Let Me Be Your Hero (10 page)

“Ask me that tomorrow,” Claire said.

The next day Fraser felt better, and when he came down and tried to talk to her, she threw the incident with the Countess in his face. “I am as innocent of any wrongdoing as I was yesterday, Claire. I swear it on my mother’s grave.”

“I wouldna believe ye if ye tossed in yer father’s grave for good measure.”

Claire spent that morning in the library, but she did
not accomplish much. She could not seem to concentrate, because she kept thinking about Fraser. How could he be intrigued by that conglomeration of mischief and sensuality, that queen of seductive posturing, with her sun-drenched curls and a perfect heart-shaped face? How could he be warmed by the fire in her eyes, or be dazzled by that ridiculous way she had of arching one brow when she flirted? Men were said to fall hopelessly in love when they gazed into eyes that burned with the fire of desire. Bah! If men were overcome by her gilded glory, her flaming fire or her dazzling tempestuousness then more the fools they, and Fraser Graham along with them.

Claire finally managed to finish her work and left the library. As she entered the gallery, she met Isobel coming down the stairs. “I was looking for ye,” Isobel said.

Claire paused and said, “I was finishing some work in the library.”

Isobel nodded. “I was on my way there to see if you were working,” she said.

Claire glanced up the stairs. “Are my sisters up there?” she asked.

Isobel shook her head. “No, I saw them through the window a moment ago. They were in the orchard. Why dinna ye check there?”

Claire walked down the hall, and although daylight brightened the rooms she passed, the corridors were dark and shadowy, and everything about her seemed cold, sad and silent.

She left the house and walked across the courtyard and down the narrow pathway to the orchard. It was surrounded by a low rock wall, which Claire walked
along until she came to the gate. She opened it and found herself confronting a perplexing sight. Looking past some three or fours rows into the orchard, she saw the back part of a woman’s blue dress, the rest of the dress, along with the woman’s identity hidden behind the trunk of a tree. On the other side of the trunk, the back of a man’s black head was unmistakably that of Fraser’s.

There was little doubt that he was busily occupied with some task, and while she imagined he was becoming quite proficient in undoing the Countess’s lacings, she found it hard to believe they would do something so flagrant in the middle of the orchard in broad daylight, with a dozen or so clansmen working about the island.

While she was trying to decide if she should confront them, or toss both their cheating hides off the island, they finished whatever it was they were about, and the blue dress laughed. A moment later, Fraser and Carolina came around the tree, then Carolina turned and put her arms around Fraser’s neck and kissed him on the mouth.

“I was so tense, and now I feel so relaxed. Although you took a long time to come, I was so happy to finally find my relief, I did not mind.”

She turned and gave Claire a direct look and a cat-what-ate-the-cream smile, then daintily crossed the distance to the gate and walked toward the castle.

“Claire, what are ye doing in the orchard? Did you come to give me some help?”

She saw the pile of dead branches he or someone had pruned from the trees, but today, unlike the previous
times she had seen the Countess with him in an embarrassing position, she was more hurt than angry.

With a shake of her head, she turned and fled down the path that led away from the castle.

A new disease? I know not, new or old, But it may well be called poor mortals’ plague: For, like a pestilence, it doth infect

The houses of the brain…

Till not a thought, or motion, in the mind, Be free from the black poison of suspect.

Ben Jonson (1573-1637), English dramatist, poet. Kitely, in
Every Man in His Humour,
act 2, scene 3

W
hen Fraser asked Claire what was wrong and she confronted him with what she saw in the orchard, he laughed.

Truly, if she could have gotten her hand around a sizable object, she would have crowned him with it. “I have heard all the lies I want to hear.”

“I am sorry for laughing, but it is so unlike ye, Claire, to be so jealous, when there is naught to be jealous aboot. I had been working and left to fill my jar with water. When I came back, I found Carolina standing by the tree with her hair caught fast on a low-hanging
branch. I helped free it for her. That is all there wastoit.”

“Ye forget I heard what she said. ‘I was so tense, and now I feel so relaxed. Although you took a long time to come, I was so happy to finally find my relief, I did not mind.’”

He seemed puzzled for a moment, and then he gave her that grin that was always her undoing…except this time. Today, she was not moved.

“She said she had been standing there a long time, waiting and hoping someone would come by. She meant she was so happy to have her hair uncaught that she did not mind my taking so long to help her.”

“Ye always have a plausible excuse, I will say that for ye.”

He reached out and pulled her against him. “Claire, ye have naught to worry yer pretty head aboot. ’Tis ye that I love and ye that I want to spend my life with. Dinna let things like this come between us. I miss ye, and want ye back in my bed.”

“Indeed? Then ye should invite the Countess back. She knows where it is, since she has been there before.” She turned away before he could say another word.

Claire avoided Fraser completely for the next two days. On the third day he was ill again, only this time it was much worse than a simple headache. He could not keep any food down. His head ached fiercely, and his eyes were so sensitive to the light they had to close the drapes. By the second day, he was quite dehydrated, unable to keep anything down.

They sent for the doctor again. He examined Fraser and prescribed medication. “There are quite a few cases of the grippe going aboot and many of the symptoms
are similar to yer husband’s—fever, chills, muscular pain and prostration. Keep him quiet and in bed. Here are two bottles. The blue one should be taken in the morning. The brown bottle at night before he goes to sleep. Call me if he worsens.”

The second day he did seem worse, but Isobel said it wasn’t enough change that they should pull the doctor away from other needy patients. “Let us give the medication another day to work.”

The next day, Claire thought Fraser was worse, but Isobel insisted he was not as feverish as the day before. “And he is sleeping better.”

Claire had been sitting by his bed for two days, sleeping in the chair. That night, Isobel told her to go to bed. “Ye will be no good to him if ye canna keep yer eyes open. I will check on him from time to time during the night.”

It did not take much persuasion, for Claire was barely able to maintain an upright position. She went to her room and lay down on the bed without turning back the covers or removing her dress and shoes. She was asleep almost immediately.

She did not know how long she slept, but she was awakened at some point by Isobel shaking her. Claire sat up and saw it was dark outside. “He is worse?”

“I think ye need to see this, Claire, although it pains me greatly to be the one to tell ye.”

“See what?”

“It’s Fraser and…”

Claire hurried around Isobel and went into Fraser’s room. He was lying on his back with nothing on save a bit of sheet that covered part of one leg.

Lying on the bed next to him, naked and asleep with
her golden hair fanned around her, Carolina was lying on her side facing Fraser, with one leg thrown over his.

Claire turned to Isobel. “Get her oot o’ here and off this island.”

Claire was sick to her stomach and her heart was broken. This was the last insult she could tolerate. Simply getting rid of Carolina would not solve the problem. Claire realized that, apparently, she was not enough woman to hold her husband.

Lord Walter had two men waiting with the boat. Once the Countess of Stagwyth was dressed, her bags were carried down and Isobel walked her to where Lord Walter waited.

Claire stood at the window of her room and watched the notorious Countess climb into the boat, then she turned away and went to bed.

The next morning she realized she could no longer live with Fraser. If not the Countess, then someone else. Men who were womanizers never changed, they only changed women. She could see the years down the road for them, with a multitude of women coming and going, much in the same manner as the Countess.

She dressed and had a cup of tea, then she went to Fraser’s room. Just before she reached it, Greer asked her to come into her room. Kenna was there, and said she and Greer wanted to talk to her.

“What about?” Claire asked.

“Fraser,” Kenna said.

“Dinna try to defend him. It is too late for that.”

“We are no’ trying to defend him,” Greer said.

Kenna took her hand. “Claire, Fraser’s illness is starting out just like Kendrew’s. It’s not the grippe. It’s
whatever Kendrew had all over again. I’m afraid he will end up like our brother.”

“Thank ye for sharing that, but it doesna matter what ails Fraser. I do not wish his death, certainly, but I do not intend to live with him anymore. I am going to Edinburgh tomorrow to hire a lawyer, then I shall divorce him on the grounds of adultery.”

“Oh. Claire…” Greer said.

“Stay out o’ this, Greer, and ye, too, Kenna. ’Tis none of yer affair.”

The next morning, Claire packed a small bag, and after she dressed and had her coffee, she went to see Fraser. He was obviously better, for he was partially inclined with two pillows behind him.

“I am glad to see ye, Claire. I was beginning to think ye had abandoned me.”

“I want a divorce, Fraser. I am leaving in a few minutes for Edinburgh. I sent one o’ my men to Graham-stone Castle, alerting them o’ yer illness, and then I requested they send someone after ye. I want ye gone by the time I return tomorrow.”

His expression was a combination of shock, disbelief and confusion. “I do not understand. What is wrong with ye of late? Ye are no’ the woman I married.”

“That is the first truthful thing I have heard ye say, Fraser. I am not the same. I will never be the same as I was because ye have destroyed that person.”

“How…what have I done but love ye, Claire? What we have…’tis something too good and too beautiful to toss it away. Ye canna mean to end it like this. Ye canna.”

“It is too late for talk now. My mind is made up. I canna live with ye after all that has happened.”

He seemed startled by everything, but she paid it no mind. “Tell me, then. Tell me what happened. What was so bad as to push ye to this?” He looked directly into her eyes with the kind of confidence she herself used when she was speaking honestly and frankly, but instead of crediting him with sincerity or honesty, she branded him a consummate actor, who knew all the words and movements to sound convincing.

Her mouth was trembling. “I am talking about finding the two o’ ye in this bed, without a stitch on yer bodies. Not only that, but the Countess…she was holding ye, Fraser, like ye was a particular friend o’ hers.”

“Claire, stop and listen to me for a minute. I think all of this, from the Countess’s visit to what ye say happened when ye found the Countess in my bed—I have no memory of any o’ that. How could I? I was sick. Can ye no’ understand how verra sick I was?”

“Yer sickness is mighty peculiar, Fraser, for it seems to come just when ye need it for yer alibi. Ye are sick one day and fine the next, and then ye go several days looking fit as can be then poof! There ye are sick again.”

“I think someone…either Isobel or Lord Walter has been poisoning my food. I think they might have given me a dose and then skipped a dose or two. As soon as I am able, I want to pay a visit to the chemist and the doctor to see if my theory is possible.”

“Is that the only excuse ye can find? Ye are always blaming Isobel and Lord Walter, when they have been nothing but kind to all o’ us. Ye shame us, Fraser, with yer accusations hurled at two perfectly innocent people. Why canna ye accept the blame yerself, since that
is where it belongs. Ye can go to the chemist and the doctor if ye like, but do not come back here. I dinna want to hear any more o’ yer lies. I do not want to see ye again, ever.”

“Claire, don’t fall into their trap so easily. Canna ye no see that this is all part of a bigger plan to gain control of yer fortune?”

“By doing away with ye? How would that serve them?”

“Ye would be free to marry Giles.”

She burst out laughing. “Giles? Ye have truly come up with a far-fetched one this time. Honestly, where does yer imagination find these preposterous ideas?”

“And do ye not think it a bit preposterous that I was too ill to move, yet would feel up to an amorous liaison, or that I would stoop so low as to brave a tryst under the same roof I shared with my wife and her sisters, and worse, to have it in the bed I share with ye?”

“I do not know ye anymore, Fraser, so I canna answer that question.”

“Then I suppose there is nothing else to say, is there. Ye have obviously grown so far away from me that ye would believe anything Isobel tells ye to believe. I have come against a mountain I cannot climb. I still love ye, and probably I always will. Poor Claire, ye are incapable of understanding because ye love with yer head and not yer heart. Even now, after all that has transpired between us…the deception, the false accusations…the betrayal…the words filled with venom, ye are still too dear to me, for ye reside in the very core o’ my being.”

Claire was barely listening, but she heard enough to reply in a haughty tone, “If ye truly felt that way
about me, ye never showed it. What was I to think? I find ye asleep with that hussy, the Countess of Stagwyth, and now ye act as if
ye
were the one who was humiliated and insulted.”

“I want to ask ye one last thing. How did ye manage to accidentally catch me in such flagrant situations with the Countess?”

“Isobel…”

“Say no more. It is as I suspected. Ye have played right into their hands. I fear for ye, Claire, for ye are walking on a thawing lake, and I am the last thing standing between ye and falling through the ice. I worry for ye…even now I worry about what will happen to ye, for I ken ye will be forced to marry Giles, and hand over yer inheritance to him. If ye dinna, then ye may find yerself in the same situation as Kendrew. For I believe if they canna bend ye to their will, they will do away with ye, and try the same tactics on yer sisters until one o’ ye does as they wish.”

He got out of bed, weak and wobbly in the legs, and she had a stab of remorse for throwing him out of his bed in this condition, but it was not strong enough to make her change her mind.

“Do not confuse my respect for ye with cowardice, for cowardly, I am not. I committed no wrong. I was in bed because I was sick. As for proof of how and why the Countess came into my bed I have none, but ye ken I have my suspicions, as I told ye. What surprises me is that ye have none. Think upon it, Claire. Aside from what I suspect, I wish ye would tell me that if I am wrong, then what could Isobel hope to gain by destroying our marriage?”

“Perhaps she sees ye for the lying adulterer ye are
and hopes to free me from a lifetime o’ such. But, that is done. I cannot talk aboot it anymore. I am too devastated. I feel as if I have been run through with a dirk and mortally wounded. I bleed from a dozen holes. At first, I wanted to die, not only from the betrayal and humiliation ye heaped upon me.” She stopped for she knew this was pointless. They could keep talking like this for weeks. Someone had to end it. “None of this matters now. The time for talking is over.”

Fraser was putting his clothes on. “As was the battle before it started. I would have gladly given my life for ye, but that was never a choice. Ye have been duped and ye chose to believe yer eyes instead of yer heart. Ye give me no recourse, for I am left with only one option and that is to give ye what you want, without a fight. Very well, I will be gone from here as soon as I have dressed.”

She realized then…she thought he might… What? What did she think he would do? Grab her and ride off on a white charger? Suddenly she felt confused. She wanted to salvage her wounded pride and heal the hurt he had caused. But the part of being separate from him did not truly hit her until he said he would give her what she wanted and ride away. “Leave…just leave? And that is it?”

“Aye, it is over. I am done, and I shall not try again. I leave ye free and unfettered to get the divorce ye want so badly. As for me, it will not be so easily done. I told ye once I would love ye as long as there was snow on Ben Nevis. Ye may have your divorce. I will not challenge it, but it will take more than words scribbled on a piece of paper to cancel the vows and my pledge to ye.”

She lifted her head proudly. “How different we view things, for there is no oath so binding as to hold me to ye.”

His pride was still there, although it was humbled considerably. “I believe ye have made that point before…more than once.”

“I did not come in here to ask ye to stay. It is finished between us. If ye crawled on yer hands and knees from here to Thurso and back, it would make no difference to me. Ye have played the part of the adulterer, and in my own home. Ye told me once that my mind was like a bed…never made up. This should surprise ye then, for I will never forgive ye for what ye have done, and my mind is solidly in agreement.”

“Ye will not be able to shut yer eyes to the truth forever,” he said. “The moment is bittersweet and it pains me to leave ye, and yet I hope that I never see yer sweet face again. How much better it would be if our paths never cross, but should it happen, I pray to God that the face I wear convinces ye that not a fig of affection for ye remains.”