Let Me Love You (8 page)

“Why didn’t you tell anyone after the first time?” I looked at him but couldn’t find my voice to answer him. “Why?” This t
ime there is anger in his voice. James had hate in his eyes, but I don’t know if that hate was for me or Dean. I looked back down to my now clammy hands.

“He threatened to kill me, Scarlett and Jake. I couldn’t take that risk with them; he told me he knew people that could hurt my family. James
, Dean’s father is a very well know in the public eye. There were rumours that he had done things in the past to get what he wants. The attacks were random, mainly after he has been drinking. Sometimes he was gentle with me, but I felt that I still couldn’t stop him.” James still wouldn’t look at me. “James look at me, please?” I take his hand, James’s eyes soften and he looks at me.  “That is why I freaked out when you kissed me the other night. The girl from Rossi’s is Dean’s new girlfriend, and when you were kissing me I heard her voice and Dean flashed in my head.” I closed my eyes and rub my temples, I open them to look at James “I understand if you want to leave, just please don’t contact me once you walk out the door, it will be too hard for me.”

James isn’t looking
at me again, it’s crushing my heart. My chest feels heavy and my stomach is knotting up to a painful point. I need him to look at me, but he doesn’t. I climb off my bed and head to my bathroom. James stands and I think he is going to follow. “I’m sorry Tally, for what he’s done to you. Fuck! I need to get my head around this.” He runs his hand through his hair.

Tears stroll down my face and I try to keep my heart from bursting through my chest. “Good bye
, James. Thank you for everything.” I turn and walk into my bathroom. As soon as I close the door, I breathe out a big sigh and I feel like I have been holding my breath for hours. I sink to the floor and sob, the flood gates have opened and they show no signs of stopping. It feels like I have a ten ton elephant sitting on my chest.

There is a tap on my bathr
oom door. “Please just go, Wilde. I told you, I understand.” I rip the towel off the rail and dry my face and praying that the water proof mascara actually works. He ignores me and pops his head around the door.

“Are you ok
ay?” He asks and I frown.

“Do I look ok
ay? I just told a guy who I really want to sleep with for the first time in years, that my previous boyfriend raped me. This guy can’t even look at me, let alone touch me and that hurts so much. So no Wilde, I’m not okay.” James comes into the room a little more, still standing and he still is naked from the waist up. Why does he have to be so damn hot?

“How did you expect me to re
-act Tally? It’s a shock for anyone to hear that.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Fuck Tally, one minute I’m thinking about how much I want to be inside of you, to taste you, and then in a full three-sixty degree turn around and you tell me that you were raped by your prick of an ex-boyfriend.” He takes a deep breath “I’m sorry that my reaction has made you cry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. We will get through this. I want you and I know you want me.” I hold up my hands so James can pull me to my feet. I put my hands on his hips and rub my thumbs over his skin. James holds me around my waist.

“I can’
t keep letting him win, James. You’re the first guy I have wanted to have sex with since him. This is a huge step for me.” James runs his nose along mine and breathes out a big sigh. There is his sexy smile again.

       
I lead James back to my room and he starts to undress me. He lifts the hem of my t-shirt, lifts it over my head, and tosses it on the chair in the corner. He bends slightly and kisses my neck, just below my ear. He turns his attention to my button and zipper on my shorts, he slowly pushes them down my legs and they join my top. I’m left standing here in my purple lace bra and panties. James is on his knees before me, he places feather light kisses on my thighs. My body is tingling all over. He trails his kisses up the thighs, skips my panties and kisses my stomach. He runs his sweet hot tongue around my navel continuing up towards my breasts. James stands, looking deep into my eyes, like he is searching for something. He kisses me then stops and speaks in such gentle tones “Take your bra off and lay on the bed, babe.” I do has he says. I throw my bra onto the corner chair. I lay on the bed looking up at James, who is standing looking down on me. He is so hot, and I can’t believe that James Wilde, new QBC superstar, is here in my room about to have sex with me. James climbs onto my bed and lowers himself onto me; his eyes are burning into mine. He kisses my lips, my jaw, and the base of my throat. Shivers run down through me as he runs his hand down my body again, but this time he doesn’t stop at my hip. His hand guides down over my panties. He looks into my eyes, trying to read me.

“I’m ok
ay James. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t. I need this.”

James trails his hand back up my body
, cups my left breast, and pulls at my nipple sending a jolt through me. I can feel myself getting more and damp between my legs. James bends his head to suck my right nipple, swirling his tongue around my nipple making it hard and longer. He pulls at my nipple with his teeth. He shifts his body down between my legs and slowly removes my now very damp panties. “You don’t need these baby, so I’m going keep them.” Oh my God, did James Wilde just remove my damn panties and place them in his pants pocket? James kisses my stomach and runs his tongue from hip bone to hip bone. My body bows off the bed slightly and I let out a small moan. “Hush baby, plenty of time for moaning. Now open for me. I need to taste you, Natalia.” James parts my legs even more so he can gain access to my wet sex. My body is quivering  with the thought of what Wilde is going to do to me. I can feel his warm breath on me. He is blowing on the most intimate part of my body and it feels so good. His tongue slowly flicks my clit once, twice, three times and then he glides his tongue along me with long slow strokes up and down. Still licking and sucking my clit, James slips one, then two fingers into me.

“Mmmm you taste good baby, so wet and ready for me … just for me. You know
, I like this and I like you.” His rhythm picks up speed, his tongue matching his fingers. My breathing hitches and he knows I’m close. “Let go, come for me baby. Let me hear you say my name, Tally.” I can feel my body starting to stiffen. James sucks my clit harder and that’s enough for me.

A bolt of lightning runs through m
y body as my orgasm takes over. ”James..” My body bows off the bed, my breathing ragged. My orgasm runs on and on as James continues with his thrusting fingers. It finally stops. James covers my body with his.

“
Fuck baby, you came beautifully. I so need to make that happen again. You game?” I smile, trying to get my breathing under control.

“Are you going to make me come like that every time we have sex?
Well, if there is going to be other times.” We both know that I have overcome my first hurdle and in my heart, I’m glad that it’s happened with James. Even though I haven’t known James that long, I feel strangely safe with him. It’s not something I felt with Dean. A full blown all-American smile sweeps across his face.

“Every fucking time baby
. And yes there will be way more times.” He winks at me. I pull him to me and kiss him, my tongue tasting my juices from my orgasm on his lips. He smiles. “You taste good, don’t you?” I nod and I feel shy again. “You okay?” He asks me in a sweet gentle voice.

“I’m good James. Now are you going to make me come again or just sit there
?” James eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“Wow, who are y
ou have what have you done to my Tally?” My heart swells when I hear him say ‘My Tally’. Am I his now? Am I his girlfriend? I reach down and between my legs to James belt and start to undo it; he suddenly shifts and stands next to my bed. I look up into his dreamy blue eyes. I shift so that I’m kneeling on my bed in front of him. I undo his button and zipper, pull his jeans and boxers down the same time, and his cock springs free. James steps out of his jeans and boxers and kicks them to one side. He is stroking himself and it’s making my body hot again. Why is it such a turn on to see him pleasure himself? I look up at James and he smiles.

“May I?”
I ask him and James knows what I want.

He smiles a wicked smile an
d nods. I take James in my hand. He is soft, warm, and hard all at the same time. I kiss the tip of his cock and taste the small bead of dew at the tip. I kiss his whole shaft. James breathes deep. I look up at him through my lashes and he is still smiling, so without taking my eyes off him I take him fully in my mouth and I suck slowly and softly at first, savouring him, but I pick up the pace and James starts to moan and thrust himself into my mouth. ”I have dreamt about fucking your mouth, having your soft lips wrapped around my hard cock” He tastes so good. I low growl releases from James’s throat and he suddenly picks me up and pushes me back down onto the bed. “Condoms, do you have any? I need to be balls deep inside you now baby.” I point to the top drawer and James removes a small square foil packet. He sits up and opens the pack, the whole time, never taking his eyes off me for long.

Before I know it
, James is back resting his body on mine. Supporting his weight on his elbow, he kisses me, his tongue invading my mouth. He stops and smiles “That mouth is such a beautiful mouth and it’s all mine. No-one will get to kiss these lips but me, you understand?” It hits me like a double decker bus. I suddenly feel panicky again, it’s like Dean is talking to me. He told me I was his and no-one would ever touch me again. James kisses and I pull away slightly, James looks at me all confused. “What’s wrong? Have I hurt you?” I shift from under him and pull my knees up to my chest.

T
ears slowly take over my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

“I don’t think this is a good idea James. I … I
,” I can’t finish my sentence. James places his hand on my forearm and I flinch away.

“God Tally
, I’m not going to hurt you, you know this. Don’t let him ruin this please.” He looks so pained.

I can’t look at him.
I can’t look at his face because I know it’s going to look hurt and I can’t take that at this moment. I close my eyes. “I think you should leave James, it’s for the best for both of us. You can have any girl you want, you’re James Wilde, for fuck sake. You don’t want a fucked up nobody like me.” He was stunned by my words I am sure, but I can’t see his face to be sure.

“I don’t get what’s just happened, what’s changed? Did I say or do something wrong?  … Tell me Tally please?” He is begging me
, but I can’t bear to tell him what he has done wrong. How can I tell him that a few words have put me back in shut down mode? I know that it will hurt him and I don’t want that. It’s easier for him to just leave; he can find a girl that’s not fucked up.

”
Please James, you don’t want me. Go and find a girl who can give you everything.” Tears stream faster down my cheeks; the lump in my throat is getting harder to fight back. James stands, pulling his boxers and jeans on.

“Don’t tell me what I wa
nt. Why are you pushing me away? I have no idea what I have done, please talk to me.” I can hear the anger in his voice and it scares me. I pull the covers over me. James tries to take a step towards me but I shake my head. Without speaking, he knows not to touch me. I can’t have him touching me after he said that. I can’t get back into that sort of relationship. James looks deflated. He sits at the bottom of my bed but makes to attempt to touch me. “I don’t want to walk away, but by the looks on you right now, you’re never going to let me love you”

I gasp “How can you say that, we have known each other for like … five minutes?” My crying has subsided slightly.

“You can’t help who you fall in love with or when Tally it just happens. Don’t you think we deserve a chance?” I wipe the tears from my face and sit up, holding the sheet over my body, and I know I have to tell him what he has done.

“James, what you said scared me. Dean told me all the time that I was his and he owned me. Hearing you say that was like I was right back there with him
.” James moved to sit next to me, looking at me like he is asking for permission.

He doesn’t reach for me
, just sits close. “James, I don’t know if I can do this.” Using his thumb and forefinger, he tilts my head to make me look at him.

He breathes out and replies, “Maybe we should take some time. I want you Tally and I’m not going to let you go that easily. I have had a taste now and I can’t give that up, I won’t. I will try my best to stay away while you figure out what you want to do next.” His words don’t sit well on my heart because I know that I might not be able to give him what he wants.  As I watch James get dressed, tear swell in my eyes again. I really don’t know what I am going to do. He bends down and kisses the top of my head and whispers, “Let me love you Tally.” I look at him and he smiles even though his smile doesn’t reach his eyes and then he leaves. I drag my body out of bed and get into night clothes. I make my way back to my bed, which at the moment is my solace, reach for my iPhone and put the ear phones on. I lay in my bed thinking about how I just threw away something that could have been so great. I know that it isn’t James’s fault, that it’s mine. I shouldn’t let Dean ruin my life. I thought I could move on, but maybe I can’t do that. He has moved on, but then again, he has nothing to fear. He wasn’t beaten or raped by someone he thought loved him.