Learning to Drown (22 page)

“Then why in the world would we hike?”
she mumbled and threw a pillow over her head.

Lucas did laugh then. He stalked over
to her as quietly as possible and then pounced, jumping on the bed, tearing off
the pillow so that she shrieked like an axe murderer was on the loose. One thin
hand clutched at her chest, the other twisting restlessly in the attached
leather cuff. Seeing her hands held together that way, her at his mercy again,
made his cock hard. But he ignored it and leaned in, pressing his lips to her temple.
He watched the pulse jump at her throat and wanted to press his teeth there.
Instead he said “Because we need to do something that isn’t fucking.”

“Good god, why?” But then she smiled
and he felt his heart break a little. When she smiled sometimes he felt like
he’d swallowed a lit light bulb. It was an entirely horribly pleasant feeling
that often left him feeling angry. Good things did not come to him easily, even
when he asked for them. So he looked at Ember being dropped in his lap, into
his bed, into his life almost as some cruel universal joke. The Trojan horse.
The bomb wrapped like a birthday gift.

“Because we do. I said so,” he growled
and found the key for her cuffs in his pocket. He set her slender wrists free,
watched her rub them to get the blood flow back. Her hand darted, almost too
fast for him to track, and she touched him. His belly, his belt buckle and
finally she went for the bulge in his pants that even half asleep was visible
to her.

Lucas snorted, grabbed her hand and
held it tight while he climbed off.

“Please,” she said, looking like she
would cry. “I feel like you’ve abandoned me.” Her face said maybe she hadn’t
wanted to admit that to him. Again he felt his heart seize up uncomfortably.
The urge to comfort her rose up in him, an unexpected wave of emotion and he
turned away from her before he could.

“If I’d abandoned you, Ember, you’d be
back in town, on your way to finding a new place or asking that dipshit you
were with to take you home. You wouldn’t be here one room away from me and
locked in so I could keep you safe–know where you are. When I want you,” he
tossed over his shoulder feeling simultaneously like the dominant and a huge
shit.

He heard her make a soft sound that
might be crying. He didn’t turn but he said, “ Come on, now. No time for that.
Hop in the shower so I can feed you and then I’ll show you the woods. You’ll
like it.”

“Yes, Lucas." He smiled, but
there was that feeling again. That he had to at least give her something. Let
her know. She wasn't just some toy and he wasn’t sure he liked it. But didn’t
he at least owe her the honesty.

“What a mess,” he said to himself. And
then “Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. And then you
have to change. And change sucks.”

* * * *

I pushed the pillow to my head and let
out a half-assed scream. Part of me wanted to take a shower and then kick Lucas
Crow in the shin and storm out like some movie star in a bad romantic comedy.
Another part of me wished we still had Matthew here as a distraction. When the brothers
had been butting heads I had felt the attraction and want coming off Lucas. I
could read him better because he wasn’t guarding himself from me, he was too
busy warring with his sibling.

“But now it’s just us and he’s
determined to mull every little thing over. So get used to it, Ember. Get used
to being frustrated and anxious–physically, mentally and emotionally because
that man is the most stubborn man…ever!” I kicked at the covers in frustration
and ended up stubbing my toe on the footboard and let out an enraged shriek.

“Stop talking to yourself and take a
shower!” Lucas yelled and I stuck my tongue out. His silent treatment and
inability, or unwillingness, to talk to me about his feelings was making me a
bit childish and I recognized that. I couldn’t stop it, but at least I
recognized it.

The shower was hot, the jeans were
perfect, the sweater was soft and the boots cheered me up. By the time I got to
the breakfast table, Lucas was filling my plate with bacon and fluffy pancakes.
I almost forgot to be pissed at him. Almost.

“Looks good,” I said grudgingly.

“Glad you approve." He grinned at
me and that grin went right to my pussy. Then right to my heart. And then I
felt another wave of anger.

“I do. Thanks so much. Won’t talk to
me but you’ll feed me like a queen. Truth be told,” I said, shoving a huge bite
in my mouth and talking with my mouth full--on purpose just to annoy him. “I’d
prefer a granola bar and an adult conversation with a man who didn’t need to
lock me up and lock me in and close me off, emotionally, that is.”

He glared at me and I mentally marked
myself a single point in the battle of Ember and Lucas. I smiled, shoveled in
another bite and took a sip of coffee.

“I told you we’d talk. I told you I
was trying to figure some stuff out and I told you that you were free to go.”
He said this all in a low flat line voice, clearly he was keeping a rein on his
emotions.

“Ooooh, so generous of you. My way or
leave. Thanks so much for playing, Em. Have this ridiculously loud sex toy as a
consolation prize. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass one the way out. The
ass marked up with little bruises from my hand. Don’t forget your luggage. The
clothes I bought, the boots too. But don’t ask me to have a normal fucking
conversation!” My voice was going up despite my best efforts and he gave me a
head shake and a warning look. I kept going.

“Because big bad Lucas can hijack cars
and tie up women and share with his brother and take off into the woods. He can
do it all. But he cannot let anyone know how he feels. God fucking forbid he
show an emotion. God fucking forbid he says what’s in his—”

He was fast. I’d forgotten just how
fast. Funny how you don’t remember stuff like that until you see it again and
it jogs your memory. He grabbed my arm and yanked, yanked me right out of my
seat and I dropped my fork. I swallowed hard as his thick forearm tugged me in
and he used his other hand to lever me down. I flopped over his lap like a
broken doll and I knew just where this was going. Exactly where. I kicked out,
terrified and turned on at once. A tornado of emotions locked in the small
space that was my belly and my cunt.

There was no game in it. There were no
words. He did not make me count and he did not address me at all beyond saying
“I think we’ve way surpassed ten at this point.” His thick strong fingers
snatched a spatula from the table and he started in on me. A flurry of blows
that stung like a million tiny thumbtacks pricking my skin. Even through my
jeans. Even through my panties. He used the flat of the tool and kept his blows
to the fleshy part of my ass, but Lucas’s displeasure with me radiated through
my ass, the backs of my legs, the small of my back. I grunted and squirmed,
caterwauled and shrieked and yet he didn’t stop. I had no idea how many blows
he landed or when the flood of pain morphed to a flood of endorphins. I had no
idea when my desperate struggled turned to writhing on his lap, trying to come
in any contact with him at all. His knee, his thigh, any part of him I could
press my sex to was what my body sought.

Then Lucas stood suddenly, tumbling me
to the floor. He tugged up on my arm at the last minute so I didn’t hit too
hard. So I didn’t hurt myself. I stared up and he glared down and then said,
“Finish your breakfast if you like. I’ll meet you out front. You have
permission to get yourself off if you need to. And your face says you need to.”
Then he turned on his boot heels and walked out.

I stared after him, heard the front
door slam. “Well,” I said. My voice a bizarre mix of anger and wounded pride, I
forced the rest of the words out, trying to sound brave to my own ears. “Thanks
so much, Lucas. Thanks so much for your permission to get myself off. Thanks
for your input. Your opinion. Your royal declaration.” But even as I said it, I
felt the insistent pulse in my pussy, the fluttering anxiety in my belly, the
need that seemed to echo like a second heartbeat in my chest. I knew what the
rest of my day in close proximity to him would be like if I didn’t finish this.

It could be done, but it would be
terrible. Achy and needy and irate. That would be the bulk of my day with him.
I pushed my hand down in my jeans, knowing by the flexing beat of my cunt that
this would take no time at all. My body was awash with fear and anger and want
and need. A deep seated need that was nearly painful. I pushed my fingers deep
into my pussy, feeling the flickers of pain and pleasure dance across my flesh.
I noted how they swapped places and then merged at time. First a hot sting on
my skin, then a steady unfathomable pulse of pleasure, and then some bizarre
mix of joy studded with pain.

“Fucking jerk,” I said and pushed my
fingers deeper. I slid my other hand down into my panties, worked my clit. My
hands working overtime to take me where Lucas had refused to. I imagined him
with his face pressed to the kitchen window, watching my pathetic self
ministrations. I imagined him arriving and gathering me into his arms, saying
he was sorry, going down on me. I imagined him coming in silent and strong but
taking me there on the kitchen floor. Fucking me slowly and brutally and
exactly as I needed. I imagined it all and none of it happened.

What did happen was my juiced up body
gave up the orgasm with a rush of fluid and spasms and soft cries that I did my
damndest to swallow.

Then I cleared my plate and hit the
bathroom and pulled my coat on. I wasn’t hungry anymore and already the orgasm
was fading. But I’d be fucked if I’d let him know that. So I shut the door
behind me and smiled at him, my biggest fakest smile when he looked up from
clearing snow off the front steps. “Ready for our hike!” I announce, trudging
toward him. I had that horrible sick moment of realization as my feet went out
from under me and my ass hit the granite steps.

Chapter 26

There were tears. Lots and lots of
embarrassing tears. And there was a true look of concern on Lucas’s face as he
rushed to me. I felt a sickening satisfaction to see his deep concern. Served
him right. Treating me this way. Now watch me fall and break my ass and die of
a broken coccyx! That struck me as funny so by the time he reached me I was
alternating laughing like a hyena and crying like a small child.

“Are you okay?” he asked, brushing my
hair out of my face, wiping my tears.

“No! No I am not okay. You won’t talk
to me and you spanked me. On the ass! And then I fell. On the same ass!” I was
half yelling and half wheezing from all the tears. “And now…” Anger replaced
the upset and I grabbed his arm and hauled myself up. “Right. Never mind. There
is a hike. Let’s fucking hike. Here we go.” I started through the few inches of
snow, struck a rock, stumbled. For a moment I thought I’d fall again. And I
decided right there that if I fell and became mortified yet
again
I was
going to just punch Lucas right in the head. I didn't care. Pushy or not,
dominant or not, abductor or not. I would punch him right. In. The. Head.

But I didn’t fall and I heard him
coming up behind me on the barely discernable trail. “Ember,” he said.

“I trust I’m going the right way.” I
refused to look at him.

“Yes. The trail. I thought we’d hike
it.”

“Here we go!” I said like a maniac.
“Let’s hike it! Let’s go. Up and at ‘em big boy.” I walked faster, my ass
singing with the recent punishment and now with a biting, tender pain from
hitting the stone steps. I winced but tamped down the pain. Fuck it. It was
just an ass. A bruise was no big deal. I’d had worse. Worse had been his swift
and wordless punishment not a half hour before. Worse had been his
permission
to get myself off instead of just being with me–taking me, fucking me, making
love to me. Whatever label you wanted to put on it or whatever sweetness level,
Lucas had decided to leave me to my own devices instead of being with me.

Lucas grabbed my arm and I shocked
both of us by yanking away. “Hey, now, we’re not in the bedroom,
Sir.
We’re out in the great outdoors. Just two people hiking. Just two people taking
a stroll.” I didn’t even know what I was saying. I felt like I was babbling. My
anger seemed to have a voice even when my hurt feelings did not.

“Fine. Let’s hike.” He pressed his
lips together.

“Good."

“Right.”

I bit my tongue. I would not say
another word. He was baiting me. I shook my head and stuffed my hands in my
coat pocket. I felt the cool metal outline of my phone in my pocket. Maybe I
should whip it out and call a cab. That would set him straight.

That’s not showing very much faith in
him.

I blinked back tears. My anger and my
bruised ego was overruling what I’d set out to do. Show Lucas that I had faith
in him. That I believed in him. That I was more than his current walking,
talking sex doll. I blew out a big breath but it didn’t help my raging
emotions, it did rein me in a bit though. I slid and he reached out to steady
me. His jaw was tight with unspoken words, I guessed. Or just plain annoyance.
But he steadied me without flinching and we kept climbing the trail. A barely
discernable upgrade that kept us hiking a bit higher and higher as we nearly
marched in our silent travel.