Learning to Drown (11 page)

Lucas sat back, looking smug for a
moment. Almost proud, I thought. Of himself? Of me? “I asked you the question,
September. I want  you to answer me.”

I tossed a bit of scrambled egg into
my mouth. My appetite was gone but I faked it. “I have a shrink.” I swigged my
coffee, burned my tongue. 

“I don’t want to be your shrink. I
want to be your confessor.” Lucas put his hand on mine. It felt like it could
crush me even though his touch was gentle. It soothed me and scared me too.

“No one put anything on me. I’m fine.
I just get off on abduction.” I lied through my teeth, ate my eggs. Tasted
nothing.

“Ah. So, you never had unfair
responsibility heaped upon you. Never daydreamed of ending up in the hospital
to get a break. Or death. Or illness. None of the things they say those who are
too burdened and relied upon dream about. The loss of your power, being at
mercy has nothing to do with being in charge of too damn much?”

I shook my head even as my eyes filled
with tears. I’d signed on for the game. And the fucking. But not for this. I
didn’t need this at all. “I’m fine.”

“Oh, I know you are. Because you make
sure to be fine. Explains why you could just drop that man, as useless as he
is, without a second thought. No talking or working it out or sharing your
feelings. Most women want to share the shit out of their feelings. You just
dropped him like a hot potato, right?”

I swallowed around the knot in my
throat. My eggs wanted to come back up but I steeled myself. “He was a dick. He
is
a dick.”

“Agreed. But most women would have to
have their final say or explain. Something. Not you, you just
¾
”
He scraped his palms together in that age old pantomime for washing your hands
of something. “Called it off.”

“I did. And it’s because of who he is
and not who I am.”

“That is never the case.”

“Let’s say it is.”

“I can’t force you. At least not on
this thing.”

“I know,” I said. Random images of him
fucking me while I sprawled bound on his stark white sheets.
Let it go. Let
it be. Please…
I cleared my throat. “Please don’t,” I amended.

He ran his finger over the back of my
hand until I had to readjust in my seat. “Tell me something, September.
Something about why you would surrender yourself to that douche bag.”

“But you said I wasn’t surrendering,”
I breathed. It did feel tainted somehow now that I‘d seen Lucas in action. Now
that I had had a little taste of real submission. Seen the difference in the
two men and the two acts.

He laughed. “Not really, no. But in
your head and in your heart you were. You
thought
 you were which is the
very same thing on many levels.”

“I don’t know. I just wanted things to
be…” I tried to find the words but they were gone. They had all vanished with
the bluster and anger.

“Easier?” Lucas had my wrists in his
finger now. His long thin fingers forming flesh and blood cuffs around my
joints.

“Yes.”

“On someone else’s shoulders?”

“Yes.”

“Will you do what I tell you when I
tell you?”

I didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“Even if it scares you or hurts your
feelings or you don’t understand it at the moment?”

I did wait for single heartbeat. Long
enough to take stock of how he made me feel. “Yes.”

He nodded. “Eat up. You’re going to
work with me.”

Chapter 12

I didn’t ask him why. Already, I’d
figured out that asking Lucas why anything was a waste of time.
Because
,
that was why. It had been a struggle to not ask him about that scar. Due to my
fixation on it, it felt important. It was the chink in his armor. The sign that
he was fallible. The scar held some secret about why he was the way he was. I’d
swallowed the question and finished my breakfast. Wondering all the while why
in the world an obviously accomplished Repo man would drag me to work with him.
Surely it would bungle the job.

I tried to picture myself stealthily
getting into cars that needed to be repossessed. It was enough to make me
laugh. I washed my dish, set it in the drainer and the doorbell rang. I froze.
What should I do? Did the game apply to other people? Was I a visitor or a
hostage? I stood at the counter, heart pounding, not breathing.

Lucas was talking. His voice a
oxymoron. Smoothly rough, harshly gentle. I smiled and tried to hear what was
being said.

“September, come in here,” Lucas
called. Did he know I was trying to hear? I hurried toward the living room but
inside of me I wanted to stall. There I stood in my frumpy clothes, staring at
the second best looking guy I’d ever seen. They had to be related.

“September, this is my brother,
Matthew. Matthew, this is Ember.”

Matthew gave me the once over and
laughed. “Half brother, actually. God knows I wouldn’t want to claim him. And
you, I take it these are for you?” He thrust a bag at me. Silver and white with
red letters
The Scarlet Letter
. Inside were jeans, a black sweater,
boots. A smaller bag was tucked inside of that bag. It contained a bra and a
pair of panties.

“I guessed at the sizes,” Lucas said.
The brothers exchanged a look and I felt my face blaze with heat. Did Matthew
know who I was? Why I was here? “Why don’t you go on up and get dressed.” Lucas
said. His smile told me he knew what was going through my head.

I nodded. Started out of the room. “It
was nice to meet you,” I called to Matthew.

He tipped me a wink, rocked back on
the heels of his work boots. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be here when you come back.
I’m coming with you guys.”

His eyes took stock of me and Lucas
watched his brother. There was a charge in the air I couldn’t quite put my
finger on. Just an inch shy of being eye to eye with his brother, Matthew
Crow’s hair was even longer and shaggier. His eyes were a lighter shade of
whiskey and the flecks within were blue. I’d bet when he was angry his eyes
turned the same color as dried leaves. His lips were a bit thinner, face a bit
more severe, his mouth wider. His voice was softer but had an underlying
cruelty.

“Ember?”

“Yes, sorry?”

“Go get dressed, Ember,” Lucas said
and I bolted. My bare feet hissed on the hardwood like they were telling
secrets.

Halfway up the steps I heard Matthew.
“So, bro, is that your new toy? I like her. She’s the best one yet. So, let’s
talk…”

* * * *

I must’ve passed muster because when I
came down both men gave me the once over. Both nodded with satisfaction. And
then Lucas scared the shit out of me, he said, “This is a big one. It’ll take
all three of us. So you, you are the bait and you ride with Matthew.”

Shit.

“Okay.” I said, dying inside.

“How are the clothes? You look good.”
He dropped me a secretive look when he said it and my insides flooded with a
warm feeling that only he seemed to trigger.

“They’re good. The jeans are a little
tight. But they fit,” I added, quickly. All the while my mind raced. I was to
ride with Matthew. What would I do? What would I say? How much did Matthew Crow
know about his brother’s sexual habits and had Lucas filled him in on me? I
hoped he had and I feared he had. It was a tie.

My body felt torqued up, full of
nervous energy. Kinetic.

“Too tight jeans? No such animal.”
Lucas offered his hand and I took it. “You and Matthew are decoys. This is
going to be difficult. The guy has a very nice red Mustang. He also has an
eagle eye and he parks his baby right outside his office window. That’s where
you and my brother come in. So tart it up. Take his cues. Got it?”

I nodded even though I was having a
really hard time processing the plan. Decoy? Tart it up? My stomach bottomed
out. What if I fucked it up? Lucas grinned and smacked my ass hard while his
brother watched. Matthew shook his head in mock disgust. My already bruised
skin resonated with a dull pain that sharply turned to satisfaction. I sighed
before I  could catch myself.

“Stop groping her and let’s go,”
Matthew said from the doorway. He did an up and down of me, grinning. From the
toes of my black boots to my smoothed blonde hair, wrangled into a messy pony tail.
“Nice,” he growled and then sauntered out the front door like he owned the
world.

* * * *

Lucas watched the look Matthew got
with Ember. He saw the way his brother tracked her every movement. It was the
same way the old man had taught them to track the animals when they were kids.
When the old man was around, that was. Even the most skittish deer could be
lulled into a peaceful death, he would say. Just be careful. Move slow. Be
quiet. No sudden movements. Patience was a virtue. Funny coming from a man who
thought that a good punch in the face could spur his eldest into action and
obedience. Either way, he had taught them well with tracking and hunting. And
that was where Matthew was headed. He had it in his mind that September was up
for grabs. He would be shocked to know that this time, Lucas wasn’t so keen on
his brother’s participation.

Lucas gave him a pointed look and
Matthew looked down before stalking out onto the front porch like the king of
the world he thought himself to be. His half brother wasn’t used to being
denied. Especially by Lucas. And Lucas rarely kept things from Matthew that
Matthew wanted. A nasty side effect of having a fucked up childhood and a
wandering parent who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.

They hadn’t met until Lucas was
fifteen and Matthew thirteen. Then Matthew’s mother, Noah Crow’s mistress from
his youth, had dropped Matthew off with a small suitcase and a note. “He’s
yours now” it read. And that was it.

Noah, a long haul trucker who was
rarely at home, had handed the note to Lucas and said only, “Congratulations.
It’s a boy.” And then he’d headed out on a two week trek in his rig.

Lucas watched him go, unsure of how
much he would tell his brother. Or how far he’d be willing to go this time. He
didn’t seem himself passing Ember off like a broken toy he was done with. Or
offering her up as a prize to Matthew. He’d have to play it by ear. His brother
was the closest thing to love he had in his life. But things had changed a bit.
Rapidly. He didn’t like it at all.

“Ready?”

Ember smiled. “Not really, but I’m as
ready as I’ll ever be.”

“That’ll do,” he said and locked the
front door after them.

* * * *

“Did my brother fill you in on what we
need to do?”

I nodded. I tried to sound sure of
myself. “He said we were the decoys. But I don’t know what that means.”  I
stared straight ahead feeling Matthew Crow’s eyes on me. Even in my peripheral
vision I could see him grin. It was an entirely wolfish grin.

His big hand slammed down on my thigh
and I yelped. “We are to play it up, my girl. You and I are lovers who are not
going to be getting along very well today. The clothes were for you because
Lucas said you didn’t have any. And they’re meant to be sort of revealing.” He
rubbed my leg. My heart beat fast with fear, my cunt with lust. He reached over
and easily popped two of the four buttons on the sweater. “Revealing,” he
repeated.

I glanced down at myself, tit shoved
high and more than half exposed, tight jeans, high black leather boots.
“Revealing or slutty?”

“Yes,” he said, sliding his hand a
little higher on my leg. His thumb a mere sweep from touching my now thumping
clit. “You were not what I expected at all when Lucas said he had one of his
visitors.”

I wanted to shift to get him to move
his hand, but was afraid the movement would be misinterpreted. I wanted him to
move his hand away. Didn’t I? Even I wasn’t sure. I shut my eyes tight,
whispered, “Wouldn’t he mind you touching me that way?”

When I opened my eyes he was staring
at me. The same hard penetrating gaze his brother had. He turned into a parking
lot and parked. “Are you serious?”

“What?” My face colored with
embarrassment. There was something I didn’t know.

“You’re serious? How long have you
been staying with Luke?”

“Just overnight. Why?” His hand was
still there, high on my jeans. His fingertips mere inches from the top of my
thigh. A violent need to be touched washed over me and I gritted my teeth,
determined to ignore it.

“You don’t know then?” Matthew leaned
close. He was so imposing and huge, but fast. His lips trapped mine for a
moment and his tongue slid between my lips. I was so surprised I didn’t react
until he was pulling back. “No. He would not mind at all,” Matthew said and
opened his door.

He was out of the car before I could
even close my mouth.

Chapter 13

“Look, you dumb bitch, don’t make me
get physical!”  Matthew bent and hit me in the belly with his shoulder. Not as
hard as it appeared to others, thankfully. He stood, me slung over him,
screeching and caterwauling like a cat.