Leave it for the Rain: A Love She Couldn't Remember—A Woman He Couldn't Forget (Grayson Brothers Book 6) (27 page)

Rebecca clutched Princess Cecily’s mirror to her chest and walked through the home she was supposed to share with Adam.

A small part of her was relieved to be released from a promise made in a lifetime she couldn’t remember. The other part of her felt pain deeper than anything she’d experienced during even her most debilitating headaches—because this pain ravaged her heart.

Adam had just walked out of her life.

He was going back to Crane Landing—without her.

Suddenly, all those memories he had shared about a young girl and a boy who loved her beyond reason were leaving with him. Rebecca had both loved and envied those young sweethearts, and sometimes she’d even hated them for threatening the life she was trying to build with Adam.

He had held onto her with one hand... and his past with the other.

She hadn’t held him at all. Not when he had needed her most.

She loved him too much to chain him to a woman who might be mentally unstable.

The thought settled like a rock in her gut. Weighted by guilt and regret, she sank onto the parlor sofa. The magnificent heirloom lay on her lap, a sparkling reminder of Adam’s love. He had treated her like the princess who had owned the beautifully crafted mirror.

She had treated him like a servant.

She hadn’t meant to. From the beginning of their relationship—from the beginning of
her
memory of them—he had been dedicated and passionate, willing to pluck the stars from the sky had she desired them. He’d made it too easy for her to depend on him... and to love him.

“You deserve more than a broken woman,” she whispered to the empty parlor.

The distant whine of her family’s sawmill a few blocks away seemed to echo the cry in her heart. Adam should be here living in this house, working the mill he loved so much, spending his days in the bosom of his beloved family. Instead, she had chased him away from everything he loved.

He was leaving it all for her—but all she wanted was him and to know she was of sound mind.

But she was a woman who walked the house at night and saw people who were most likely hallucinations, a woman who would never compare to the girl he lost or the young woman who had promised to marry him. This new woman he claimed her to be was as much a stranger to him as he’d been to her—he just couldn’t see past his memories to realize that.

She had no memories to cloud her eyes. She could see her potential illness and what that could mean for Adam.

She could see the man she had fallen in love with—and she had driven that man away for his own good.

o0o

Head down, Adam strode across the Grayson lumberyard hoping no one would approach him. Whenever one of the crew called out a greeting, he merely raised his hand and kept walking. He needed to talk with his father.

Adam found him in the office.

Any other day Adam would have been happy to catch up with his dad and uncles all corralled in one place. Some of his best memories were right here in this office where the Grayson brothers had put on marvelous displays of ribbing and roughhousing. Their joking and brotherly debates had made Adam laugh himself to tears more than once. Seeing them today made his eyes burn with tears of sadness.

Swallowing hard he tried to get hold of his emotions. “Dad, you got a minute?” he asked.

All four Grayson men swung their attention to Adam.

“Morning,” his dad and uncle Kyle said in unison.

Radford greeted him with a nod.

Boyd, not one to miss an opportunity to heckle the youngest partner, pushed a coffee mug into Adam’s hand. “Perfect timing, young blood. I’m ready for my third cup of coffee.”

A surge of sorrow clogged Adam’s throat and cut off his breath. He couldn’t laugh at Boyd’s blatant heckling and make his own wise comeback as he usually would. He couldn’t even summon a smile. All he could do was bite his lip and try to choke down the bitter anger and hurt trying to burst forth.

“Oh, boy,” Boyd said, “looks like I’d better get
you
a cup of coffee.”

Adam shook his head. He didn’t want coffee. He wanted Rebecca.

“You all right, Adam?” he father asked, his smile fading.

“I have some news about the mill that I need to share with you.” Adam passed the cup back to Boyd. “I had thought to talk with you alone, but...” He swallowed again, cursing the insistent surge of emotion that kept clogging his throat. “This will affect all of you, so I’ll just
out
with it now. I need to step out as a partner.”

His father frowned. “What?”

Boyd laughed. “Very funny, Adam.” He thrust the cup back at him. “You’re just trying to get out of pouring your uncle a cup of coffee.”

Adam took the cup, turned to the pot sitting atop the small office stove and filled the cup. He handed it to Boyd, who sat with his mouth open. Any other day Adam would have eaten sawdust before succumbing to Boyd’s ridiculous joking command, and his uncle knew it.

“Whoa,” Boyd said, setting the cup aside. “What’s going on, Adam?”

Now that he had the full attention of the four men he respected most in the world, he struggled to find the words to say goodbye. Everything he aspired to be was contained within these strong, honorable Grayson brothers. He’d become a son to one, a nephew to the others, a partner with all of them—something he couldn’t have even imagined when he’d moved to Fredonia ten years ago.

But this had been part of his dream—the one he’d created with Rebecca—and he had to leave it all behind him.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Rebecca and I ended our engagement this morning.” He clamped his mouth shut and tightened his chest to keep his sorrow from erupting in a boyish sob. But he longed to throw himself into the strong arms of these men who had become his friends, who had long ago rescued him from a wretched childhood and had taught him so much about life.

For several seconds all four of them stared, dumbfounded and speechless.

“She’s not ready to marry me,” Adam said, his voice hoarse, his throat aching. “I released her from her promise to me. I’m leaving for Crane Landing today.”

“Slow down, son.” His father, always the one to reason through a situation, gestured for Adam to pull up a chair. “Before you make a rash decision let’s talk this through.”

Adam shook his head, declining the chair and the chat. “There’s nothing left to say, Dad. I’ve been reeling Rebecca back into our relationship from the minute she opened her eyes and didn’t recognize me. It’s not fair to her. She hasn’t had a chance to decide a thing for herself. I’m going back to Crane Landing so she can do that and so I can figure out how to live my life without her in it.”

His father blew out a breath. “I’m honestly so stunned I don’t know what to say.”

His uncle Kyle, the more serious of the brothers, spoke up. “I’m real sorry to hear this, Adam. I think we all are. But you can figure things out right here.”

Adam shook his head. “I can’t live here without Rebecca in my life. You’re her family. She needs to be here with you. This is her home.”

“It’s your home, too, Adam.” His father said.

“That’s right,” Boyd chimed in. “And we are also
your
family.”

“Are you sure?” Adam asked, casting a sidelong glance at Radford who still seemed unable to believe what was happening.

“What do you mean, are we sure?” his dad asked, offense thick in his voice.

“I’m not questioning our family at home, dad. I’m referring to the Grayson family and the Grayson name. Am I really a Grayson? Am I really part of this family?”

“Gads, Adam, this has rattled your brain,” Boyd said. “I’ve never once questioned if you belong in our family. I may have questioned why you’d want to be, but never that you deserved to be. You’re my nephew and part of this family. Period.”

Adam acknowledged his words with a grateful nod.

“I agree,” Kyle said. “It’s never crossed my mind to think otherwise. You’re my nephew and I’m darn proud of you.”

“Thank you, both of you. It’s just that being adopted into the family I couldn’t help but wonder sometimes.” Adam glanced at Radford, willing the man to acknowledge or denounce him as family.

Radford nodded as if he understood. “I learned in the war that family doesn’t always mean blood, Adam. I suspect you and Rebecca will find your way through this rough patch, and that a little time away may do you both a world of good.”

That he didn’t say Adam was family hurt. That he might want Adam far away from his daughter hurt more.

“Rebecca might just need time for things to settle,” Radford continued. “Maybe after a little time alone she’ll better understand her feelings for you. You have the benefit of your past. She has nothing but three months of courting. She’s still discovering foods she likes and how irritating her siblings can be. ”

“That’s right, Adam,” his father said in agreement. “Why not take a few weeks at Crane Landing and then come back to the mill and try to work things out with Rebecca?”

“Sounds like a reasonable plan to me,” Boyd said.

Kyle and Radford said nothing.

“Sir,” Adam said to Radford, “this isn’t just a rift between your daughter and me. Rebecca is deeply confused about what she wants. I’m just muddying the water for her. I’m leaving today. I apologize for not fulfilling my partnership and obligations at the mill. It’s been my dream for so long—” His voice broke. He cleared his aching throat. “I appreciate everything you’ve all done for me.” He sucked in a breath, trying to get through his final farewell as he said goodbye. “Dad, I’d like to take Scout with me this time.”

Because he wasn’t coming back.

His father, a big bear of a man, reached out and pulled Adam into a hug.

It had been fifteen long heartrending days since Adam left her. Rebecca missed him and Crane Landing and the wonderful people who were becoming her friends. If only she could find some certainty in her mental health, but her thoughts were growing more peculiar by the day.

She was growing closer with her family, but still experienced moments of being overwhelmed in the busy house full of people. She had spent the majority of her days in the livery as she had every day since returning to Fredonia. Since coming home, she had helped Calvin Uldridge treat an infected hock on a neighbor’s horse and an abscess tooth on another. She remembered a good deal about the treatments but nothing about the two years he’d been teaching her his trade, still it was one of few times when her mind was occupied with something other than Adam.

Neither Doc Milton nor Doc Finlay could give her any answers about her odd ability to recall certain things and remain completely blank about other areas of her life.

They didn’t know why she remembered some things and not others. It seemed she could recall the
how
but not the
who.
She remembered how to do things, as if her body could simply take over the task. But when her mind got involved it was as if she had snuffed a lantern. Everything disappeared into blackness.

As she helped her mother put supper on the table as she’d done every night since Adam took the train that carried him out of her life, she was silent and thoughtful. Sighing, she placed a platter of roast meat on the table followed by a bread basket with piping hot rolls.

She was trying to rebuild her life in Fredonia in the midst of her loving family, but her heart longed for Crane Landing and a man she couldn’t forget—and a boy she couldn’t remember.

If only she could be that girl Adam hung onto with such unshakable love. The memories he’d shared with her about that sweet young couple made her heart bleed.

“Are you unwell, Rebecca?” her mother asked, drying her hands on her apron.

“I’m fine, Mama,” she said, but she wasn’t fine. Physically she was free of pain, but her thoughts were frightening her, and lo but her heart ache was more painful than her worst headache. Although she had tried to occupy her mind, it seemed nothing could divert her thoughts from Adam.

He was her supper companion and was still on her mind late that evening when she wandered out to the porch. The younger children were in bed and her mother was sitting down for what seemed the first time all day.

“Do you ever tire of tending to everyone, Mother?” Rebecca asked, sitting beside her on the porch swing.

“My body gives up long before my heart does,” her mother said, giving Rebecca a tired smile. “But I enjoy tending my children.” She reached out and stroked Rebecca’s hair as if she’d done it a hundred times.

It felt nice.

“What’s bothering you, sweetie?” She pulled Rebecca’s hair behind her shoulder. “You’ve been quiet and preoccupied all evening.”

Her mother’s touch was deeply comforting. “I’m scared, Mama.” She met her mother’s concerned eyes, desperate to talk with someone about her fears. Doc Samuel told her to talk with someone she could trust with her worries. If her mind was indeed splintering and becoming unstable then her mother would know eventually anyway. “My thoughts are so confused that I’m afraid I’ll never be normal again.”

“What do you mean by confused?”

“If I tell you, you’ll think I’m daft—and maybe I am. Maybe I
should
be in an asylum.”

Her mother smiled. “You are as sane as the rest of us. Now what are you confused about?”

“I’m having disturbing thoughts, Mama, and I’m afraid I’ll hurt your feelings if I tell you about them.”

“Rebecca, you can tell me anything no matter what it is.”

“Even if it’s about you?”

“Especially if it’s about me,” she said, sitting up a bit on the swing. “Have I done something to upset you?”

“No, Mama, it’s nothing like that. You are a sweet, dear woman and I honestly love you. I just keep having this thought that you aren’t my real mother.” There. She’d said it. Now her mother would know just how dotty that knock on the head had made her.

“If you mean real as in giving birth to you, then you’re not confused, Rebecca. Your father brought you home when you were four years old. I fell in love with you the minute I met you. I’ve loved you every minute since and have never thought of you as anything other than my beloved daughter.”

“Wait... are you saying... Mama, are you saying I’m not confused?”

“Not only are you not confused but you are
remembering
parts of your life, sweetheart, unless of course someone has told you this information.”

Rebecca shook her head and brought her hands to her mouth. She stared into the dark night, her mind spinning. No one had said a word to her about this. She couldn’t have asked about this any more than she could ask about Adam’s mother. Who would she ask? Secrets such as this were often the skeletons in the closet that families didn’t talk about. Adam said they had many secrets shared just between them. Was his mother one of those secrets or was Rebecca teetering on the edge of madness? The only way to know was to ask, and the only person she could ask was Adam.

Rebecca felt the gentle stroke of her mother’s fingers across her shoulder. “It’s hard to imagine that there was a time when you weren’t my daughter, and it makes me sad to think what could have been had your father not brought you home,” her mother said, and quickly filled her in on the circumstances of her birth. “I hope this hasn’t upset you too deeply.”

Rebecca shook her head and looked straight into her mother’s eyes, her own misting with hope. “It makes me very happy, Mama. I remembered something! And I remember
you.
I don’t remember anything else about you, but I do remember your smile and the gentleness of your touch.”

Her mother’s eyes were filled with so much warmth and love that Rebecca knew without a doubt they had shared many beautiful moments together.

“What was she like, the woman who gave birth to me?” Rebecca asked.

Her mother shook her head. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve never met her, and your father has rarely ever mentioned her.”

“Do you think Daddy would tell me about her?”

“Yes, sweetheart, I do. He’s been expecting you to ask about her for years.”

Rebecca glanced toward the livery where a light glowed from the tack room window. Her father was there now finishing up for the night. “Before I go, do you know if there is such a thing as a hoop snake, Mama?”

The question brought her mother to a full upright sitting position, her expression stunned. “Did you see a snake, Rebecca?”

“No, but I keep having the strangest thoughts about a hoop snake all rolled up like a carriage wheel. It’s rolling right toward me and I don’t know what to think. Then Daddy appears and he... he shoves another man away from me and snarls at him like a vicious dog, and then I see another older man laughing, like something has tickled his funny bone. I think I know him, but his name escapes me.” Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t know if these are memory fragments or if I’m confused or hallucinating. It’s terribly distressing.”

“Oh, Rebecca... I think you’re beginning to remember things.” Her mother clasped her hands. “What did the older man look like?”

“The man laughing at the hoop snake?”

“Yes.”

Rebecca shrugged. “He was a good bit older than Daddy, I think. His hair was white and sort of thin and... he had a nice laugh. It was a happy sound and I quite liked it.”

Tears welled up in her mother’s eyes. “He did have a happy laugh,” she said, her voice thick. “I’m pretty sure that man is your grandfather, my papa, and that you are remembering one of the tall tales he used to tell you. One day when you were just a little girl you saw a snake in our garden. When you screamed, your Daddy rushed to protect you and he snarled at Uncle Kyle because he was so scared. To help you calm down your grandpa told you a tall tale about a hoop snake. I’m not sure why you’re recalling those particular incidents, but you are indeed beginning to remember things.”

Rebecca squeezed her mother’s fingers. “Then I’m not confused or hallucinating or losing my mind?”

A light laugh burst from her mother and she pulled Rebecca into a warm hug. “No, sweetie, I think you’re healing.”

When her mother released her, Rebecca sank back on the swing seat, her mind awhirl as she met her mother’s eyes. “I may not remember the days and events of our lives, Mama, but I feel a great love for each of you. My family is still in here,” she said, pressing her palm to her heart. “I just want you to know that. I love you, Mama, and I am so incredibly grateful that my father chose you for both of us.”

Her mother’s eyes misted and she stroked Rebecca’s hair. “From the moment I saw you I knew we desperately needed each other. I think we still do.”

Rebecca nodded, feeling their bond and mother-daughter friendship. “I wish I could remember more of our time together and more about my life,” she said, settling against the swing back. “But I feel as if I’ve just received the best gift of my life.”

“I think you will remember.” Her mother snuggled in beside her. “You’re young and have the rest of your life to recapture your lost memories.

“Not if I want to marry Adam. He wants back the girl he fell in love with, and he’s not going to wait a lifetime to find her.”

“Are you certain of that?” her mother asked gently.

With a small nod, Rebecca said, “Yes, unfortunately, I am certain.” She kissed her mother’s cheek and got to her feet. “I need to talk with Daddy.”

She found her father in a stall filing a chipped hoof on one of their beautiful Morgans named Simon.

When he looked up and saw it was her, his file stopped mid-stroke and his jaw dropped. “You aren’t sleepwalking, are you?” he asked, adding a playful wink.

With a light laugh, she leaned against the stall door. “What was my birth mother’s name?”

He released a quiet whistle, lowered the file and stood.

“Mama said you’ve been waiting years for me to ask about her.”

Blowing out a breath, he scraped his hair back with one hand and set the file on the half-wall of the stall. “I have, but I certainly didn’t expect that day to be tonight.” Opening the door, he stepped out of the stall. “Are you all right?”

She nodded and assured him with a soft smile. “I’m fine, Daddy. I remembered a little bit about Mama today and she helped me sort out my confusion. She said you could tell me about the woman who gave birth to me.”

His face flattened and his eyes darkened with intensity. “You remembered something?”

She nodded.

“Oh, sprite...” He swept her into his arms, hugged her hard and placed a quick kiss to the side of her head. He released her in the next instant as if realizing she still didn’t remember
him
, but his eyes glistened and he seemed to be wrestling with his emotions.

“My memories are fragmented and few, Daddy.” She didn’t want to give him false hope. “May I ask her name?” she asked.

He nodded and seemed to pull himself together. “Her name is Olivia Jordon. I met her shortly after the war when I... when I was in a very bad place. She was a dancer touring with the ballet at the time. It shames me to admit it, but we had a brief affair until her troop moved to another theater in another city. I didn’t see her again until several months later when she came back with you. She told me you were my daughter and then left without you.” He shook his head. “As long as I live I’ll never understand how she could have walked away. You were only a few weeks old.”

Rebecca pressed her palm to her queasy stomach. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you.”

“Taking you in my arms was the best moment of my life,” he said, seeming to struggle with the need to hold his child in his arms again.

“Where is she now?” Rebecca asked. “Did she ever contact you to ask about me?”

Sadly, he shook his head. “No, honey, I’m sorry.”

Rebecca quietly digested the information wondering why she didn’t feel deeply wounded. Perhaps it was because she’d been happy and had a wonderful mother in Evelyn.

“I’ve kept tabs on her in the event you ever felt a need to see her. She lives in New York and is sponsored by a wealthy banker.”

Rebecca’s gaze snapped to her father’s face. “Sponsored? Is she still dancing?”

“No, honey.”

Rebecca cocked her head, confused.

“She never married,” her father said, as if that would clarify things for Rebecca.

And a few seconds later it did. “Oh, my,” she said, realizing that a sponsored woman was a kept woman and that her mother was the banker man’s mistress.

Her father sorrowfully shook his head. “I’m sorry, honey. I wish I could have told you a kinder story.”

Feeling immensely grateful to this strong, wonderful man, Rebecca stepped into his arms and saved him the struggle of trying not to hold her. “Thank you for everything, Daddy. I’m so grateful you loved me and found such a remarkable, loving mother for me. Thank you for being such a kind and gentle father.”