Laid 2 Rest Two Halves of a Whole (20 page)

Four people were running around directly below me. I grew even colder as I become aware that I was looking down at
myself.

There I was, playing in the snow with my brother Joel, Maya, and my boyfriend at the time, Tyce. I felt a smile form on my face as I remembered that day. We had so much fun sledding and having snowball fights. I even had to pee in the snow for the first time in my life, which was truly awkward considering the amount of clothes I had on.

This was a really good day for me…
for all of us
. Before my truck broke down on the freeway on our way home, that is. Why was I here then? Why would someone want me to change any of this?

Before I could ask myself any more questions, I snapped back into my body as the therapist asked me to flip over onto my stomach.

I did as I was told without looking over at Jay, but I could feel his eyes on me. I laid facedown in the face cradle, alarmed. Relax, I told myself… just breathe. Even though I had no clue what that little trip was about, it frightened me. It hadn’t been like any of the others I’ve had. I was being shown something instead of getting to redo it; someone wanted me to see or witness something, but not interfere this time…
but what was it?

I come to, floating in mid-air again.

You have got to be kidding me!

This time, I was above a drive-in movie theater. The ending credits were about to go off so the parking lot was just about empty… except for my burgundy SUV, of course. I knew exactly what I would find if I peeked my head inside of that truck. I would be laying there stark naked wrapped up in Tyce’s arms fast asleep. I remember that one of the employees had to tap on the window in order to wake us up, once it became obvious that we weren’t leaving anytime soon.

How embarrassing.

My eyes popped open as I return to my body once again. What the hell? I’ve never had two trips so close together before. I literally felt sick to my stomach as the girl continued to massage my back.
Please
let her be almost done, I thought to myself uncomfortably. As if on cue, the girls left the room, allowing us to get dressed.

“I feel like a new man,” Jay said to me, stretching and cracking his neck. “Did you enjoy yours, love? She didn’t work you too hard did she? Sweetie, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you look awful!”

“I’m okay. I think I was lying facedown a little too long or something. Let’s get out of here. I’m in desperate need of a drink.”

We made our way up to the top deck and sat down by one of the many pools on board. Maya and Bobby met up with us soon after that. Sending the boys to get us a couple of drinks just so she could have a minute alone with me, Maya asked, “Are you alright? You look three shades whiter. Aren’t you having any fun at all?”

“It happened again. You know… my
little
trips to the past.” I muttered.

“What! Here? Now? What did you see?” she fired off, moving closer to me so we wouldn’t be overheard.

“This time was different. I was just an observer. I relived a few old memories. Hey… do you remember Tyce that I dated back in high school?”

“Ha, now that’s funny.
How could I ever forget?
Didn’t he go off and join the Army or something?”

“Yeah him. Maya… I saw… Tyce. We looked so happy together back then. We were happy weren’t we? Girl… what do you think would have happened if we… if we had only stayed together?” I whispered, half talking to her and half talking to myself because Tyce was a sensitive subject and seeing him again had completely rattled me to my core.

“If I recall correctly, you didn’t exactly have a choice on if you stayed together or not, now did you? His mom and aunt weren’t exactly going to let that happen. They both thought he was too good for you, remember.”

“I know that and you know that… but Tyce doesn’t know that. As far as I know, he still believes that I left him so I could date other people. I don’t think his family ever told him the truth… not that I really expected them to.”

“He was crazy in love with you and wouldn’t have let you go any other way. If he knew the whole truth, you guys would have been married fresh out of high school and had a houseful of kids by now.” Maya shook her head at me before continuing, “Sorry Jazz, but you have some serious issues girlfriend. First, you’re married to that asshole, but here with Jay, while reminiscing about your long-lost Tyce.
Shoot!
Here come the guys with our drinks. We’ll talk about this later, but for right now, can you please put your happy face back on!”

Jay had brought me back a Pina Colada, complete with a little pink umbrella, and a swirl of whipped cream on top. Even though I needed something much stronger… this would have to do for now. “We just heard that there’s a comedy show in the lounge tonight. Do you ladies want to go?” Bobby asked Maya and me.

“Sounds like a plan,” Maya agreed as I nodded my head in approval with my mind still on Tyce and what could have been.

We had a table reserved for us right in front of the stage. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I always was. Jay went out of his way to make sure that I had the very best. Like a gentleman, he pulled my chair out for me and then scooted his seat over so we could sit side-by-side.

I pray they’re funny
, I thought. I still hadn’t figured out what those two flashbacks of Tyce were supposed to signify, so some laughter to distract me from dwelling on it would be great right about now. I pushed my dilemma into the back of my mind as the room lights dimmed, informing us that the show was about to begin.

“You look amazing tonight,” Jay whispered into my ear, tickling the side of my neck. The comedian had just made his grand entrance on stage when Jay reached for my hand, intertwining his fingers thru mines.

It took all my strength not to yank my hand out of his as I looked down at them because for one split second, it wasn’t Jay’s hand in mine… it was TYCE’S.

“Thank you,” I murmured back to him, trying to hold my voice steady while my insides shook.

I am sooooooo screwed!

The next stop on our voyage was Florence, Italy. Jay had moved all of his belongings into my room so Maya and Bobby could have a room all to themselves. It all worked out in my favor though, since I slept much better when Jay was next to me.

In Florence, we disembarked the ship again to do a little wine and cheese tasting and even got to visit the leaning tower of Pisa. This vacation was turning out to be everything that I hoped it would be and then some.

Maya and I picked out fun postcards to send the kids, which managed to hurt my heart a little. Her opening words were “Hey Girls” not remembering that she used to have a son as well. “Do you ever wish you had a little boy too?” I asked looking over her shoulder as she wrote, bracing myself for a wave of guilt to hit me.

“Oh hellllllll no! I had my tubes tied the first chance I got. The girls are enough for me. Beside, I wouldn’t even know what to do with a little boy. I will stick with what I got, thank you. What about you? Why didn’t you ever have a kid? You…
I mean
… we changed that… didn’t we, years ago. You can have kids now if you wanted to…
right?
” She asked tripping over her words, unsure if it was a touchy subject or not.

“I can… I think.
Shit, I don’t know!
I guess I wasn’t meant to have a baby with Diego and I have to admit that I’m pretty relieved because I want any baby that I bring into this world raised in a house by two parents that love each other. Not like how I was raised.”

“Hey, you didn’t turn out
sooo
bad.”

We shared a laugh and then went to hunt down the guys. I was a little saddened by Maya’s answer about not wanting to have a little boy. I couldn’t help but send out a silent message to little KJ that he was still in my heart no matter what.

Our last stop on the cruise was Monte Carlo, Monaco before we turned around and made our way back to Spain. With this being our final port, we booked a helicopter ride to give us a bird’s eye view of the city. I’d never been in a helicopter before and was excited to be able to cross another item off my bucket list.

The view was beyond words. I held Jay’s hand tightly in mine the whole entire time because it was so exhilarating. It had my heart pumping as we soared thru the air with the pilot pointing out points of interest along the way. If this was how a bird felt each time it took flight, I would happily volunteer to be reborn with a set of wings in my next life.

After having dinner at a fancy five-star restaurant, we went to watch our very first Opera together. Since none of us had ever been before, we didn’t know what to expect. The whole thing was in French, but we were able to follow the storyline alright. It was beautiful and heartfelt, but I don’t know if I would ever do it again.

It just wasn’t my cup of tea.

Back on the ship, Jay and I walked along the deck under the moonlight. We stopped and leaned against the railing to stare out into the darkness. “You’re awful quiet tonight, love,” he whispered close to my ear.

“This fairytale will be over soon and I don’t want it to end. Where’s my fairy godmother when I need her, huh?”

“You don’t have to go back you know.”

“I know that. It’s just an impossible situation no matter how you look at it. You can’t imagine how badly I wish things could be different.

“I understand… truly I do. I had a very good time with you though, just so you know… perfect in fact.”

“No, if we would have stopped in Greece... then it would have been perfect. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

That’s good to know
was all he said, pulling me away from the railing, and swinging me up into his arms as he carried me back to our room.

Once inside things got a bit dicey… he started to run a bath...
for US!
A huge, oval tub equipped with power jets, to be exact. Pouring in a ton of lavender-scented bubble bath, causing the suds to practically spill out onto the floor, Jay stripped me out of my evening dress, oblivious to my protests, and sat me in the warm water.

I had to admit that the water was nice and the jets felt remarkably good against my lower back. But still…

Jay stripped himself down, only to join me on the other side. The tub was nowhere near shallow. With that and all the bubbles, at least all our private parts were covered.

My heart was literally bruising my ribcage with each powerful beat. I was nervous… extremely nervous. I had no strength left to fight the pull between us and I was certain that if he tempted me even a little bit… I would jump his bones and throw all common sense out the window.

Please don’t tempt
me.

Staring at each other from across the tub with our legs rubbing together, he grabbed my hands and yanked me towards him.
And where do I end up, you ask… why straddling him of course
.

Oh man, oh man.

“You were too far away from me,” he said in his deep sexy voice.

“Now that you have me where you want me… what exactly are you planning to do with me?” I said as my voice shook, but not remotely uncomfortable enough to reposition myself elsewhere.

I am so going to hell, folks!

“What I always do.”

“And that would be?” I encouraged, almost begging him to kiss me. My body was on fire again. His was too and I knew that for a fact since I was sitting directly on top of the hardest part of him. It would have been too easy to just reach down and drive him straight inside of me.

If you have been paying attention, then you should know by now… I simply cannot resist playtime in the water.

Impressively, he controlled himself though. If anything sexual were going to happen between us, it would be by my choice and my choice alone. On my terms. He had never once pressured me. My mind was buzzing wildly with all the different pros and cons for our little sticky situation.

“Relax, Jazz. I only want to love and care for you. Nothing’s going to happen that you
don’t want
to happen,” he said, rubbing his hands slowly up and down my spine.

“You’re driving me crazy, you know.
How
can you stand this?” I asked chocked full of anticipation.

He held my gaze for a few seconds before replying. “To me, you’re already my wife, my best friend, my lover… my other half. I just have to wait for you to accept that truth and come to me. Then and only then will things be the way they were truly meant to be. Where we can finally be together, just the two of us, like it should have been from the very beginning.” He took a deep breath and added, “Jazz, do you love me?”

“Yes!” I gushed, locked onto his orbs without a hint of hesitation.

“Do you want to be with me always?”

“Yes!” I repeated, inching my face a little closer to his, licking my lips as I fought the urge to nibble on his bottom lip, but I steadied myself at the last second.

“Do you want me to make love to you?”

“YES!” I gasped out as I crushed my mouth against his for the first time in nineteen years. I didn’t care anymore. The instant our lips met, I felt an electric current run thru the length of my body, from my mouth all the way down to my toes.