Learning to Live (The Infinite Love Series Book 1) (27 page)

I take his face in my hands, taking the time to appreciate it before I lean in and kiss him passionately. This is my way of letting him know we are on the same page. He moans softly into my mouth, and I know he’s received the message loud and clear. I rip my shirt off, surprising him.

“Now?” he exclaims, startled.

“Well, no, not if you don’t want to,” I play with him. I reach for his shirt when he grips my wrist, stopping me.

“Not so fast, missy!” Before I can make another move he has maneuvered my body down to the pillows at the head of the bed. He is on top of me, staring down into my eyes. Without breaking eye contact, he slowly pulls his shirt off, tossing it to the ground. My hands immediately go to his chest, my fingers trailing down it.

His eyes flutter from my touch. He kisses me again, pulling my bottom lip between his and sucking on it lightly. He moves his mouth to my neck and places a trail of kisses along it. I’m already in ecstasy from the simple moves he’s making. He runs his hands up my arms, and then threads his fingers between mine. With our hands entwined, he lifts them up above my head, and continues his kissing trail down my collarbone, and then to my shoulder. He places a kiss dangerously close to the strap of my bra before he releases my hands, and slips a finger between my bra strap and shoulder.

He locks eyes with me once more to make sure it is okay for him to continue. I nod lightly giving him the okay before he slips the strap down my arm. He does the same move with the other side, and then takes one of his hands, and pulls my breasts out. He admires my naked chest before continuing. “You have no idea how long I’ve been fantasizing about this moment.”

I giggle softly, blushing. “Oh, I’m pretty sure I do.”

He shakes his head, laying it down onto my chest. His lips dangerously close to my breast. I can feel his warm breath on my skin, sending tingles down my spine and out my toes. Between his hands and his mouth, Topher definitely knows what he is doing.

He reaches for my underwear and I stop him. “Do you want to use protection?” I ask. In a normal situation, this would be a no-brainer. But I am dying anyway and I’m a virgin, so I don’t have any diseases I could transfer to Topher.

He pulls away from me slightly. “Don’t you?”

I shake my head. “I have less than three weeks to live. I want to experience all of you. I want to feel all of you.”

His eyes soften.

“Don’t,” I say softly.

“What?”

“Let’s keep the emotions out of it. We can cry when it’s over. But it will just kill our mood.”

He cocks his head to the side. “When did you become so logical about all of this?”

I shrug, pulling him back down to me, pressing my lips to his.

Topher makes sure I get to experience all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. He handles me gently and with care. I’ve never felt closer to another human being before. After we take the time to explore every inch of each other’s bodies, I can’t tell where he ends and I begin.

They always say the first time is awkward, uncomfortable, and underwhelming. While there were a few uncomfortable moments, the majority of it was beautiful. Being able to give myself fully to Topher and see him in the same state; vulnerable, is an incredible feeling. I’m feeling more confident about the short amount of time I have left. In the past few months, I’ve been able to tackle nearly every item on my bucket list, thanks to my loving boyfriend. I’m beginning to wonder what the next chapter will be for me, once I pass on. It’s a much better than feeling sorry for myself.

Chapter Twenty Seven

Topher

She’s fading slowly, and before we know it, she’s going to be merely a memory. My anxiety grows as the day nears. I’ve known for a long time that her grim outcome was inevitable, but I couldn’t prepare myself for it. I didn’t want to.

With only one week left until the red circled date on the calendar, I know we’ve run out of time. Her family is here every day now. A few days ago when Ciera finally got the chance to call her mother back she found out that her father was in town. She had never met him before, being a product of a one night stand…but something compelled Ms. Nelson to call him, and he actually came.

At first Ciera didn’t want to see him. She had made it through her entire life without his help. But, after some discussion, I helped her realize that if she didn’t take the opportunity now, she wouldn’t get it again. We agreed to go to dinner with him. It will take nearly everything out of her, but I know it will be worth it in the end.

We meet at a local Thai restaurant, one that Ciera and I both enjoy, as we walk in. It looks fairly empty, except for a few scattered patrons, but we don’t see any solo males. We take a seat at a booth and Ciera is fumbling with her shirt. I throw my arm over her shoulder, squeezing it. “You look fine.”

She shifts her eyes to mine quickly. “How did you know?”

I shrug. “After you spend enough time with someone, you get to know their ‘tells’.”

She smiles slightly, but her eyes look sad. I know what she is thinking, and my heart squeezes from the thought.

It doesn’t get any easier as the time nears. If anything, the pain inside both of us becomes that much more unbearable. Even the idea that she might not be here after next week sends goose bumps throughout my entire body. I don’t want to remember what life was like before her. I just want her.

I press my forehead against hers lightly. “You’re going to be okay, you know,” she says softly, her lip trembling.

I shake my head against hers softly. “I don’t know if I will be…”

She takes a shaky deep breath in. “You’re stronger than you realize, Topher. You’re one of the strongest people I know.”

I sigh, feeling the warmth behind my eyes. “I don’t want to know what it is like without you.”

She smiles, but it’s forced. “You don’t have to. I’m always going to be with you,” she whispers.

“Ciera?” I hear a deep male voice ask.

Our heads pop up and a tall, dark haired male with a goatee and brown eyes stares back at us. Ciera glances at me quickly and then back to the man. “You must be Paul.”

He nods, emotion pouring over his face and eyes.

I stumble out of the booth quickly, reaching my hand out. “I’m Topher, Ciera’s boyfriend.”

He gives me the once over, taking my hand in his and shaking it firmly. I move out of the way so Ciera can scoot out of the booth and do the same.

His eyes continue to rake over her face. “You look so much like your mother.”

She blushes as she shakes his hand.

I can already see the resemblance. They have the same face shape and big eyes. Even similar teeth structure.

He slips into the booth across from us as we slide back into place. “Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me.”

Ciera nods gently, remaining silent. I know this is difficult for her.

“Your mother told me about what is going on.”

I glance at Ciera and then back to her father.

He looks pained as she continues to remain quiet. “Ciera, I’m sorry…”

She inhales deeply, and then finally opens her mouth to speak. “Where have you been? I used to ask my mother about you and she just told me that you left. I know you were around when I was a baby, but I don’t remember you.”

He sighs uncomfortably, shifting in his seat. “Ciera, things between your mother and me…well, they weren’t exactly healthy. I left to make things better for all of us.”

“You left and you’re trying to justify that you made the right decision? I’m seventeen years old! You couldn’t call or write for seventeen years?”

The pain that Ciera has kept bottled up inside is slowly seeping its way out of her body.

He runs his hand over his hair, seemingly frustrated. “It’s not that easy.”

She stifles a laugh. “So what…now that I’m dying it’s suddenly become a piece of cake to reach out to your own daughter?”

I shoot a worried glance her way.
Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“I was young and naïve,” Paul says softly. “I didn’t know how to be a father.”

A tear slips down her face. “You didn’t even try. You just gave me up. I don’t even know who you are, and soon it won’t even matter anymore.”

His face contorts as her words wash over him. “Ciera, you matter. You’ve always mattered. Did your mother ever give you the birthday cards I sent?”

Ciera looks back at him through narrowed eyes. “What cards?”

He exhales deeply. “Figures.”

“What cards?” she asks more forceful now.

The waitress is nearing our table, but I lock eyes with her to silently communicate that now isn’t the best time. Luckily, she catches my drift and approaches another table altogether.

“Every year, in July, I mailed a birthday card to you. It wasn’t much, but it was my way of trying to reach out. Of trying to build a relationship. I never heard back from you, but I figured you were still angry with me for not being an active part of your life. The thought never occurred to me that she might not be showing you the cards at all…”

My stomach drops. Her mother kept the cards from her all these years. I’m not sure why she did it, but I assume she must have had a good reasoning for it.

“Ciera, I left when you were a baby…but I wanted to know you. I realized that a few years after I left. I made attempts. I guess I just didn’t try hard enough. I’m so sorry.” His eyes are watering up, and I can tell he is genuine.

Ciera is having a hard time with everything, it’s evident in her breathing. I rub her back softly, attempting to soothe her.

“I guess you should have tried harder,” she says bitterly.

He sighs. “You’re right. I should have. But I can’t change what’s happened in the past. I can only try to make up for it now, with the time we have.”

The air falls silent between the two of them as the waitress approaches our booth once more, and we finally order. As we wait for the food to be delivered, Paul breaks the silence.

“So, tell me about you.”

Ciera rubs the back of her hand against her forehead, shifting her blond locks out of her eyes. “What do you want to know?”

He smiles gently. “Anything. Everything. I want to know what you’re like. What you enjoy doing.”

She sighs, locking eyes with me.

I know he isn’t addressing the question to me, but I can tell she needs me to step in, so I do. “She’s a wonderful student. Before she had to stop going, she was one of the top students in the entire school. She made the honor roll.” I pause as she squeezes my hand lightly. “She works at the local theater to help out with the growing stack of bills, and she is the best big sister anyone could ever ask for.”