Knight in Shining Suit (27 page)

“
Ryder!” I screamed his
name and I kissed him hungrily again.

He kissed me passionately,
but then he began to pull away.

“
No!” I begged in a low,
hoarse voice, and then I pulled him by the neck and kissed him
again.

“
Stop it, Astrid,” he
whispered softly, but he kissed me again.

“
No,” I
whispered.

He pulled away from me
gently. “I’m on the edge, Astrid! Don’t push me!” he warned
me.

Ahhh!
So I wasn’t the only one on the edge. But he was trying to
get a grip of himself. Trying to be a gentleman.

I smiled at him
mischievously, and I pulled his head to me again. I kissed him
hungrily… jumping to the brink of passion and pulling him with
me.

I heard him curse softly.
“Damn it!” Then he became completely unrestrained. He let go of my
lips only to nuzzle my neck.

“
Ryder…” I
whispered.

“
Astrid…” he whispered
back. And he kissed me on the lips again hungrily.

I felt his hands all over
me. I felt myself slowly losing consciousness, giving in to the
tide of passion. Ryder was not thinking any more than I was. He was
touching me in places I wouldn’t let anyone touch me before. He
removed my clothes and kissed every bit of skin he
exposed.

I was matching his passion
with mine. I showed him that he was not the only one lost in
desire. I was there too! I was with him. Because I knew I only had
this weekend, this place, where we belonged together, where I could
fantasize that he could belong to me forever, where I could believe
that forever exists.

“
I want this, Astrid,” he
said to me.

I smiled at him and kissed
him.

“
I want to be sure that
you want it too,” he whispered hoarsely.

He sat up from the bed and
pulled me with him, so that I was on top of him, mounting
him.

I wrapped my arms around
his neck, aware that we were both completely naked now.

“
Ryder!” I screamed.
Desire enveloped me in magnitudes I couldn’t describe. He wrapped
his arms around my waist.

He kissed me
thoroughly.

“
Ryder, please,” I
silently begged. I was inexperienced in this. I don’t know what I
wanted.

“
How could you be like
this with me and then completely ignore me in the morning?” he
asked suddenly.

I pulled away from him.
“What do you mean?”

“
You were like this the
last time. You wanted me like this. Yet when you woke up in the
morning and realized what we did, you felt ashamed of yourself.
That… pissed me off,” he said.

I laughed. I realized now
what he meant. I was a completely different person in bed with him.
But that was the last time. I didn’t know what I wanted then. I
knew that I wanted him now… without the hope of forever.

I leaned down and kissed
him again. I smiled. “I’m sure now, Ryder,” I said to him. “I want
this… but only tonight.”

He shook his head. “What
if I want this beyond tonight?”

I shook my head. “I
can’t,” I said.

“
Why?” he
asked.

“
Because you’re
the
Ryder Van Woodsen,”
I replied. “You’re far too complex, too complicated. I know you
won’t fall in love with me. And I’m not ready to have a
relationship yet either. You’re being cautious about your status.
I’m being cautious with my heart. We’re both guarded. So this won’t
work. But… I want you.”

“
And God knows I want you,
Astrid!” he whispered and kissed me passionately.

“
Then we have this night,
Ryder,” I said. “It can’t go beyond this.”

He shook his head. “Give
me this weekend, at least,” he said.

I stared back at him. He
was devilishly handsome. He was everything I would want and more.
But he was also everything I knew I wouldn’t have… forever. But the
thought of the weekend sounded good. Very good.

I smiled at him. I nodded.
“Deal,” I whispered and then I kissed him hungrily again. He didn’t
break the kiss, but I felt him reach for the drawer of the bedside
table.

I felt his hands
trembling, fumbling with something behind my back. He cursed
breathily as he struggled with the unseen obstacle. Pretty soon, I
heard the ripping sound of plastic. I smiled to myself as I
realized what he was doing.

Ryder held me by the waist
and slowly guided my movements above him. He thrust his hips upward
and guided my waist so I could meet his thrust. My arms and legs
wrapped around him, I wanted to consume him! I wanted to feel as if
we were one and nothing could separate us. Ryder's hot hands framed
my face and he stared into my eyes with an intensity bordering on
painful. Our movements were synchronized, fluid and
graceful.

The pleasure stung me in
little sparks throughout my body, a kind of indescribable
sensation. My breath shook and faltered, little gasps catching my
throat. Ryder panted roughly; his breath caressed my lips and chin.
My hair fell about us like a curtain, and we were in our own
world.

There was nothing else
that existed except for Ryder and me. His pupils were contracted
with desire, the green of the iris swirling in tiny whirlpools of
lust. With each of our movements his eyes got darker and darker,
until they were a dark forest green.

“
Ryder…” I whispered.
“Ryder… Ryder…” His name echoed in time with our
movements.

His eyes fluttered closed,
and his head tilted back. The muscles in his neck were tense and
bulging. Through his parted lips I could see him gritting his
teeth; straining for control. Sweet feeling enveloped me, and I
sobbed his named. Just like that, reason completely abandoned me
and I let myself be drowned in the ocean of our passion.

When I woke up in the
morning, the first streaks of sunlight were just appearing. I could
hear the sound of the ocean. I knew I was in paradise. It was
peaceful here. No boundaries. No limits. I was aware that I was
completely naked in bed and Ryder’s arms were around me. His naked
body was touching mine. I smiled to myself. I felt good. This feels
right.

I wound my hand over his
and intertwined our fingers. I felt him shift behind me and I felt
a kiss on my back. He nuzzled my shoulders. I giggled. I could feel
the shadow of his beard tickling my shoulder blades.

He pulled me so I could
lie on my back and face him. He looked down at me, stared at me
deeply. And then he leaned down and gave me a deep kiss on the
lips. There was no need for words after that.

When I woke up again, it
was already ten in the morning. I was enclosed in Ryder’s tight
embrace. I looked up at his handsome face. I looked at his chiseled
features, his long lashes, his strong jaw, the cleft on his chin,
his perfect nose. I bit my lip. He really was handsome. Very
handsome, I still couldn’t believe I was lying in bed naked with
him.

He slowly opened his eyes.
The minute he saw me, he smiled. He pulled me by the neck and gave
me a kiss.

“
Good morning,” he
said.

“
Good morning,” I
replied.

He smiled. “Now, that’s a
better response than last time.”

I remembered the last time
we slept together; I was so confused about what happened between
us. He was so pissed with me. He didn’t speak much.

“
The last time you weren’t
so great either,” I grunted.

He raised a brow. “That’s
because you made it look like sleeping with me was the biggest
mistake you’d made in your life.”

“
Just in case you’ve
forgotten, it was my… first time. And you were a stranger. A
stranger I paid to pretend to be in love with me. I didn’t know
whether you slept with me because you wanted me or because it… came
with the job. And I felt… ashamed,” I said ruefully.

He stared at me for a
moment and then he pulled me towards him. “It was never a job, you
know. None of the things that I did for you that night was because
it came with the job. I did all that because I wanted to. I wanted
you. I pretended to be a bartender because I wanted to help you
out. And I enjoyed every minute of it.”

“
But you did make an
effort to resist my efforts to flirt with you that
night.”

“
And you knew that every
effort was futile.” He sighed. “I resisted not because I didn’t
want you. But because I felt I would be taking advantage of your…
grief, your frustration. That night was supposed to be your wedding
night. And I knew that you were not completely over Bryan then. It
was wrong to take you when I knew you wanted to be with someone
else.”

I shook my head. “I didn’t
want to be with Bryan that time. I knew I was better off. But… I
went into an episode of self-pity. That somehow, nobody wanted me.
I had to pay somebody to sleep with me.”

“
You didn’t pay me,” he
said softly.

I nodded. “I knew that
after. But then I found out who you really were. And then I felt
like
you
paid
me
.”

He sighed. “You read me
all wrong,” he said. “And sometimes, I think you’re still reading
me all wrong.”

I didn’t answer. We stared
at each other for a while. No one said a word. And then Ryder
sighed again.

“
Now, do you believe that
I wanted you?” he asked.

“
It doesn’t matter,” I
replied. “This weekend… is a dream I will soon wake up
from.”

“
Because I don’t belong in
your world?”

I shook my head. “Because
I don’t belong in yours.”

“
If… if I was just Ryder,
the bartender… would you want to be part of my world?”

“
I’m not ready to be part
of anybody’s world. I was burned too much to start
over.”

I was not ready for hopes
of ‘ever after’ just yet. The healing had to be complete for me. I
didn’t hurt at the thought of Bryan and Geena anymore. I may hate
them forever, but I’m not affected with what they do with their
lives. I didn’t even think about them anymore.

I still cringed at the
thought of entering into a serious relationship or going steady
with another guy. To trust that one man would only have eyes for
me… for all eternity? I was not yet ready to risk that. I couldn’t
go through the hell of heartbreak again.

“
How long do you think
this will take?” he asked.

I reached out and touched
his cheek. “I don’t know. I’m not in a hurry.”

He smiled, but that smile
did not touch his eyes. “Like I said, I want you to have your ‘ever
after’. You deserve it more than anybody else.”

I smiled back at him.
Tears threatened to peek from my eyes. I knew Ryder was sincere. I
knew that he meant every word that he said.

“
Thank you,” I
whispered.

I snuggled closer to him
and he gave me a tight hug. And as I lie there in his arms, feeling
safe, comforted, and wanted, I realized just how sad it was that
Ryder and I came from different worlds. It was a pity because he
was everything I could ever ask for if I were to believe in ‘ever
after’ again.

***

It had been a wonderful
dream. For the whole second day, there were no pretensions between
Ryder and me. I wanted him. He wanted me. I was his girlfriend and
he was my boyfriend. I was free to express the way I felt without
thinking of the complications of a relationship… and certainly not
the complications of having a relationship with a tycoon like
him.

It was physical. It was
bliss. It was a dream and soon enough, it was over. We were both
quiet when he was driving me back to my place. Both of us were lost
in our own thoughts.

I looked back at the
magical two days when I existed in Ryder’s world. He was mine. He
gave me his full, undivided attention, like I was the only woman
that mattered in the world. I lived the dream of blissfully being
with someone. Someone who couldn’t get enough of me.

When we boarded the plane,
I had to resist the temptation of reaching out for his hand or
leaning my head against his shoulder. I had to stop myself from
tiptoeing and giving him a kiss on the lips. The show was over. Our
agreement was only for the weekend. I helped him win his bet with
his friends. In the process, we gave in to whatever magnet that
pulled us together. But that was it. And it was over.

He opened the car door for
me in front of my house. He walked me to my front door. My heart
felt so heavy. It was as if I missed him already. But I had to
remind myself that I couldn’t fall for him. I couldn’t fall for
anyone yet. I have to protect my heart. And Ryder was capable of
hurting me ten times more than Bryan ever did.

I looked up at him. He was
staring at me and somehow I couldn’t read his expression. He smiled
and then he took a deep breath. He reached out to push a lock of
stray hair away from my face.

“
Astrid… I know you don’t
want anything to do with me,” he said. “But… I sincerely hope we
can be friends.”