Let Me In (20 page)

“More than my next breath.” A smile spreads across his lips, just thinking about her.

“Then let it go. Love her and let her love you. The rest will fall into place,” I tell him, and before Brady can say something smart-ass, I already realize I should take my own advice.

“Pretty good advice there, Mr. Unemotional,” he teases. Straightening up, he pours out his beer in the sink before disposing of the bottle.

“I’m like a teacher, except I can’t seem to take my own advice,” I admit and he chuckles.

“You’re getting there. Did you tell her yet?” The look in his eyes makes me thankful that I can give him the answer he wants to hear.

“Yeah…she knows everything now. No more secrets.”

“Good, that’s the way it should be. Now just love her, and more importantly, let her love you.” He clasps his hand on my shoulder and walks out of the room.

I finish my water at the breakfast table, loving the fact that Jessa and I are finally on the same page. For the first time since before Lizzy entered my life, I feel ready. Ready to give myself over to someone else entirely. Who am I kidding though? Jessa’s held my heart since that kiss on New Year’s Eve. It was only a matter of when she was going to get the rest of me.

Standing up to leave the kitchen, I’m thrown off guard when I see Trey sneaking in the front door. The smirk across his face tells me he finally scored with Kailey. “Hey, man,” he whispers as he walks in.

“Hey, Trey. Kailey?” I raise my eyebrows.

“Yeah, man, she has me all screwed up.” He sits down on the stool I just occupied, and I sigh, feeling obligated to join him. Walking over to the fridge, I grab another water and toss it to him. “Thanks,” he says.

“So, why does she have you so screwed up?” I ask him, leaning against the counter.

“She hasn’t slept with me yet,” he tells me, unscrewing his bottle cap. I can’t figure out the look on his face, but it almost seems like sadness.

“Okay, we only have two more nights before we’re back in Western,” I remind him. In the short time I’ve known Trey, I’ve realized that he isn’t a relationship guy. I wasn’t either…until Jessa. Then it dawns on me. “Shit, are you fucking kidding me? Trey Michaels is falling?” my voice raises and Trey pushes his arms down in the air, silently telling me to quiet down.

“I might have already fallen.” His head lies low while he’s twirling the bottle around. Why do I feel like the one who has his shit together tonight? First Brady and now Trey. Who would’ve ever thought I would be the one with no drama? My only problem right now is that I want to be in bed with Jessa. Instead, I’m stuck out here giving advice. But hey, God only knows it’s time to give back for all the advice I’ve needed recently.

“Do you think she feels the same?” I ask him. From his expression, you would assume no.

“I honestly don’t know. That’s why I’m so fucked up. When I touch her, she shivers. She never pulls away when I grab her hand, and when I put my arm around her shoulders, she melts into me. But when I tried to kiss her, she stopped me and said she has too much going on in her life right now, and that she can’t get involved with someone. I’ll admit that when this started, I just thought she was hot and I wanted to fuck her. Now, only four short days later, my head is all over the place,” he finishes. I admire him for being so forthcoming. I’ve never been able to be that open with anyone, not even Brady. He’s just known me so long, he’s able to read my facial expressions and body movements.

“Give her time. Remember, it’s only been four days,” I attempt to assure him, but I know how he feels. I was right there with Jessa, especially when I had to see her with Rob.

“I just wish I could shake her from my mind.” He shakes his head back and forth, biting the corner of his lip in apparent thought. “I think I’ll go get a tattoo tomorrow. That should calm me.” His face lights up just thinking about it. “Speaking of which?” He smirks up at me, and I instantly know she’s told him.

“Jesus, does she tell you everything?” I chuckle. Normally, I would’ve been upset for my girlfriend to have such a close relationship with another guy, but if Jessa was going to get together with Trey, it would’ve already happened. It took me a little while to get used to how close they are, but over time, I’ve gotten better with it.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he deadpans, and then starts laughing. “I have to say, it makes me jealous. Here I am, not getting anything, and you’re not only getting it, but in some awesome places, I might add.” He takes another sip of his water. Looking at him now, it makes me wonder why he and Jessa never got involved. Anyone looking at them would think they’d make a good couple. Trey isn’t half as fucked up as I am. A twinge of jealousy hits me at the thought of them together, but I quickly push it aside, knowing she’s with me and nothing will change that.

“It’s been fun, that’s for damn sure, but I have to top hers and I only have one more day left,” I tell him.

“You’ll think of something. Aren’t you guys going out, just the two of you, tomorrow night?” he asks and I nod.

“Yeah, then we’ll meet you all at Sam’s. I’ve gotta tell you, I’m a little worried about her going down to Boulder.” Trey is the only other person who knows Jessa’s entire story besides Sadie and me.

“We’ll all be there to make sure nothing goes down,” he assures me. I do feel better, but I still worry what will happen if anyone says anything to her. I don’t want her going into a depression again. I keep that from Trey, because although Jessa tells him a lot, I don’t think he knows how bad it was for her after the incident.

“Yeah, maybe he’ll be there and I can beat his ass,” I say with a smile.

“I’ll be right behind you,” he says. “That jackass deserves multiple beat-downs.” He stands up from the stool and I’m thankful. After all this talk about Jessa, I’m desperate to get back in bed with her to feel her small body up against mine.

Trey and I walk down the hall and then give each other a fist bump when we reach our separate bedrooms. Jessa looks so peaceful and serene lying in her bed. Not able to wait another second, I crawl under the covers with her, pulling her to me. Kissing her temple, I whisper, “I love you, baby. More than you’ll ever know.”

Grant

So far, Jessa and I are tied two to two. She took me on the ski lift and in the restroom at a restaurant. I have the spa and an alley outside the bar where we met Kailey last night on my side.

Tonight is different. I’m taking her out for dinner, just us. Then we’re meeting the guys and Sadie at Sam’s apartment in Boulder. Jessa seems apprehensive about it, but I’ll stay by her the whole time.

She comes down the stairs in a hot pink number and I rack my brain, trying to figure out if I’ve ever seen her wear a dress. “You look gorgeous,” I tell her, and she shyly thanks me.

We say our goodbyes to everyone and I escort her out to her dad’s car. He’s been pretty cool after our talk the first night. Even Jessa’s mom, now Grace to me, has been warmer toward me. Time will eventually fix that situation.

I open the car door for her, and she slides in before I make my way over to the driver’s side. Once I’m in and I’ve put the keys in the ignition to start heating the car, I turn to her. “You’re so beautiful.” I lean over the armrest to kiss her, and she meets me halfway.

“You’re mighty fine, yourself,” she says softly before capturing my lips again.

We park along the street outside the restaurant her parents suggested. It’s a small and quaint place in the downtown area. I open the door for her, and she hurries inside to get out of the cold air. The small space contains about twenty tables, and most of them are for parties of two. I tell the hostess our name, and she leads us to a table in front of a window. As people pass by on the sidewalk, we look over the menu.

“What are you getting?” I ask her.

“I don’t know
,” she says, continuing to study the menu, “maybe a salad.” She places the menu down.

I pick it back up and hand it to her. “Try again,” I demand.

“Maybe I want a salad?” We both know she’s only doing it for my benefit. She thinks I’m poor and doesn’t want me spending money on her. In my mind, she’s the only thing in my life worth spending money on.

“Jessa…” I sigh. “It’s a steakhouse. Either you get a steak, or I’ll order one for you,” I threaten.

“Alright, twist my arm, why don’t you,” she jokes. “I’ll get the filet mignon.”

“Much better.”

The waiter comes by and he appears to be around our age. I suddenly wonder if she knows him, by the way he’s staring down at her. Although it’s obvious he likes what he sees, I’m thankful that there’s clearly no recognition. We order our meals and wait for the wine.

“Have I already told you how beautiful you look?” I ask her, knowing I’ve told her many times. But, like my mother’s letter said, I need to tell her every time I think it, and that’s quite often.

“Yes, thank you, you handsome devil.” She smiles widely and I wonder how I was able to win her heart.

“Do you think your parents are okay with me now?” The waiter comes by and opens our bottle of wine, pouring some into my glass. I tell him it’s fine, and he in turn pours wine into Jessa’s glass before setting down the bottle and walking away.

“Yes, whatever you told my dad outside resulted in a drastic turnaround. What’d you tell him anyway?” She purses her lips together, waiting for me to answer.

“Just that I love you.” I give her the abbreviated version and she rolls her eyes, knowing I’m keeping some information to myself.

The conversation continues about her parents and being back in Boulder. She confides in me that she’s nervous about going tonight, but is hopeful that we won’t run into anyone, other than her friend Beth, who Sam called and invited. I can’t help but think how nice it’ll be to meet someone from her past, other than her family. I tentatively ask where Jason currently is, and she reveals that the last time she heard anything, he was in Denver working as a mechanic. That after the incident, he got kicked out due to his grades. I have mixed feelings about this news that I most likely won’t run into him. Happy for Jessa, but upset that I probably won’t get the opportunity to knock my fist through his skull.

Our food arrives, and Jessa devours her steak. I laugh when she passes the busboy her empty dish, and she narrows her eyes at me jokingly. “Aren’t you happy you listened to me?” I tease her. She places her hand on the side of her face, concealing her mouth from the other customers, and sticks out her tongue.

We both opt not to order dessert, but stay to finish our wine. I know this is the worst time, but I need to find out where she and I are heading. “So, I think we need to talk,” I say and lean forward in the chair.

A surge of panic comes across her face. “What about?” she asks.

“What do you want to do after you graduate?” Brady was right. If we’re going to be together, we need to figure this part out.

“Well,” she says, looking a little relieved. “I was thinking about either trying to get a job at a museum or going to get my Masters. It’s a little late for me to apply, so I guess I’ll be finding a job until I decide.” She shrugs her shoulders, as if she doesn’t care one way or the other. If I had to point out one difference as to how Jessa and I live our lives, this would be it. Her life is more about relationships, whereas I’m more concerned with thoughts of how I’m going to make money and succeed. I can’t help but believe we have these differences because of our different upbringings.

“I need to start interviewing if I’m going to find a job,” I tell her. “I have nowhere to live once I graduate. I’m expected to leave the frat house within a month after graduation.” Now that I think about it, I’m terrified we might not have a future. If for some reason I can’t find a job nearby, will she follow me?

She holds my gaze and it appears a million questions are running through her pretty little mind. “What’re you saying, Grant?” she asks with a curt tone.

“I’m just saying, we need to start deciding what we’re going to do after graduation.” The pained expression that forms across her face punches me in the gut.

“Where does that leave us, Grant?” I see the questions overflowing in her head and I wish I could make it better for her. I wish I had all the answers to this, but I don’t.

“I don’t know. Depending on what happens, we might have to do a long-distance thing.” It’s the only solution I can come up with if we’re forced to live apart.

“You would just leave me? Am I that replaceable?”

“You’re not even close to replaceable. I don’t want to replace you. What the hell, Jessa? Why would you say that?” I start rambling, desperate for her to understand that’s not even close to the issue.

“Okay…” she trails off, staring at the people who walk by. Her mood shifts again.

“Jessa,” I sigh, but she doesn’t turn her head toward mine. “Look at me,” I plead, and when her head finally turns my way, I see that there are tears pooling in her eyes. I close mine in response, pissed off at myself for upsetting her tonight. She nibbles on the inside of her cheek, and I feel like a complete asshole. “I’m not saying…”

“You are though. Am I just fun for now…until you graduate? Were you just looking for a good fuck buddy, Grant? Is that it?” Her eyes shifted from sad to angry in less than a second. I can’t keep up with her moods. In the whole time we’ve known each other, I’ve never seen her like this.

“No!” I screech, my voice changing octaves. I can’t believe that these thoughts would even cross her mind. “I love you, Jessa. I’m just saying we need to figure this out,” I tell her again. I try to grab her hand across the table, but she pulls it back into her lap. How on Earth did I fuck this up so bad? “Jessa, listen to me,” I beg her, but she’s gone, somewhere I can’t reach. Although she’s right across the table from me, it’s just a shell of the woman I love. She’s silent, and her erratic breathing has her chest rapidly rising and falling.

I attempt to talk to her, but she quietly sits there, sipping her wine and ignoring my existence. She’s polite and courteous to the waiter, but as soon as he leaves, she becomes closed off again. I feel like I stabbed myself in the heart because I caused this.

Jessa

He’s hurting as much as I am right now. His eyes are troubled and I know his mind is running in circles trying to figure out how he messed up our first real dinner date. As much as I want to console him, I can’t stop these feelings of abandonment. When he brought up living apart, I felt as though he didn’t want me to go with him. I jumped to conclusions and now I’m just as responsible for ruining our first date as he is. Being back in Colorado has brought my insecurities to the forefront, and I need to remember that Grant loves me. He’s just worried about his future and I shouldn’t fault him for that.

I lift the wine glass and slowly take a sip, letting my eyes absorb him. As much as I want to be angry, I have to start understanding where he’s coming from. His upbringing was nothing like mine. If I’m going to be with him, I have to understand his need to plan for the future. Even though we’re opposites in the way we approach many things, we need to meet in the middle on this.

“Alright, Grant, I’m sorry,” I say, placing my glass down. His head jerks up, astonished. He starts to speak, but I quickly place my finger in the air. “Listen to me, first,” I tell him, and he shuts his mouth. “You have to stop this. I know you are freaking out about a job and a place to live. I promise when we get back, we’ll figure it all out. I do have to warn you, I’m not up for a long-distance relationship.” He tries to interrupt me, but I put my finger up again. “I’m not saying we’ll break up. Tonight we’re going to enjoy ourselves, and if you want to talk about this the night we get back to Western, fine. But right now, we’re not going to worry about it,” I finish, and a smiles consumes his lips. With a small nod, he catches the waiter’s attention, requesting the bill.

I ask him where we’re going, and he tells me it’s a surprise. I have a feeling I’m about to lose the bet. Grant signs the credit card slip and stands up, requesting my hand. This is one great thing about Grant; he appears as though nothing just happened. Even though it’s still rolling around in that brain of his, he’s willing to put it aside for me…at least for tonight.

The cold wind hits our faces as soon as we step outside. Grant puts his arm around my waist and pulls me into him. “I love you,” he says softly, kissing me on my forehead, and then my nose, and lastly, a short kiss on my lips.

“I love you too,” I tell him in return, anxiously waiting for more kisses. Instead, he grabs my hand and leads me down the street. “Where are we going?” I impatiently ask.

“Just wait.” He continues walking us through the downtown area. Anticipation fills me that he’ll take me in every alley we pass, but then quickly turns to disappointment as we pass them all by. Although our disagreement was minor, I can’t help but want to feel him inside of me, to feel secure in the knowledge that he’s mine. We approach the end of the street and I’m baffled as to where he’s taking me. He finally stops and we stare up at a burgundy awning reading, The Park Hotel. It’s the nicest and swankiest hotel in Breckenridge.

He walks us in and over to the elevator, completely bypassing the front desk. It surprises me that no one greets us or asks questions. When the elevator doors slide closed, his lips find mine as he pushes me against the wall. “I’m well aware I might lose the bet, but I wasn’t going to take you against some brick wall or in some bathroom stall on the night of our first date,” he declares, leaving me breathless from his impromptu kiss.

The elevator stops on the top floor and he pulls us toward the stairwell leading to the roof. He opens the door and lets me go first. Once I walk through the doorway, I gasp and place my hand over my mouth. The entire rooftop is dark, the only light provided by the moon and stars shining in the sky. A pathway lit by votive candles leads to a small cabana. I follow the path with Grant’s hand in mine. Heat lamps rest inside the cabana on either side of a lounge couch, and there are rose petals strewn over the massive amount of blankets. As I stand in awe at the entrance to our own little slice of heaven, Grant comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

“Do you like it?” he whispers and I nod my head, willing the tears not to fall. In all my life, no one has ever done anything so romantic for me. I didn’t think he could top our weekend at his cabin, but he did, tenfold.

He starts to kiss the back of my neck, while his fingers find my zipper. Slowly unzipping it, he whispers in my ear, “You don’t have to worry. No one will bother us. It’s ours for as long as we want it.” I tip my head forward, relishing his lips, and he moves them to my shoulder. He places his hands on my dress straps, gently relieving me of it. I step out of my dress once it hits the floor, leaving me in my bra, underwear, stockings, and heels. “So beautiful one minute…so fucking hot the next.” He turns me around to position me on the lounger

His hands grip one of my high heels and peel it off my foot before he does the same with the other. He starts to kiss my leg, moving his lips up until he reaches the top of my thigh highs. Hooking his fingers under the first, he rolls it off my leg, past my foot, and disposes of it on the floor. Moving to my other leg, he mimics the same movement.

Growing impatient to get him naked, I start unbuttoning his pants, but he places his hand over mine. “Let me finish undressing you first.” He gently pushes me away and then spreads my legs. Teasing me, he massages my clit through my already wet satin thong as his mouth finds my nipple through my sheer red bra. “My favorite bra,” he says, and moving his fingers between my breasts, he pops the snap. He slowly glides the bra off my breasts, displaying my nipples, one of which is already wet from his mouth.