Knotted Roots (14 page)

“I
don’t,” I whispered, as I looked away.  “I’m sorry.”

Chase
no longer gazed at me with adoration.  The longing had been replaced by a blank
look, his features tense and tight.  He stood up and moved a few steps back,
his eyes never leaving my face.  “Guess I was wrong. Again.” He turned and
walked away, down the path we had followed to get to this spot. 

I couldn’t
bring myself to call after him.  I wanted to, desperately, but what would I
say? 
Sorry for breaking your heart, can we still be friends?
 I’m sure
that would go over real well.  In that moment, with his lips so close to mine,
I had desired with all of my heart and soul to take it a step further.  I
wanted to throw all that friendship crap out the window.  For what?  A fling
that would sizzle and burn out within a month or two?

I
knew I had made the right choice, but as the ache in my chest continued to
grow, I questioned whether or not it had been worth it.  There was something
between us, that much was obvious.  But I didn’t want to be another person who
left him.  Another that hurt him in the end.  I couldn’t be that selfish, not
with him.  I waited a few minutes, giving him a sufficient head start, and then
followed the path back home.  I dreaded explaining all of this to Grandma. 
Damn.  I hated when she was right.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

As
soon as I stepped through the front door I heard heavy footsteps approaching
quickly.  I tried to make a mad dash up the stairs before Grandma could catch
me, but she was quicker than I gave her credit for. 

“Stop
right there young lady!” I stopped near the top and turned around to face the
impending explosion.  “Get down here, right now!”

“I
think I’ll pass on that one, but thanks.” I turned around, hoping for that as
yet unachieved quick escape.

“This
is not up for discussion.  We need to talk.  Now.” She bit off the last word,
with barely concealed anger. 

I
stormed down the stairs and found myself only inches away from her face.  “You
wanna tell me how I screwed up? I already know! I don’t need you to tell me
that!”

“I
told ya to stay away from him, but did ya listen?  No.  And now you’ve hurt an
innocent boy! Does that mean anything to ya?”

I
balled my fists up and tried not to do something stupid.  I stared her square
in the eyes and took a deep breath.  “I’m just living up to your expectations,
Grandma
,”
I spat the last word at her.  “You were right about me.  I’m nothing but
trouble. I ruin every person I come in contact with.  Just ask Mom and Dad!  I
probably ruined them as well!”

I
tried to run again, but her small hands forcefully grabbed my arm and pulled me
back around.  “You had
nothing
to do with their unhappiness, do ya hear
me? 
Nothing!
” She shook my arm and stared intensely at me. 

I
jerked my arm out of her hand.  I couldn’t bear to feel her rough hands on me. 
“Don’t lie to me!  The least you could do is be honest with me!”  I could feel
my body shaking as the adrenaline coursed through my body.  “How the hell would
you know anything about them, anyway?  It’s not like you’ve actually been
there, have you?”

“I
wanted to be Rox-”

“No! 
If you really wanted to be there, you would have!  You could have come to see
us anytime!”

“The
door works both ways!  I tried to get your mother to visit, but she was full of
excuses.  There was always something more important!  So I quit asking.”

“What
about a phone call?  You sit here on your high horse and lecture me about
hurting Chase, and yet you have ignored your only child, and granddaughter, for
sixteen years!  You have
no
right to say a damn thing to me!” I screamed
as I struggled to hold back the tears that were ready to drop.  There was no
way in hell she was going to have that power over me.  I stormed up the stairs
and slammed into my room. 

I
threw myself down on the bed and finally let the tears flow down my cheeks. 
There was nothing I could do to stop the storm that was brewing inside.  The
tidal wave of tears was a force to be reckoned with.  I couldn’t handle this
place much longer.  At least back home I didn’t cry.  There was nothing there
that could break my heart.  Here?  There were so many things here that
threatened to drag me under. 

My thoughts
drifted to Chase again.  The pain that shone in his eyes when I told him that I
felt nothing for him.  The hard set of his mouth as he put a brave face on.  I
hated making him feel that way, but it was for the best.  It would hurt much
less right now than it would when I left.  There were far fewer pieces to pick
up right now.  At least I made
one
right decision during all of this
crap.

I
spent the rest of the day in my room.  I couldn’t face Grandma again.  I knew
she would want to finish our conversation, but there was nothing left to say. 
I’m sure Chase had already told her exactly what happened anyway.  Why did she
need to hear it from me?  Wasn’t it enough that I already hated myself for
making him feel that way?

My
phone rang a few times, but every time I checked the caller ID Chase’s name
popped up.  I couldn’t imagine what he would have left to say to me.  Finally,
a text came through.  I opened the phone and read the message from him.

Katy
is awake.  U need 2 get here soon.

I
texted him back and got the name and address of the hospital, then grabbed
Grandma’s keys off the hook.  I stormed out of the house and made my way to
Grandma’s truck.  She would understand why I needed to use it.  If not, to hell
with her.  Katy was the only person here who hadn’t treated me like I was the
devil in disguise.  The least I could do was go see her and find out what had
happened the night before.

As I
sped out of the driveway, I looked in the rearview mirror in time to see
Grandma come running out the front door, her arms raised above her head as she
tried to wave me back.  I still wasn’t ready to talk to her.  I kept driving,
pretending that I hadn’t seen her frantically trying to stop me from leaving. 
I drove as fast as I could without risking being pulled over.  Grandma would
have yet another thing to hold over my head if I got a speeding ticket in her
truck. 

Thirty
minutes later I was pulling into the parking lot of the hospital.  I ran
inside, straight up to the front desk.  The woman who was sitting there looked
up at me with a sweet smile.

“How
can I help you sweetheart?” she asked.

“I’m
looking for Katy...um...damn.  I don’t know her last name,” I replied, ashamed
that I had never bothered to learn her last name, even after all the time we
had spent together. 

I
was saved from further embarrassment when I heard my name being called from
down the hall.  I turned to see Chase walking quickly over to where I stood. 
As he got closer I could see his eyes were rimmed in red.  Had I caused the
tears that had left his chiseled face in ruin?  No.  Probably not.  He was
probably just upset about Katy.

“She’s
down here.” He jerked his thumb in the direction he had just come from.  “Come
on.  She’s asking where you are.”

I
followed behind him as he hurried down the hallway.  As we walked I glanced
into the rooms that we passed, accidentally seeing more of one man’s backside
than I ever wanted to.  After that I made sure to keep my eyes forward at all
times.  No matter how much I didn’t want to stare at the back of Chase’s head,
it was better than the wrinkly mess I had just seen.  He stopped suddenly and
turned to face me.

“Room
126,” he said as he pointed to the door on his right.  He started to walk away
but I grabbed his arm, halting his departure.  “Don’t, Roxie. Not here.”

“Chase,
we need-”

“Not.
Here.” He shook my hands off and walked away.  I felt my heart shatter, the
rhythm sputtering as pain slammed into me again.  I wanted to run after him,
but I was there to see Katy. 

I
walked into the stark white room and was shocked to see Katy sitting up in bed,
smiling at me, looking like she had been in a cage fight the night before.  I
walked over to her and pulled a chair close to her bed.  I sat down quickly and
returned her beaming smile.  I couldn’t believe how happy she looked,
especially when her body looked like it had been through hell.

“Hey,”
I said as I fidgeted with the bracelet on my wrist.

“Hey
to you.  What was all that about?” she asked as she hitched her thumb in the
direction of the hall.

“Nothing
important,” I replied, unable to meet her eyes.

“For
now, I’ll let it slide,” she laughed, causing me to chuckle.  “Man...I can’t
wait to get out of here.  It’s freaking boring!”

“Katy...what...I
mean,” I paused, drawing in a deep breath.  “What happened?  We heard you
screaming, but you were already on the ground when we found you.”

“I...I
don’t remember everything.  One minute Jackson and I were standing there,
laughing, and the next he was on top of me,” she said as tears formed in her
eyes. 

“Were
you drinking? Did he get you a drink?” I asked, the pieces falling into place. 

“I
only had one drink, I swear!  I can’t remember...I think he got it for me.  But
I’m not sure,” she replied.

“That
scum,” I growled as I slammed my hands down on the armrests of the chair. 
“I’ll kill him.”

“Let
it go Roxie.  It’s over.”

“How
can you say that? He obviously drugged you!  And then attacked you!” I wanted
to shake some sense into her.  How could she be so calm about this?

“I
don’t want to think about it.  At all.  I just want...I want to forget it
happened.”

“Does
your brother know what his
friend
did?” I was seething.  I couldn’t
believe that she just wanted to let it go.

“He
knows.  He threatened to kill him, but I told him the same thing.  He’s not
worth it, I promise.”

I
stood up and started pacing the room, rubbing my sweaty palms up and down my
jeans.  I felt completely helpless.  Sure, Katy and I hadn’t known each other
very long, but I considered her a friend.  Just as I was about to say something
else the door to the room opened.  There, standing in the doorway, was one of
the most beautiful girls I had ever seen.  She was taller than me, with long
blond hair that ended at her hips, and deep blue eyes.  The anger that flashed
in her eyes made them look even more startling.

She
shot me a death glare as she went to sit in the chair that I had just vacated. 
She took Katy’s hand in her own and smiled reassuringly.  “Oh my gosh Katy! I
have been so worried about you.”

“I’m
fine Jenn.  Really.  Nothing to worry about,” said Katy as she tried to loosen
the girl’s grip on her hand. 

“Don’t
lie.  Whose ass do I have to kick?” She briefly glanced my way, a sneer on her
gorgeous face, and quickly focused her attention back on Katy.  “Who’s this?”

“That’s
Roxie.  She’s my new friend,” said Katy as she smiled at me.  It wasn’t as
bright as when I first arrived, but I wouldn’t be smiling if that girl had a
death grip on my hand either.

I
closed the distance and held out my hand to Jenn.  She didn’t even acknowledge
that I was standing there.  I lowered my hand and stepped back again.  What a
witch.  Well, she and I were definitely not going to be
besties
this
summer.  That much was obvious.  Katy looked even more uncomfortable after
that.  I wanted to help her, but I had no idea how to handle Jenn.  I mean, I
was
Jenn in New York.

“Katy,
I’m going to go.  Call me.  For anything,” I said as I walked towards the
door.  She nodded and smiled, but it looked more like a grimace.  Poor Katy.  I
felt bad for abandoning her, but I honestly had no idea what to do.  I walked
out the door and immediately bumped into a hard chest.  His familiar scent
tantalized me, causing the pain to come rushing back again.  I looked up at
Chase, our eyes locking instantly. 

We
stood that way for a brief moment before he broke contact.  He stepped away
from me and my composure broke.  I was going to cry.  I couldn’t control the
tears this time, so I took off, running down the hall, making my way towards
the entrance.  I could hear him calling my name, but I couldn’t stop.  Wouldn’t
stop.  I had to get away from him.  I couldn’t let him see what kind of
reaction he caused. 

I
made it out to Grandma’s truck and climbed in quickly.  I sat there for a
minute, letting the tears fall.  I didn’t want to stop them this time.  Why
should I?  I deserved to feel this way.  I deserved to be miserable and in
pain.  Everyone who ever cared about me ended up in pain, so why shouldn’t I
suffer with them?  I deserved to live in my own hell.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I wasn’t
ready to face Grandma’s wrath yet, so I drove to the only place that could make
me feel safe again.  I was pretty sure that no one would think to look for me
at the pond.  When I pulled up it looked exactly as it had the last time I was
there.  The sky seemed darker, menacing, but that probably had more to do with
my own mood than the weather. 

I
got out of the truck and slammed the door.  I wanted to punch the damn thing,
but I seriously doubted that my knuckles would survive that kind of brutality.  I
started the trek down the path that would lead me to Chase’s safe haven.  There
were no birds chirping this time, no sign of life besides my footsteps.  It was
like the forest had died a little bit without Chase’s presence. 

When
I broke through the trees I felt the vice grip on my heart lessen.  I now
understood why this place meant so much to him.  There was something calming
about the smooth water and the wild flowers that surrounded it.  I sat down
near the edge and laid back to stare at the sky.  The clouds raced by,
darkening with each passing minute.  I could smell the hint of rain in the air,
but I felt no urge to leave.  A little rain never hurt anyone.