Lauren's Dilemma (16 page)

“Where do
you think you're going?” he teased as they met up in the hallway.

“You
promised to show me around, remember? I mean, after you’ve had morning tea.”

“I had
morning tea at the McKinlays. Let’s go then if you’re so anxious.” Clamping his
brown work hat on, he limped towards the door. He wore work clothes, grey
shirt, riding breeches and black leggings. She caught her breath. What a
ruggedly handsome man. A sudden yearning almost overwhelmed her. She did love
Blair, she felt certain of it now, but there was the dilemma of her guilty
secrets. Living a lie wasn’t a nice feeling. Would he despise her when he found
out?
 
No one liked being duped. A man
like Blair would feel it even more acutely because of Helen’s betrayal.

They ambled
towards the front yard. Laurie, forgetting her guilt, let out a gasp of sheer
delight. A large chestnut horse, tethered to the verandah post, must be
Firebrand, but the trim, coal black filly next to him immediately captured her
eye and her heart.

“Well, what
do you think?”

“Blair, is
she mine?”

“A little
on the small side for me.”

Neatly
pricked ears, a small head with a broad forehead and delicate muzzle, large
round eyes and arched neck. This little filly must be half Arab, at least.

“Where did
you get her?” She dragged her eyes from the filly for a moment to ask, but her
hand never stopped its gentle caress of the creature's velvety neck.

“I rode
over to see George McKinlay. Wally thought this filly would suit you. Her name
is Bolinda Vale. Young Dick helped train her.”

“She's
beautiful, thank you!” She threw her arms around his neck in a happy,
spontaneous gesture.

“I have her
papers in my pocket. She's yours now. I've had her registered in your name,
too. She has an excellent pedigree. It's my engagement gift to you.”

“It's the
best present ever.”

He smiled
at her enthusiasm. “Would you like to go for a ride now?”

“Yes, please.
I can hardly wait.”

His gaze
skimmed over her. “Do you have some riding gear?”

“Yes, I
bought myself a new outfit in Melbourne.”

“Right.
While you change, I'll see about getting you a sidesaddle.”

“Sidesaddle?
 
Danny taught me to ride astride, and my habit
has a split skirt.”

“Good
girl.” He nodded his approval. “I always thought riding sidesaddle was rather
ridiculous in this day and age.”

Laurie
hurried away to change into her riding clothes, a brown split skirt and
matching jacket. As it would be hot, she decided to wear a white blouse instead
of the heavier top. After pulling on a pair of boots, she grabbed up a straw
hat and almost ran down to the stables where Blair waited, with Firebrand's
reins draped over one arm.

“Want a leg
up, Miss Laurie?” Wally asked as he tightened Bolinda Vale’s girth strap.

“No,
thanks.” She gathered up the reins and mounted in a neat, fluid movement,
sitting the filly without speaking as Blair mounted carefully. Although his leg
was stiff, it did not appear to be giving him much pain now.

They set
off at a trot, waving to Wally as they went. After passing through the first
gate, they headed out across the paddocks at a half gallop. The filly seemed
very perceptive, answering instantly to the merest touch of her heels. She
already admired Blair, but on horseback he looked splendid.

The horses'
hooves clattered over shiny white pebbles as they crossed a creek that
effectively cut Blair's property in half.

“That track
leads to McKinlay's,” he pointed out. “The bridge is only a temporary one; the
original got washed away in a freak flood a couple of years ago.
 
Before we could put up a more permanent
structure, the war came. It doesn't really matter. There's another crossing
further up stream, so in flood time we aren’t completely isolated.”

“Tell me
about the McKinlays.”

“It’s a
tragedy really, they only have two boys. “Jim’s fighting in France, and Dick got evacuated from
Gallipoli with severe shell shock.”

“How sad
for them. This war is wicked. Destroying families, killing off fine young men.”
She blinked back angry tears. “Why won’t God make it stop?”

“As an army
officer, my opinion is. We started a job and we have to finish it, no matter
what it cost.”

They rode
for a short time without speaking. When the creek widened out into a pool of
water, they dismounted to let their horses drink. Blair produced a package from
one of his saddlebags. “Lunch.” He gave a boyish grin, and what a difference it
made to his appearance.

“Ooh, this
is nice.” She sat watching as he hammered two stout sticks in the ground and
laid a tea-tree pole across them to hold the billycan in place. Sandwiches and
fruitcake washed down with sweetened black tea. A splendid meal, made all the
more enjoyable because she shared it with Blair.

He leaned
back against a tree and lit his pipe. “You really enjoyed this, didn't you?” He
smiled, and his eyes changed from grey to a misty blue. They were like deep,
hypnotic pools and she was powerless to look away. In silence, they savored the
peaceful tranquility of the bush. No words were needed; they were perfectly
attuned to each other and to nature.

“Time to
leave, I'm afraid.” Blair finally broke the magic silence wrapping itself
around them.

He took
hold of her hand and pulled her upwards. His lips were only inches away, his
warm breath caressed her. Instinctively, she opened her mouth to receive a kiss
that never came. Both of his thumbs traced a circular path on either cheek.
Pushing her hair back behind her ears, his tongue slowly came out to touch one
shell-pink lobe. Then he stepped back a pace, and she felt somehow cheated.
Deprived of a treat that she had been longing for.

Before they
left, he poured water on the fire to extinguish it, and then they rode back at
a steady, loping pace. At the stables they dismounted, leaving their mounts in
the care of an aboriginal youth who flashed his white teeth in a beaming grin.

After
dinner they sat on the verandah in the cool of the evening. Blair smoked his
pipe thoughtfully while Laurie sat next to him. It was the happiest day she had
ever spent without Danny. She could think of him now without the pain and
desperate longing of before.

She had
enjoyed the friendly camaraderie of the three men at dinner. Blair,
surprisingly enough, possessed a rather droll humor. So much uncharted depths
within him, secret places where she could not venture. Would she ever really
get to know him?

Chapter Eight

The weeks
passed quickly and pleasantly. Autumn came early. It was a pretty time of year.
Laurie admired the scenery as she rode a bicycle down to the main gate to
collect the mail, one of the few jobs Blair had allocated to her. The green
leaves had turned to red and amber as the trees prepared for their winter
sleep.

Mustering
scrub cattle would begin in the spring and she looked forward to it.
 
There was simply no need to leave Coolibah.
Blair or Wally went into town for supplies and posted her regular letters to
her father. She was quite content to stay behind. The peace and serenity here
appealed to her more than a shopping trip.

Blair’s
skin looked smooth now, tanned like polished teak from working outdoors. The
lines of pain had disappeared from his face, yet he often brooded because his
memory did not return. This caused fits of deep depression every so often. Some
nights he slept restlessly, muttering and moaning as he threshed around in a
nightmare world no one else could enter.

Laurie woke
one night to screams and delirious ranting.
 
She dashed into his room. “It's all right, Blair,” she soothed, kneeling
by his bed and clasping his hand. “You're having a nightmare.”

Only half
awake, yet tremors shook his body. “Stay with me until the stretcher bearers
come,” he pleaded. “Don't leave me out here to die alone.”

She
shivered in her thin nightgown.
 
Without
thinking about propriety, she slipped under the covers with him and wrapped her
arms around his waist. I’ll stay until the nightmare passes.

“Blair,
you’re safe now. You’re home at Coolibah, I’ll never leave you,” she vowed
passionately. His pajama top felt damp against her skin as she rested her cheek
on his chest.

Blair’s
fingers tangled in her hair as he feathered tiny, exquisite kisses along the
side of her jaw. His tongue gently caressed her right ear lobe. His mouth
shifted. She felt bereft until his lips covered hers in a long, devastating
kiss.
 
It scorched a burning path all the
way through her, igniting every nerve end in her body.

She opened
her mouth to give his probing tongue full access to the warmth within. Like a
frenzied drum roll, passion kept building up inside her, layer upon layer,
until it reached a tumultuous crescendo, blowing her shyness to smithereens as
she responded with wanton abandonment to the darting pressure of his tongue.

His hand
slid inside her nightgown. When his thumbs caressed her breasts, in a slow
circular motion, she gave a sighing moan of pleasure. Stop him, the voice of
reason cried out, but she ignored it. How could any living, breathing woman
begrudge herself such exquisite agony. They had both been sad, lonely and distraught.
Each of them needed warmth and loving to banish their inner demons.

Nothing
hurried about Blair's seduction now. His mouth took over from his fingers as he
ventured slowly, reverently downwards. His hand traced a path across her
stomach before plunging still lower, until his fingers tangled in the soft
curls between her thighs.

He worked
her, touching, stroking, caressing, until she became weightless, floating in
some magic void between fantasy and reality. His lips followed the path of his
scorching fingers, causing her to completely lose her sanity. All reason got
burned to a crisp on a fiery pyre of passion that seared their bodies together.

He took her
hand, guiding it so she could also explore his body. She trembled with
excitement as she felt his hard, throbbing arousal thrusting against her
fingertips. He suckled her nipples into moist flowering peaks, until she
thought she could not stand it a moment longer. Finally, he moved between her
thighs.

His
hair-roughened skin rasped against her smooth softness. His slow, rhythmic
movements gradually built up into a passionate urgency, bringing her to
fruition without the terrible pain of Danny's youthful, desperate thrusting.

By the time
he exploded deep within her, Laurie floated heavenward on a euphoric cloud. His
desire slaked, he rolled away and fell asleep. She felt devastated because once
the beautiful moment was over, he had withdrawn from her. She shifted closer to
him and lay there, savoring his nearness, inhaling his musky male scent.

“Helen, Helen!”
Like a poisoned dagger, his anguished cries stabbed into her heart. She felt
distraught, betrayed. Moments after making love to her another woman’s name
fell from his lips. Had he mistaken her for Helen?
 
Sobs rose up in her throat as she crept out of
his bed and staggered out of the room.

Sleep was
impossible. All night she lay in bed sobbing out her grief and agony. Blair had
thought he was making love to Helen.

At
breakfast Blair made no mention of last night’s lovemaking. Worse still, he
refused to look her straight in the face. His gaze kept sliding away, unless he
thought himself unobserved then he watched her with a brooding puzzlement.

What could
she say to make things right between them?

* * *

Days
passed, and he made no further mention of marriage. His lips were often drawn
into harsh, cynical lines, adding to Laurie’s bewilderment. She withdrew into
herself, trying to avoid being alone with him.

Nothing was
ever said, but things would never be quite the same between them again. He
acted as if he disliked her now. It would be better if she left, much easier,
but she had promised to stay until he recovered, and would do so. She had given
her word, but it was torture putting up with his cold indifference. He must
have realized she was not a virgin. Did he think she habitually gave her body
to men? The thought made her cringe. She wanted to tell him about Danny, about
how special he was to her, but couldn’t. It would mean exposing herself as a
fraud, causing him to despise her even more. At least I didn’t call out someone
else’s name like you did.

* * *

July came
with a bitter coldness. One particularly bleak day Laurie was making donuts in
the kitchen when a voice hailed them from outside. She
 
hurried out to the verandah with Fergie
lumbering along behind her. A scream of shock rose in her throat. Who should be
alighting from a motorized taxi but Helen.