Leave it for the Rain: A Love She Couldn't Remember—A Woman He Couldn't Forget (Grayson Brothers Book 6) (24 page)

“Only if you promise me another later.”

She loved his playful smile, but couldn’t manage one of her own. “I promise.”

They paused for refreshments, but a dark cloud had settled about Rebecca, one not even Adam’s presence could lift. She ached inside to think that her head injury might create problems in his life as it was in her own. She couldn’t bear such a thing. Adam was too good a man with too many dreams and plans to be burdened by a woman with irrational thoughts and inappropriate behavior. He was a partner in her father’s sawmill business. Adam would need to meet with other business owners and host dinner parties and be a leading man in their community. He couldn’t do that with a mentally unstable woman at his side who roamed the house all hours of the night and said inappropriate things.

She felt so flattened at the thought that she wanted to sneak away home and hide out on her back porch with Jojo in her lap. But she and Adam were chosen as one of the head couples for one of the quadrille dances, with Leo and Mary serving as a side couple. Unable to refuse without eliciting questions she didn’t want to answer, Rebecca did her best to stay engaged with the dance and to be happy, for Adam’s sake.

The dance required her to change partners from Adam to Leo. “Good evening, Sir Leo,” she said, attempting a lightness she didn’t feel.

Leo slightly bowed his head to acknowledge her playful greeting. “What troubles m’lady this eventide,” he said with a ridiculous British accent.

Rebecca laughed and wrinkled her nose. “That’s was dreadful, Leo.”

“I know, but it made you smile.” He gave her hand a light squeeze as they executed the movements of the dance. “Are you all right?”

“I just have a little headache,” she said. “It’ll pass.”

“It’s seems more than a headache is bothering you,” Leo said. “Considering the way you still look at Adam, I assume you’re not having second thoughts about him?”

“Of course not.”

Leo shook his head. “What’s so special about that beggar?”

“If you don’t know then you’re not his friend,” she said.

Delighted laughter burst from Leo. “Touché, Miss Grayson. I can assure you that I know your dashing knight as well as the chinks in Adam’s armor. He’s like my brother and a man worthy of your heart. Just be careful with his,” he said, but the dance required him to pass her back to Adam, leaving Rebecca no time to query about his warning.

As if sensing her inner turmoil, Adam danced her off the floor away from the blaze of gaslight—and straight into darkness lit by moonlight and the sparkling light of the stars. He didn’t say a word; he merely slowed them to a walk and tucked her left hand into the crook of his right elbow.

They were on the promenade now. To their right, beyond a line of bushes, lay the bay; to their left, the huge lawns of the Grange hall. They stood there a long moment, his hands at her elbows, their foreheads nearly touching as they gazed into each other’s moonlit faces.

“Please marry me,” he whispered.

Rebecca could see her future in the dreamy depths of his gaze. She just had to say yes.

“I want to marry you when we return to Fredonia. If you have any reservations tell me now because I can’t bear to wait any longer.”

She had reservations for his sake, but she couldn’t find the words. And then he was gathering her in his arm and covering her mouth with his own in a kiss so tender and filled with love it made her eyes tear.

“I love you, Rebecca.”

“Adam...” She had so much to say and yet couldn’t find the right words. Adam wasn’t ready for her truth. And she wasn’t ready to let go of the slim possibility that she could find her way back to a healthy mind and the girl he loved so deeply. “I... I thought you had a surprise for me,” she said, taking his arm. She would enjoy this night with him—and make her decision when they were back home in Fredonia.

“I do indeed.” As they strolled, Adam’s sturdy presence helped calm her, as did their leisurely pace. He was giving her time, she knew... time to wrestle with whatever haunted her.

Soon the landscape on their left changed from lawns to a grove and then to a face of rock with a natural ledge, while to their right the bushes ended, giving way to a breathtaking moonlit view of the bay.

It was here that Adam came to a stop. “This is it. I’d wanted to share this with you at dusk, but now is a better time, I think, although our climb might be a bit precarious.” He nodded at the ledge of rock above their heads. “You told me you wanted adventure. Think you have what it takes to navigate this rock in the dark?”

“I’d like to think I do, but what if I don’t?”

“You’ll end up in the ocean and be carried off by the waves like a mermaid.”

“Hmmm...” She tapped her lip with her finger as she considered the climb. “Since I can’t swim as well as a mermaid, I suppose I shan’t fall then. Help me get up there.”

With a laugh, Adam supported her and told her where to place her feet and hands. It was a short climb of three or four steps, but one that had them laughing and scrambling to keep their footing.

Finally atop the rock, Adam sat beside Rebecca on the large shelf, their feet hanging above the crashing waves below. “This is called the Wishing Rock. See down there, where the moonbeam paints the water?”

Rebecca looked—and caught her breath at the sight. “How magnificent,” she breathed.

Adam nodded. “I heard once that if you toss a pebble into moonlit water and make a wish, it will come to pass within a year.” He reached into his right pocket and withdrew two small stones and passed one to her. “Shall we make a wish and toss them on the count of three?”

Rebecca smiled at him, feeling the ache in her heart ease. “No skipping them, right?”

“Just toss them straight in,” he said, and Rebecca knew that’s what they would be doing if she agreed to marry him. No matter how captivating and inviting the water looked, they would be jumping in with both feet with nothing to hold onto but each other. “On three,” he said.

They counted together and tossed their stones into the shimmering water. Rebecca wondered if he wished her memory back, and hoped with all her heart it would come true—because she had spent her wish on something entirely different.

A boom echoed across the bay, startling her. A burst of red, white, and blue against the night sky formed an umbrella above their heads.

“Oh, my... . What a perfect place to watch the fireworks,” she said, her voice filled with awe as she gazed at the night sky painted with color and light. “Thank you for this wonderful surprise.”

“I had a hunch you would like this,” he said. And then he kissed her, long and deep, driving away her fears and opening her mind to the possibility of love and life with a man who made her believe in forever.

On a sunny mid-July morning, Rebecca walked out Bay Street admiring the sparkling water filled with fishing boats and merchant vessels. Her heart ached to know she would be leaving this beautiful ocean-side town in just three days. She did miss her family and wished they could be here in this peaceful place where they would have time to get reacquainted without the chaos and intrusion of a town full of well-meaning friends and neighbors. It was just too hard for Rebecca to keep her thoughts straight while surrounded by so many voices no matter how helpful their intent.

Lost in thought, she strolled up Main Street peering in shop windows for perhaps the last time. Eventually, she made her way to Church Street and rang the bell at Doctor Samuel’s residence.

His apprentice, a blonde-haired young man not much older than Rebecca, introduced himself as Zacharias Crane and escorted her into Doctor Samuel’s exam room.

“How are you this fine morning?” the doctor asked as Rebecca took a seat on a thick cushioned stool. His apprentice stepped away and stood beside a tall cupboard to observe her visit.

Rebecca opened her mouth to say she was fine, but she wasn’t. Not by a long shot. “I don’t want to go home,” she blurted. “I... I’m just not ready yet.”

Doc Samuel arched a white eyebrow. “Any particular reason you don’t want to go back?”

She sat silent for a moment, her mind whirling as she tried to come up with a suitable response. Finally, she shook her head and said, “I haven’t remembered a single thing about my life, Doctor. The thought of going back without remembering even the slightest bit about my family is just so... it’s frustrating and makes my head hurt and I just... I can’t bear it.”

He studied her in silence for so long she began to fidget. Finally he said, “You need to understand and accept that you might never recover your memories, Rebecca. I know that’s dreadfully upsetting, but you need to understand and accept this possibility.”

Hearing her biggest fear stated so baldly left her breathless and on the edge of tears. “I have to remember, Doctor. I just... I
must
remember.”

Again he studied her in silence, tapping his finger across his pursed lips. The young apprentice stood silent and watchful as if trying to read the doctor’s mind. Finally Doc Samuel spoke. “Rebecca, I suspect there’s more on your mind than recovering your memory. You’ve been agitated during all of our visits, and yet you won’t share your concerns with me. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s really going on with you.” He stopped as if waiting for Rebecca to make her confession, but she sat mute and frightened, not knowing if she could trust the doctor or his watchful apprentice. Finally the doctor placed his hands on his knees and pushed himself to his feet. “All right, young lady. Let’s get you on the exam table so I can take a look at you.”

While the doctor ran through his typical exam, testing her recall and balance and various other things to determine her healing and progression, Rebecca knew he couldn’t help her if she didn’t trust him.

“I’m having bad dreams,” she blurted.

Surprised, he stopped looking into her ear canal and stepped back, the lighted scope hanging from his hand. “What’s bad about them?”

“I keep trying to get home, but I’m lost and... and someone is chasing me.”

“Who is chasing you?”

Rebecca swallowed and reminded herself that the doctor couldn’t help her if she wasn’t honest with him. “You are.”

Both of his eyebrows lifted. “Why am I chasing you, Rebecca?”

She wrung her hands, but forced herself to look at him. “You want to put me in an asylum like you did with Dawson Crane.”

“What?” He laughed and then immediately sobered as if aware he might have insulted her. “I apologize, but you have surely given me one of the biggest shocks of my career. Why am I trying to put you in an asylum?”

“Because you think I’m insane, of course.”

“Oh, dear.” He patted her shoulder and chuckled. “Rebecca, what makes you think you’re not sane?”

“I don’t think that,” she said, immediately defensive. “I’m quite sane, Doctor Samuel.”

“I quite agree, but something is going on that makes you question yourself. I can’t help you if you don’t share those things with me.”

He was right. Rebecca released a sigh, weary of trying to carry her troubles alone. “Do you recall that I saw a woman on the beach that my grandmother couldn’t see?”

He nodded. “Have you seen her again?”

Rebecca shook her head. “No, but I talked with a woman on the train that no one else saw. Daddy said I was asleep and dreaming the event, but I... I remember the porter searching for a valise, so I couldn’t have been sleeping, and the event was so real I can still see it in my mind.”

“You could have been in a half-sleep, Rebecca. We can imagine things as if we’re right in the middle of them and still hear what’s going on around us. That doesn’t make one crazy.”

“Perhaps,” she said, “but I’ve also had very disturbing thoughts that make me question—um, that frighten me.”

“Thoughts about what?” he asked.

His apprentice seemed deeply intrigued and began taking notes.

Rebecca knew then that she had gone too far. She simply couldn’t reveal her irrational thoughts and risk being sent away. “I seem to have developed a fear of snakes,” she said, knowing she would reveal nothing else to the doctor or his inquisitive apprentice. She would find her way through this on her own.

“There is nothing unusual about that, Rebecca. I have a healthy fear of those critters myself.” The doctor circled the exam table and checked the back of her head. “This has healed nicely.” He circled back to stand in front of her. “Rebecca, I didn’t put Dawson Crane in an asylum. Doc Franklin did. He was a good doctor, but he was old and didn’t have the benefit of the education I received, just as I don’t have the benefit of the education young Zacharias here has gotten. Medicine is always making progress. Doc Franklin put Dawson in the asylum because he didn’t know how to help him.”

Rebecca pressed her hand to her sick stomach. “I’m so sorry, Doctor. I hope I haven’t offended you.”

Doc Samuel shook his head. “Of course not. I understand now why you’re having difficulty talking with me.”

She wasn’t talking because she couldn’t share her bizarre thoughts with
anyone.

“Rest assured I have no intention of putting anyone in an asylum, least of all you.”

However comforting his assurance, she wasn’t convinced he could keep his word once he really understood the level of her irrational thinking. And there was no guarantee that Zacharias would uphold the doctor’s promise. “How did you know about Dawson Crane?” she asked.

“Dawson’s father, George Crane, contacted me and asked me to check on his son. I went to the asylum to see Dawson, and when I met him I knew his injury was significant, but he was not insane. He just needed time to heal and some help relearning things. I brought him back to Crane Landing and made this place my home.” He patted Rebecca’s clenched hands. “You have no reason to fear me. Now, do you think your father would agree to you staying another month? I believe we’re beginning to make some progress.”

Rebecca didn’t know if she could or should extend her stay, but she certainly wanted to. While she waited, the doctor placed a call from his office to the Grayson sawmill and spoke with her father. Rebecca sat in mild shock when she realized the doctor not only had her father’s number but that they had spoken several times during the course of her treatment. When Doc Samuel hung up the phone he was smiling. “Your father sends his love and wants you to take whatever time you need here.”

The news elated Rebecca, but as soon as she began the walk home, she realized how selfish she was being. Adam had a partnership waiting for him at the mill. Her grandmother had other grandchildren and a life in Fredonia. To keep either of them here any longer would be unforgivably self-serving and inconsiderate. She’d already asked too much of them. And Adam wanted to marry her as soon as they returned home.

But that evening Adam assured her he was enjoying their stay and even felt a little selfish because he was glad to have her to himself for another few weeks. Grandmother expressed a mixture of melancholy and delight at extending her holiday. She desperately missed the rest of their family, but knowing it was only for another month soothed her heartache. She even expressed a bit of embarrassment that she was glad to spend a little more time with her friend Dawson. The Crane family, Mary in particular, was thrilled to have Rebecca and her grandmother making use of the house for another month. Rebecca and her grandmother thanked the Cranes with a huge picnic style supper on their back porch that weekend. Adam, Dawson and Leo attended making it a large, festive affair that pulled Rebecca’s thoughts far from her troubles.

Their picnic set the pace for the weeks to follow. Grandmother and Rebecca spent their days housekeeping and playing with Jojo and preparing evening meals that were always attended by Adam and Dawson and often included Leo and Mary—and sometimes her family. After their casual suppers, and on weekends, they would play lawn games or cards or just share each other’s company amid frequent laughter and storytelling. Rebecca visited Doc Samuel again and shared another snake dream with him, but kept everything else to herself. She took long walks with Adam and engaged in interesting, fun and sometimes intense conversations that made them laugh, and some talks that jangled her nerves and made her beg Adam to stop talking about their past. He seemed to be learning when to leave their past in the past, which was helping Rebecca relax and share more with him.

And late at night, when everyone was sleeping, Rebecca would make a steaming cup of willow bark tea Adam had mixed for her and drink it while she waited for him on the porch. When he arrived they would talk quietly and hold each other and she would dream of having a fulfilling normal life someday.

With each day that passed she found herself a little deeper in friendship, admiration, and even love with Adam, and one day closer to their inevitable return to Fredonia. As their time at Crane Landing grew shorter Rebecca’s head filled with more and more odd thoughts, none of which she shared with Doc Samuel, even during her final visit. She expected his frustration and perhaps even anger, but he simply shook his head and said he wanted to see her again in six months. He suggested she go home and spend time with her family. Then, to her surprise, he gave her a hug and told her to find someone she could trust with her troubles.

His advice resonated deep in Rebecca’s heart and she longed to do just that, but she couldn’t.

o0o

August heat warmed the sun washed beach. Rebecca clung to Adam’s arm and approached the towering lighthouse with a mix of excitement and melancholy. Tomorrow morning she would leave her little house on the river and take the train home to Fredonia with Adam and their grandmother.

Walking the rocky shoreline for the last time made her heart ache. Ocean waves broke against rocky shoals and crashed into shore, shooting foamy spray high in the air. A strong breeze carried the mist across the beach, cooling Rebecca’s face and creating mini rainbows in the dazzling sunshine.

She should be rejoicing to have spent so much time in this beautiful place instead of brooding about going back to her little village filled with so many wonderful people. Leaving didn’t have to be forever. Adam had promised to bring her back to Crane Landing. If her suspicions were on target, her grandmother might like to return for a visit as well. Maybe Rebecca’s memories would return before she came back and she could share more of her life with Mary Crane during her next visit.

Forcing her despondent thoughts away, Rebecca struggled to keep pace with Adam as they followed their grandmother and Dawson along the beach strewn with ocean grass, stone, and shells. When they finally stopped and craned their necks to look up the rocky cliff, Rebecca’s breath caught in her throat.

Perched high atop an outcropping of rock that jutted into the North Atlantic, the white lighthouse with a red and green crown seemed to scrape the blue sky above.

“How utterly magnificent,” she said.

“That climb looks daunting.” Grandma eyed the wooden stairway that hugged the rocky cliff before them. “There must be a hundred stairs or more.”

“Sixty-four actually,” Dawson said. “Plus two-hundred-fourteen inside the lighthouse.”

“Sakes alive, I won’t even manage to reach the door of the lighthouse,” Grandma said.

Dawson merely grinned. “You don’t need to make it to the top, Nancy. You just have to try.”

Rebecca shot a look of approval at Adam. She liked Dawson Crane and the effect he was having on their grandmother. Adam’s crooked smile suggested he liked the man too.

“You sound like my late husband,” Grandma said, parking her hand on her hip.

Dawson grinned. “He must have been a smart man.”

“He was too smart some days, just like you, Mr. Crane.” She pursed her mouth as if trying to hold back a smile. “Now how do you propose to get me out of here should I not manage the climb?”

“I have no idea.” A perplexed look crossed his face. “It’s a long way back... and it’s a long way up. You could be stuck here for some time, I’m afraid.”