Knots (16 page)

“It was reckless—we didn’t go over safewords or a contract,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “A mistake I intend to fix first thing in the morning.”

“But only after bacon.” She smirked.

“I think you want a whooping, little one,” he said, rubbing noses with her.

“Only if it comes with a side of strangulation,” she teased.

“Not funny.” His voice went hoarse.

“It is when it gets a rise out of you.” She bucked her hips into him.

Okay, yeah, he would probably be hard again soon just from recalling the way she looked when she came and screamed so loud that he hoped Pono’s family heard it from miles away.

“So, I’ll ask it again—how am I going to deal with Pono’s family and not feel guilty?” Her eyelashes actually fluttered at him.

He groped her ass and squeezed. “You aren’t to worry about that. You just stay right here with me, and I’ll take care of all of it.”

“But I don’t want you to suffer alone. I mean, if I’m saying yes and consenting to this . . .” she paused and looked concerned “. . .
arrangement
—then I should take some responsibility, too. I can’t stand the thought of you suffering at all.”

“Listen.” He placed a velvet kiss on her forehead, then smoothed it away with the pad of his thumb. “If I can pretend to strangle the woman I love, stepping way outside my comfort zone, then I can sure as hell handle his family. Believe me, I’ve been thinking about this for years, hoping this uncomfortable situation would happen someday. I’m ready to deal with it.”

“Will you tell me if it gets to be too much, Sir?” She frowned.

“I’ll tell you only what you need to know to please me, and right now what pleases me is for us to get some sleep. We can discuss this more tomorrow as I let you into my psyche and allow you to get to know me more.”

“I’ll plan for several bacon slaps since, no doubt, I’ll have all sorts of probing questions,” she said.

“Like how much longer ‘til I fuck you again?” He kissed her and hugged her tight.

“Maybe . . .”

“Maybe is good. Maybe means you can’t stop thinking about what we did, which means I’m not alone.”

“God, I hope not—wouldn’t ever want to be on my own in this.” She smiled, kissed him and they snuggled down into the covers.

His mind relaxed the second she was asleep, but never shut down completely.

Thoughts of how to deal with Pono’s family flitted through his mind but never crowded out thoughts of her completely. Nothing would ever be able to do that.

She was always at the forefront—and always on his mind.

Chapter 8

All night, Jeanie was cocooned in Mark’s warmth. He seemed to need her close as much in sleep as he did when awake. She was surprised at how she reflected those same sentiments, and they struck her with such force it made her breathless.

She had never slept all tucked up in Pono like this.

If Mark moved, her body seemed to shift accordingly and find another nook to curl up into. The man was all hard slabs of steel-muscle, but somehow it was the most comfortable she’d ever been while sleeping. His bed was really inviting and luxurious, too, but then he had money at his disposal—or more so than she did.

She stretched her neck, and as Mark breathed quietly beneath her—she was sprawled across him more than the blankets—she tried to find a way to get out of the bed. A daunting task for so early in the morning. Blinking was already taking too much energy.

No matter which way she moved, it would most likely wake him, so she gave up and just rolled right off him in one quick flop.

She snapped her head back at him once she was clear. He continued to sleep peacefully.

Good.

She needed a few moments to herself to digest all that had happened last night.

He’d “made love to her,” as he put it. She was scared to call it that, so in her mind, to make it seem less scary, he had
fucked
her three times. Once when they were playing initially and neither of them could withstand any longer, then twice in the middle of the night when he woke her. One of those times, he was already inside her before she was aware of what was going on. How twisted was it that out of those three encounters, the unexpected, half-asleep fuck, was the one that in this moment was getting her blood pumping so furiously? Plenty disturbing—or should’ve been.

The idea he had to have her no matter what, even if she was barely aware of what was going on, sent a delicious shiver of sheer lust down her spine.

She tiptoed out of his bedroom and headed over to the guest room where she was supposed to be sleeping.

A shower would be nice, but for now, she needed to talk to Tia before he roused.

Just in case he woke and came looking for her, she locked her door, went into the bathroom and turned the shower on, then adjusted the temperature.

“Pick up, dammit,” she muttered, clutching the phone to her ear. “I need help!”

Three times. Oh God, she was a total whore. She always knew deep down she was a closeted, insatiable slut. Three times, and Pono had only been gone for a week. Fucked three times and already dying for more.

What did this say about her? How could Mark respect her at all?

Her throat constricted the minute Tia answered the phone with a groggy, “
Whaaaat
?”

“Tia, thank God! I’m a wreck, and we fucked three times, and I can’t believe I just told you this, but I need some serious help! I think I’m losing my mind,” Jeanie rambled.

“Slow down. Tell me about the fuckings first because that might be easier to handle until I’ve dumped some caffeine into my veins,” Tia replied.

There was some shifting of fabric on Tia’s end.

“Hurry up and get your buzz—I need you coherent,” Jeanie said. “Enough to at least tell me how to get out of this mess.”

“Mess? What’re you talkin’ about? You’re totally into each other, and I’m sure the sex was mind-blowing, knowing Mark. Tell me you had screaming orgasms, at least.” Tia yawned, and Jeanie could hear her friend’s feet shuffling about her home.

“Yes, several, but that’s beside the point.”

“Then what
is
the point? Why are you freaking out?” Tia moaned. “Fuck! Out of caffeine!”

“Oh, sorry . . .”

“It’s . . . I’ll bust someone’s kneecap, and then it’ll all be perfect,” Tia said with a dry scratchy chuckle floating out of her. She sounded so carefree, and a tight pang of envy hit Jeanie’s gut.

“It’s just all moving so fast. Pono died six days ago, I shouldn’t be this happy, and in another man’s bed, tangled up in his arms and five-hundred thread-count sheets. We spent the entire night cuddling, and I
don’t
cuddle.”

Tia barked a wooden laugh. “Neither does Mark. Hell, sounds like he’s freaking out, too. He was probably worried you’d disappear on him in the middle of the night.”

“What am I supposed to do? He says he’ll deal with Pono’s family, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. They’ll be devastated if they find out I’m already sleeping with one of Pono’s closest friends. Oh, God . . . They’ll hate me—they’ll hate
him
. This is so wrong! What is my problem that I allowed this to happen?” Tears slid down her cheeks, and she gripped her hair at the roots, then yanked. The crazy thing was, her mind immediately envisioned Mark pulling it hard as he fucked her from behind, and warmth spread through her stomach, then moved south.

She slumped against the wall and slid her way down to the floor.

“You’re always so afraid to be happy. All you have to do is remember how you felt when you were with him—alone, just the two of you—and you’ll have your answer.”

“Don’t. Tell. Me.
That
! I can’t stop thinking about it as it is. He’s incredible—the things he says, the things he does and the way he looks at me. I could burn in those eyes for the rest of eternity and be content to never move on.” She ground her teeth together.

Tia exhaled but was silent.

“What if I just need some space? He’s so intense, he takes over and I can’t even blink without his say so. It’s too much, too . . .”

“Okay, big breaths, hon. Take a bath. Relax. Read a book, and take a nap.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?”

“Yeah, well . . . Tell him you need to slow down. He’ll listen. That’s what a Dom does. He takes care of you. Take advantage of him being there for you.”

Tia said a few more things about rules, but Jeanie barely heard her with her head spinning so fast.

Jeanie tried to slow her breathing so she could calm down. “I think I’m getting that. Or I’m trying to, at least.”

“Eat breakfast. Take a shower. Tell him your friend Tia says hi, and she wants to spend some one-on-one girl time soon.”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Maybe we can go do something tomorrow. He wants to sign contracts this morning over bacon slaps,” Jeanie responded in a knee-jerk reaction.

“Bacon slaps? Now he’s into food fetishes? Maybe it’s good I got out when I did.” Tia laughed. “Bacon’s greasy, and that shit takes forever to wash out. Maybe you should stock up on dish soap. Dawn cuts grease, or so I’m told.”

“No, it’s not that . . . Never mind. I’ll see you later.” Jeanie ended the call, mortified over the thought her friend might actually think they had done kinky things with raw meat.

She quickly stripped, hoping there was still some hot water left. When she’d turned it on initially, she had set the temperature to lukewarm.

Her insides clenched and shivered while she stood under the water, even though the water was warm enough. Mark—he might be waiting. How was she going to manage to leave? And was she even sure she wanted to?

It was all too confusing.

She shook really hard from her firing nerves as she soaped up carelessly and faster than she ever had before.

It was less than relaxing.

A moment alone was good. Or that’s what she repeated in her head to keep from falling apart completely. So why did she feel panicked inside, craving him to be near again?

This was out of control. What good could come of being so dependent right after the death of a spouse?

Jesus—she couldn’t stop thinking of those heated looks Mark constantly gave her, and the raw, passionate things he said to her. They never stopped.

It was who he was. This wasn’t an act. It wasn’t all a cheap come-on. He meant every damn word.

And that made her insides tingle and then explode until she was so slick between her thighs, she had to wash off again with some generous soap-action.

Her fingers explored, roamed a little, but it wasn’t the same. Less satisfying, and she felt wrong somehow, like she was cheating on him.

“What the hell, Jeanie? He doesn’t own you.”

Yeah—she needed to tell that to her pussy
. . .

She turned off the water, but before stepping out, she considered turning it back on and maybe shaving her pubic area bare.

But what if he didn’t like that? He’d specify, wouldn’t he?

Why was she even questioning this?

She stepped out and dried off.

Thinking about shaving herself down there had to be one of the stupidest things she’d done in a while.

More than sleeping with Mark almost directly after a funeral?

Her chest clenched with shame.

Fucking
. It was just
fucking
—and people did that when struck with grief. It was a way of celebrating being alive.

Only that wasn’t what happened, and no amount of lying about it would make her feel better.

She felt something for Mark and always had from the moment she first talked to him. He listened attentively, engaged her in conversation and was mindful of what she liked and didn’t like.

She ran her hand over her pubic bone, imagining what it might look like bare if he asked her to do that. Like a moron, she inhaled directly after with her palm placed before her nostrils.

Whoa! Why did it smell so strongly of arousal? She just washed thoroughly with soap. What the hell was this all about?

Fabulous.

She hung her towel, walked into her room naked and shrieked in horror when she bumped into something large and dark that hadn’t been in her room earlier.

“Aaaaaahhhhh fuuuuuuck!” She jumped.

“It’s just me,” he said, grabbing her by the arms.

When she looked up into his eyes, they were focused on her face.

“I heard you called Tia.”

She nodded, and her breath caught. Did Tia call and tell him?

“Her Dom, Rodney, called. I’m dropping you off over at Tia’s this morning so you can talk to her. I can tell you have questions, and you obviously don’t feel comfortable right now asking me. Rodney’s agreed this would be fine for Tia to take on a mentor role if that’s what you want.” His breath was minty as it washed over her face.

“I’m not sure, but I do feel comfortable talking to her . . .” her voice trailed off as she envisioned what it would be like telling Tia in person all these sordid details—all the nitty gritty items, weighing down her mind.