Lakeside Sweetheart (8 page)

Chapter Eight

V
anessa listened while Rory did his thing. He read a short devotional about accepting God's love and allowing the Lord to love us.

“Sometimes, we think we're not worthy of God's love,” he explained. “But if we think that, we're doing the Lord a disservice. He died for our sins. That makes us worthy. We need to honor His sacrifice by accepting His love into our hearts.”

And that was it. No shout-outs about sinners. No condemnations about not sitting in church every Sunday. After the devotional, Rory asked some questions and got the kids to talking. He glanced at her a couple of times, his smile so sure and full of life that Vanessa had to swallow back the pain that seemed to clog her throat.

Why couldn't she feel that kind of peace and joy?

Was she worthy?

Or was she being too cynical for her own good?

“What if we don't deserve God's love?”

She glanced around to find a young boy sitting toward the back. Rory nodded at the boy, too.

“Hi, Mark,” Rory said. “That's a good question. And the answer is even better. We
don't
really deserve God's love, but we are worthy. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but we're worthy only because we are alive and because God's love is unconditional. So that makes all of us worthy in His eyes even if we don't feel worthy.”

“I don't get it,” Mark said with a shrug. “Why would God want to fool with someone like me?”

“You don't have to actually get it all the time,” Rory said. “But stay open to the possibilities. A lot can happen when you're open to love. Good things can happen—to you, to me, to anyone who wants the Lord in their life.”

“Not always. Bad things can happen, too.”

Kandi.

Vanessa's gaze slammed into Rory's, and she saw the understanding and compassion in his eyes. “You got me there, Kandi,” he said. “I've had some bad things happen in my life and...it's not easy. I turned on God, ranted at Him. And then I made some bad choices to prove my point.”

“How'd you become a preacher then?” someone else asked.

Rory's gaze locked on Vanessa. “I kind of went into a bad spot, and then I went to war.”

Vanessa tried to remain passive. Marla had mentioned Rory had served as an army chaplain, but it sounded as if he'd gone to war to fight. Or maybe to escape?

Kandi lifted her gaze to Vanessa. “Have you had anything bad happen to you, besides your mother dying?”

Still reeling from Rory's candid admission, Vanessa nodded. “Yes. I've been hurt by people. At times I feel as if God has abandoned me.” Because she didn't like being pinned to the spot, she shrugged. “But I've managed to take care of myself for a very long time.”

“Don't we need God in our lives?” another teen asked, his eyes wide with hope. “To help us through the tough times?”

“Yes,” Rory said. “Yes, we do. But it's hard sometimes to see that. Christ offers us comfort when we feel alone and abandoned, even if we can't understand how it all works.”

“I pray,” someone else said. “I pray and hope...and I wait.”

A petite blonde bobbed her head. “Me, too.”

Kandi rolled her eyes and sliced her fingers through her hair, her gaze still on Vanessa. “I'm tired of waiting.”

Vanessa certainly knew that feeling. But maybe waiting was all part of the process. Maybe she needed to be still and listen. And wait.

* * *

“You went to war,” Vanessa whispered to Rory a while later, her gaze full of questions. “Marla mentioned you were a chaplain, but I didn't think of that as being dangerous. I mean, it is dangerous but I didn't understand why you joined up. It sounded as if you were pretty angry about a lot of things.”

Rory wasn't ready to talk about this. He rarely talked about his past to anyone. But this was Vanessa. It wouldn't be fair to her that he'd tried so hard to draw her into his world without telling her a little about himself.

“I should have explained it to you.”

And he should have explained things when that kid had asked, but he'd managed to get by with a vague response about joining the army and really seeing what life and death were all about. It wasn't enough and it didn't give anyone any answers. Rory didn't have all the answers. Who did?

He needed to tell Vanessa the truth, at least. But not yet. “I had some issues,” he said, hoping to leave it at that.

“So you were mad at God?”

“Yep. I was so mad at the world and at God that I up and joined the army. I'd finished seminary, and I thought I was ready to find my first church home and I did. But I kind of messed up things from the get-go.”

“Why were you so angry?” she asked, surprise in every word.

Rory guided her toward her house. Everyone else had left, including Miss Fanny. He'd offered to walk Vanessa home and she'd accepted, but only because she obviously wanted him to finish his story.

“That's for another night,” he said, not ready to bare his soul. He glanced back toward the church. “I hear you and Kandi plan to meet up at Wanda's house once you're all cleared to become a mentor.”

“Yes.” She looked uncertain and maybe a little disappointed that he wasn't telling all. “I'm nervous.”

“Listening is key when you're a mentor to a troubled teen.”

“I don't know if I can do that. What if I mess up?”

“You can't mess up. Wanda will monitor you two and help you out.” He shifted on his dock shoes. “But we made progress tonight, don't you think?”

She stopped at the steps to her house. “Oh, you mean, you got me across the street? So now, you'll keep stringing me along with little tidbits of your story so I'll keep coming back?”

“I'm not stringing you along,” he said, wondering if she had him pegged. “I have a past, too, Vanessa. And I don't always like to talk about it.”

“You?” Her eyes glistened in the moonlight. “You have a past?”

“It happens,” he said on a defensive note. “It happens to most people, you know. We all make mistakes or have bad times.”

“But you, not you.” She sat down on the porch steps. “You're so...well...nice.” She groaned. “I've used that word way too much tonight, but it fits with you.”

“Sometimes nice guys make bad mistakes,” he said. “Nice can cover a multitude of sins.”

She looked surprised. “Can you tell me a little about what happened and why?”

Rory took that as an invitation and sat down next to her. “Why me?” He gazed out at the moonlight hitting the lake in a gray-white shimmer. “I can tell you this much. I...was an orphan.”

“What?” She twisted to stare over at him. “You were a foster kid?”

“Yes.” He gave her one quick glance and then turned back toward the night. “I bounced around a lot but when I was twelve years old I came here to live with a wonderful couple who decided to adopt me. We moved to Crestview when I was a teenager. But I didn't stay there, obviously. I left right after I graduated high school.”

“Where did you go after that?”

“I got a job and paid my way through college.” He stopped and took a breath. “I went to seminary and set out to be a minister but... I had a few setbacks. I was angry and confused, so I wound up joining the army.”

He hadn't talked about that part of his life in a long time. His buddies knew he was adopted and that he'd served as a chaplain, but they didn't even know all of the details about his adult life and they didn't ask. They knew Rory would talk about it when he was ready.

But could he ever be ready?

Vanessa sat staring at him. “You decided to join the army because you were angry? Were you angry because you were a foster kid?”

“Yes,” he said. It had started there. He still didn't know who his real parents were. “I guess I was angry for most of my life, even after I was placed with good parents. I was abandoned as a baby. And my adopted father died when I was a teenager. My mother is still alive, thankfully. She still lives in Crestview.”

Vanessa didn't speak for a couple of moments. “Wow.”

“Yep, wow.”

“I'm sorry. I mean, that's tough.”

“Tough comes in all kinds of ways, to all kinds of people.”

“But that really
is
tough.”

“I got over it.”

“You are full of revelations, Preacher.”

“Yep. We all are.” He wanted to hear her revelations.

“So is that why you started this youth program?”

“One of the reasons. I want to help them, give them hope before they do something stupid. I understand how they feel.”

“I do, too,” she said, her tone quiet. “I'd like to get to know Kandi a little more. What should I do besides visit with her and Wanda?”

Happy that she'd decided that, Rory turned to Vanessa. “I'm sure Wanda told you there are rules, of course, to protect the children. You'd be vetted and you can't be alone with her, so that's why you have to meet her with Wanda nearby, probably at their house and at the church, of course. We get together each week, and each mentor sits with their teen. Let her talk without judging her and respond as a friend, as someone who cares.”

“Okay. I... I'm not good with children. I don't know if I'll ever have any of my own.”

Rory muzzled his surprise with a laugh. “I don't think anyone feels they're good with children until they actually have children.”

“And sometimes, they're not good then either,” she said on a quiet whisper.

Before he could respond, she pushed to stand. “I should get inside.”

Rory stood, too, and placed his hand on her elbow to steady her. “And I should get back to the church. I have to check everything and lock up.”

Their eyes met, the moonlight playing over them like a diffused spotlight. Rory saw so much in her gaze, but he also saw the hidden things. “I'm glad you came,” he said, his throat going raw with a huskiness that seemed too intimate.

“Me, too.” She didn't move to go inside. She kept her eyes on him. “I hope Kandi will let me get to know her.”

“We'll try it,” he said, stepping back. “I'll help you with her. She's a special girl, and she could use a friend.”

Vanessa nodded and looked out at the lake. “I guess we could all use a friend at times.” Then she smiled at him. “I hope one day, you'll tell me the rest of your story, Rory.”

Rory wanted to hug her close. This was crazy. Feelings he'd long buried swirled and resurfaced in a different current, in a new pattern. But this time, with a different woman. A woman who didn't want children. A woman who might not want anyone.

But she needed someone. And she needed to believe in herself, too.

Suddenly, Rory couldn't breathe, couldn't decide whether to run away or move closer. He'd vowed never to fall in love again. It hurt too much.

He'd only planned to minister to this woman.

Now he also wanted to kiss this woman.

“Vanessa,” he said, about to explain why he couldn't do this, why he wasn't ready for this.

“I have to go,” she said, moving up the steps.

“Me, too.” He stepped down to the walkway. “I'll see you...later.”

She turned at the door. “Yes, later.”

And then she was inside. Out of his reach.

Rory took his time getting back to the church. He had some serious praying to do. But he wasn't sure how to pray. Did he ask God to bring him closer to Vanessa? Did he ask in a spiritual way? Or did he plain out ask God to help him in a romantic way?

Was he finally ready to love again?

* * *

The next day, Vanessa stared at her mother's cluttered bedroom. In the early-morning light, it looked even worse. Gaudy and tarnished, dusty and dirty. Sad. When had Cora gone from being an artist to becoming a hoarder?

Maybe after you left?

But her mother had been happy with Richard. That marriage had worked out for the better. Richard Tucker was a decent, loving man. He'd spent his time divided between this home and the big house in Birmingham, and her mother had traveled with him. But he'd also been a busy man who owned several vast properties and businesses. Had Cora felt lonely and neglected? She must have been lonely after Richard died.

Vanessa remembered arguing with her mother, trying to make her see that Gregory Pardue had been a bad man. Cora wouldn't hear any of it.

“I don't believe you. You're angry that we moved here. You ran him off, you know. Your lies forced Gregory to leave me.”

“I'm getting away from here,” Vanessa had screamed. “As soon as I can.”

A few weeks later, her mother was back out there, trolling for another husband. And she'd found Richard Tucker. Richard had calmed both of them.

Vanessa had attended his funeral in Birmingham, but she hadn't stayed around to help her mother with anything. Selfish? Or part of Vanessa's need for self-preservation?

She should have stayed a few days longer, but Cora had a way of starting in on people that soon turned to playing a blame game. Vanessa blamed herself enough without having to hear it from someone else.

Her mother had always been needy.

And Vanessa had fought hard never to need anyone.

“Time to get this over with,” she said to the dust balls floating all around her. And to the guilt hovering on her shoulders. She'd avoided this room. Keeping the door to the other bedroom closed had been easy. That room had been Vanessa's. She didn't sleep there. She'd been sleeping on the couch in the den and sometimes on the rattan sofa out in the enclosed sunroom on the far side of the house.

But she couldn't put this off any longer. She'd have to clean all of the bedrooms, starting with her mother's and working her way through the small room her mother had used mostly for storage and more collectibles. And then, what had once been Vanessa's room.