Levitate (23 page)

BRIGHT AND NICOLE are still curled up on the chair when we get back in the house. I take my place on the couch and pull Kens down on my lap. It’s what I wanted to do earlier, but I decided to tone it down a little with her dad sitting right beside us. A little was all I could do and that was a struggle.

“What?” all three of them ask in unison.

“It’s JT. He’s texted me a few times and I read them with the intentions of reply and keep forgetting.” I swipe my thumb across the screen and place the phone to my ear. “Hey, man,” I greet

“He’s alive,” JT retorts. “Finally decide to stop dodging me?” he asks.

“Not dodging. Just been busy,” I say as I drop a kiss on Kensington’s temple.

“All right, I hear ya.” He laughs. “Listen, the reason I’ve been trying to get ahold of you is next weekend we are getting a group together out at the farm. I haven’t been there in years and it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. I have Mark and his girl Tabby, Rick and his girl, I don’t know her name, it’s a new one each week, and me and this girl Angie I’ve been seeing. You and Bright should come,” he says.

Kensi settles against my chest. I run my fingers though her hair. “Yeah, man, let me check with Bright and our girls and see what they say.”

“Girls? You’ve both been caught?” he asks, shocked.

“More than caught, but yes, we both have girlfriends. Besides, you’re one to talk. It’s been what, high school since you’ve had a serious relationship?” I ask him. JT was dating a girl he seemed to really like, but then his brother got into some shit and went to jail. JT was never quite the same after that. I never knew the specifics and figured it was none of my business unless he wanted it to be.

“Yeah, well, when shit went down with Joe, it was a while before I was willing to dive into anything more than casual. Angie’s a great girl.”

“You deserve to be happy, man. Listen, the girls are here, so let me talk to them and I’ll send you a text tonight and let you know if we’re in or not. Sound good?”

“Sounds like a plan. Hope you all can make it. It’s been forever since we’ve gotten together and I want to meet this girl.”

I laugh. “Sounds good, happy Thanksgiving, man.” He says goodbye and I end the call.

“JT?” Bright asks.

“Yeah, he said a group is getting together out at his parents’ farm; he invited us up.” Kens sits up to look at me. “JT is a friend from way back. Our parents were friends back in the day and we would vacation together when I was younger. It stopped once I got into high school. By then, Mom was already cheating on Dad and the vacations stopped. She said he worked too much and there still wasn’t enough money. In reality, she would take weekend girls’ trips and meet with her lover.” It’s not until the words are out that I realize that Nicole just heard the story. Bright knows and Kens knows a little, and, well, now Nic knows. It’s not like it’s some big secret. I just hate thinking or talking about it. However, that’s really the exact opposite when Kens is around. Words fall out of my mouth and I feel lighter, better. Just like I told her, she makes me better.

“His parents own a farm about two hours away. It’s about a hundred acres or so. No one lives there, but they keep the place because JT and his brother loved it. We go there and spend the weekend, take the quads. It’s a good time.” I turn to Bright. “He said Mark and Rick are going. All three of them are bringing dates.”

“What do you think, Nic? You up for a weekend trip?” Bright asks. I don’t hear her reply because all my focus is on Kens.

She’s snuggled back into my chest, her head resting on my shoulder. My fingers find their way through her silky soft hair. “You up for a trip, baby girl?” I ask her.

Without missing a beat, she replies, “If you’re there, that’s where I want to be.”

It’s on the tip of my fucking tongue. I love you. I want to tell her. I want to shout it from the fucking rooftops. Every damn day this girl burrows her way further inside my heart. I don’t want it to be a blurted confession. I want it to be something she will always remember. She deserves nothing but the best.

“We’re in if you are.” Bright’s booming voice catches my attention.

“Kensi, babe, are you sure?”

She raises her head and smiles. “A weekend away with my three favorite people? Count me in. Besides, I can sleep anywhere in your arms.”

She does too. Every damn night I make sure we are in the same bed. I don’t care who’s but she needs to be beside me. It’s been that way since the beginning. I want it that way forever.

“We’re in,” I tell him.

“I have class Friday until one,” Nicole groans.

“Why don’t you guys leave Friday morning and Nic and I will come Friday afternoon. It’ll give you time to catch up before we get there,” Kens suggests.

“No, we can wait,” I tell her.

“Dude, it’s not a bad idea. It will still be daylight when they get there, so they won’t be traveling at night,” Bright chimes in.

“Really, it’s a two hour drive, that’s what you said. We’ll be there by five for sure,” Kens says.

“All right,” I sigh. Kens wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me. I hold her tight against my chest. “Babe, you better not change your mind. I can’t sleep without you,” I whisper in her ear. “If you decide you don’t want to go, call me and I’ll come to you. You’re what matters, Kensington,” I tell her.

I don’t know why, but I just feel like I need for her to ride with me. Irrational I know, but it’s just a feeling I have. Like I need to stay close to her.

“I won’t back out on you. I don’t sleep without you wrapped around me, Cooper.” She winks at me. It does little to alleviate my concern. I can’t shake this feeling.

“It’s settled. I’m excited for a weekend away. Then a week to study for finals and we’re out of classes until January,” Nicole says. I feel Kens slightly stiffen in my arms at Nicole’s words. I chalk it up to me being panicked for some unknown reason. I need to relax.

Needing a distraction, I tickle her ribs. She squeals with laughter and all is right in the world. She wiggles around and ends up straddling my hips. Her hands are clasped behind my neck and my arms are around her waist, holding her against me. “You want to go take a nap?” I ask, low enough for her only to hear. She rests her forehead against mine.

“Yes.”

I stand with her still in my lap. She immediately wraps her legs around my waist. Her hands cup my cheeks and she presses her lips to mine. Never breaking the kiss, I carry her to my room. Luckily, neither one of us are injured in the process.

Being in a serious relationship is the shit. So is birth control. I slowly undress her and make sweet love to my girl. Bare, nothing between us. Making love is something that we both enjoy, that’s obvious. Loving her, being in love with her that’s all me. I have to tell her soon. If I don’t, I’m going to end up blurting it out. I drift off to sleep thinking about how Dad was right. I wish he were here to meet her.

“MAX, GO. IT’S fine. Nicole’s class lets out at one and we’re leaving right after.” I’ve told him this at least ten times since last night.

I take his face into the palms of my hands. “Maxton Cooper, I’m fine; look at me. I’m okay. Nicole is fine. If something does happen, you can be back in two hours tops. Go, catch up with your friends and we will see you this afternoon,” I try to reassure him.

He pulls me into his chest and holds me. “I hate this feeling. I can’t explain it; all I know is that nothing can happen to you. I need you in my life, Kens,” he says. His voice is sincere and I can tell how serious he is.

“Hey, it’s me and you, right? I agreed to be yours a long time ago, Maxton.”

“It’s not that; I know we’re solid. I just can’t shake this feeling that I need to stay with you. Please be alert and lock your doors, fill up the tank before you leave, and make sure you take your car charger for your cell. You are taking your car, right? I looked it over, changed the oil, and checked the tires earlier this week,” he says.

I smile at his worry over me. “Yes, we are taking my car. I already have my bags packed. I cleaned out the fridge at the apartment and I’m going to do that here at your place once you leave to drop Nic off at school. Then I’m going to pick her up and drive straight to you.”

“Maxton!” Nicole yells down the hall. “This train’s leaving. My class starts in a half hour. Let’s roll.” I hear Bright laughing at her.

“I miss you already,” he tells me.

“I’ll see you by five o’clock. I have the directions you saved into the GPS in my phone. The charger is there. My bags are packed, so are Nic’s. Go, be safe, have fun. I l… I’ll see you soon.”

Shit! I just about told him I loved him. He studies me then leans in and kisses me slow and sweet. All the while, Bright and Nic are yelling that they will meet him in the car. “I’ll see you soon, beautiful.” He kisses my forehead, letting his lips linger. “Be safe, Kensi.” One more chaste kiss on the lips and he turns and walks away.

I take my time cleaning out the fridge. We’re only going to be gone two days, but coming back to spoiled milk is not something I enjoy. I spend just as much time here, more actually, than I do my apartment. I throw in a load of Max’s laundry and run the sweeper. By the time it’s done, folded, and put away, it’s time to pick up Nicole.

I turn off all the lights and lock the door. As soon as I get in the car, my phone chimes.

Maxton:
Babe, be safe. I’ll see you soon.

Me:
Always. I miss you, Max.

Maxton:
You have no idea. I can’t wait to show you how much.

Me:
Promise

Maxton:
With everything that I am

Me:
<3 See you soon

I wait to see if he’s going to reply before placing my phone in the cup holder and starting out on my journey.

Nicole is in the parking lot talking to a group of people. I recognize a few of them. She spots me, waves to the group, and heads my way. “Hey! Are we ready for a weekend of fun?” she asks.

I laugh at her. “Yes, and, hopefully, when we get there, Max will chill. He’s been telling me all week that he has this feeling that he needs to stay with me today. I had to keep reassuring him that I’m fine,” I tell her.

“Bright mentioned something about that. He thought maybe Max was just being over protective. He wanted to make sure I knew that he didn’t love me any less than Maxton does you because he wasn’t making a big deal about it.” She shrugs. “He said we are grown women and driving two hours in broad daylight. He didn’t think we weren’t safe,” she rambles on.

There was so much information in that rambled cluster that I don’t know where to start. I decide I would start with what stands out first. “What makes him think Max loves me? And since when are the two of you telling each other ‘I love you’.” I end up rambling just like she did.

“Well, for your information, he told me on Thanksgiving. I haven’t really seen you much this week. Max has kept you occupied. As for Max being in love with you, anyone can see it. Anyone who sees how he looks at you, or watches how he touches you, just how he acts around you in general. You love him too, have you not told him?”

“I… no, I haven’t told him. We haven’t said anything like that. He tells me how important I am and how much he needs me in his life, but love… not yet.”

“Why not? I know you love him. What are you afraid of?”

I let her words sink in and think about that question. What are you afraid of? “Honestly, in the beginning, I was afraid to trust him. To trust that he wasn’t out to ultimately hurt me.”

“Kens, I know as well as anyone that you have trust issues. I don’t know the details, but as your best friend, I have lived your pain with you. You can tell me, you know?” she says.

She’s right. I can tell her and I need to. “Soon. I promise. Let’s get through this weekend. I don’t want to spoil the fun. I don’t want to think about it,” I tell her.

“It’s coming up,” she says, her voice low.

Yes, it is. The anniversary of my mother’s death is fast approaching. One week from today to be exact. Two weeks before Christmas. “Yeah. I want to tell you. It’s not that I don’t trust you, Nic. I do. It’s just hard to talk about it, to think about it. It’s easier to bury it and lock it away.”

“I understand that, but at the same time, me knowing and Max knowing, we can help shoulder that pain, Kens. We love you and we want to help you. It would be easier for us if we knew the details. Does Max even know that next week…” Her voice trails off. She knows it’s the anniversary of my mother’s death but not my involvement.

“When we get back, I promise you and I are having a girls’ night with lots of alcohol and I will tell you the entire story. Bring tissues,” I say as a side note.

Nicole reaches over and places her hand over mine. “You got this, Kens. The four of us are our own little family. We will always be there for you,” she tells me.

I don’t know why, but I start talking. “My high school boyfriend, Justin,” I swallow hard, “it was his brother. His brother killed my mother. He was coming for me. He was a gang member. Justin was, apparently, trying to join as well. The letter he wrote me said he always looked up to his older brother and wanted to be just like him. Anyway, Justin wanted to be a part of the gang. His initiation was to seduce a girl who was chosen for him. He was supposed to…” I swallow again, fighting back the emotion. “He was supposed to rape me and film it. He had to provide proof that he did it. They gave him six months to finish the job. Our six-month anniversary, he was supposed to pick me up from work. I worked at a local pizza joint. He called right before my shift ended to tell me something came up and he wouldn’t be there. He sounded nervous. I asked if he was okay, and he said he just wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to risk me getting sick. I didn’t think too much of it, told him I hoped he felt better and ended the call. A co-worker drove me home. The house was dark when I got home. Dad was working late again, and Mom I assumed was at the grocery store. She said Friday nights were never busy and the best time to go.”

I take a break to take the tissue that she hands me from the glove box and wipe my tears. “Kens, you don’t have to,” she says, her voice worried.

“No, this is good. I can’t run away and I don’t have to look at you. Better chance of getting through it,” I admit.

“Just as I’m putting my key in the door, I hear a deep voice say hello. Startled, I spin around and see Justin’s brother standing there. I always felt uncomfortable around him, the way he was always staring at me. I immediately am on alert, telling him that Justin wasn’t feeling well and stayed home. He moved in closer and I started to freak out. He slapped me and told me to… to shut the fuck up. He was calling me names. Said I brainwashed his brother, turned him against him and I had to pay. I tried to fight him, but he was so much b-bigger than me.” I pause to collect myself. The tears are flowing so hard I have to pull over on the side of the road.

As soon as the car is in park, Nicole flings off her seatbelt and hugs me tight. “I’m so sorry, Kens,” she says. I let her hold me, soaking up the comfort that she’s offering. Leaning on her like I always have these past four years. “I tried to scream and he smacked me so hard I blacked out for a minute. When I came to, we were in the foyer of my house. He had a knife, cutting off my clothes. I fought him and the knife ran deep into my chest. I have a scar on my breast,” I tell her. “Maxton he says I’m beautiful, scar and all.”

“He loves you, Kensington. You have to know that.”

I ignore her statement and keep going. “The pain caused me to stop fighting back. The next thing I know, I hear my mom’s voice. She’s screaming at him, telling him she called the police. I don’t remember what happened exactly. I woke up in the hospital; Dad was sitting vigil by my bed. Mom jumped on his back, Nic. He was holding a knife and she jumped on his back trying to save me. He knocked her off and stabbed her. Over and over again, he stabbed her. She died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

“I was released after two days and we had her funeral. Dad and I stayed in a hotel; we never went back to that house. We had a moving company pack our things and we moved here away from it all.” I blow my nose and take a deep breath before it’s all out. “Two weeks after my mother’s funeral, I received a letter from Justin. He told me about his brother being in a gang and how his brother wanted him to be a part of it. About the initiation and how I was the one chosen for him. He went on to tell me that the more time he spent with me, the more he liked me and grew to love me. That when it came time to do the deed and tape it, he backed out. His brother was pissed and beat the shit out of him. That’s why he couldn’t see me. I would have asked questions. His brother decided to do it himself. He came after me and killed my mother,” I say.

“Kensington, I am sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine going through that. You know that it wasn’t your fault, right? There was nothing you could have done to prevent any of that from happening. He was a bad guy. Bad things happen to good people. You are not to blame,” she tells me.

My phone beeps. Picking it up, I swipe the screen.

Maxton:
One more hour. Miss you, be safe.

Shit! My confession is going to set us back a good twenty minutes. Wiping my eyes, I quickly text him back.

Me:
Slight delay, girl talk. See you in an hour and twenty

Maxton:
Are you good, babe?

Me:
Yes, we are on the road and I’m on my way to you.

Maxton:
Drive safe.

“We better get back on the road and put him out of his misery,” Nicole jokes.

I laugh with her at his unnecessary worry and pull back onto the road. I feel a little lighter telling Nicole the entire story. Now Maxton. Someday soon, I tell myself. Soon.