Learning-to-Feel (7 page)

I asked him about his time in New York while I made dinner. He answered, though it was obvious there were parts he wasn't willing to divulge, but we laughed and talked all the same
. It
was so easy. There was an occasional gentle touch of the hand, my hand on his hip when I leaned past him, and our conversation never waned.

During dinner we talked music, books and current affairs. He knew so much about the art world, a subject I knew very little of, and I could have listened to him talk about it for hours. He was so passionate, so enthralled about what he did. It was refreshing.

He said the same went for me. That like him, I too loved what I did, but I had basically stopped living my life for my work.

"I didn't stop living my life," I told him. "I just didn't know any different. I just spent so much time working because there wasn't anything else, any
one
else…" my words trailed away.

"But there were women…?" he asked, and while his tone was joking, I knew he wanted an honest answer.

"There were," I told him the truth
.
There was no point in lying. "But it was never… it was…
deficient...”
I wasn’t sure how to explain it. “It never felt right."

He nodded knowingly and then started to clear the table. "I kissed a girl once," he admitted, and I looked at him shocked. He grinned at my expression. "It was horrible. I was sixteen and tried to be into girls like everyone else. Her name was Suzie. It was like kissing my Grandma." He shuddered at the memory.

I laughed at this, and Trent chuckled. But I wanted to ask him something. "So you always knew you were gay?"

He nodded. "Pretty much, yeah. When I was about fourteen and the guys were watching porn, they'd make comments on tits, and I'd be thinking,
mmmm, look at his back, his hips."
He shook his head and chuckled. "I never even looked at the girls in those movies. I was always watching the men."

Trent watched me for a second before he asked, "Did you never notice the men in porn and think there might have been something there?"

I cleared my throat. "I’ve never watched any…"

Trent blinked. Twice. "Never?"

I shook my head and busied myself with cleaning up in the kitchen. "I told you, I was never into sex."

"You've never watched porn?" he asked incredulously. "Never?"

I felt my cheeks heat and deliberately wouldn't look at him, but I shook my head again. "No.”

He mumbled, "Oh, my God."

I finally faced him, and he was staring at me, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "You've got a laptop and internet connection?"

I nodded, and I knew what he was suggesting. I wasn’t opposed to it, not at all. In fact, I was rather interested.

"If you wanna grab it, we could get comfy on the sofa…" he trailed away suggestively.

Avoiding his stare, I looked at the floor when I said, "Or we could watch it in my room?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen. "What about the dishes?" I asked.

"Fuck the dishes," he said flatly and led me upstairs.

I set up my laptop, a little nervously, and he patted the bed beside him, inviting me to join him. So, climbing up to rest against the headboard like him, he took my computer and typed in some website address.

Before long there was a screen filled with images , where you could select which scene you'd like to watch. "Are those all videos?" I asked, naively.

He nodded and smiled. "The net’s full of free porn. There are short videos or long ones that go for thirty-odd minutes. But I think we'll start with some shorter ones. They can be a little crude," he warned.

But he pressed play and soon enough, there were two guys making out on a bed. They started with kissing, and I could feel myself getting aroused just by watching them. Then they were naked and pumping each other. I watched their cocks. I was transfixed.

"You like that?" he asked softly, and I nodded in response.

Then the scene cut, one of the guys was bent over the side of the mattress, and the other guy slid his dick into the other guys waiting ass. It was hot, and it made me hard, but to imagine doing that was scary as hell.

"I don’t think I’m ready for that," I said in a whisper.

Trent's hand squeezed my thigh. "I know you're not ready for that, baby."

I looked at Trent then, and he was looking straight at me. "But you've done that?" I asked.

He laughed quietly and nodded. "Sure have."

I looked back at the screen and something confounded me. "The guy…" I didn’t know what to call it, "getting fucked," I cringed at having said that. "He seems to like it."

Trent grinned. "The guy
getting
fucked is called a ‘bottom’, and the guy
doing
the fucking is called a ‘top’," he explained. "And he does seem to like it, doesn't he?" he added sardonically.

I wasn’t sure if it was rude to ask, but I needed to know. "So, which one are you?"

He took his time to answer, and I was about to apologize for asking when he told me, "I switch."

The guy on the screen was thrusting harder, and they were both groaning and it was really quite distracting. "What's that mean? Switch?" I asked.

"Both. I like to do both," he said with a chuckle.

I could hardly take my eyes off the guys fucking on-screen. My cock was aching, so I palmed it, tried to relieve some pressure. It was then I remembered I wasn’t exactly alone, and my eyes quickly darted to Trent
.
He was watching me.

His eyes were dark, and his lips were parted. He looked… hungry.

The sound of the two guys on-screen coming demanded my attention. I looked to see the guy, the bottom, coming hard while still being fucked.

"Does being a bottom hurt?" I asked, though my voice was strained.

Trent's voice was husky. "Not if you have a patient lover."

I looked at him, into his eyes. His face was barely inches from mine, one of his hands was on my thigh, his other hand was slowly stroking himself. I hadn't even noticed. Swallowing hard, I asked him, "Are you a patient lover?"

Trent blinked slowly, and he groaned. "Oh, baby." Then he kissed
me, softly, sweetly. H
is lips and tongue were caressing my mouth. Slowly, deeply and almost tenderly, Trent devoured my mouth, my jaw, my neck.

He pushed the laptop to the edge of the bed and settled himself between my legs. My cock was so hard it hurt, and he quickly undid the fly and exposed me to him. I expected him to palm me or wrapped his fingers around me, but he didn't.

Without saying a word, he pulled my shirt above my head and leaned down, taking my nipple into his mouth. My body reacted at once, my hips rose, trying to push against him, but he denied me. He trailed opened-mouthed kisses across my chest and down my abdomen.

Then he took my cock into his hand, only to lean down and kiss the head.

I gasped in absolute pleasure. My entire body was shaking in desire, in anticipation.

He smiled as he licked the length of me, from base to tip, his eyes never leaving mine. He rubbed his hands over my hips, along my stomach as he licked me again.

The laptop screen was now showing a different couple, one kneeling taking the entire length of cock down his throat.

I shuddered, and then Trent took my cock into his mouth. "Holy fuck!" I cried out, and he hummed.

I fisted the blankets at my sides, and Trent started to slide his lips up and down my dick. His mouth was warm and wet, his tongue was swirling and lapping, and I knew I wouldn't last long.

It didn't help that the laptop screen was still running a close up of a guy fucking some other guy's face. He was thrusting his cock while the other guy opened wider to take him. They were moaning, and I was so fucking close to coming.

I ran one hand through his hair and felt then, how his head moved up and down my shaft. Between watching Trent work me over, feeling what he was doing to me, and watching the two men on-screen, I was on the edge. "Fuck Trent, I’m close," I warned him, and he groaned around my cock.

Then the guy on screen started yelling, "Take my cock, suck it! That’s it boy. Take my cock, all of it!" and my back arched off the bed as my orgasm ripped down my spine, and I exploded in Trent's mouth.

He sucked and swallowed, and my seams completely unravelled. His mouth, his hands, his moaning, sent warm shivers through my body as my orgasm wracked my whole frame. I was still twitching, and the room was still spinning and even when Trent bit playfully my hip, all I could manage was a giggle.

He crawled up my body and pressed his erection against me. Even in my orgasm-addled brain, I could feel his desire pressed against my thigh. He wasn’t expecting it, and when I flipped us over and pressed him into my bed, his eyes went wide and he grinned.

I laughed, and the room tilted a little, the blood had still not returned to my brain properly. "Whoa…" I chuckled, "give me a second…" and he laughed with me. "It’s not my fault," I defended myself, "you're the one who jellified my insides."

He laughed again, but the sound died abruptly when I pulled his sweat pants down, and his engorged cock sprang free. "Nathan," he gasped, "what are you doing?"

I looked at his throbbing dick - I’d never been so close to an erect penis. I'd most certainly never attempted to have one in my mouth - and then I looked at his face. "I don’t know… but I want to try."

"Baby, you don’t have to."

"I want to," I told him. "I really want to." And I did. I really fucking wanted this.

"But…?"

"But I don’t know what I’m doing," I admitted. Leaning back on my knees, I took him in my hand and stroked him.

He bit back a groan. "Shit babe, mmm…"

But then I licked him, pressing my tongue to his frenulum. "Ah, fuck!" he cried.

And I did it again, and this time he hissed. I smiled, and next, I licked the head and he moaned. When I did it again, there was precome. The taste assaulted my senses, it shocked me at first. I’d never tasted another man before, but I wanted to taste more.

So I closed my eyes, parted my lips and took him into my mouth. Trent's breath stuttered, and he moaned like I’d never heard. It spurred me on, and I started to move up and down a little, and flattened my tongue against his shaft.

I didn’t take him too far into my mouth, but I sucked hard and flicked the head of his cock with my tongue. Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. His eyes were wide, and he was staring at me. "Ohhhmygod…" he murmured.

I used one hand to wrap around the base of his shaft and pumped him while I continued sucking hard. Trent's hands flinched around my head like he wanted to grab hold of my hair, but he quickly fisted the blankets instead.

Giving him so much pleasure, seeing him writhing under me, was empowering. I sucked and licked him with a new confidence, and when my fingers grazed his balls, his voice rasped, "Fuck baby, coming, coming…"

I pulled my mouth from him but continued stroking him, squeezing him and massaging his balls, watching his reaction to my touch. He thrust his hips up, ramming his cock into my fist. His hands were clawed into the blankets at his sides, and his jaw was clenched as his orgasm erupted in hot thick spurts onto my hand and his stomach.

I was still panting when time he came back to earth, and I wiped him down with his disregarded shirt. I closed the laptop he pulled his sweat pants up and pulled me into his still-trembling arms. He mumbled something about me
trying to fucking kill him,
and settled himself against me. When his breathing evened out not long after, and I knew he was asleep.

I brushed the hair from his forehead with my fingers, kissed his temple and fell asleep, for the first time in my life, in the arms of a man.

CHAPTER 9

It was an odd whining noise that woke me from the best sleep I'd had in years. Peeling back my eyelids, I found my bedroom bathed in sunlight and the source of the whining.

Two big brown eyes and a wet, black nose were mere inches from my face, and very curious. He whined again and huffed, making Trent stir. Trent lifted his head, looked at me then at his dog and smiled sleepily, but he dropped his head back down and sighed.

"What do you want, Bentley?" I asked the dog.

Trent answered with a chuckle, "You're late getting his breakfast."

It made me laugh.

But I glanced at the alarm clock and realized I was late. "Shit!" I flew out of bed, grabbed the quickest shower ever and didn’t bother shaving.

I went back into my room to get dressed, to find my bed was empty. I was a little disappointed I didn’t find a sleep rumpled Trent smiling at me, but the fact he was even in my bed at all made me grin.

I raced down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab my tie and satchel. Trent had toast cooked and he had one piece cut up. Handing a portion to Bentley, he told the dog, "Dr Slacko here's running too late to serve you today."

Trent looked at me and grinned. He was so fucking cute, all messed hair and blue eyes
.
He handed the other piece of toast to me. I took it with a smile and turned and walked to the door, and he said, "Is that all the thanks I get? Just a sexy smile?"

So I turned on my heel and taking two long strides, I grabbed his face with my free hand and kissed him so hard his wide eyes rolled back in his head. His back was bent, and I was leaning over him, kissing him, thoroughly and fucking deliciously hard. I tilted my head, so I could force my tongue into his mouth, demanding to taste him.

His hand slid along my face, and he moaned when he felt the unshaven stubble along my jaw. I pulled my mouth from his abruptly, and he whimpered. It took a second for his eyes to open and focus. "Thank you," I said with a smile in my voice.

I think I’d rendered him speechless because his mouth opened and closed, but he said nothing. I prompted him with, "You're welcome," and he nodded.

I bit into my toast and chuckled all the way to work.

* * * *

The next few days were some of the best I could recall. Trent and I spent every night together, exploring each other's bodies. He slept in my bed, and it was pretty fucking perfect. I was getting more confident in my skills of pleasuring him, and I was learning what I liked as well. Sometimes we didn’t do anything overtly sexual, just cuddled up and watched TV, and that was pretty great too.