Leaving Tracks (18 page)

I stopped on the porch when I saw Hadley crossing the path I had created. I hated avoiding her, but I couldn’t face her with my anger on the surface. She didn’t deserve it. I shook my head at her and walked around the porch to the front. I needed a few minutes.

T
here was something
wrong. I knew even from the distance North’s stance was defensive and angry. He shook his head at me and walked around to the front porch. I was too far away to follow him if he was still walking and not waiting on the porch.

I walked into the solarium to see
Morgaine and Avala drinking tea. “What did you say to North?” I glanced around the room seeing nothing out of place. Nothing that would visibly be offensive in any way.

Both of them looked up from their cups and said nothing.

I stepped further into the room. “I asked a question.”

“Nothing outside of what any concerned older sibling might.”
Morgaine answered and she sounded tired.

I crossed my arms over my chest not buying it. I turned my eyes to Avala. “Are you going to elaborate?”

She sipped her tea and didn’t respond.

I threw my hands up in disgust. “Now I have to go find him and apologize for whatever you said.” I marched passed them to the doors that led into the kitchen to cut through the house to the front.

“Are you cooking tonight?” Avala asked and I stopped before I reached the doors. 

I turned and tilted my head. I frowned at her sad expression. “I have some things at the apartment for lasagna.”

Morgaine tapped her fingers against the iron table. “May we come to dinner?” she asked without looking at me.

Baffled
, I just stared. They’d never asked to come over before. Nor had they ever just showed up either. “I’d like that.”

“Walk towards the small pond near the soy field.” Avala said. “If North is truly upset
, he’ll go over to the tree grotto on the other side of the property line. You may find him there.”

“Thanks.” I turned from the doors to the kitchen and back out the way I came in. North, if heading in that direction, would have backtracked through the greenhouses and quite possibly across the soy field.

The snow was wickedly deep and I stumbled a few times until I came over tracks already made. They had to be North’s as he was the only one I knew of that would be out this way. Using his tracks, I followed, literally, in his footsteps.

He was standing silently in a tree grove when I caught up to him. He didn’t turn when I approached.

“When my mother died it drove my father into alcoholism. He died three months later.” North reached out to the quiet tree in front of him and placed his palm against the tree. “My mother had been his balance. And while I believe he loved us, we weren’t our mother.”

“Pretty selfish of him
,” I murmured hoping it was the right thing to say. I had no idea why he was suddenly so sad.

“Yeah.” North’s hand fell from the tree. “This is my mother.” He touched the tree next to it, “And this one my father.”

I blinked in surprise and looked around. Now that he had pointed it out, I saw the pattern the trees were planted in. It was a cemetery. A rather unique one.

“We have a tradition.” North touched his mother’s tree again. “I know I don’t look it but we have Native blood just as rich as
Morgaine’s and Avala’s. I’m told our coloring–the golden blond hair–comes from grandparents three generations back.”

“It can be seen in your eyes,” I said quietly, worried about his stillness and somberness. “And your cheekbones. Little things give it away.”

“When we die, our bodies are cremated and the ash used as the ground for a tree. I chose a Japanese lilac tree. They’re not big, but I didn’t want a big tree. I wanted a tree that could be remembered. They’re beautiful and strong.”

“So are you.” I stepped forward and going on instinct wrapped my arms around him from behind. “You are beautiful and strong. And kind and patient. I’m sorry. For whatever they said to make you sad. I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t apologize for them,” North linked the fingers of his left hand through mine at his waist. “They just made me think, is all.”

“They’re acting strange. They asked to come to dinner.”

North nodded. “That’s really good.” He finally turned and faced me. His smile was off and I hated that my sisters had hurt him somehow. “I’ll walk you home. Then I think I’ll walk home.”

“You’re not staying?” I asked surprised. I liked his company. I was used to his company.
The thought of being alone with my sisters scared me in a way I hadn’t thought possible.

“No. I feel like doing some pottery tonight. I’ll still make practice on time.” He sighed and studied the snow around us. “You’re not walking in this.”

Before I could protest, he scooped me up. “I’m not invalid.”

“No, you’re not,” there was a twinkle in his eye when he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose playfully. “But the snow is deep and still falling and I’d rather not dig you out of a drift.”

Dinner with my sisters had been stressful. I didn’t know how to interact with them anymore. It made me sad, and I imagine all parties were equally relieved and exhausted when the meal had been over.

I skated in lazy figure eights over the ice as I thought about it. I had the new age radio station playing on low through the speaker system. They were my sisters, and I loved them, but I didn’t know them. And that’s what had made dinner awkward until Glory, bless her, had started asking questions.

By the end of the meal, it had felt like a first date, not a family get together. But thanks to Glory, we all knew a little more about each other. And Avala suggested we do it again.

“It’s not good to skate with your mind in the clouds.” North’s hands rested on my hips and his feet copied mine.

I would have fallen if he hadn’t been holding on. I hadn’t heard him enter the rink, or even skate out onto the ice. The music wasn’t that loud but then, I rationalized my mind had been far away.

“Will you let me skate with you?”
he asked and skated around to face me. His footwork was still mimicking mine even as he linked our fingers together and lazily spun us.

I didn’t answer him, but allowed him to take the lead. He pulled me close and spun us into a lazy waltz that followed the music.

“How was dinner?” he asked softly.

I smiled tiredly at him. “Tiring. It was like having a first date with three other people.”

“Makes sense. You’ll have to learn each other again.” He spun me and twisted our arms so I was pressed back against his chest and his feet moved outside of mine.

I smiled as he spun me out and we dipped around each other.

“I’d like to ask you, since I’ve passed my juniors, if I could compete now.” He twisted around me without letting go of my hands and ended up in front staring down. “I’d like to compete.”

“I think it’d be best if you waited until you had your
senior tests done. It’s only three months away if we keep pushing through practices successfully.”

“Come on, Hadley.” North rolled his eyes. “I need something to break the monotony of practices. A couple of competitions won’t hurt.”

“They will if you don’t have all the skills needed to be the best.” I looked up at him. “I want you to be the best, North. Not another one of these run of the mill wannabes. Please be patient.”

“I’m getting bored, Hadley.” He sighed. “I need something to stimulate. Something to show all this is worth it.”

“You’re not ready.”

“I think I am.”

I studied the lines in his face and sighed. He wasn’t going to let this go. Well, two could play that game. “Let me see what I can come up with.”

“Thank you.” He dipped forward and his mouth pressed against mine.

Surprised, I gasped and his tongue greedily entered and wiped my mind clear. My head was spinning, but I wasn’t sure if that was because we were or if that was my reaction to him. I felt his body press firmly to mine, and felt all the hard line and contours that I had felt when he had trapped me in bed, and pinned against the wall.

I had tried not to think about it. I had tried to forget how it felt. I had seriously failed.

We had stopped skating and North had me pressed against the barrier. His fingers were still locked with mine and his feet still planted outside of either one of mine. When he pulled away, I slid down the wall to the ice.

My brain had stopped. My heart was racing. I craved for things I hadn’t craved in a really long time. Did I really want those things? Did I want them with North? The answer to those questions eluded me.

“Not a bad reaction.” North murmured and crouched in front of me. “Hadley.” He reached out and I jerked away.

“We have a professional relationship.” I said
not meeting his eyes. My voice was shaky and barely heard over the music still playing. “We can’t…”

“I think we’re adult enough to keep business and private lives separate.” North stated flatly and put his hands under my arms to haul me up to my feet.

“You don’t even get it.” I scoffed and moved a few feet away from him. “Think about the last few weeks. Our profession is so much a part of ourselves that there’s no way to separate the two. I don’t want to ruin you, North. And any kind of relationship other than the professional one could. I’ll see you in the morning.” I skated away before he could reply.

I
t was hard
to watch her skate away and not follow. Hard not to throw her logic back in her face. She had asked me to think about the last few weeks and she hadn’t even thought to think about it herself.

We were already more than coach and trainee. Our friendship ran deeper than just friends. She obviously hadn’t thought about all the nights I slept here, or all the meals I shared with her. The conversations, the well, everything. The only time I wasn’t with Hadley was when I was in my studio or doing evening chores since Thierry had forced Rhett to switch. She hadn’t even noticed that.

Maybe that was the problem. I continued to skate lazily around the ice rink. I should spend time with someone other than Hadley. I should go out. The other part of that problem was I didn’t want to. But I should. I’d think about it.

Hadley had dark circles around her eyes in the morning and I recognized the slight puffiness in them as well. Great, she had been crying. And, if I mentioned it, she’d probably bite my head off.

“So,” Hadley sat on the trainer’s table in the damnable shorts that showed a great deal of leg and the tight shirt that showcased a lot more than washboard abs. I forced myself to avert my eyes and focused on lacing my skates.

“So?” I repeated and looked up at her.

“You know how I feel about you listening to me.” Hadley frowned.

“Right, sorry.” I took a steadying breath and held eye contact with her.

“In St. Paul in ten days is the St. Paul Skate for Cancer Event. I figured as a charity event, even though scored and placed in your record would probably be the best way to start. Entrance fees pays the prizes for the winners and the remaining goes to the cancer society. They’re a little steep, but I don’t want you to worry about that. I’ve already covered it. You’ll need both a short and a free program.”

“You’re letting me compete?” I was a little surprise
d after her refusal yesterday. “How did you set this up so fast?”

“It’s called the internet.” Hadley quipped. “Let’s get started. We have routines to work out.”

I couldn’t decide if the ten days moved slowly because I was watching the clock or quickly because Hadley ramped up practices so I wouldn’t forget my routines. It was short notice, but I had insisted and she had complied. I had no business to bitch.

My brothers had bitched when I had fallen asleep at the dinner table twice. They’d also complained when I fell asleep in the tub. After the first couple of days
, I only went home for chores and spent the rest of the time in the rink. I wanted to prove to Hadley I was ready.

Her birthday came and went without a word from her. I had no idea if she had even
done anything with her sisters, though other than the regularly scheduled practice, I hadn’t seen her. In the end, her birthday gift, a trio of figure skaters in different poses glazed a snowy white, was left on her dining room table. I hadn’t seen them in any of the public spaces and the box had been gone the next time I was in the apartment. I could only assume she kept them in her room instead of on display. But she hadn’t said anything. Not even thank you.

Hadley
kept herself distant. Not by definition of the word distant. She still coached and smiled and cooked. But the coaching was expected, the smile strained and the food necessary to keep going.

If I reached out to touch her
, she stepped aside. When she corrected me, she didn’t reach out to correct the placement of my limbs like she used to. She’d take the pose herself and demand I copy her. Not touching her was killing me as badly as touching her did. It was like a glass wall had been erected between us and I couldn’t find the hammer to break it and I desperately wanted to break it.

Hadley drove the three hours to St. Paul. She wanted me to rest. Wanted me to review my routines and meditate. Nothing I could say would allow her to let me drive. In the end
, I stopped arguing with her and let her drive.

I followed her lead silently as she checked into our hotel for the night. I’d been to St. Paul before, but it seemed so much bigger than I remembered it. Hadley seemed to have no problems navigating any of it.

Hadley looked around the hotel room and nodded. “You should chill. Are you hungry?”

I shrugged. “When’s the event?”

“Tomorrow. We have the hotel tonight and tomorrow night. Relax. I want to walk around after being in the truck for three hours. I’ll see about warm up times and what not, so you can stretch out. I suggest a bath with the oils from Avala if you brought them.” Hadley rung her hands together once then stepped out when I said nothing.

I had no idea why she was nervous but it put me on edge. I paced the little room and then decided I could use a walk as well and left the hotel room. The hotel felt more like a casino
. With the little shops, it held the three restaurants, two bars, and two fitness rooms.

I didn’t see Hadley as I walked around the busy hotel. There were people everywhere.
I saw some other coaches, they wore jackets that said coach, but I couldn’t tell who they were coaching.

I stood at a window looking out over the river and a little park. There was a small skating rink in the park and on impulse
, I went back to my room for my coat before heading out to it.

It was strange, I decided, watching the casual skaters. Most of them probably had no idea what it took to be a professional skaters and the ones that did probably didn’t have the money or want the hassle that it involved.

I didn’t have the money but Hadley was generous. I paid her as much as I could every week and she accepted with a smile. It didn’t matter how much it was she never complained. I knew there was only a matter of time before that would stop. She couldn’t keep footing my bills. I knew how expensive skating was. I was still trying to figure out how to pay back the six hundred dollar entrance fee for this event.

The prizes, as she had called them were only medals. I knew that to be paid to skate would disqualify from an Olympic event.
A monetary prize probably equated to being paid to skate.

“Are you going to skate, handsome?”

I turned to see a pretty redhead pulling protectors off her skates. I smiled politely, “Not today.”

“Shame.” Her invitation was obvious. And though it may have interested me months ago, it didn’t now.

I shrugged at her and turned back to the skaters. I’d never be able to go back to that I realized. The simple pleasure of just skating for no other reason than for fun would probably never exist again.

I loved to skate and it was fun when I had a chance to just skate. But for now, if I wanted that medal, I had to settle for competitions and practices. I wondered if I would become like Hadley with her need to skate and yet her hate of it.

Her father had driven her to the hate though. She did her best to vary my practices and I did get some fun out of them. She didn’t want me to hate the way she did. I knew that.

I don’t know how long I stood there just watching but eventually I made my way back to the hotel room. There was a pizza box on the desk table but no Hadley. Wondering where she went
, I ate my pizza, showered, and climbed in bed. I fell asleep staring at the empty bed waiting for Hadley.

“Wake up, North.” Hadley’s voice sounded amused. “After weeks of early morning practices you should be used to getting up in the morning.”

Groggy, I wiped at my eyes even as I pushed myself upright. The bed Hadley was sitting on was still made. “Where were you?”

She tilted her head curiously. “In my room?”

“Your room? You got two rooms? Why?” I may not have been fully awake physically but my mind was snapping on rapidly.

She raised a brow, “
Because it’s proper.” She held out the coffee mug in her hands. “Drink. Rink is open for warm ups at six. Event starts at ten. Short programs are first. There are twenty women and twenty men to skate. All Juniors and Seniors. You’ll be very lucky to place top ten.”

“Right.” I gulped at the coffee and watched her move around the room. “You don’t have to spend the extra money for a separate room, Hadley. There are two beds in here. I haven’t jumped you yet. I can control myself.”

She waved a hand at the comment. “There will be sponsors at the event. Looking for skaters to sponsor.” She turned and looked at me. “If you do well you could have someone sponsor all your training expenses.”

“Isn’t that against rules?”

“Sponsoring isn’t paying you to skate. Think of it like your face on a cereal box. The cereal of the Olympic hopeful or some rot like that. You support them and they support you. There’s paperwork to go with it of course but I can take care of that without issue.”

“Who was your sponsor?”

Hadley knotted her fingers together a moment then released them. “My father paid for most of my expenses with his trust fund from my grandfather. I didn’t get a sponsor until my second season and that was some lotion company.” She shrugged. “I never used their stuff, and I still don’t use it.”

“Do you think getting a sponsor with my first event is possible?”

She shrugged. “That depends on how you skate.”

“Well,” I climbed out of bed. “I suppose I should get ready for the day then.”