Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1) (24 page)

At first, we stay seated at our table for quite a few songs, simply watching the action. Neither of us dance, so it seems safer this way. Less injuries. But I can tell she wants to be out there, among our peers. So when Sam Smith’s hit song
Stay with Me
begins to play, I finally grab her hand and pull her out into the middle of the dance floor.

“What are you doing?” she asks nervously, her eyes darting back and forth between me and the full dance floor.

“I’m dancing with you. You didn’t expect to watch from the sidelines all night, did you?” I stick my tongue out at her, and then pull her in close.

“I’ve never danced before,” she whispers under her breath.

“It’s easy, just try not to step on my feet and I will do the same.” I give her a reassuring squeeze to her hip, and wait as she puts her hands on my shoulders. “What are we in middle school?” I tease, pulling her in even closer. “Put your hands around my neck.”

She does as she’s told, and we’re so close I can feel her erratically beating heart. “You nervous?” I ask, although I already know the answer.

She swallows, nodding.

“Just focus on me. It’s just you and me, dancing.”

She takes my advice, and soon enough, she rests her head on my shoulder. Everything feels right about our embrace. Our bodies mold so perfectly with one another.

I catch a glimpse of Sophia and Joe across the crowded room, but the normal annoyance I usually feel from simply seeing them isn’t there tonight. Tonight is only about Ciera and me. After the song ends, and we exit the dance floor, she seems ready for anything. “You want to get out of here?”

She looks at me, and then back at the group we arrived with. “What about the others?”

“I can send the limo back to pick them up when they’re ready.”

“Okay,” she says.

We’ve been at the dance for a good hour and a half. But now I want to spend some alone time with her. Without the eyes of our peers dissecting every move we make.

“Where to now?” the limo driver asks.

“Bush park,” I answer.

Less than twenty minutes later we are seated on the trunk of the limo, gazing up at the starry night sky. I wrap my black suit jacket around Ciera’s shoulders to keep her warm.

“If time wasn’t an obstacle, what would you be doing after graduation?”

She inhales deeply, digesting my question. “I would go to college to become a writer.”

I look over at her, the moonlight glistening over her face. “What kind of books would you write?”

She giggles. “That’s embarrassing.”

I nudge her with my shoulder lightly. “Becoming a writer is not embarrassing…tell me.”

She bites her bottom lip nervously before breaking. “Romance novels.”

My eyes shoot up. “Oh, really?”

She nods slowly. “I love how romance authors can make you feel every emotion in their books that you feel invested in the characters. By the end of the story, you feel as if you know them on some kind of a personal level, and you mourn the loss of them when it’s over.”

The way she speaks about it is so powerful. “You still have more than two months. Why don’t you spend some time writing?”

Her cheeks flush. “I’ve never tried before. Who’s to say I could even finish it in time?”

I throw my arm around her and rub her arm. “You won’t know unless you try.”

She shifts her eyes to meet mine. “I guess…it is something on my list.”

“There ya go. You need to check it off.”

She continues to nibble on her bottom lip, and I can’t take it anymore. I know she said we need to take a step back, but right now, in this moment, I can’t for the life of me, remember why. Not when things feel so right with her.

I slide my arm off of her shoulder, and brush the back of my hand gently across her cheek. “You have no idea how badly I’ve been wanting to kiss you all night.”

Her face falls. “You know we can’t.”

I continue my stare down with her. “Who says that? I mean is it an actual law or do you
not
want to kiss me?”

She shakes her head dismissively. “You know it’s not that easy.”

“Who’s to say it can’t be?” I ask. “I want to kiss you…do you want to kiss me?”

“Topher…” she says gently, taking her bottom lip once again between her teeth.

I place my mouth right by her ear and whisper, “kiss me.”

I can feel her shudder from this, but she doesn’t move.

“Kiss me,” I order again, but this time I let my hot breath trail down her neck, and I watch in fascination as her skin rises with bumps.

“Topher,” she says, softer this time. I can tell she is losing her resolve.

I press my lips gently to her neck, and I hear her moan softly. But she doesn’t ask me to stop.

“I think I’m falling in love with you…” she says so softly I have to strain to hear every word.

I pull back, looking deeply into her blue eyes. “Stop fighting it.” I move my lips within inches of hers. If she says a word, our lips will graze against one another’s. I hear her gasp lightly.

“We shouldn’t…” she says, but her mouth does the complete opposite. She closes her lips upon mine gently, and once I know I’ve gotten the okay, I kiss her with everything I have. I slide my tongue slowly across her lips until she opens up, and allows me access inside. Until our tongues meet one another’s in a sensual dance. I slip my hand behind her head, within her hair, massaging her lightly with my fingers.

She is pulling me in closer, and I am obeying her every command. I move my lips to the base of her neck, and kiss her passionately, my dick growing hard when she sighs.

She pulls away quickly, and I fear she is going to push me away again, but she surprises me. “Did you see that?”

I tear my eyes off her face to where she is pointing at in the sky. “No.”

“It was a shooting star! That was number eight on my list.”

I smile back at her. “Wait…were you kissing me with your eyes open?”

Her cheeks grow red. “I was trying to commit this moment to memory. Commit you to memory.”

I run my hands softly over her hair again, kissing her forehead. “I can’t go back to
just
being friends with you. Not now.”

She nods slightly. “I know.”

“Because I want to kiss you as much as I can for the next couple of months. And if I want to hold your hand, I don’t want to have to ask permission.”

She looks deeply into my eyes. “Topher, I know.”

“What?” I ask, utterly confused. “So you don’t want to keep your distance anymore?”

She puts her hand lightly on my heart. “I don’t think I can. Not when I feel as strongly about you as I do.”

I cover her hand with mine. “Good. Because I plan to spoil you as much as humanly possible.”

She giggles. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know,” I reply. “But I want to.” And then I lower my lips to hers again and again.

Chapter Twenty Four

Ciera

Winter Formal was more magical than I could have ever imagined and more. Topher was a complete and utter gentleman. Unfortunately, I only find myself falling deeper and deeper for him. I know we are at a point of no return now. We can’t stay away from one another any longer, and we don’t want to. With only two months left until the dreaded date, I know I want to get closer to him. As close as two people can possibly get. But I’m so inexperienced, and dating is all so fresh to me, I haven’t known how to bring it up to him. Most people naturally progress in their relationship until they explore one another mind, body, and soul. Because my time is limited, we are going to have to fast forward through a lot of it, and that scares me. I don’t know if it will hurt when we do it. I don’t know what to expect.

After Winter Formal, it was an unspoken understanding that Topher and I were together. We haven’t put a title on it yet, but he picks me up every day for school now. He kisses me in public and walks me to my classes, hand in hand. Mack hasn’t been too excited about the new development, but he’s done well to keep his disdain masked. None of Topher’s friends speak to him anymore, except for the group we went to the dance with. His popularity has definitely been knocked down more than a few pegs, but he’s made it glaringly obvious that he doesn’t care about that.

My popularity has gone the complete opposite route. People I’ve never spoken to before suddenly know my name and go out of their way to talk to me. It’s been interesting, to say the least.

Last weekend Topher took me a few hours south to Bend, where we enjoyed freshly fallen snow. We had one hell of a snowball fight, went sledding, and he even found an ice skating rink. Even though I was on my butt more times than I was standing up, I had one hell of a time. He tackled me in the snow at one point, and even though the temperature was near freezing, the heat from his body sent flames throughout mine. I know it won’t be much longer before I will want to experience him in every way possible. The thought sends my heart into overdrive. I know when it happens, when we actually have sex, I am going to be at my most vulnerable to him, and that terrifies me. I’m a romantic, so I know that when I decide I am ready, is also going to be when I realize without a fraction of a doubt that I am head over heels in love with him. It’s a bittersweet feeling. Loving someone so much you want to share yourself with them, but knowing that the feeling can’t last.

I’m worried about him. I’m worried about what will happen after I’m gone. He was fine before me, I know he will be fine after me…but I know it will take some time. I know it’s not going to be easy. It devastates me to think that I will be the cause of his unhappiness. I just hope he will be able to move on. I just hope he will be able to find someone to give his heart to again, because he is a beautiful person. The past couple of months I’ve had to get to know him have been like a fairy-tale. I don’t want him to shut himself off to love after I’m gone, and I definitely don’t want him to revert back to his old ways.

After the night of the Winter Formal, I took his advice and began writing a book. Turns out falling in love is a very positive motivator. I haven’t figured out a title for it yet, but it’s based off a lot of my real life. I’m rather enjoying the process of writing a book, and I wish I had had the guts to start sooner.

In a couple of weeks Christmas will be here, and I know it is going to be even more emotional for me than Thanksgiving was. My mother has been breaking down more often. Especially now that she told my siblings what’s going on. They’re still too young to fully comprehend exactly what is happening to me, but they know that I won’t be around for much longer. They haven’t been fighting nearly as much, and I think it’s due to that. I’m going to miss my family so much. I just hope they take the time necessary to mourn the loss and then move on. I’ve heard what grief can do to people, how it can change them, and I hope it’s easier on my family.