Knots (20 page)

“Don’t let go,” he said. He moved his seat back and then slipped her onto his lap.

“Trapping you again, Sir?” She eyed him.

“Whatever it takes to keep you comfortable and with me, I’m willing to do,” he growled and nipped at her jaw. “I’m gonna hold you all night long, and I know you like that, too, but this time, if you wake up feeling out of sorts, I expect you to tell me right away. Don’t just take off. I don’t care how tired I am, or how deep asleep I am—wake me up. You’re more important to me than anything else, and I need to know what’s going on. Communicate with me.”

She nodded and kissed him.

She. Kissed.
Him
.

Too fucking good.

A feral, pinched sound emanated out of his chest. “Kiss me again,” he said.

She smiled and leaned in, taking his bottom lip first and then slowly consuming him like she was savoring every inch of him.

“I love the way you kiss me like it all makes sense,” she said, her tone reverent and heated.

“That’s because it’s exactly what happens. You and I both feel so right when we come together it makes all our past relationships seem ridiculous. And that’s why you get scared. It makes you feel like a hypocrite, like your marriage was fake.”

She began to speak, but he covered her mouth gently with two fingers.

“You did your best, and so did he. Your efforts were commendable, but there was something missing. It lacked the deep, impenetrable connection you and I have. Don’t fight it. Don’t feel guilty. The past isn’t something you can change. It’s nice to try and figure out how it can navigate your future, but it’s not going to help you, other than realizing who you are and that I want all of you—every last fucking bit of the authentic you, not who you think you should be.”

She breathed heavy and low. It sounded husky. He twitched in his pants and let go of her mouth.

His hands stroked through her hair. “Talk to me. Am I already freaking you out?”

“I . . . When you say stuff like that—I know you’re right. I can feel how true it is deep down in my bones, and my heart reacts instantly, but it almost makes me feel stupid, like I should’ve been able to figure this out on my own. Why don’t
I
have this kind of clarity? I mean, I love that you’re so insightful, but I always considered myself observant, so why don’t these”—she gripped his shirt again—“great moments of understanding hit me on their own? Why do I have to be dependent on you and Tia for them?”

He chuckled and held her hands tight on him. “You already
are
figuring it out, and I only ever tell you what you already know but are too nervous to say. It’s there. I’m picking it up from you, reading your eyes. I’m not making this shit up as I go along. You’re the smart one, Jeanie. It’s hard to see what’s directly before us when we’re standing too close to it.”

Her grip lessened, and then she settled her palm on his chest, under his hands. The warmth of her skin, penetrating through his shirt, felt good.

“That’s when we need a second party to figure out what’s going on because they can see the whole picture,” he said. “There’s nothing weak or dumb about that. It’s smart to ask for an outside perspective, and since Tia and I have been studying you for years and praying you’d find your way into this lifestyle, we can spot what’s bothering you quickly. When you’ve been in this life longer, you’ll be able to do the same for others as well.” He kissed the corner of her mouth gently, and her breath hitched. “Besides, we know what it’s like. You seem to think we never struggled with our identities in this lifestyle. We both had to find our way and navigate around stumbling blocks.”

“I love you, Mark. I keep telling myself I can’t know that, and it’s too soon—I shouldn’t, but I do. I can’t help but be absolutely crazy about you. How can I keep you interested, though? You’ll grow bored of me and my boring vanilla flavor. I don’t know how to be seductive or—”

“Stop.” He let go of her hands on him, gripped her shoulders and massaged them lightly. “What interests me, and has had me begging for morsels of your time for years on end, is you. It’s
all you—
watching that tender heart of yours go about caring for the people around you. Let your true nature come out—be
you
. That’s all I want, and it’s what I’m so attracted to, there’s no way I’ll ever grow tired of you. I want you to let me be the creative one, to find ways to lavish attention and kinky adoration on you.” He ran his fingertip across her lush bottom lip. “Does anything about that sound disgusting or boring to you?”

He grew uncomfortably hard as ideas ran rampant through his head of all the wicked things he wanted to do to her.

“No. It sounds . . . Oh God, it makes me so wet and tingly, it’s hard to do anything but squirm in your lap.”

“Squirm, sweetheart. I wanna see it.” He smirked. “You do it so well.”

“Not funny, Sir.”

“It sure as hell is. I’m smiling, aren’t I?” He pointed at his grin.

She smacked his chest playfully. “You’re smiling because you think I’m a silly little girl.”

“Nope.” He yanked her chin up. A kiss was what she needed. She listened better to his body. When his tongue moved in and took over, she curled into him and melted into his touch.

It was breathtaking, the way she gave in and surrendered so beautifully.

More. God, more of that.

He broke the kiss. “Come home with me now and go through the kink list and contract so we can move forward.”

She nodded, so he put her back in her seat, adjusted his own, then took off before she changed her mind. He drove like a demon in the night, ready to ravage the woman seated next to him.

She was silent, but the atmosphere was relaxed.

When he pulled up to his house, he turned the car off and took a deep breath. “Once we’re inside, we’re gonna go over the contract and your list right away. Then you can get comfortable in my bed while I hold you. I don’t want you to worry about anything else tonight other than sleeping with me in my bed. I’ll only make love to you if you ask me since you’ve already told me you wanted to get to know each other more before we get physical again.”

His neck tightened, hoping she’d realize he would keep talking to her, hashing this stuff out even if they did start playing together. He wanted to know all of her, and that wouldn’t stop because he was up in her pussy.

“
Ask
? Um, I could never do that,” she said, her eyes widening.

“
See
? You belong in this lifestyle. You’re not supposed to ask. I dictate when and how sex happens, and you take it all because you’re concerned only with my pleasure. That’s my Jeanie—the little girl that makes me shiver at her touch like a man in desperate need.”

She laughed. “
I
do that, Sir?”

“All the damn time. Made it hard to dance with you,” he said. “Stay here. I’ll get you in a second.”

She nodded and tucked her hands into her lap.

He took his time exiting his side of the car and opening her door. “Perfect. You do this so well.”

“Do what, Sir?”

“Wait on me patiently, and sitting poised and ready so beautifully, my cock’s leaking for you. There’s no way you can do this wrong. I want you to know I’m constantly impressed by you.”

She swallowed, gave a watery smile and reached for him.

He picked her up and held her crushed to his chest as the emotions overwhelmed both of them. He held her tight and rocked her back and forth.

“God, I fucking love you so much, and I’ll always be here for you,” he said, his voice sounding hoarse. She had him breathless again.

“I know, and I trust you because I love you, too.” She kissed him. “We can do this all your way.” She blinked and nodded a little, confirming it visually.

His heart felt like it was bared for all to see because she was opening up to him, and it meant everything. Finally, she was allowing them to navigate through this together. He would help her every step of the way.

No more fumbling, and no more scaring her off.

She was his. No more running.

Chapter 10

Each time Mark moved around her, this spark inside would jolt her awake. The delicate flesh between her legs would tingle and steal away her attention.

It was like he was hooked to her very core.

This was completely new, and it invaded her senses. But tonight, she’d allow it to coat her skin, permeate her pores and saturate her soul.

One night—she could give in once more without worry and see where this went.

The last time she did that, she about melted into nothing but a puddle of hormones—he was
that
good at commanding her body.

He glanced over at her, a wicked glint in his eyes.

“Pull out that list you just filled out. Let’s go over that first,” he said, kicking his shoes off, then he bent down and removed hers for her. He massaged her feet for a second, and like a whore being pounded into oblivion, she moaned with an obscenely loud, grating sound.

“Your hands should be auctioned off—they could end third world hunger, they’re that skilled.”

He chuckled and then ran his hands up her legs and landed them on her thighs. His fingers kneaded into her muscles. “Ah, yes, but if they were auctioned off, who would be touching you tonight and soothing those sore dancing muscles?”

He crinkled the corners of his eyes, and they were filled with mischief. My word, he was gorgeous, and she was so drawn to him, she realized she was leaning toward him.

How did he not think of her as a sleazy whore?

“Stop it—too much thinking,” he said, pinching her thigh, and then he pointed at his bedroom. “I think you need to get comfortable before we get started. Go change into a tee shirt of mine. Panties are optional, but no bra. Then you get back in here, I’ll feed you dessert and we’ll discuss the list and contract. Only then will I take you into my bed. Questions?” He gave her the brow.

She swallowed and her nerves resurfaced. “What shirt should I choose, Sir? Any preference?”

“None at all. Whatever appeals to you for sleeping in. If I can remove it easily, I’ll be thrilled, but if not . . .” he grinned so wide, his jaw tightened “. . . I’ll find a way to get it off if you decide you want to play a little tonight.”

She shifted in her spot, then floated in a daze back to his room. This was some other girl, not her, taking orders and reveling in them. The Jeanie she’d been the last few years was the one that handled everything and knew what to do. She was definitely out of her element, but it felt nice to have this change.

She frowned as she entered his room, because it hit her—she was going to have to go through his dresser. He was showing her how much he trusted her and was letting her into his life.

Why would he do this? Was it a small act of intimacy? It sure felt like it.

Her entire body froze up. It felt invasive to rifle through his personal drawers. Why was he okay with this?

Where were the boundaries and personal space?

The only time she ever went in Pono’s drawers was to put away his folded, clean laundry, and that was always brief and mindless.

Fear gripped her, seizing up her insides.

But this was absurd.

“C’mon, Jeanie—move!” she told herself, placing one unsteady foot in front of the other.

Her fingers shook as she walked into his closet, and as she opened the first drawer, it jiggled around from her nerves.

This was his underwear drawer.

Shit!

Slaaaam!

She shut that door so fast she barely had time to register the way her pussy was trembling and moistening.

Her eyes averted away from where they’d just been.

She cringed, closed her eyes and opened the next one.

When she opened her lids a small crack, she found workout clothes.

Dammit—that was affecting her too. How apropos—the little things about him impacted her on a deep, inexplicable level.

She pulled out an oversized workout shirt and held it up to her chest.

Looked like it would fit and be comfortable, and for some reason the idea of wearing something he sweat in regularly appealed to her more than she wanted to admit.

Her entire body heated.

She glanced around to make sure she was still alone and then stripped down. It was ridiculous to be this jittery when they’d already been intimate before, but still . . .

She was trying to maintain some semblance of control over herself.

Most likely she’d fail tonight, but at least she’d give it her best effort so she wouldn’t feel worse about herself in the morning for being such an uncaring slut.

And he’d left all the decisions up to her of how physical they’d get tonight.

A big responsibility, and actually, now as she pulled his shirt on and it slipped over her skin, she contemplated how she really didn’t want this charge to be all on her.

What if she made the wrong decision?