Let Me Go (18 page)

Finally, it seemed like she had stopped her
advances or whatever it was. They were sort of back to normal, and
his friends were over watching the game and having fun. Even Kat
was enjoying herself. He hadn’t noticed her drinking too much, but
by her behavior, she was getting pretty drunk. He was torn between
wanting to see what she was like with her walls completely down
thanks to alcohol and scolding her like a child for doing this to
herself because he knew she would be feeling the effects the next
day.

Then she turned on the music and started
sauntering over with a gleam in her eyes. She was moving her hips
and looked ready to lose herself in the music. He smiled to
himself, ready for her to do one of the incredibly adorable nerdy
dances she did when she thought he wasn’t watching her clean. And
then she surprised the hell out of him. She was a vixen. The way
her body moved was mesmerizing, enticing. He was speechless, he was
drawn. If he thought staying away from her before was hard, it was
nothing compared to watching her move the way she did. He wanted to
pull her down onto his lap and do wicked things to her…that is,
until he saw the way his friends were eyeing her. A sudden urge to
either cover her up and hide her or beat the shit out of his
friends overtook him. He mentally shook his head.
This wasn’t
right.
He couldn’t be jealous. He wasn’t jealous.
Damn
it!
He wanted to clog his friends, and he actually told himself
he wasn’t jealous. If that wasn’t bad enough, at least if Kat was
doing this for him, he could sit back and smile smugly while his
friends watched in awe. He could think to himself,
that’s right
guys, she’s all mine
. But she wasn’t his and on top of that,
she barely spared him a glance the entire time. He scowled. He was
mad at himself for caring about Kat; he was mad at her for teasing
him; he was mad at his friends for watching her. But mostly, he was
mad because the entire situation was fucked up. He watched her as
the song was coming to an end, still angry with the world, when she
slipped and started falling backwards. In an instant, he was up and
had her in his arms. All his anger faded when she was there and he
stared into her eyes. All he saw was Kat, beautiful, wonderful Kat.
He felt the air shift, and a beat of electricity seemed to pass
between them. His gaze shifted to her lips. They were plump and
naturally red. He wanted to taste those lips. He wanted to have
what he had been denying his body for so long. He wanted Kat, and
by God, he was going to have her.
He felt himself
drawing closer to her, as if an invisible string pulled their lips
together.  He stared at her mouth inching closer to his,
oblivious to his surroundings until he heard John’s catcalls and
whistling, effectively snapping him out of it.
He couldn’t
blame the guy, but he sure as hell wanted to hit him.

But that did bring him back to reality.
What the hell was wrong with him? Did he really almost kiss Kat?
Did he really want to? Damn it, he did!
This was so wrong. When
his friends brought his attention back to her, he cursed himself
before sending her away. He needed her to leave him right now.
Right fucking now. He needed to get distance, and damned if he was
going to be the one to leave. Besides this was all her fault, with
her flirting and kindness and stupid good heart. He forced her out
of the room.

“Mason, man, you okay?” Benny asked, ever
the observant good friend.

He should have lied; he should have told him
to fuck off; he should have brushed it off, but he answered
honestly, “No.” Benny simply nodded, said something to his friends
and they all stood to leave.

“I should say I told you so, but I’m just
going to tell you to figure your shit out instead, all right? You
need me, you know where I’m at, but I have a feeling you’d like to
be alone right now, so you got it. We’re out.” Mason nodded and
mumbled his appreciation before the guys left and he stalked to his
room.
Could he possibly care about Kat in that way?
He
couldn’t love her, he knew that. And even if he could, she couldn’t
possibly love him.
No way, no how.
He needed to fix this, he
just didn’t know how.

Chapter 28

Mason spent the
better part of a week avoiding Kat. He was waging an internal war
about his feelings for her. Benny’s words kept replaying in his
head, telling him he loved her. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. And
yet she plagued his thoughts and his dreams. Heck, she even plagued
his waking moments. Ever since he almost kissed her, he couldn’t
get her off his mind.

He barely registered that she had become
quiet and withdrawn. And when he finally realized it, he had an
aching feeling that he was to blame for that. He knew he had been
cold to her; he knew he had brushed her off. What he didn’t know
was why she would care. He still didn’t believe what Benny said
about her caring for him in more than a friendly way. But he had to
wonder if she had wanted to be with him the way he was craving her.
These thoughts made him become his moody self. And now she seemed
defeated. He thought he would enjoy her like this, but it was doing
a number on his conscience.

He didn’t know what that meant for him. He
didn’t love her and if he had to prove it to Benny and Kat, and
even his own traitorous body, he would. And he knew just what to
do. He grabbed his things and went out.

*****

Kat continued her slave duties for Mason the
following week, but she felt like she was doing it all on
autopilot. She wasn’t going anywhere, she was stuck here, and worst
of all she was stuck with a guy that avoided her like the plague.
She could have sworn there was something between them; she could
have sworn she had felt wanted, even needed, which was a great
feeling after Seth had tossed her aside. Not only that, but she had
come to terms with using her body for the greater good of her goal.
Until that plan went to shit.
For the first time in all the
months she had been trapped here, she couldn’t put on a happy face.
She couldn’t muster up the energy. Even when she first got there,
and fear was an overwhelming emotion, she had hope which kept her
feeling alive and even happy. Her ability to give back as good as
she got with her comments and feistiness always put a smile on her
lips even when she ran to her room right after to hide from Mason.
Now he barely even acknowledged her, and there would be no point in
riling him up even if she had it in her. Which, of course, she
didn’t. She just felt humiliated, ashamed, and lost.

She wanted to cry, she wanted to let the
tears run down her face. She wanted to admit he had won, admit he
had beaten her down, but that was the one thing he couldn’t take
away from her. She held her chin up high even if it was a façade,
did her chores even though she didn’t have any desire, and ignored
Mason right back. He would never see her cry. If she had to stay
here for years, so be it, but she would never let him win like
that.

She had finished all her chores for the day
and was ready to retire to her room. She was coming out of the
bathroom when she saw Mason speed by like he was on fire. She only
caught a glimpse before he was out the door. At this hour, he was
going out. He didn’t go out much, but he did occasionally go to a
bar or something with his buddies. He usually let her know he’d be
late. He didn’t technically have to check in with her, and she
figured it was a nice gesture, but not this time. He left without
saying a word, something she was getting used to from the past
week. What she wasn’t used to was the sound of a giggling woman
waking her up in the middle of the night.

She wasn’t sleeping all that well lately, so
it didn’t take much to wake her up, but the obnoxious snorting
coming from the living room would have woken up just about anyone.
Dazed and confused for a moment, she couldn’t comprehend what was
going on. Maybe Mason finally came home and decided to turn the
television on full blast. Curiosity and even a little bit of worry
that he was too drunk to take care of himself had her stumbling out
of bed and heading toward the living room.

She opened her door and stopped short in her
tracks. That was no television making those noises. There, in the
living room she used as her own, the one she cleaned with her bare
hands, the one she had come to know as hers, was Mason pressing a
giggling blonde against the wall. She was running her leg up and
down his thigh while her hands caressed his back. His head was
nuzzled into the crook of her neck, which was clearly why she was
giggling. Mason lifted his head, and their lips collided in an
angry rush as Kat stood there frozen, watching in horror. Bile rose
up in her stomach as the blonde moaned loudly into Mason’s mouth,
and finally Kat gasped. Mason’s head snapped back, and his eyes
bore into hers. It was too dark to see the emotion in them, but
that didn’t stop her from feeling his intense gaze. There was some
nagging instinct in the back of her mind that she could ask this
woman for help, tell her that Mason was keeping her hostage, but
the sight before her was overwhelming any urges to get the hell out
of there. She was stuck watching a train wreck she didn’t want to
see. She didn’t want to see Mason in an intimate embrace with
another woman. She didn’t want to hear his or her moans of
pleasure. And she sure as hell didn’t want to feel the horrid
emotions she was feeling right now. She wanted to grab the woman by
her hair and drag her out. She wanted to slap Mason. Hard. She
wanted to hurl something across the room and watch it smash like
her whole body was doing right now. But still, she didn’t move. She
was crumbling inside, dying, and there wasn’t a damn thing she
could do.

“Don’t mind her, she’s my sister, but she’s
not all there, so don’t pay attention to anything she might say.
Sometimes she likes to make up stories and ramble,” Mason lied
coolly to the woman whose body was still pressed against his.

Kat’s hand flew to her mouth.
That
bastard. That disgusting, conniving, arrogant bastard.
Even if
she could get her mind back together enough to ask some whore for
help, he had just taken that away from her. Anger flooded her
senses, pushing out any hurt or disappointment that was festering
there. She spun on her heel, slammed the door behind her, and
cradled Mason’s iPod to her body as she turned on the music full
blast so she wouldn’t hear the noises that she knew would be coming
out of his room at any moment. She didn’t want to feel so she
allowed herself to get lost in her anger and the songs blasting in
her head until a fitful sleep finally claimed her.
Fuck Mason!
Fuck his damn charm and good looks. Fuck his moodiness and
kindness. Fuck his damn mind games. Fuck him!

*****

Mason had spent half the night getting drunk
in a bar alone. He only spent a few minutes contemplating inviting
Benny to join, but he knew that was a bad idea. Benny would take
one look at him and tell him this was wrong. He would make him feel
bad for pushing Kat. He would try to make him see what Mason was
refusing to acknowledge. He needed to get Kat out of his system and
fast.

He didn’t actually care who he picked up,
but every woman that looked at him just gave him bad vibes. That
was until he was fortified with enough liquid courage that all the
women looked the same. And then he realized he wanted blonde
because Kat was a brunette. He wanted tall because Kat was short.
He wanted a slut because Kat wasn’t. He grabbed the first busty
blonde that caught his eye and put on very little charm. He hadn’t
flirted in a while and was rusty at it, but the blonde, Tracy – or
was it Lacy – whatever, she didn’t seem to mind. And after about
half an hour, they were headed back to his place.

When he finally got there, he wasn’t sure if
he wanted Kat to see this or not. Part of him wanted to end
whatever was going on between them and knew this was a surefire way
to make that happen. Another part dreaded seeing her hurt by his
actions. And part of him feared she wouldn’t care. That was the
part that was winning over the others. He had to know if she cared,
had to see it for his own eyes, even though he told himself he
didn’t want it. If she hated him after this, at least he would know
she cared about him.
And then what? Nothing! Absolutely
nothing!

He didn’t even know why he was doing this.
He thought he needed to prove to himself that he didn’t care even
though every part of him was screaming that he did.

He forced those thoughts away as he made his
way into the living room. The minute he spotted Kat’s closed door,
his heart squeezed in his chest. He couldn’t do this, but he had
to. He pinned the blonde against the wall, willing his body to
crave her, to want her. He tried looking into her eyes, but when
blue eyes became hazel eyes, he knew he was doomed. He turned away
from her face, burying his head in her neck. He just rested it
there while she giggled uncontrollably and stroked his leg with
hers.
This should be turning him on, damn it!
She was hot
and wanted him, he should want her too. And by damn, he would make
himself want her. He forced his lips to hers, but when he closed
his eyes, he only saw Kat.
God, what the hell was wrong with
him?
And then he heard the faint gasp.
Oh fuck!

He turned and there she stood, silhouetted
by the faint light coming from her window, the moon creating the
effect that she was otherworldly. He couldn’t mistake the pain
etched across her face, twisting at his heart strings. He wanted to
march across the room, grab her, and pin
her
against the
wall instead of the woman pressing into him now. He wanted to tell
Kat that this girl didn’t mean anything. But he couldn’t move. He
was staring at her, reading her feelings in her eyes and it made
him sick. And that was what this was all about, proving that he
didn’t care. If only he could get Kat out of his mind, then he
wouldn’t care that she was hurt now.
Because that would mean he
didn’t love her, he didn’t care about her feelings
. So he
fought against everything in him that was screaming to comfort Kat
and told Tracy/Lacy not to pay any attention to Kat, that she was
his crazy sister. He knew it was a low blow, but that was what he
thought it would take. If she contemplated asking the drunk next to
him for help, he had effectively squashed that possibility. Not
that she would understand anything right now. The disappointment
and anger that flashed across her face in that moment almost
shattered him and his resolve. Before he had a chance to backpedal,
she spun around and slammed the door behind her. Now he had to go
through with his plans or this would truly all be for nothing.