Leaving Tracks (19 page)

N
orth didn’t look
nervous as I gave him direction when we reached the rink. I still didn’t think he was ready. As I’d predicted, we were one of three other skaters out of bed early enough for a near empty rink before the event. Some skaters wouldn’t even practice before the event I knew.

I didn’t really want North to practice so much, as adjust to the ice and the temperature difference. The ice would be better quality than the rink at home and it was something he would have to adjust for. It was also warmer in the arena. He’ll sweat faster.

I wore my shorts in spite of the outside cold to make a statement. I wasn’t going to hide who I was to make others feel better. They would have to deal. I also wore my pink jacket because to be honest I felt like a boss in it.

“Hadley.”

I winced at the smooth baritone and took my eyes from North’s progress to nod at the balding man that approached before turning back to North. My former coach, one of them anyway, wasn’t really worth my attention or concern. He’d only lasted a few weeks when it was determined he had nothing he could teach me.

“I didn’t know you would be here.” He said when he stepped up beside me.

“I’m coaching today.” I didn’t bother with the niceties and focused on North. I couldn’t help but smile at North’s quad loop–triple Salchow combination. Through all the training, it remained the smoothest of his jumps.

From the corner of my eye
, I saw Coach Mounts frown and stiffen. “The boy is yours?”

“North Graton. Yes. He’s one of mine.”

North looped the rink stretching without any other jump for two cycles before he did a triple Lutz, and finally, didn’t touch the ice with his hand.

“He looks good.” It was a grudging compliment and it would no doubt get back to my father that I was coaching again.

“He does. Do you have a skater out today?”

“Jasmina doesn’t practice before an event. She loses her edge.”

I nodded understandingly. Shania was a skater like that too. They’d practice the night before but not the day of.

“Good luck to you today.” Coach Mounts muttered and walked away after watching North for a few more minutes.

There were other people watching North and I waved him off the ice.

“What’s up?”
he asked still stretching out his shoulders and arms as he came over.

“It’s time for breakfast then I’d like for you to finish stretching out with some yoga before the event starts.” I told him and watched carefully the people that stood up and walked out when North nodded and stepped off the ice.

I did my best not to project my nerves onto North as the opening exhibitions began while people were seating. Novice and beginner skaters shared the ice and gave the people already seated something to watch until the event actually started. I had done an opening exhibition once. It felt like the dim dark past.

“Hadley
, relax.”

I jumped at the tickle of North’s breath in my ear. “I should be saying that to you.” I murmured quietly.

He squeezed my shoulders with a hand and I took comfort from it. I needed that comfort. I’d already seen people staring and whispering behind hands when North and I had moved to the seats reserved for skaters and coaches.

The three hours it took for the women’s short programs felt like forever. I couldn’t stop myself from running a judge’s panel through my head as they skated. And as always my score was lower than the granted average.

North was in the third round of skaters for the men’s short.

“Advi
ce?” North asked as he removed the protectors from his skates for the warm up.

I shook my head and when I took the protectors
, I squeezed his hand with my free hand. He smiled and nodded. There were no words needed at this point. He either had it or he didn’t.

I watched him step out to the ice and stepped back to the side.

“Hadley.”

I turned to the woman on approach. Another coach. How many had I gone through? And how many would I see today? I hadn’t really counted the rotation of them. Maybe I should have.

“Becca.” I thought that was her name and forced a smile to my lips.

“I saw your father just last week in Memphis. He didn’t mention you were coaching again.” She said stepping up beside me
and air kissing my cheeks.

“I’m not currently speaking to my father.” I replied easily
and stepped back removing her from my personal space. She frowned but covered it up with a brilliant smile quickly.

“Oh. Well, then it would be news to you that he’s engaged?” she asked.

I shrugged. I didn’t really care. My father had more engagements and broken engagements during my childhood than Britney Spears had relapses.

She made a tut-tut sound. “You really don’t care.”

“The only thing I care about at the moment is this event.” I faced her only for a moment. “If you want to talk about my father you’re wasting your breath, Becca. I don’t.”

She pressed her lips together in a thin line before stalking away.

“I dislike that woman.”

Startled
, I turned to the woman on my left. I didn’t recognize her, so she hadn’t been one of my coaches. “Hadley Becke.” I held out my hand.

The
much older blonde smiled and shook. “Dorothea Caine. I know who you are Hadley. Can you skate on that?” She gestured to my right leg.

“Can’t jump on it,” I answered
, used to this question. “The impact is too much a strain.”

Dorothea nodded. “I had to have a hip replacement done after a car accident ten years ago. I had to quit skating. Hurt too much coming down on it.”

I looked at her startled. She smiled and nodded at me.

“Your boy looks good. Mine isn’t as clean a skater as that. Good luck to you.”

“The same to you.” I returned with nothing else to say.

She nodded again and said nothing further.

I
insisted on
driving home. After two days in St. Paul, Hadley looked drawn and worn out. And I had learned a new lesson the hard way. Hadley was good at what she did and when she said “you’re not ready.” There was a reason for it.

I sighed again at the thought of the thank you for participating tee shirt in my bag. Eighth place.
I could be thankful of twenty I had been in the top ten. I would have preferred the top five. But I had let nerves get the better of me and I hadn’t landed my Axel during the short. And during the long, I touched the ice on my Lutz, again. 

Hadley had curled up in the corner of the passenger seat and knocked out the moment I got on the highway. She hadn’t said much from the start of the event to the end of it. I missed the old Hadley. The one that didn’t avoid me.

I had seen the people stare at her and had hated it. She had held her dignity and ignored it. I had also seen the people talking to her over the course of the two days and saw how draining it had been on her to maintain her pride.

I was glad we were going home. I knew now, I had a lot of work to do, and I wouldn’t question Hadley again if she told me I wasn’t ready. Practice made perfect and in figure skating
, perfection was needed to compete. I understood that better than ever now.

Hadley yawned and stretched as I pulled off the highway onto our county route. “Almost there then?”
she asked looking around. Her eyes were still shadowed but the shadows weren’t as dark as they had been in the city.

“Yes.”

She nodded and studying me. “You look tired. You’ll go home and get some rest. We’ll take the next two days as off days. You’ve been training hard for the event and could use a slow down.”

“A
ll right.”

When I pulled into the rink’s lot Hadley jumped out before I could put the
Jeep in park. “Let me get your bag.”

“I got it.” Hadley yanked her bag out of the back seat and smiled but it was nervous
and tired. “Get some rest.”

She’d been
awfully nervous the last two days. And before that during training. After some sleep because she was right I needed it, I’d confront her about it. I was tired of dancing around it.

I knew my attraction to her was what was
making her nervous. Just as I knew she wasn’t as indifferent as she pretended to be during practices. I gave her credit for titan level control but this couldn’t be avoided forever. I wasn’t going to pretend forever.

I watched her go inside before heading home. I was tired. By the time I reached my drive
, I was driving on autopilot. Sluggishly, I grabbed my bag and stumbled up the front steps and into the foyer.

Wesley stepped out of the kitchen and smiled. “Welcome back. How’d it go?”

I shrugged. “Eighth of twenty.”

“Not bad. Not placing but certainly close. What did Hadley say about it?”

I shrugged again. “Get some sleep and take the next two days off.”

Wesley raised a brow. “You do look dead on your feet. Go up and get some sleep.”

I gave him a sloppy salute and headed up to bed.

After a
six-hour nap, I was wide-awake in time for evening chores. The routine helped with some of the restlessness that I didn’t understand. I shouldn’t be restless just getting home from a trip.

With nothing left to do after chores
, I drove into town to the pool hall. I wasn’t yet legal to drink but I could smoke and play pool. Though if I smoked, I imagine Hadley would tan my hide.

There were a handful of people in Eightballs and most of them I knew from high school days.

“Well, well.” A man bigger and wider than me approached and slapped me on the back. “Son of a bitch, look what the cat dragged in.”

“Jonah.” I gave him a nod and noticed most of my other football days buddies around a few of the tables. “Can I get in or should I get my own?”

“Ha! You’re with, us man. Tell us what you’ve been up to.”

I followed Jonah to the three pool tables in the corner the
2012 football team occupied. “Nothing much really. Farming and skating. You know me.”

Jonah laughed and I swear I heard the windows rattle.

Three games in with the guys and I was feeling all kinds of better. I should have thought of a night out with the guys before. The only thing that would have made the night better was if Rhett had come out with me. He wouldn’t have been able to do anything but play pool but Rhett was a damn shark at it.

“Yo, Betsey’s been staring at you all night.” Brandon, former linebacker, jerked his head to where a group of girls surrounded their own table playing billiards instead of pool.

I looked over and the petite blonde grinned and winked. My reaction was the same as I had to the redhead in the park. Nothing. I couldn’t even bring myself to be, well, a guy about it. I had no desire for a one nighter.

I sighed to myself. Hadley had ruined me. This bullshit she was pulling was only more irritating and frustrating.
I knew she was holding back, and that was probably part of her nervousness. She was now questioning every move she made. Well, that shit needed to stop. And, I decided, it would stop tonight.

I put up my pool stick. “I’m out guys. I’ll try to come in more often. You were fun to hose.”

I got the usual grief and catcalls as I left waving behind me.

“Hey
, North.”

I froze outside the door and turned to watch Betsey in a shirt that was missing a lot of fabric for December step outside.

“Hi, Bets. I was just leaving.”

“So soon?” She pouted and I supposed the way she puckered her lips when she did it might have turned on any other man, but it slightly disgusted me.
It reminded me of two sausages without shape being squeezed.

“Yeah,” and then thought, what the hell, if I was going to piss her off I might as well have fun with it. “I’m in the mood for some cuddling.”

She stepped close and ran a nail down the arm of my jacket, “I cuddle real good.”

I grinned at her, “
So does my girlfriend. And I do prefer her to you.”

Her face turned red and she sputtered.

I took her hand off my arm. “Have a good night, Bets.”

“North Graton, why you…”

I didn’t hear the rest of it as I slammed the car door shut. Just thinking about Hadley and ending the farce between us had me bundled with anticipation. I couldn’t take it anymore. She was under my skin and I couldn’t get her out. I wanted to, had tried even and it hadn’t worked. There was only one thing left to do. I was only hoping she didn’t ask me to stop, or leave.

I knocked on her door for the first time since she started coaching me. I couldn’t just barge in on her
not about this. I didn’t know if her sisters were in there or not and my control was already shaky from the car drive over.

Hadley opened the door and frowned, “North? Why did you knock?”
she asked smiling as she stepped back to let me in. The smile didn’t reach her eyes, but I knew that for the distance she kept herself at.

She looked like she had slept as well. The dark circles that had shadowed her eyes weren’t there
any longer. Her clothes–simple cotton shorts and shirt–were wrinkled; another telling sign that she had lain down at some point in the last eight hours and slept.

“Are your sisters here?” I asked a little pleased my voice didn’t sound as strained as I felt.

“No. Glory’s in town helping out with a dog or something. Avala was called away to the community for something; she’ll be gone until tomorrow afternoon. Morgaine is on a special delivery. Something to do with medicinal herbs and tea.” She cocked a brow that tortured my already strained control. “Is there something wrong?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” I murmured. “I can’t, Hadley…” Before I could change my mind and go drown myself in the frozen lake to cool off
, I stepped in and closed the door behind me.

“Can’t do what? Are you telling me you’re quitting?” Hadley asked confused
as she walked into the living room without looking at me. If she had, she might have seen my struggle to shore up my control before I followed her. “It was only eighth place, North. Not fifteenth or something ridiculous like that. I wouldn’t have let you compete if I didn’t think you could make at least the top ten.”

“No, I’m not quitting.” Before she could sit down on the fainting couch
, I reached out and grabbed her hand. She turned and I stepped into her personal space and pressed my body against hers.

She froze in place and stared up at me. “North
.”

I barely heard it over the roar of my blood.

“I can’t pretend anymore.” I whispered, looking down at her and pressed my mouth to hers.

She was as I remembered. When she gasped
, I pressed further and without thinking about it pulled her down to the rug in front of the fireplace. She made a small sound in the back of her throat when I pressed her into the unyielding floor but she didn’t push me away.

“North,” her voice was shaking when I released her mouth to kiss along her chin to her ear.

“Stop thinking, Hadley.” I murmured in her ear and felt her shiver right before I bit down lightly on the lobe. She shuddered and her hand came up and tangled in my hair. “Stop fighting me. Stop fighting us.”

“North.” The hand not in my hair slid down my back stroking the muscles there.

Trying not to rush, or lose control, I pulled her shirt up and she willingly allowed me to yank it over her head. Before it was the whole way off, I was kissing the hollow at her collar bone and down to her breast.

She g
roaned and arched against me when I ran my tongue just under the edge of the lace bra. Her hands yanked on my shirt and obligingly I pulled it off swiftly. Her hands explored, and her nails bit into my shoulders when my tongue found a nipple.

I fumbled to get the bra off then marveled for a moment the strength of her naked torso before feasting. She cried out and rubbed tauntingly against my painful erection.

God, I was so fucking hard, I wasn’t sure I’d make it through the entirety of the act of loving her. Her left hand pulled at my hair and yanked my head up to her mouth. Our tongues fought a primitive battle and her right hand slipped under the back of the waistband of my pants to squeeze my ass. She pressed against me harder and I groaned into her mouth as she dry humped me.