Lacrimosa (13 page)

I have to understand why. Now.

“Harahel,” I call again. “I need you.” My voice echoes through the empty chamber. The ground begins to shake, rattling the few adornments on the walls. Navy blue light floods the dark room.

Finally.

The azure light coalesces in front of me. Harahel steps forward and tips his head slightly. He’s tall, like most of the angels in Celestium. His deep set eyes match the navy color of his robes. His hair hangs in a wavy mass of dark brown around his shoulders. He looks far younger than he should, considering his existence predates that of the Council.

I nod, ready to make my request. “I’ve come—”

“I know why you are here. You seek answers about the UnHoly. My question is why, Sentinal? Mikayel has not sent you. He does not know of your presence here.”

“No, he doesn’t. But there is something I need to see about Aydan’s fall.”

“Is it not enough to know that he fell? Why must you know how?”

“It isn’t
how
I am searching for. It’s
why
.”

I watch as the archivist considers my request and nods again. “Knowledge is something to be pursued by all, not hidden away in some dark recess. I am proud that a Sentinal has figured out the need for examination of the past, when deciding how to proceed in the future. I will get the information you want.”

He leaves and returns in the time it takes one human heart beat to pass, carrying nothing but a single piece of parchment. “Take this,” he says as he hands it to me. “It will tell you everything.”

“It’s blank.” I turn the paper over in my hands. “How do I read it?”

“The path to knowledge begins with a question. I suggest you start there. You may use the alcoves for your contemplation.” Harahel waves a hand and a blue light directs me to the corner of the room. “Return the parchment when you have discovered what you need.”

“I will,” I say.

I go to the alcove and sit, staring at the blank scroll. My hand trembles. Can I do this? Do I really want to know everything? I think about Aydan. About Lori. My instincts tell me who they are. What if I’m right? What if everything I’ve worked so hard to forget is the key to finishing this? Am I really ready to confront my past?

The questions bounce in and out of my thoughts as my wings flutter nervously behind me. I draw a deep breath and pull on my strength as a Sentinal—what’s left of it.

I have to do this. There is no other way.

Harahel’s words ring through me.
The path to knowledge begins with a question.
I consider the myriad of queries continuing to bombard my thoughts and settle on one.

Why did you fall?

The question caresses my thoughts. I whisper the words, wondering why it really matters, what I’m hoping to discover.

My heart beats too fast as the parchment comes to life. Images blend into the fibers and move like a projection on a screen. Pictures of Aydan. The Council.

His fall.

Aydan tumbles onto the floor of the chamber as Mikayel releases him. “Stay,” Mikayel barks, his sword pointed at Aydan’s chest. “I will deal with you later.” He sheaths his sword and fades into the air. Aydan stands facing the empty Council table. His body glows with an almost translucent light that fills the room. His wings unfurl behind him.

I can’t trust what I’m seeing. Aydan. So beautiful. So different from the Beast I saw tonight. The Beast I almost killed.

My body begins to tremble as the images swirl and change.

“
Aydan, do you know why you are here?” Gabriel’s voice holds no malice.

“Yes, Sir. I have broken my vows and I must atone.”

“That is correct. Let us start with the demon. The werewolf you hunted.” Gabriel studies Aydan carefully.

“Peeter Stubbe. He was working at the Dark One’s bidding.” Aydan’s voice quivers when he speaks.

“Azzaziel?” asks Sariel. “Are you sure?”

“He is,” Mikayel responds. “Azzaziel was present when I retrieved the angel.” Disgust fills every syllable.

“And yet, you did not report his presence to this Council. Why?” Raphael’s eyes fixate on Aydan.

“I was...overcome, Sirs.”

The Council pauses, considering his words.

Several moments pass in desperate silence. Finally, Sariel speaks, his tone controlled. Dangerous. “So, you loved a mortal? A young farm girl? Despite the vows you took?” Aydan says nothing. “And you love her still?” Sariel asks.

The words bounce around the great hall.

“And you sought vengeance for her death. Killed those you were meant to protect.” Mikayel spits every word. “These are your actions, yes?”

Aydan looks down, stoic.

“You understand what you have done, do you not?” Gabriel’s voice still holds no malice.

Aydan’s continued silence echoes the confession the Council demands.

“Speak!” Mikayel’s voice booms.

Aydan says nothing.

Nothing of his feelings for the mortal.

Nothing of the shame carved on his face.

Nothing of the rage still blazing through his eyes.

“So that is it then? You will say nothing on your behalf? No explanations for your deeds?” Raphael stares at the young angel.

“Aydan. Since you have chosen silence, you give us little choice. You will go to the antechamber and await our decision.” Gabriel motions to the Sentinals guarding the large doors of the chamber. They take their positions next to Aydan.

Mikayel stands, his expression hard. “Why are we waiting?” he asks, his voice unyielding. “The rules are clear. He should be cast out.”

“Everything is very precise with you now, Mikayel. So different from before. Life is seldom that simple. It never has been, especially when we intertwine ourselves with humanity.” Gabriel looks at his brother angel, his face wearing the same peace that fills his voice.

“But the rules
—”

“Are not as absolute as you wish them to be. Something you know better than most.” Gabriel’s voice matches Mikayel's intensity. “Aydan, leave us. We will have our decision soon.”

The images fade as the parchment goes blank.

“No, there has to be more.” I whisper. I still don’t understand. I quiet my mind and form a new question. The real question. The one that’s haunted me for the past two days.

Are
you Adam?

“Don’t go with him. Please. Just forget you ever met him.” My sister grabs my dress, her ghostly green eyes begging me to listen. Auburn hair drapes over her shoulders.

“I thought you liked Adam. He likes you.” I pry her fingers away.

“But, he’ll take you away. He will. He’ll take you someplace I can’t follow. He isn’t like me…like us.”

“Lorelei, you’re just being silly. I’m not going anywhere. Adam and I will get married one day. And we won’t move away. You’ll see.” I take her trembling hands into mine. “Now, you have to let me go and see him. I promised.”

“I’ll tell Papa everything. I will. He won’t let you marry a farm hand.”

I drop her hands and walk away, ignoring the pleas of my sister.

I stand, desperate to escape the truth in my hands. Trembling, I stifle the scream rising up my throat. The sound of my pounding heart floods my ears.

“No!” I cry, my voice nothing more than a whisper. Tears flood my eyes and spill over my cheeks, dampening the still streaming movie in my hands.

Aydan paces across the Council floor, waiting. “I’m sorry, Elle. I should’ve have prevented this. All of it.” His voice cracks.

“You should not feel shame for your actions,” a voice calls out.

“Azzaziel?”

“You were only avenging the death of your beloved. A noble cause. Why should you be punished for an act of justice?”

“
You can’t be here,” Aydan hisses.

“And yet, I am.”

“I would rather die at Mikayel’s hands than join you.”

“After what they are doing to you? This sham of a trial? And for what? Because you dared to love another? Seems quite hypocritical to me. Why don't you ask Mikayel to tell you about his true feelings on angelic love?”

“Go away, Azzaziel. I’ll never join you.”

“You cannot undo your vow to me. I am looking forward to training you, young Aydan.”

The Council chamber grows silent save the sound of Aydan’s footsteps as he continues to pace like a caged animal with no escape.

Moments click by. Aydan’s expression hardens with each step.

I can feel his rage through the pictures. Taste the bitter acid of his emotions as they coat my tongue. Torment digs into his features and I fear what comes next.

Aydan bursts through the heavy chamber doors. “I will not stay here while you wrestle with my fate. Release me to the Abyss—it is my wish. I do not regret what I’ve done. Not any of it. And I would do it again. So, let the flames burn me for an eternity. It makes no difference to me.”

Mikayel appears next to him, sword drawn. “As you wish,” he says, his lips twitching.

Booming thunder rattles the Council chamber as the ground beneath Aydan’s feet splits open. His wings unfurl, ripping themselves from his back. He falls backwards into oblivion, a shower of feathers all that remains in the chamber.

“And now you are mine.” Azza’s voice rings through the hall.

And Aydan continues to fall.

“No!” I scream. My legs won’t hold me a moment longer. I crumble into a heap on the cold floor of the library. Bits of memory stream past my eyes, emerging from the depths of my soul. Every intimate embrace, every stolen moment. I’m lost in the depth of a love I feel for the man that still holds my heart.

Chapter 17 – Grim Dilemma

Nesy

Morning arrives encased in the memories of my life as Elle. I loved Adam then. Adam who is Aydan. Craved him. It’s a life I need to again forget.

The peace I found only when I was safely nestled in Adam’s arms…
forget it all.

The security no one but he offered…
release that life.

The need I had for his touch…
bury it away
.