Knotted Roots (17 page)

* * * *

I
found Chase in the barn’s office, sitting behind Grandma’s desk, staring
intently at the computer screen.  His hair was coated in sweat and stuck out in
varying directions.  I stopped and stared at him, taking in his beautiful
face.  He was completely filthy, and yet I had the sudden urge to run my hands
through his hair and then gently caress the strong planes of his face, taking
in every inch of his features.  I took a small step forward, the movement
catching his attention. 

Our
eyes met, and for a second I actually thought I saw happiness in his eyes, but
it was quickly replaced by anger.  He immediately turned his attention back to
the computer, so I decided to just walk right in.  I closed the door behind me
and sat down across from him, the desk separating us as much as the anger we
both felt. 

“I’m
not in the mood for your drama today Roxie.  Please.  Just go home,” his voice
shook with restrained anger, and a hint a pain escaped with it.

“I’m
not here for drama.  We need to talk.”

“So
talk.  I’ve already said all I’m going to say.”

I
drew in a deep breath and exhaled loudly, gathering my courage.  “Are you and
Jenn dating?” I spat it out as quickly as I could; tearing the top off of the
biggest problem we had faced so far.

He
didn’t respond immediately, his eyes raked over my face, causing me to fidget
under his scrutiny.  “What does Jenn have to do with us?  That’s the part I
still haven’t been able to figure out.”

“Everything. 
Nothing.  I don’t know!” I threw my hands in the air and leaned back in my
seat.  “Just answer the question.”

“No,
we’re just friends.  I mean, we dated a few years ago, but it was nothing
serious.  But I’m not sure how that’s any of your business.”

“When
I called you...that first night of my punishment,” I paused and looked away
from his penetrating gaze.  “She answered the phone.  She...she said that you
told her I wouldn’t leave you alone.  Then she told me I was pathetic.”

I
lowered my eyes to the floor, unable to meet his gaze after my confession.  Why
was it so hard to just tell him what she had said?  I felt foolish in that
moment.  Could she have been lying? 

“I
don’t know who to be more upset with.  Jenn for saying that.  Or you for
believing I said it.” He stood up and walked to the door of the office.  He
pulled it open and stopped in the doorway, his eyes finding mine once again. 
“I’ll deal with Jenn.  But Roxie...you need to deal with you.  I can’t stay on
this ride with you.  Not like this.”

I
watched as he walked out the door, disappearing from view.  I wanted to go
after him.  I wanted to find out what she was doing at his house that night,
but I couldn’t force myself out of the chair.  I pulled out my cell phone to
check the time and noticed that I had three missed calls.  Two from Grandma and
one from Dad.  I decided to call Grandma first.

“Where
are you?” she asked when she answered.

“I’m
in the office. Where are you?” I replied as I stood up and looked around the
cluttered room. 

“I’m
at the truck.  Hurry up.  I’ve got a date with a good book,” she said.  I could
hear the truck’s engine start in the background. 

“Okay,
on my way.” I hung up and left the office, pulling the door shut behind me.  I
ran all the way to the truck, making it in record time.  As I approached I
noticed another person seated right beside Grandma in the truck.  I opened the
door and looked into Brian’s tired face.  He looked exhausted and dirty, two
things I could definitely understand. 

I
jumped into the seat beside him, our hips pressed against each other.  The
truck wasn’t meant for three people, so it was tight fit with all of us in
there.  He smiled at me and nodded.  I returned his smile and then turned to
stare out the window.  I didn’t notice anything strange during the drive until
we passed the turn off that would take us to Brian’s house. 

“Grandma,
I think you missed the turn,” I said, pointing behind us.

“Nope. 
Didn’t miss it.  Brian’s coming to our house for the night,” she replied, never
taking her eyes off of the road.

I
didn’t question the news.  What good would it have done anyway?  When Grandma
made a decision she stuck to it.  Besides, maybe Chase would end up coming to
pick up Brian.  My heart began to flutter as I thought about seeing him again. 
I couldn’t help but wonder if he would want to talk to me, or what I would do
if he didn’t.  I pressed my forehead to the cold window and closed my eyes,
trying to fight the urge to ask Brian.  I had to put this out of my mind, at least
for the night.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I
intended to spend my night in my room, curled up with a good book, but Grandma
insisted on all of us hanging out downstairs.  I tried to get out of it,
feigning a massive headache, but she wasn’t having any of that.  I didn’t want
to spend my night with her and Brian, or the awkward conversations that were
sure to occur. 

Brian
didn’t seem too happy about the arrangement either, but stayed quiet about it
as well.  When Grandma finally decided to go to bed I was relieved.  We could
stop acting like we were enjoying ourselves and go our separate ways.  As she
was walking out of the room she stopped in the wide doorway and looked at both
of us.

“This
may be a silly suggestion, but it might be helpful for you two to talk,” she
said with a smile.  She turned and left the room.  When I looked over at Brian
he was looking at me with one eyebrow cocked up at me. 

“What?”
I asked, pushing my body deeper into the plush sofa.

“I
think we’ve been set up,” he replied.  He leaned forward and put his book on
the coffee table that separated us. 

“She’s
a sneaky old bat,” I replied with a laugh. 

“That
she is.  She’s been doing this since I was a kid.  Must be ingrained in her,”
he said as he laughed along with me.  His words caught me off guard.  Since he
was a kid?  I felt that anger and hurt towards her again.  She had been there
for him, in some shape or form, since he was young, and yet she couldn’t bother
to be there for me.

“I
wouldn’t know,” I replied as I hugged my stomach tightly. 

“I
know you don’t believe it, but she does love you.  Do you know how many times
Chase and I heard about you over the years?  ‘Roxanne got straight A’s’ or
‘Roxanne made the cheerleading squad.’  You were always front and center for
her.”

“I
call shenanigans on that one.  If she gave a damn about me she would have been
there.  She wasn’t.” I stood up and walked to the window.  The darkness
surrounding us made me feel more alone. 

“There
are different sides to every story.  You just have to be willing to dig for
them.” His voice was closer than before, and when I turned around, he was
standing right behind me.  His gaze was locked on the window as well, so I
returned my attention to the darkness.

“Why
are you here Brian?  The real answer, please.”

“I
needed a night away.  Things at the house are...rough...right now.”

I
looked at him, really taking in his appearance, and finally noticed the dark
purple bruises under his eyes.  He looked completely worn out.  The last time I
saw him he hadn’t looked this bad and it worried me. 

“Are
you and Chase fighting?” I asked nervously.  I didn’t want to bring him into
the conversation, but it seemed inevitable.

He
laughed and rubbed his chin before looking at me.  “It’s more complicated than
that.  We haven’t stopped fighting since...”

“Your
dad?”

“He
told you about that?” The anger in his eyes flared and disappeared quickly.

“He
told me what happened.  And how he blames himself for what happened.  But he
didn’t tell me about you.  About how you handled everything.”

“I
didn’t. That’s the problem. And neither did Mom.  She is nothing like she was
back then.  She barely comes out of her room these days,” he replied. He walked
back over to the couch and sat down before continuing.  “Chase swears that
she’ll get past it.  Get back to normal.  But I doubt it.  And Chase...he says
he’s dealing with it.  But he’s hiding so much from everyone.  It’s killing me
to be in that house.”

I
had no idea what to say.  Brian was baring his soul to me and all I could do
was stare at him.  I really was socially inept.  I walked over and sat down
beside him on the couch.  I had no words for him, but I knew the power of a
hug.  They always made me feel better when life got to be too much.  I wrapped
my arms around him, feeling his body stiffen under my touch.  He finally
relaxed and leaned against me, burying his face in my shoulder.

We
stayed that way for a long time.  No words were needed between us, the
communication being made by our bodies.  When he finally moved away his face
was red and splotchy from crying.  My shoulder was soaked as well, but I wasn’t
concerned about it.  I smiled at him, but the look on his face caught me off
guard.  His attention was focused behind me and his face had lost all of its
color.  I turned around to see what had affected him like that and gasped.

“Seems
you move on rather quickly,” said Chase as he stood in the doorway, his hands
shoved deep into his pockets. 

“It’s
not even like-” began Brian, but I put my hand up to stop him.  I rose from the
couch and walked over to where Chase stood. 

“What
are you doing here Chase?” I whispered my question, afraid of what his answer
would be.  When I looked into his eyes they were swirling with pain.  Sure, he
looked angry as well, but that was only on the surface.

“I
came by to talk to you.  Which was probably a bad idea to begin with,” he
replied as he slowly backed away from me. 

“You’re
right.  It was a bad idea.  But it seems this whole summer has been built on
bad ideas, so why stop now?”

“You’re
impossible to talk to.  Do you know that?” he asked as he looked over my
shoulder at his brother.  “And what are you doing here?  Aren’t you supposed to
be at Jenn’s tonight?”

Jenn’s?
Brian? I turned around to ask him, but the look of panic on his face told me
everything I needed to know.  No wonder Jenn had been at their house that
night.  I felt like such a complete idiot.  I stalked back into the room and
stood in front of him.  At least he had the good sense to look guilty.

“You
and Jenn...are dating?” I asked as I felt the bile rise up in my throat.

“Sort
of.  I guess.”

I
turned away to find Chase.  He was still standing in the doorway, his eyes
fixed on me.  “She was there to see Brian.”  He nodded.  “Why didn’t you tell
me?”

“When?
When did you give me the chance?  You automatically believed everything she
said.  By the time I found out what you were upset about...I didn’t see the
point in telling you.” Chase walked over to the couch I had occupied earlier
and sat down.  “Would you have listened, even if I did tell you?”

“Yes.
No. I don’t know!” I whirled around on Brian.  “You should have told me.  I
know
you knew what was going on.  Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Whoa,”
Brian raised his hands in front of him and sat back.  “I didn’t want any part
of y’all’s fight.  I didn’t find out what Jenn had done until a few days ago. 
That’s why I didn’t want to go to her house tonight.”

“You
knew?” Chase growled, violently shoving himself to his feet and taking a quick
step toward Brian.  I quickly put myself between the two of them, pushing back
on Chase’s chest.  “You shit! I’ve been miserable!”  He tried to go after him
again, but I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him flush against me.  He
tried to shake me off, and would have if our feet hadn’t become entangled.  Instead
of rushing at his brother, we both hit the floor. Hard.  I felt the air whoosh
out of my lungs as my body was pressed between Chase and the unmoving floor.

I
tried to push him off, but he was too big for me to move.  He raised himself
off and stood up, holding a hand out to help me up.  “Are you okay?” He didn’t
release my hand, instead molding his palm to mine. 

“I’m
fine. Really,” I said as I stood in front of him, our eyes locked together. 

“You
two just need to make out and get it over with,” said Brian from behind me.  He
stood up and walked to the door.

“This
isn’t over Brian,” called out Chase as he tried to pull away from me to follow
his brother.

Brian
turned to him, a big smile on his face.  “You have better things to worry about
tonight.” He nodded at me and left the room.

* * * *

“So...Jenn
and Brian? Didn’t see that one coming,” I said as I rocked back and forth on
the balls of my feet. 

“I
doubt he did either,” he said.  “He could do better than her.  If he didn’t act
like such an ass all the time.”

“I
don’t think he’s an ass,” I replied with a smile.  He frowned as he looked at
me.  “Don’t give me that look.  There’s nothing going on.”

“Didn’t
say a word,” he replied with a smile.

His
smile turned my insides to mush.  There was something so carefree about him,
and yet he held so much pain inside.  I wanted to wipe away every bad thing
that he had gone through.  I wanted to be the one to bring him back from that
edge he was teetering on.  Yet, I didn’t know how to proceed.  We had been through
so much in such a short time.  Bumps were normal for new relationships.  But
these were more than simple bumps.  And we hadn’t actually gotten to the point
of a serious relationship, had we?

“What
do we do now?” I asked, meeting his eyes from a short distance away.

“I
have no idea.  This whole thing seems to be falling down around us every time
one of us makes a step.  I’m wondering if it’s even worth it,” he replied, his
jaw tense.