn’t a game?”

“You feel set upon, my friend. You believe
the entire universe is somehow against you. Ask yourself, why is
that so?”

“Well, I’m asking you that. What is going
on?”

“You are being deceived, led into a trap. I
have told you this before, but you always forget. It is a wonder
that everything has not been lost.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“All creation is at stake, Kev. Everything is
in jeopardy, and you must keep evil at bay. You must save us
all.”

“What evil? What are you talking about?”

“A great, ancient evil is at work, Kev, a
destructive force that wants to end absolutely everything. It is
manipulating you, driving you toward a horrible end, and you must
stop it.”

“What evil?”

“Search your mind, Kev. You have the
answer.”

I searched through my memories, all of my
knowledge, looking for some great evil, and found something I had
missed before, something that made me reel back in horror. “Satan!”
I cried.

“Yes, Satan. Only you can stop him. You must
stop him, or all will be lost. You have to remember this.”

“Well, how am I supposed to stop Satan when I
have Clive and the others toying with me all the time? Why are they
doing that? Do they know about Satan? They think they are playing a
game.”

“This is no game, Kev. You have to
remember.”

“Remember what?”

“Everything you have forgotten.”

“How do I do that?”

“I do not know, but I know it is what you
must do,” said Jesus.

“I have to warn the others. I don’t think I
can do this alone,” I said.

Jesus took a sip of his green tea and drifted
off into space. I looked at mine and thought maybe I should pass on
yet another green tea experience. I had to keep a watchful eye for
Clive. There was no telling what he would do if he found me. This
was no time for whatever game we were playing.

A strange thought struck me. Clive couldn’t
go to heaven. I remembered him telling me that once. I gasped.
Clive was Satan. That had to be true. I turned to Brok and said,
“Brok, have you seen Clive?”

“Rules are rules, Kev,” said Brok, his eyes
shifting, focusing on a point behind me.

I looked out at the beach, seeing Clive a few
hundred yards away, coming this way, the sphere floating a few feet
behind him. It didn’t look like Clive had seen me. If he had he
definitely would have teleported over.

I knew I was in terrible danger, and knew
that I might have to leave before Jesus finished his green tea
experience. However, there were many questions I needed
answered.

In that moment, I recalled one of Aputi’s
dreams, or nightmares, take your pick. This nightmare, a convoluted
and vile thing, was of the end of all creation, a nightmare now
mine that, if it came true, would end all creation, absolutely
everything, including God. God. Did I believe in God? Aputi
believed in God, as did all of the beings that had ever existed in
all of the infinite universes.

In all my years, or at least the years I
could remember, I never gave God much more than a passing thought,
and usually only a doubt filled thought, but now I wondered if God
did exist. I now believed that Satan existed, so did that mean I
believed in God? I felt something pulsing in my pocket. I pulled
out the three cubes. It was the clear cube pulsing, but why?

I focused on the cube, wondering what had
activated it. I had been thinking about God and Satan. I had been
wondering about the existence of God. Who was God? The cube’s pulse
intensified. Who was God? What was God?

I don’t see any point in holding this back
from you any longer, because I think you might have already figured
it out, because I think it will help make things make a little more
sense if you haven’t figured it out. I am God, although at this
point in the tale I did not know that, and I would not discover
that for some time. However, at this point, I developed a very
profound belief in God, a god I desperately wanted to save from the
madness of Satan.

If Clive managed to connect me to the Proth
Sphere and that nightmare came true there would be nothing left,
including God. Was that possible? That had been Clive’s goal all
along. He had been waiting for me to press the button on the black
cube five times all this time so I would have the one nightmare
that would wipe out everything. How did he know about this
nightmare? Did he know it was Aputi’s nightmare? If he did, could
he use the Sphere on Aputi to end all creation?

I paused for a moment. If Clive knew that
Aputi had this nightmare it would be easy for him to find Aputi and
connect the little bastard to the sphere. Clive would have already
ended all creation if he knew Aputi had that nightmare tucked away
in his twisted mind. So, clearly, he did not know it was Aputi’s
nightmare. Could he find out? How could he find out? I couldn’t
chance it. I had to get the sphere.

Clive and the sphere had stopped on the
beach, Clive facing me. He waved before he and the sphere
disappeared. Was he taunting me?

Satan

I knew Clive would be easy enough to find, given that
he probably wanted me to come after him. I did not know, however,
what I could possibly do to overcome Clive and wrest the sphere
from him. He was much larger and stronger and had always been more
cunning than me. If I were going to get the sphere from him, I
would have to trick him somehow.

I needed to set a trap.

It hit me. Heaven existed. If there was a
heaven then there must be a hell. What if I could trap Clive in
hell and then gain control of the sphere? How could I send him to
hell? What was hell? Did anyone know? I searched my memories,
surprised to find the memories of all of the beings that had ever
been in hell, trapped for all eternity with no hope of release.

While the memories of these beings told me
quite a bit about this terrible place, they did not give me enough
information to determine whether or not I could trap Clive there. I
needed more information, and I thought I knew someone who could
help, Bri.

Bri had no physical form that I knew of, no
presence in the material world. I remembered that when I negated
the infinity of universes, I ended up in some other dimension, in
Bri’s presence, but unable to see him. I also remembered trying to
bring Bri and the sphere together after Aputi changed the entire
universe into a giant cesspool, and knew that I could communicate
with Bri from the material world.

I looked at Jesus, whose green tea experience
was taking an unusually long time. I couldn’t wait for him to come
back to reality. I had to go somewhere safe, somewhere where I
could talk to Bri, so I teleported to the workshop in Earithon, now
empty, the girl who looked remarkably like my girl on a three month
holiday on Pooter Gorth.

“Bri,” I said.

“Hey, Kev. What’s going on?” said Bri.

“Bri, we have a serious problem. Clive is
Satan and he is trying to destroy all creation and even God,
forever. We’re not playing a game. This is serious.”

“Really? Satan? Well, that explains a
lot.”

“What does it explain?”

“Rules are rules, Kev.”

“Dammit, this isn’t a game. There are no
rules. I need your help. I want to trap Clive in hell. Hell exists,
right?”

“Last time the sphere and I created the
universes we created it, so, yes. So, how are you going to trap
Clive in hell?”

“That’s why I need you. I don’t know if I can
do it. Do you know?”

“Well, I don’t think I would be breaking any
important rules if I told you that there is a way. Really all you
have to do is get him to go there. That will trap him, although
there is a way out.”

“How do you get out?”

“Rules, Kev. I can’t tell you.”

“Dammit, we’re not playing a game. Tell
me.”

“No can do, buddy.”

“Well, can you tell me how I can get him to
go to hell?” I said.

“Maybe if you went there, he would follow
you.”

I didn’t like that idea one bit, but I
accepted that it might be the only way. “So, how do I go to hell?
Can I just teleport there?”

“No. You have to tap your heels three times
and say, ‘There’s no place like hell.’”

“You’re joking.”

“I never joke. Anyway, you should know
that.”

“Why would I know that?”

“Do I need to invoke the rules yet again?”
said Bri, laughing.

“You’re a real bastard, you know that?” I
said, deeply annoyed.

“So, are you going to hell?”

“Yes, but I have to tell Clive first. Does he
know how to get there?”

“I’m sure he does. He is Satan, after
all.”

“Does he know how to get out?”

“Well, if he is out now, I would assume he
knew at one point, but that doesn’t mean he knows now,” said
Bri.

“So, you’re not going to tell me.”

“Exactly.”

“Lovely. You’ve been a real help.”

“I aim to please.”

“Do you know where Clive is right now?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to tell me where he is?”

“Hmm. I guess I wouldn’t be breaking the
rules if I told you that. He is on Sigma Kappa Epsilon.”

Sigma Kappa Epsilon, a planet some twenty
billion light-years from Earth, was home to the universe’s largest
fraternity, a fraternity with over ten billion members. I happened
to be the president of that fraternity, a fraternity dedicated to
the pursuit of alcohol related near death experiences.

“Where is he on the planet? Also, does he
have the sphere with him?”

“He is in the pledge torture chamber in Keg
Stand district. You remember that, right?” said Bri.

“What about the sphere?”

“I guess you’ll just have to find out.”

“Gee, thanks. You’re officially off my
Christmas list.”

“Not nice, Kev. I didn’t make the rules.”

“Yeah, well, I am changing the rules,” I said
before teleporting into the pledge torture chamber on Sigma Kappa
Epsilon.

You might ask why I didn’t just write myself
a long note detailing everything I knew about Clive and his desire
to end all creation, instructing myself to find and hide the
sphere, and then press the button on the black cube six times, thus
eliminating Aputi’s nightmare from my mind. I think the answer is
self-evident, but I will explain. I had a tremendous amount of
knowledge that could help me prevail over Clive, knowledge that I
was loathe to lose, and believed, although I risked allowing Clive
to terminate everything, I would stand a better chance of defeating
him if I kept that knowledge. Of course, I knew I could not let him
near me if he was in possession of the sphere, and I intended to
teleport away from him at the first sign of trouble. Although I
feared he might have a way of capturing me, I believed that if he
did, he probably would have captured me already, so I thought the
risks were acceptable.