Leave it for the Rain: A Love She Couldn't Remember—A Woman He Couldn't Forget (Grayson Brothers Book 6) (26 page)

She nodded, taking in all he’d said. “I’m beginning to see the attraction.”

“You’re my ocean, Rebecca.” He lowered his mouth to hers. His tender, sweet kiss was brief, but as powerful as the waves crashing into the shore below. “You are magnificence and mystery and pleasure and danger, and when I’m with you all I can see, or hear, or feel is...
now
...
this
moment. I love you and I’m ready to sail, Rebecca. Let’s begin our journey together.”

“Oh, Adam...” She gazed into the beautiful dark depths of his eyes and saw his steadfast love and promise of home, and heaven help her but she wanted to say yes. She wanted to sail an ocean with him and build a home right here in Crane Landing. “I wonder if this is what Princess Cecily felt when Gabriel Crane swept her off on their incredible journey,” she said, because although she wanted to say yes, she didn’t think she should.

“I suspect she was scared but trusted that Gabe loved her and would do anything for her.” Adam stroked Rebecca’s cheek. “I’ll protect you and love you, Rebecca. You can trust in me and in our love.”

“Hello? You two up there, Adam?” The keeper’s warning call from below startled them apart.

Adam’s eyes closed for a brief second, as if the man’s timing couldn’t have been worse.

For Rebecca, the keeper’s call had been serendipitous.

Horace Jenkins emerged onto the gallery deck where Rebecca pretended to be studying the shoreline. “Quite a sight isn’t it?” he asked, barely out of breath.

“It’s beyond words,” she said honestly. So was Adam’s profession of love. If looking over the tower’s edge had made her dizzy, Adam’s declaration had made her swoon. How could she have possibly waited all these years to marry him? Rebecca wished she hadn’t waited because now it left her with an impossible decision. She wanted to say yes, but knew she should say no.

As her gaze roved the shoreline, she released a startled gasp. A lone woman walked the beach just south of the lighthouse. Buffeted by the stiff breeze, the woman’s red hair whipped around her head, and her yellow dress flapped around her legs as she strode the shore.

“Ah, you’ve spied my daughter,” Horace said.

Stunned, Rebecca glanced at the man. “You see her?”

“Clearly,” he said. “She often walks this time of day.”

Rebecca turned her eyes to Adam. He nodded that he understood and assured her she wasn’t seeing things. Shifting her attention back to the keeper’s daughter, Rebecca studied the gal for several long seconds, wondering if the keeper’s daughter was the same woman Rebecca had seen on the beach near the shipyard.

“Is that your mystery woman?” Adam asked quietly near her ear.

Rebecca shrugged. It was impossible to determine. “Perhaps,” she said, but she felt far less than certain.

“Would you like to know a little about the workings of a lighthouse?” Mr. Jenkins asked.

“I would indeed,” Rebecca said, dredging up a smile for the kind man. “I’m particularly intrigued by that massive craggy looking piece of glass that is rotating in that open cupola.”

Her description gave Mr. Jenkins a good laugh. Adam, who had apparently visited the lighthouse before, smiled at her as if she were a sweet, naïve student.

“That’s our Fresnel lens, and the reason it looks ‘craggy’ is because those small sections of glass are angled to refract light. It’s a large prism that can reflect a small amount of light over many miles. I’ve had sailors tell me they can see our beacon twenty miles out,” he said, sounding like a proud parent.

“That’s incredible,” Rebecca said, eyeing the huge glass globe. “I understand how it might reflect the sunlight, but I don’t see where the light would come from at night.”

“Well, unless we’re experiencing a nasty storm and poor visibility during daylight sailors navigate by our colors. Every lighthouse along the coast has a different color pattern. Each lighthouse uses a different light signal, too, and our light comes from a flame inside the globe,” he said. “Our lamp emits three flashes every three seconds and that tells mariners they are off shore at Crane Landing at the southern end of Maine.”

Intrigued, she studied the lamp house and large lens. “That is just so... clever.”

Mr. Jenkins was a man who took great pride in his job and loved to share his lighthouse with others. He told Rebecca how he and his staff of three keep the oil lamps cleaned of soot and filled with oil they brought up from the oil house—one of the small outbuildings she’d seen below. They replaced and trimmed the wicks and kept everything cleaned, including the grounds and their rescue boats, which they had used a number of times, even though it wasn’t their paid responsibility to pull stranded sailors from the ocean. It was their job to sound the fog bell and keep log books and report hazards and wrecks. “Our lighthouse saves lives,” he said in a serious and somewhat grave voice. “I fished these waters for ten years before I sold my fishing boat years ago and took this job. I know how dangerous it is out there, so I do my best to give those men on the water all the help I can. It’s my job to warn them of danger, especially unseen hazards.”

She looked at Adam. “I didn’t realize there was so much involved in tending a lighthouse.” To Mr. Jenkins she said, “Thank you for the education, but more so for helping to keep people safe. I am in awe of all you do here.”

Mr. Jenkins blushed so hard his ears turned red, and he mumbled a thank you before he moved toward the stairs. “Shall we head back? Your grandmother is waiting below for you.”

Rebecca cast a last longing look at the ocean she hoped to cross one day. She wanted to sail to Enlightsia, to the home of Princess Cecily, someday with Adam.

As Adam guided her to the stairs, Rebecca knew she wanted to marry this beautiful man. She wanted all he offered her, and she wanted to give as much in return. But with her hallucinations and irrational thinking, what sort of wife would she be? What sort of mother? The harm she could cause herself was one thing. To carry that responsibility for a husband and dependent children was something altogether different.

As she descended the steps inside the lighthouse her thoughts went round and round, exhausting her with their ceaseless circling. She longed for a life with Adam, but her conscience acted like a rudder that steered her away from a possible disaster. If Adam realized what monsters swam in the dark caverns of her mind, would he throw her back like a bad catch? Head down, she prayed she would find a lighthouse at the end of her journey instead of an asylum and a broken heart.

Adam’s heart pounded in anticipation as Rebecca arrived at their little rental home on Mill Street. They had returned to Fredonia with their grandmother yesterday evening, but Rebecca had been too weary to view the house.

Heart pounding, he watched her ride into the yard on Star. That she and Star were happy to be reunited was obvious in their jaunty canter into the yard and the affectionate pat on the neck Rebecca gave her mare when they stopped.

“Star seems glad to have you back home,” he said, reaching up to help her dismount. “Now that you’ve had the chance to ride, are you feeling better today?” he asked, admiring the way she’d bundled her hair atop her head. The style gave her a perky look that enhanced her dark beauty. “You’ve been so quiet since we left Crane Landing that I’m a little worried about you.”

She released a long sigh. “I suppose I miss that beautiful bay and the lovely little house I had beside the river.”

“Me, too,” he said, honestly. He would always miss the briney scent of the ocean and the slow way the water seemed to inhale and exhale as if the ocean were a breathing living being.

With their thoughts back at Crane Landing they naturally leaned into each other. Their mouths met and they sank into the kiss as lovers might. They weren’t lovers... yet, but Adam’s blood pumped with the knowledge they would marry soon and share that relationship as well. He forced himself to ease away.

“This is the best I can offer just now, Rebecca. Our house doesn’t sit beside the river, but it’s just a minute’s walk to the gorge. I hope you will like it.”

“I’m sure it’s lovely,” she said, her voice a little dreamy sounding, which told him that despite her tendency to shy away from setting a wedding date she enjoyed their kisses as much as he did.

“I want it to be more than lovely, Rebecca. I want to give you the world.”

She met his eyes, something in her own unsure and perhaps sad. “I don’t need the world, Adam. I was quite content with that small home on Crane River. I suspect, however, that Jojo would like a house where there aren’t a dozen other cats to contend with.”

“Then let’s have a look at her new home, shall we?” He opened the door and stood aside, his gaze glued to Rebecca as she took in the home she would be sharing with him. He’d asked Faith and Evelyn to set up their house for them so it was ready when he brought Rebecca home.

A sizable fieldstone fireplace took up the west wall and was bracketed by two Windsor armchairs and a sofa that sat upon a thick green and gold carpet. Across the parlor a pier table and mirror had been placed between two tall windows dressed with green draperies. A smaller sitting area with a round tripod table and a fall-front desk gave Rebecca a place to study her veterinarian books if she chose to continue her apprenticeship with Calvin Uldrich.

“The furnishings are lovely, Adam. It will make a nice home for us someday.”

Someday? He intended to marry her as soon as possible.

He placed an ornately carved wooden box in her hands. “The Crane family has given us our first wedding present.”

A confused look lit her eyes. “Should we not wait then... until we know for certain if... when we’ll marry?”

“Not for this gift,” he said, knowing in his gut that today was the right day.

“All right,” she said, hesitantly lifting the lid as if she didn’t feel entitled to the gift because she wasn’t yet Mrs. Adam Grayson. When her gaze landed on the mirror, her breath whooshed out and she gaped at Adam. “Is this what I think it is?”

“I’m afraid so,” he said, still grossly uncomfortable with having received something so near and dear to the Crane family—and a thing of value far beyond what he would ever be able to give Rebecca.

“Oh, Adam...” Amazement filled her expression as her gaze flowed over the mirror and the beautiful ribbon of gemstones surrounding it. “When Mr. Crane described the mirror it sounded so beautiful, but this is... it’s utterly magnificent.”

It was beyond magnificent. Adam had no words to describe the benevolent energy and comforting vibration he felt emanating from the Crane heirloom, but he was spellbound in its presence. Rebecca appeared as thoroughly captivated as he was each time he opened the carved wooden box.

Reverently, Rebecca lifted the hand mirror from its velvet bed and turned the backside to face her.

The six-rayed star sapphire flashed as if a wild creature had opened its eye and fixed its gaze directly on them. The royal crest, stamped in pure silver, created a nest-like setting for the stone. The rays of the sapphire shifted, watching as if it were alive.

Rebecca smiled and brushed the tip of her pointer finger over the surface of the sapphire. “This stone...” Her voice drifted off as if she was so taken with the gem she couldn’t form a complete thought or sentence. “You are magnificent,” she said to the sapphire. She glanced up at him. “Adam, we can’t accept this. It’s too... precious.” Again she stroked the sapphire. “We must return this to the Crane family.”

“I tried. To force the issue will insult them.”

“But it’s far too much,” she said, turning the face of the mirror toward her again.

“People give commensurate with their fortune, Rebecca. As uncomfortable as this gift may make us, it has brought the Cranes peace of mind to give it to us. The best way to show our appreciation is to care for it with love. We must write down the story of Princess Cecily and keep her rich history with the heirloom.”

Allowing Rebecca to admire the mirror, Adam moved behind her and slipped his arms around her. He kissed the side of her head, their eyes meeting in the mirror. A powerful surge of emotion seemed to roll over them like an ocean wave.

He tightened his arms in a gentle hug. “I love you,” he said softly against the shell of her ear. “I want to marry you.”

In their reflection, her eyes searched his for a moment before her gaze fell away.

“Any chance you can see your past in the mirror?” he asked.

He felt the change in her immediately, the way she contracted in his arms and pulled away. “The only thing I can see in the mirror is my present... and my hope for a fulfilling future. I don’t have a past beyond the minute my head connected with that oak log.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“So am I, Adam. I know you’ve lost a lot, but it seems you can only see that girl in your past instead of the woman standing in front of you.”

“I see
you
, Rebecca. You’ll always be that girl I fell in love with.”

“I don’t even know who she was, Adam. My memories are gone—and that girl went with them.”

“But she might come back, Rebecca. Your memory might return.”

“And it might not, Adam. Life gives and life takes away. The question isn’t whether I’ll ever remember our past but rather will you ever let it go?” She stepped back, away from him, the mirror forgotten in her hand. “I thought you were courting me, not the girl from our past.”

“That girl is
you,
Rebecca. All of this is for
you
,” he said, gesturing with open arms to encompass the house, the mirror, his aching, battered heart. “Everything I’ve done has been for you, for this day when we could marry and begin our life together. All I am, all I have to give now and each day for the rest of my life is for
you
, for the girl I fell in love with and the woman you’ve become. What more must you have before you’re ready to marry me?”

For a minute she said nothing. Then, on a hard sigh, she said, “I need time.”

“Time for what?”

“To figure out if I’m... to decide if I want to stay in Fredonia... to know if I... if I can marry you.”

She could have said nearly anything and shocked him less. Fredonia was her home—their home—and everything they had planned and worked for together was in this beautiful village. Their families were here. The mill was here. Her beloved livery and mare were here.

But Rebecca was somewhere else, and this woman standing before him didn’t know what she wanted or needed.

Her indecisiveness tore him up and broke him down.

Everything he’d ever wanted was here—with Rebecca.

“Adam, you’re moving too fast for me. I just need more time to sort things out and piece my life together again.”

In that moment he finally understood. As Princess Cecily had done when forced to leave her past behind, Adam, too, was forced to let go. Walking away from the dream he’d worked toward for ten years seemed impossible, but it was unfair to push Rebecca into something she wasn’t ready for. She needed time—and maybe even that wouldn’t be enough for her to remember him or their love. Understanding a situation didn’t make it easier to accept, but he knew he must.

Sick inside, he released a trembling breath and pushed his hands deep into his trouser pockets to keep from reaching for her—for the only thing he’d ever wanted. “You’re right that life changes things, Rebecca, but it will never change how I feel about you. I love you too much to hold you to a promise you might not wish to keep. I’ve pushed you to remember us because we have—had—something too beautiful to lose. But this isn’t just my decision. I’m going back to Crane Landing. I release you from your promise and I wish you only happiness and good health and...” He swallowed the grief rising up like bile. “I wish you... love.”

“Oh, Adam...” She clasped the mirror to her chest. “There are things I must... I need to figure out.”

“I understand that you don’t know what you want, Rebecca. I don’t hold that against you. You need time to heal and to pursue a life in whatever manner fulfills you. You deserve to be happy.”

He walked away then. He couldn’t be in her presence one more minute without breaking. He had been feeding the well of her memory, reliving their past with the hope of pumping those memories back into their lives one draught at a time. But that well had remained as empty as his heart suddenly felt.

He moved his legs without knowing they would take him to the willow tree. Enclosed in the cool damp interior circle of the branches, he understood why he had come here. For the last time, he dropped to his knees in that sacred place where he’d built his love with Rebecca. He picked up a flat rock and raked a furrow four inches deep in the soil feeling as if it was his heart he was ripping open. There in the moist soil, where they always buried their stones, he buried his worry stone for the last time. There was nothing more he could do but leave his heartache for the rain.

He was going back to Crane Landing.

He couldn’t live in this village without Rebecca, walk this creek without her hand in his, work the mill where she had lost every precious memory they had ever made together.

He was walking away because he loved her.

Sorrow rolled over him in waves, tumbling him back over the years he’d spent loving her, crushing him beneath the weight of his loss. It left him hunched over his knees, wracked with grief so deep he couldn’t breathe.
His
Rebecca, the girl who had loved him, the one who would have known what they were losing, would have wept with him.

And that knowledge broke him.