Less Than Perfect Circumstance (2 page)

“I understand. I’m just trying to get better. Mom was here for a while, and you know how she gets,” I said.

“Yeah, that’s mom for you,” Dane responded. “So, what’s next for you, bro? It can’t be any fun confined like that.”

“Following doctors’ orders are never fun. Everything is still so fragmented. I’m still trying to put the little pieces together. Right now, I am more concerned about this ugly scar across my forehead and these headaches that come and go as they please.”

“Look, Dexter. You know I’m here if you want to talk. Have you spoken to dad? Mom said he was upset,” Dane revealed.

“So I’ve heard. I understand how he feels, I guess, but I can’t worry about him right now. As far as I’m concerned, he will never understand, so why waste time trying to make him?” I asked rhetorically. “I’m his flesh and blood and not even a phone call, a visit, nothing. It makes me wonder if I had died, would my own father even attend my funeral, if even to throw dirt on my coffin.”

“Don’t say that, Dex. You know dad loves you,” Dane said persuasively.

“Well maybe he needs practice in showing it.”

Marvin and I had a few problems in our father-son relationship, though nothing I thought age and time couldn’t fix. There were times my father treated me like a stepchild than the son he helped to create.
My accident hadn’t made it any easier. There was so much about
me
my father didn’t understand

not that he even tried
. It puzzled my father that his sons who had shared their mother’s womb were so very different; something he
said he
noticed from my first cry. Actually, Dane and I were more alike than our father knew.

Marvin never held his tongue for anyone, and since he and I, for the most part, were much alike, the simplest conversations, without warning, became arguments. Tension always existed between us, and Marvin’s constant attempt to dictate how I should live my life didn’t help in easing that tension. I refused to let my father run my life, and Marvin insisted on doing so. 

“I’ll get around to calling him eventually. It’s not like he has called to see how I’m doing,” I said.

“This is true. But you know how he is.”

Dane sensed how uncomfortable I had become talking about our father. It’s not like Dane was making excuses for him. I did actually know how Marvin was. Whether Marvin was right or wrong, he thinks
you have to make the first move

admit you’re wrong and apologize to him.  He was a stubborn old man who budged for no one, no matter what desperate situation you found yourself in.

“In time, bro,” Dane continued. “I just wanted to call and check on yo
u, make sure you didn’t need
anything. Before I forget, I have an audition in New York in two weeks. My agent told me Will Smith was also reading for the lead, but maybe they’ll throw this one my way.”

“Good luck with that, Dane,” I offered.

“Thanks. I’m
gonna
try and come see you for a few days since I’ll be that close, if that’s cool with you. I know you don’t like people seeing you when you’re not looking your best,” Dane asserted.

I laughed at how well my brother knew me.

“Yeah, that’s cool. I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime too soon, so let me know.”

“I’ll do that. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Although I woke with good intentions, my day was unproductive at best. My plants finally got the water they thirst for. Even though I was able to eat solid foods, I didn’t have much of an appetite. The pomegranate, pear, and grape salad with candied pecans
wasn’t
exactly what I had been craving, but it was filling. Between breakfast and dinner, where I enjoyed the Cedar-Planked Citrus-Rosemary Salmon I had prepared, I took my time restoring order in a room that had become too familiar to chaos. There were phone calls that needed to be returned, but in my mind, one more day of peace wouldn’t hurt. I did manage to put a rag to my burgundy 620i Convertible, which had sat under one of the aged oak trees that lined the driveway. I had no plans to go anywhere; it was just another step in getting the life that was almost taken from me back in order.

Night had slowly crept up on me. I sat in my chair facing the fireplace, my feet crossed at the ankles, and a wine glass with cold orange juice in my hand. I rested my head on the back of the chair, closed my eyes, and escaped in though
t
until thought gave way to sleep.

CHAPTER TWO

THAT’S THE WAY LOVE WORKS OUT SOMETIMES

Trevor

In my mind, I
prayed
, hoped, and wished harder than ever that this night would never end. I knew when morning came, I would have to say goodbye to the one person who, unknowingly, had taught me to love again. No matter how much I tried to prepare myself for the moment, saying goodbye wasn’t going to be easy. Letting go had never been; loving Kelvin was.

Kelv
in never asked for too much, but
in return
,
he gave more than enough.
Morning found us on our proclaimed side of the bed, with our backs toward each other
, taking comfort in knowing we
were an arm’s length apart. I
was lying
there,
awake, thinking how
much time would pass before we
would have another night like that
. I
watched Kelvin most of the night, stari
ng into his face, thinking
he had not the slightest i
dea how much sadness and hurt I
felt.

When I woke, my eyes were sad, and my
heart filled with pain
;
very different from the beautiful summer morning that greet
ed us. Before Kelvin woke, I
stood looking from the bedroom window at the U-haul truck
we
had spent most of the last evening, and the evenin
g before that, packing; the same
vehicle that would eve
ntually take Kelvin away from
m
e. I
thought about
how alone I
was going to feelin
1084 Willow Crest Court and my
heart sank. Kelvin’s laughter, his boyish smile, and love would
soon be too far for me
to see or feel.

“Are you ok?” Kelvin asked with sleep still in his eyes and fatigue in his voice.

Fighting back tears
I had held back all week, I lay
in silence as I
thought of a response.

“Oh, I’m fine,
” I
responded, and wi
ped my
face before turning around. “You have a long drive ahead of you, you need to get up.”

Kelvin seemed content just lying there. He rolled onto his back and m
otioned me
over to him. Kelv
in took a deep breath and I
allowed my
body to melt into his.

“Are you sad?” Kelvin asked.

Damn, he loved to ask that question
;
and a dumb question at that! What did he think I was going to sa
y?
Oh baby, I’m glad you’re moving. I’m glad I won’t
have you to spend my time
with.
My
thought was long.The truth is
, I
was lying on Kelvin’s chest, looking into his eye
s, and I
already missed him.
Kelvin had
been asking
m
e
to be a big boy about our
decision;
I
was finding it hard to be a big anything.

“Baby, I’m really going to miss you.”

I clasped my
h
ands across Kelvin’s chest, rested my
chin on top of them, and stared deeper into
his
eyes.

“I’m going to miss you too, baby. I hope you’re not mad,” Kelvin responded, closing his eyes momentarily.

“No, I’m not mad. And even if I we
re, the decision has been made.”

“Well, if you have to be mad at anyo
ne one, I’m a good place to start. Just remember
I love you, and don’t miss me too much.”

“Listen
, Kelvin. W
e made a decision, and no matter what happens, it’s one we both have to live with.”

Kelvin smiled and hugged
me even closer. He had assured me
everything wa
s going to work out between us. I
had never been in a long distant relationship, and
although I was reluctant, I
was wi
lling to try. As much as I
love
d Kelvin, I
was willing to try anything.

W
hile Kelvin showered, I lay
in bed,
on my back
,
with my
eyes closed, trying not to think of how different things
were going to be without him
.
I
wasn’t sure which
part of being with Kelvin I
wa
s going to miss the most, but I
certainly wasn’t looking
forward to
find
ing
out. What wa
s I
going to do with all the extra time?

Since Kelvin and I
became exclusive,
everything with us
was routine. Several times a
week, my
evenings ended with him
, and
my
mornings began next to him. Kelvin was there
when my
days didn’
t go as planned, and when I
took time away from the office,
I knew I
had a lunch date whenever he requeste
d it, as long as his
schedule allowed.

Although he had a long drive ahead of him, Kelvin took his time getting ready. He stayed in the shower longer than usual.
When I
got tired of thinking
, I
spent time at
the bathroom with my
head leaned against the door, staring at Kelvin’s sexy silhouette. After he showered, Kelvin
came into the bedroom
,asked
if I
was ok,
and kissed me on my
forehead.

I
was lying there, motionless, watching Kelvin as he dressed
. I watched him
massage his abs and then his chest with lotion, being very careful not to miss a spot. His back was the hardest to reach because of his newly acquired muscles and loss of flexibility. Whe
n Kelvin asked me
to lotion his back
for him, I
jumped
at the opportunity to touch my
man’s
naked body one more time. I
would have done anything to prolong
hi
s departure.

As I
massaged
Kelvin’s shoulders, I
thought of the many
massages I had given
him
when he came home from a long day at wor
k, or a hard workout at the gym that left him in pain and hardly able to move.
Kelvin would drop his gym bag in the foyer, and undress usually before he reached the bathroom. Then
,
while the bathtub was filling with water, he would stand in the bedroom door and ask
me
to join him. 
We would sit, usually with Kelvin’s body between my legs, and
massage his body until he was completely satisfied.
This I
was going to miss.

After kissing Kelvin several times on the back
of his neck, Ifelt my
manhood rise in excitement
. I
glanced at the clock and soon real
ized time was my
rival. S
ince Kelvin didn’t object to my
advances
, I continued my aggression, kissing him
more pas
sionately. We
enjoyed the sensual pleasure until Kelvin received a phone ca
ll he couldn’t ignore. If I
wasn’t mad before, I
was mad now
.

When Kelvin
finished his conversation, we knew we
woul
dn’t be able to finish what we
had started. Act
ually we
could, but it would only make Kelvin’s leaving that much harder. With t
he taste of Kelvin still on my lips, I
sat and watched him as he dressed for his departure.

We
walked down the stairs hand in hand, both
very quiet. Once outside, I stood in the driveway with my hands folded across my
chest, not knowing what t
o say. A few weeks earlier, we
had celebrat
ed Kelvin’s birthday, now I had to say goodbye. Whatever I
had to say to Kelvin,
I knew I
had to say it now. I
was already emotional while helping Kelvin pack, and now that the day had arrived, it was hard to contro
l my
tears.

“Drive safely, and remember
,
I love you very much,”
I
managed to
say when my mouth opened
. After a long kiss and hug,
I
turned and walked back up the drivew
ay towards the house. Even if I wanted to turn around, I
couldn’t. From the bedroom wi
ndow, I
watched Kelvin
check the lock on the back of the truck, making sure it was
properly
secured.

As the truck pulled away
, my tears flowed. I did nothing to stop them.  I
stood and watched the truck disappear as it turned from Willow Crest Court onto Old Crescent Drive. When it was no longe
r in sight, the tears flowed heavier. When my
legs were too weak to
stand, I
lay
across the bed again, still sobbing, asking God, or whoever was listening
,
to please bring his baby back
.