Kya & Xavier: It's Always Been You (Life As We Know It Book 1) (27 page)

Xavier Lee

“I’m about to take a shower.”

Kya just looked at me but she didn’t
say a word. I knew she was pissed so I left her in the living room doing
homework. I figured she wasn’t really doing anything important but she was mad
at me and doing homework was a perfect way for her to ignore me. My head was
killing me but the drinks were slowly fading and I was regretting my decision
to get wasted in the first place.

I turned on the shower and got the
water as hot as I could tolerate it before I went back in my room and grabbed a
towel and wash cloth out of my closet. I shut the door, shed my clothes and
stepped. I held my head under the water and it burned my face a little but it
felt good. I knew that I was going to have to have a conversation with Ky about
tonight but I just wasn’t in the mood to do it now.
I hope she doesn’t ask me about Kayla again
Even though I didn’t
have sex with her, let’s just say she handled a few things for me. I was dead
ass wrong and I knew it but it was too late to worry about it.
Damn, I need to get my shit together!

After I had showered and dressed I
checked on Ky knowing that she wasn’t going to talk to me unless I made her.
The living room was dark and quite where I found Ky sitting Indian style in the
corner of the sofa asleep with her laptop propped up on her legs. I picked it
up, closed it and sat it on the coffee table followed by her glasses before I
sat down next to her. She immediately opened her eyes when my weight on the sofaa
forced her body to lean towards me.

“You still mad at me.” I asked as she
struggled to get her balance and sit up. She uncrossed her legs and lowered
them to the floor.

“Don’t you think I deserve to be?” She
mumbled still half asleep.

“Do you ever need a reason to be?” I
said jokingly hoping to avoid an argument.

“I’m glad this is funny to you.” She
said and attempted to stand but I pulled her back towards me causing her to
fall into my lap. I closed my arms around her body so that she couldn’t move but
she didn’t try to anyway.

“Are you mad because I drank too much
or because I ignored you all day.”

“Both.”

“I know you don’t get it but
sometimes I just need break.”

“From me?”

“From everything?”

“Wow.”

I could tell that her feelings were
hurt which wasn’t making things any better.

“Your life is so simple, no matter
what happens your parents are right there to support every decision you make
good or bad. If you mess up they’re right there to help you figure it out. I
don’t have that. I’m basically on my own I don’t have anybody so sometimes I
just need time to clear my head and try to figure things out.”

“I thought you had me.” She sounded
offended.

“See that’s not what I mean. It’s not
about you, it’s about me. I don’t have mom and dad to fix things when I screw
up so I’m constantly stressed trying to make sure I’m doing the right thing
because if I fail, I just fail and it would be different if it was just me but
I’ve gotta worry about Leigh. I’m her brother, her dad pretty much everything. It’s
just me and that’s a lot so yeah sometimes I need a break from things, even you.
I just need a minute sometimes for things to just be about me.”

“You make it seem like I make things
worse for you if you need a break from me too.”

“This is exactly what I’m talking
about, you don’t hear me. You don’t understand how hard it is for me sometimes.
When you think about relationships you see the only thing you know and that’s
your parents all relationships aren't that easy and that’s a lot for me to live
up to. I feel like I have to work so hard to be what you need me to be and that
takes a lot out of me. So it’s not that you make things hard, I just feel like
I have to work so hard to create that fairytale for you to be what you want me
to be. It’s exhausting so yeah I need a break from that sometimes.”

“That’s not fair. I can’t help my
situation is different from yours and all I need is for you to just be you and
to be here for me and let me be there for you. I don’t need a freaking
fairytale.”

“I’m not blaming you because your
family cares, hell I wish I had that but you don’t want me to be me Ky. You’re
always trying to fix me and I can’t be fixed. My life is kind of screwed up and
I get that, but bottom line is I am who I am. There are going to be times when
I drink too much, or disappear and don’t call but it doesn’t mean that I don’t
care I just need that sometimes. I know I do a lot of stupid stuff and make bad
decisions when it comes to us so I’m not going to pretend like I have it all
figured out because I don’t and I probably won’t for a while
if
I ever do figure it out.”

“You make it sound like I expect too
much?”

“It’s not about what you expect. It’s
more about what I know you deserve and honestly I know that’s not me. You know
it, your parents damn sure know it, and I know it.”

“I didn't know that I made you feel
like that.” She whispered.

“Feel like what.”

“Like I was trying to fix you.”

“This is why I didn't want to have
this conversation with you. I didn't want you to feel like the things that I do
or don't do are your fault.

“I don't feel like that. I just feel
like you think I expect too much from you.”

“That’s on me, not on you. I just
know I've got a lot of work to do.”

“It’s just hard. It makes me feel
like you don't care.”

“I care. I promise.” I kissed her
neck which made her sink into my body even more. “Can we go to sleep now, my
head is killing me.”

“Good.” She said and smiled.

“Now who doesn't care?” I teased.

We both walked into my room and I
pulled off my shirt while Ky stripped down to her bra and panties before she
picked up the t-shirt that I had tossed on the bed and put it on. If this were
any other time I would have stopped her and neither of us would have been going
to sleep but my head was pounding and all I wanted to do was close my eyes. I turned
on my ceiling fan and laid on top of my comforter while Ky climbed under it and
got as close to me as she could. I laid my arm across her waist and closed my
eyes hoping to stop my head pounding but I knew it was going to be a long night.
At least I finally was up front with Ky about a few things that had been on my
mind lately so hopefully we'll be in a good place for a while until my next
mess up.

Chapter 21

Kya Renee

It was Saturday and I hadn't seen
Xavier since Tuesday morning when I left his dorm to head off to class so I was
actually excited about going to his game tonight. Basketball and I sort of had
a mutual love hate type relationship. I loved watching Xavier play the way he
moved on the court was definitely worth the time spent watching, however the
hate part of our relationship kicked in because of how much of his time
basketball consumed. For as long as I can remember I have had to share him with
his love and commitment to basketball. High school games, travel teams, all
American elite games, summer camps, all-star games, practices and now college
games. A commitment that he lived and died for sometimes causing me to
internalize jealous feelings that I wouldn’t ever get that type of commitment
from him but it made him happy so I struggled through it.

There was nothing like the high I
felt when the game ended and I was his very first thought. He would seek me out
no matter what the outcome, after a win to celebrate his victory while after a
loss to help him forget about it. Either way he needed me, he wanted me to
share that part of his life in a way that made me feel like the experience
wasn't complete without me. That was a part of his life belonged solely to me
or at least that's what I told myself.

I checked the time again, four hours
until game time and I had run out of distractions to keep me occupied so I
decided to go bother Toni for a while. She had threatened my life if I
interrupted her nap but I figured that it was worth the danger if she could
keep me occupied for the next few hours. I pushed Toni's door open and decided
that it would be best if I skipped turning on her light so instead I just
hopped on her bed which caused her to shoot me an evil glance before she covered
her head with her pillow.

“Go away Ky.” She mumbled.

“I'm bored, wake up. You've been
sleep all.”

 
“I snatched the pillow off of her head and
pressed my face against hers.”

“You know I hate you right?”

“You love me.”

“Or not.” Toni said and then pulled
away from me before she crawled to the edge of her bed and then hopped down.
She went into her bathroom and shut the door.

I scooted to the head of her bed
propped a pillow behind my back and crossed my legs to sit Indian style. “Are
you staying with Ethan tonight?” I yelled.

I heard the toilet flush with the sound
of water running and shortly after the door opened and Toni stepped out. Her
short jet black hair was held back off of her face with a bright pink head
band. She frowned at me before hopping back on her bed and then crawling next
to me snatching the pillow that I had positioned behind my back away from me,
folding it under her head.

“Are you?”

“Am I what?” she asked.

“Staying with Ethan tonight?”

“Probably.”

I could tell that she wasn’t in the
best mood. “Are you really going to be mad at me?”

“Yes, I am.” I knew that she wasn’t
serious so I ignored her and continued to talk. “So we can ride together
tonight. Do you want me to drive?”

“Yeah, that’s cool, hand me my phone
please.”

I turned and picked up her phone off
the table next to her bed, handed it to her and she rolled over onto her back
and unlocked the screen.

“Seriously?” she said sounding
extremely annoyed.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Ant sent me like ten messages, I
swear he is getting on my last nerve.”

“Aye, that’s on you. I told you to
leave him alone.”

“Preciate the support boo.”

“Hey, I’m just saying, I told you
that you were playing with fire.”

“I just need him to stop blowing up
my phone before Ethan finds out.”

“You might want to leave your phone
off if you’re staying with him. I tried to tell you that you.”

“I need him to fall off, he's
starting to get on my last nerve.”

“That's your fault.”

“Thanks you’re really helping.”

“I try, I try.” I said and laughed

“Well you're doing a horrible job.”

“Why because I'm calling you out on
your trifling behavior.”

Toni balled up her fist and nailed me
in the thigh before she jumped up and quickly moved off of her bed.

“Okay, I see how you wanna be. See if
I help you lie your way out of this when Ant blows up your phone tonight when you’re
with Ethan.

“I’m not worried about that, you love
me so I know you got me.”

“Don't be so sure.” I said and the
shot her an evil smirk.

Toni threw up her hand and then
disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a soda. She and I spent the next
few hours laughing and talking about everything under the sun but our main
focus was our relationships with Xavier and Ethan. Toni hand finally come to
the realization that she only wanted to be with him so she was panicked about
Ant messing things up. While I on the other hand was worried about Xavier shutting
down on me again. I always got worried when things were going well with us for
too long because inevitably something would happen to snatch me out of my blissful
existence back in to the dysfunctional world that Xavier and I seemed to live
in ninety nine percent of the time.

“So what's the deal with his father?”
Toni asked. We had migrated to my room so that I could figure out what to wear
to the game and she was currently laying on my bed while I sat in my rolling
computer chair.

“I'm not really sure but I know he
hasn't really talked to him much.”

“I wonder why? He seemed kinda nice.”

“Yeah I know but I think Zay is stuck
on the fact that he wasn't there and then on top of that his dad kind of blamed
his mom for part of the reason why he wasn't around and that pissed Zay off.”

“Blamed her how?”

“Jackson’s story was that he did leave
but he tried to make it right by being a father for Zay and she refused to let
him so he stopped trying.”

“I wonder why?”

“If that's even the case. I think
that's part of the problem, he doesn't want to believe that his mom would do
that. If it's true it’s like she stole the chance for him to have a real father
and I'm sure that bothers him.

“I can see how that would be a
problem but what if it's true and he wasn't there because she wouldn't let him
be. That's technically not his fault and Zay is missing out on a chance to get
to know him now.”

“I know but I feel like I have to
just support whatever decision he makes so I’m not challenging him on it. He's all
over the place right now so I'm trying to stay out of it. Oh dang!”

I pulled my phone off the charger. I
hadn’t sent his game day text yet.

“Oh dang what?” Toni said.

“I forget to send Zay a text.”

“I swear you be doing the most with
that.” Toni said with a grin I’m sure remembering my history with sending him
text on game days.

“You should try it. I’m sure it would
be greatly appreciated.”

“Exactly and also greatly expected.
You know my mind is bad and the first time I forget it will be the end of the
world so I have a philosophy never start something you can’t finish.” She said
with a smirk.

“Wow, I can’t with you.”

I began composing my message:

Good luck tonight but
you don’t need it. You got this. You always do. Win for me! Love you!

I sat my phone down because I wasn’t
expecting a reply. He was usually with the team and he wasn’t the type to
always have his phone so when my phone vibrated I almost ignored it.

Feel like crap but I’ll
do what I can. Love you too

What’s wrong are you
sick?

Not sure but something’s
going on, you’re taking care of me tonight (sad face)

Always! I sorry you
feel bad

I’ve gotta go, I’ll see
you after the game. Wait in the floor seats

I will (kissing face)

“Zay is sick.” I said when I returned
my phone to its charger.

“Is he still going to play, wait
forget I asked. That boy wouldn’t miss a game even if he had organs hanging out
of his body.”

“You know it.” I smiled.

“I’m about to get dressed. 6:15?”

“That works.”

Toni left my room to get dressed and
I finished packing my bag and did the same. I was hoping that Xavier wasn’t
feeling too bad because one thing I learned about him over the years was that
he was a horrible sick person. The 6’4’, well sculpted, man transformed into a
whiny, impossible irritant with the personality of a five year old. Lord help
me. I think my night was officially ruined.