Left to Love (The Next Door Boys) (20 page)

“You tell me if you need a break from this. We’re just getting started, we haven’t even gotten close to the really bad part yet.”

I heard him breathe in. He took a moment before speaking. “The beauty of being married is that neither of us ever has to do anything alone. This’ll all be over before you know it. Besides, you’re stuck with me.” He kissed me on the top of my head.

“I’m happy to be stuck.” But that nagging voice was still there. The one that told me I’d done this to both of us.

SEVENTEEN

Fourth of Twelve

I shared a room with Andy for my next day at the hospital. Brian worked on
his computer for a while and drug
Devin out for a walk or two. He never went far. I took my Zofran even though I hated it. Throwing up in front of other people was
not something I wanted to do. At least i
t was helping my body s
tay stronger because I wasn’t as
malnourished
as I’d gotten last time
.

My recovery time felt longer
, like I knew it would
. Mom left on the Saturday after my Monday treatment, as was becoming stan
dard. Brian was swamped,
about to start his last finals week before being done with school. He worked at the bar, did some freelance design work, tried to be a student, a dad, and a husband to a very, very sick wife. It was too much. Guilt flooded me as he left for work on Saturday night, knowing what a long night lay ahead of him.

I fell asleep long before Brian came home, but woke when he climbed into bed. I rolled toward him.

“Sorry to wake you,” he whispered.

“You smell.” I smiled in the dark.

He laughed a little.

“I missed you here tonight.” I hated going to sleep in an empty bed. How had I done it before we got married?

“I hate that place.” He sighed. “I hate it more every time I go. It’s a lot harder to be nice to people acting ridiculous when you don’t want to be there. At
all.”

“I’m sorry.” I felt a weight rest on me. How much money could I have brought in to help our family if I hadn’t gotten sick again? “I feel like I…”

He leaned forward and kissed me. “Leigh, we have enough money. I could quit. I just want to make
sure
we have enough. I want the cushion you know?”

“You’re taking good care of us, Bri.”

“I
want
to take good care of you. There’s so much I wish I could do and can’t so I’m doing what I can.” It seemed like he did everything.

I scooted as close to him as I could and let him put his arms around me so I could fall back asleep. He carefully ran a hand slowly up and down my back. It was just Brian and I now, pressed close in our warm bed.

“Thank you,” I whispered as I slid back into sleep.

- - -

“Today was my last day of school. I am officially done with my degree! You have to come out with me and celebrate.” Brian burst into our house with a wide smile.

There were only a few days until my next treatment. I wouldn’t
feel much better than I did then
. “What did you have in mind?” I asked.

“A nice dinner out with my wife.” He leaned over and kissed me softly at first and then more deeply as our lips continued to come together. “Your brother and Megan want Nathan for the night, so I have you all to myself.” He smiled and kissed me again. “If you’re up for it.”

“I think I am.” A normal night out sounded perfect.

I spent more time getting dressed than I had in a while. My clothes already fit a little loose. I really wanted to wear my favorite platform heels but
with how weak I’d been,
it probably wasn’t a good idea.

I settled for a pair of boots, a pencil skirt that wasn’t horribly loose yet and my very favorite grey cashmere sweater. I put on the little blond wig I’d gotten for last time and looked myself over in the mirror. The hair was cute, short, and very blond. I felt normal. 
Something I never thought would feel this blissful.

“Wow.” Brian broke out in a wide smile as I stepped out of the bathroom.
He wore
a
dark suit of his
, which just accentuated his height and broadness
.

I had to smile back.

“You look amazing. It’s actually weird to see you with hair. Is it okay to say that?” He laughed.

“Yeah, I had to check myself over a few extra times.” I walked into the room. “I just wasn’t in the mood for sympathetic stares tonight.”

“People may stare, I’m just warning you.” He stepped towards me, slid his arm around my lower back and brought us close together. I closed my eyes. It felt good to stand next to him like this. It had been too long since we’d taken this kind of time with one another. “You are so beautiful.” He leaned down and kissed me, so much more careful than he used to be.

- - -

We walked into the restaurant where Noah had proposed to me close to a year before. I was happy to be here with Brian, it was a great place with a beautiful view, and the opportunity to have good memories here swept away anything negative.

As we were led to our table, I caught Noah and Amber out of the corner of my eye. Ridiculous. I felt nervous, anxious. Which was silly. It shouldn’t matter, right? I just hadn’t seen Noah since he proposed, and I’d turned him down. I wondered if I’d ever be rid of him. I leaned over the table toward Brian. “Take off your jacket and roll up the sleeves of your dress shirt.”

“What?” He smiled, a little bewildered.

“Please?” It was my favorite way to see him and, if Noah did notice us, it made Brian look his size. He did what I asked, still watching me with a puzzled expression.

“Kiss me.” I smiled, leaning forward and resting my weight on my elbows. He did
the same and happily obliged
. Before he moved away I said, “Look two tables back.”

He glanced over my shoulder. “Well, what are the odds?” He started to lean back, but I shook my head.

“One more before you go away.”

He smiled wide, and kissed me again. “So, what would be fun…” he started. I could tell I wasn’t going to agree. “How mad would you be if I broke his nose?”

“Brian.” I tried to sound disapproving, but I couldn’t help but smile just the same. “So, are we going to stay here and pretend they don’t exist? Or
are we going to take off and eat somewhere else?” I asked.

“They’re getting up to leave.” He sat back.

I reached across the table again to feel his hands on mine. Noah wouldn’t recognize the blond anyway.

“Leigh!”

I sighed. It was Amber. “I can’t believe we ran into you like this! And your hair!” She looked happy. Again, ridiculous.

“So, the wedding has to be close, huh?” I asked, trying to be polite. She pulled Noah to a stop next to our table.

“Two days!” She looked like she might burst with excitement. Her hand was carefully and perfectly placed on Noah’s chest.

“Your hair…” Noah looked confused.

Brian shifted a few times, like he was trying really hard to stay in his seat. I smiled. I felt so safe with him here.

“Yes, Noah,” I said. “I’m a girl. We change our hair.”

He stared at me for a few moments, his eyes narrowed. But he looked at me with something else, maybe something of the way he used to look at me.

“And!” Amber had more to say. It was like she was completely oblivious to the mood of the rest of us. Her voice got low. “Noah has planned this huge surprise two week vacation for our honeymoon!”

Noa
h stood up a little taller then. “What did you two do?”

“Well, Brian planned a trip, but the thought of leaving the bedroom just sounded like too much trouble, so we’re saving the trip for another time.” I winked at Brian and let my eyes shift back to Noah. I could see Brian’s wide smile from the corner of my eye.

Amber giggled. “You’re so naughty, Leigh! I can’t believe you just said that!”

“Told you,” Noah whispered.

That was it for Brian. He stood up inches from Noah. I really didn’t care if he caused a scene or not, but he got up slowly, like he was saying hi to a good friend. “Noah, you need to leave.” Brian half-smiled at him and said it in a nice, quiet voice. The difference in size made me smile. The difference in stature had to do with more than just size. Noah, I’m sure, took both into careful consideration.

“Or what?” Noah asked back. But his voice didn’t have the strength he intended.

“Or you’ll have to explain to your agent why your face is broken.” Brian said it quietly while smiling. Amber’s jaw dropped. “After your conversation with
my
wife the other day, you don’t deserve the chance I’m giving you right now.” His smile disappeared.

“But I thought…” Amber looked confused. She looked at me and then back at Noah who was
losing composure by the second—standing too rigid and shifting his gaze and his weight.

I sat
back in my seat comfortably, and
looked around at the restaurant. Brian was good enough to make it look like we were old friends, just
catching up. No one looked our
way.

Noah turned to leave.

“Yeah.” Brian patted him on the back. “I didn’t think so.”

I half expected Noah to turn around at Brian’s demeaning gesture, but he didn’t. He didn’t want the confrontation. Especially since he had to know that he’d lose. Badly.

“Sorry.” Brian smiled as he sat down. He took a deep breath in and then back out. “I have always, always wanted to chase that man away.”

“Don’t be.” I smiled widely at him. “I’m almost disappointed. I would have liked to see the look of shock on his face if you’d hit him.”

“Well, let’s get out of here then.” He acted as if he was ready to stand. “I’m sure we could catch them in the hallway... or the elevator…” Brian gestured to the door.

I shook my head. “Thank you.”

“For what?” His face softened as he looked over at me.

“For making me feel safe.” I stopped for a minute. “For making me feel like nothing could touch me with you around.” I wasn’t talking about Noah anymore. “For making me feel like if I could just stay in your arms that everything else would go away.”

He leaned forward. “If I could make you better by holding on to you, if I could do anything… you have to know I would do anything for you.”