Let Me Love You (17 page)

”He wouldn’t Scar
, you didn’t see his face before he left me. He is done.” We sit in silence until I hear my big brother’s voice break through the house.

“Yo ladies
, where you at?” I can’t help but laugh at Jake. My big brother rocks.

“We are up here Jakey
!” I shout. I hear Jake take stomp up the stairs. He struts into my room and frowns when he sees me.

“Oh fuck no. He hurt you Pup? Don’t lie to me, I w
ill kick his fucking ass for you.” I give him a small smile.

“He didn’t hurt me Jake, calm down. Well
, not physically anyway.” I look down at my ring and start to twist it around on my finger. “He left me Jake, he walked away.” I shake my head as James’s face flashes in my head and I rub my chest. Jake sits on the bed next to me, pulls me into his side, and hugs me tight. He kisses the top of my head and a sob sneaks out.

“Shh Pup we are here
. He won’t hurt you again.” He rocks me back and forth.

We all snuggle down to
watch Fast Five. Yummy, Paul Walker. Just seeing him on the screen hurts my chest, he reminds me of James. His hair, his smile. I miss him. My phone pings, alerting me of a text. Scarlett passes it over to me and Jake tries to look at whose name is on the screen.

“Hey nosey parker, get out of it
.” I laugh, looking down at my phone to see the text is from Cassidy.

Cassidy: Babe what happened? Why haven’t you text
ed?

Me: Long story short
, James left me. We are done. I love him, but it’s too late.

Cassidy: WHAT
?!!!!! Did u tell him?

Me: No, Cass just leave it
. I will text tomorrow. Night.

Cassidy: Okay
babe. Love you.

Me: Love you 2

I smile at my phone, turn it off, and snuggle back into Jake. I’m so lucky to have him for a big brother. I remember when he found Dean a few days after he was released from the police station. He beat Dean to a pulp. Now Jake is not a violent person, but Dean hurt his family and that’s like hurting him. Dean didn’t press charges, he just told the police that he was mugged. I don’t know why he did it. I thought he would have jumped at the chance to take Jake down, but he didn’t. I am grateful for that because if Dean had pressed charges, Jake would have been fired from his soccer team and that team is his life. He sees those boys as his brothers; they all look out for each other. I remember not long after the Dean incident I went out with Cassidy, Josh, and everyone and got extremely drunk. I was so drunk that I blacked out. I woke up the next day in a room that I didn’t know. I remember walking out of the room, luckily still fully dressed, to find a really freaking hot guy sitting by a table in the kitchen. It turned out to be one of Jake’s team mates who saw the state I was in and brought me home. I slept in his guest room, as Jake was away on vacation with a girl at the time. He was so sweet. He made me breakfast and then drove me home. We have stayed in touch from that night. He is like another big brother, just freaking hot.

I woke in my bed alone with the sun streaming through my bedroom window. I stretch and let out a groan. I lay there with a blank mind until the memories from last night come flooding back. I take a deep breath and make my way to my bathroom to have a hot shower. The water washes away my aches
, but not my heart ache or my memories. I get dressed in shorts and a concert tee and blow dry my hair, leaving it down with its natural wave to it. I make my way down stairs to find my sister and brother eating breakfast. They both look up when they hear me enter the kitchen. “Morning.” I say, kissing Scarlett on the cheek and Jake on the top of his head.

“Morning Pup, how you feeling
?” I shrug and open the fridge. I need OJ.

“I’m fine
Scar. It will take time to heal, but I will get there.” I say, pouring my drink. They look at each other and then back to me. “What? Listen it happened, get over it. He didn’t want it enough to fight. And yeah I know it goes both ways. I’m hurt just as much as he is, but HE walked away, not me.” I leave them and go and sit on my front porch. I need some fresh air.

I sit and watch the bo
ys in the street play baseball. God, I would give anything to be that age again. Seth sees me and comes running across the street to see me. “Morning Miss Tally. Are you and James going to come and play a game with us today?” There is that pain again. I give him a weak smile.

“No
, sorry Seth. James won’t be coming around anymore, okay? Sorry buddy.” His smile fades and he just nods and walks away. Why am I always hurting people? My phone beeps and I know by the noise that it’s my calendar reminding me to book my hair appointment for the wrap party in a few days. I know that Scarlett will be disappointed that her clothes won’t be on show there, but I also know that she understands that I can’t go now. I make my way back into the house as Scarlett and Jake come out.

“I’m off to work, you going to be ok
ay today? I don’t have to go in.” I shake my head.

“It’s fine. L
ike I said last night, I’m going to go shopping and spend some cash I think.” She smiles at me and kisses me on the cheek.

“Later,
Pup.” She waves and drives off. Jake and I stand there watching her drive away. I turn to look at my brother.

“So are you really ok
ay, or are you just hiding it?” I shrug

“Haven’t you got training to get to?”

“Yep, these morning sessions are a killer, man.” He kisses the top of my head and heads to his car. “I’m here if you need anything Tally.”

“I know Jakey
, I know. Hey, say hi to Charlie for me, will you?” He nods and waves as he drives away.

I arrive at the mall and start wandering around. There isn’t really anything I need, to be honest. I just didn’t want to sit at home alone with me and my thoughts. I hit a very expensive lingerie store to buy some sexy nightwear. It’s not like anyone will see it though, but it might make me feel better and sexier. I wander around more stores, not buying much. I see a crowd of people just a few stores down, so I walk down to see what all the fuss is about. As I head down, the girl’s giggles and chatter get louder. It must be a celebrity or something
.
I head closer and the flashes start going off, so yep it’s a celeb. I manage to get closer by nudging my way through the crowd of girls, only to come face to face with James. I freeze and I can feel my body go cold. He is talking to a guy with a TV camera and a microphone. He looks as if he is doing an interview. I can’t move, so I have no choice but to listen.

“So
, James, what was is like filming with such big names on Control?” James doesn’t hesitate with his answer.

“It was amazing, like a dream come true
.” He smiles his mega-watt-smile and looks out to the crowd.

“It’s rumoured that you and your co-star Carmen Vogel had an off screen affair, is that true?”

James laughs “Nope, we have never had any kind of romantic affair off screen.”

“So is there anyone special waiting for you at home?” His face fall
s, but he recovers just as quickly as it falls.

“No Mike
, no-one special. Well at least not at the moment. I’m happy being sing-” His eyes make contact with mine and he freezes mid sentence. My body comes undone. I nod my head in understanding and bite my lip to stop the sob escaping, but not the tears. While turning and pushing my way back through the crowd, I hear my name. “Tally, wait!” I don’t listen. I head out to my Jeep as fast as I my feet will carry me.

         I make it to my car and throw my store bags into the back seat. I hear him again “Please baby, wait.” I stop and turn to him, my anger boiling my blood.

“Baby? Baby? Really
, Wilde? You think you have the right to call me that anymore? I’m just another conquest to you. What was it you said? There’s no-one special waiting for you and you’re happy being single right now? Well you’re right, Wilde. I’m nothing special, and to be honest I should have known that I meant nothing to you. That you were just looking for a way out after I told you everything about Dean. I just can’t believe that you would turn it around on me.” The tears are flowing down my cheeks and my fists are clenched so tight I think I might have broken the skin. I see hurt cross his face and he shakes his head.

“I was never looking for a
n out, Tally. I love you. I think I always have since that first night we met. I could still smell you on me days later, no matter how many times I showered. Every time I smell pineapples I think of you. You are under my skin Natalia. It’s just you refuse to let me love you. Dean has fucked you up so bad that he has ruined all men for you. I now have to live my life knowing that I wasn’t enough for you, that you will never love me enough to let me love you.” My breathe hitches.

“You’re
right James, Dean has ruined all men for me, but not in a good way. He raped me and beat me and threatened to kill my family. How do you think someone is supposed to get over that? Huh? By falling in love with a Hollywood star that could just as easy drop her like he did? I knew a life with you was going to be an emotional rollercoaster. You didn’t fight for me James, for us. So that just showed me that you don’t love me enough to let me love you. I turn to open my car door when I hear him whisper.

“You love me?”

I climb into my Jeep and turn to James, who is standing in the parking lot staring at me, eyes locked on mine. “Yes James I love you, but it doesn’t matter anymore does it?” I close my door and drive away, I watch James stand there, watching me drive away. My heart breaks all over again, shattering into a million pieces. I don’t know if I can ever put my heart back together.

I turn the radio on and Ne-Yo’s ‘Let me love you’ is playing. I listen to the lyrics and i
t’s like James is singing to me. The words in the song cut me deep. I can feel every word that is being sung. It’s our song, it describes everything in us. It’s true, I have never felt a love like James’s before. He can show me, he can love me. I have to pull over and try to catch my breath. I take deep breaths and slow my breathing down. I brush away my tears and think about everything that has happened in the short time I have known James Wilde. The first time I saw him on the laptop in Scarlett Avenue, the first time he touched me in JAG. All the memories come flooding back. In such a short time, James has buried himself in me, in my heart and my soul. He takes the hurt away from my past.

I arrive home and head straight to my room. I climb into bed and pull the cover up over my head. All thoug
hts shift through my head again. I need to get a grip and sort my shit out. Dean pops into my head. That rat bastard has ruined me just like James said. He is totally to blame for all this. I need to see him. I reach for my phone on my bedside table and scroll through my contact list, praying that he hasn’t changed his number. I find his name and hit the call button. He picks after a few rings. “Tally?”

“Dean, I know I’m the last person you want to talk to
, but you owe me.” He doesn’t say anything, but I can hear him breathing.

“I never thought I would hear from you again after what I did to you. T
ally you need...” I cut him off.

“Dean, will you meet me for a coffe
e, like today or tomorrow please? We need to sit down and talk.”

He sighs
. “Yeah babe. Shit, sorry Tally I didn’t mean to call you that. It’s just habit when I talk to you. I can meet now if you want?” I close my eyes at the thought of seeing him again, but I know it has to be done.

“Ok
ay, I will meet you at Starbucks in say thirty minutes?”

“Sure
Tally, see you soon.” I hang up and hide back under the covers. After a few minutes, I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. I stand up just a little too fast and become dizzy. “Whoa.” I sit back down onto my bed and wait for the room to stop spinning.

Once the room stops spinning
, I stand slower this time. I make my way down the stairs and head out the door. I feel sick to my stomach the entire drive to meet Dean. I haven’t seen him since that night. Will he be sorry for what he did? Will he bring up everything that he did? A few minutes later, I pull into a parking space and walk down the meet him. I stop outside and see Dean Riley sitting there, staring at his hands. God, he still looks amazing, his dark blonde hair cut shorter that what it was. He still wore his shirts with the sleeves rolled up above the elbow. I take a deep breath and make my way in. Dean’s head snaps up as the bell above the door rings out. A small smile stretches across his face and he stands to greet me. I’m silently praying in my head that he doesn’t hug me. I walk closer and notice that he has a new tattoo on the inside of his right wrist, it’s a word but I can’t quite work it out. I stop in front of him. “Hi, Dean.” I say, taking my seat.

“Hi Tally. S
tupid question, but how have you been?” Deans asks shyly.

I shrug
. “I have been okay, healing inside and out, you know. I haven’t fully healed Dean, that’s why I have asked you to meet me here. I need answers. I don’t want to live with this hate anymore.” I lay it all out there for him before he can speak. I’m too scared to hear his excuses right at the second, he needs to hear me first. “It’s taken me years to get over what you did to me, Dean. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone touching me that wasn’t my parents, Scarlett, or Jake. Even Josh, Lucas couldn’t touch me without me freaking out.” Guilt spreads across his face and he looks down at his hands on the table. I don’t give him a chance to chime in. “You broke me Dean, you had ruined me for all other men, and I couldn’t trust men at all. Over time I was able to let Josh and Lucas hug me and give me sweet brotherly kisses.” I smile remembering my boys.