Levitate (26 page)

I’VE ONLY BEEN in my own room for five minutes when there is a knock on the door. I expect to see Maxton, but it’s the doctor.

Pregnant. How? “I’m on birth control.”

“Are you using any other form of protection? Birth control is not one-hundred percent effective. Changes in things such as medications, antibiotics for example, can alter its ability to prevent pregnancy. And, at times, with no other protection being used there is still that chance.”

“No… no other protection, no medications.” I’m stunned speechless. Pregnant. Oh, God, Maxton, how are we going to raise a baby together and not be together? How am I going to be a part of his everyday life and not be his, him not be mine?

“Congratulations, Kensington. The obstetrician should be in to check on you and the baby within the hour. There are several people in the waiting room very anxious to see you. Shall I send them in?” he asks me.

“Nicole?” I croak out.

“There is a girl, two guys, and your father. I’ll send in Nicole,” he says when I don’t answer.

Pregnant. My hands cover my stomach. My mother would have been thrilled with this news. Yes, it’s earlier than I would have liked, but a baby. Even though I can’t have him, I will always have a piece of Maxton. The realization both breaks my heart and makes it soar at the same time. I will have to learn to be around him, or maybe I won’t tell him. I’ve already made my break. I can raise the baby on my own.

“Hey, how you feeling?” Nicole steps into my room.

I don’t know if it’s her question or just the situation in general, but my eyes well up with tears. She notices and is at my bedside in an instant. “Kens, we saw the letter. Honey, you don’t have to talk to him, ever.” She leans down and hugs me.

“It was just all too much, you know? I was already a wreck from seeing Justin and learning that he and Maxton are friends, then leaving Max.” A sob escapes me.

“Yeah, not a cool move by the way. We were worried sick. Max had another one of those feelings and he broke a few laws getting us back to the apartment. Why did you slip out in the middle of the night?”

“I just… I couldn’t stay and see his face when I told him we could no longer be together. I don’t want to make him choose, and I can’t deal with Justin being in my life,” I explain through my tears.

“I get that, Kens. I do, but did you ever stop and think that it’s not a choice for him? Maxton loves you. He was a wreck all the way here. There wouldn’t be a choice to be made; it’s you.”

“No. They’ve been friends for years. He’s known me less than one,” I justify my reasoning.

She sits on the edge of my bed. “You’re pushing him away. You’re his world, Kensington. You can trust that he loves you. This is not a game to him, and he would cut off his own arm before he did something to hurt you. I just spent the drive home with him, watching him battle the fear that something was wrong, along with the pain of you leaving. It’s tearing him up inside. Just like it is you. Don’t fight it. Let yourself be happy; let him love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

The room grows silent and I have a million thoughts running through my head. Will he feel the same way when he finds out about the baby? We had a scare after the first time, and he said no matter what happened he would be there, but did he mean it? “I’m pregnant.” I whisper the words.

“Did you just…?”

I nod. “The doctor just stopped in to tell me right before you came in. I had no idea.”

“Kens, you’re gonna be a mommy.” She smiles as her eyes well up with tears. “Are you going to tell him?”

She knows me so well it’s scary. “I don’t know,” I tell her honestly.

“Kensington, he deserves to know. You can’t keep something like this from him,” she scolds me.

“I just need some time to process it all. I just found out,” I reply defensively.

“He deserves to know. He’s sitting out there waiting to see you. Kens, you should have seen his face when you asked for me and not him. It crushed him.”

There’s a knock on the door. In walks a woman in a white coat pushing a machine. “Kensington, I’m Dr. Smith.” She glances at Nicole. “Is it all right to speak freely?” she questions. I nod in agreement. “Great. I’m here to take a look at your baby. I understand you were unaware that you’re expecting and you took a fall earlier.”

“Yes.”

She continues to explain the process of a vaginal ultrasound since my blood work numbers show that I’m early in pregnancy. She makes sure it’s okay that Nicole stays in the room with me and I insist on it. I don’t want to do this alone. A pang of guilt hits me because I know he’s out there. Max is in the waiting room and he should be here to see our baby for the first time.

The doctor sets up the machine and positions me on the table. The overall process is not as much uncomfortable as it is awkward. I’m staring at the screen even though I have no idea what I’m looking for.

“There,” she points at the screen, her fingers lands on a small black circle, “that right there is your baby.”

“Baby?” Maxton’s deep voice rumbles from the door. It only takes him a few strides with his long legs to get to me. He stalks to the side of my bed. Nicole steps back, allowing him to get close to me. He drops to his knees and grabs my hands. He brings them to his lips. His eyes lock on the screen. My eyes are locked on him. He swallows hard. “We made a baby?” he says.

The doctor clears her throat, causing me to tear my eyes away from Max. I can see the question in her eyes; I nod, letting her know it’s okay to speak in front of him. The cat is already out of the bag. “As I was saying, this,” she points at the screen, “is your baby. You’re very early in your pregnancy; from the measurements, you are four weeks along. Everything looks as it should. I’ll prescribe you prenatal vitamins that you will need to take daily. You should schedule an appointment with an obstetrician in the next four to six weeks.” She removes the wand, again awkward, gathers her machine and leaves.

“I’m just going to give you two a minute,” Nicole says.

Maxton, still holding onto my hands, rests his forehead against my belly. Never able to resist touching him, I run my fingers through his hair. We’re silent for a long time, neither one of us saying anything. When he finally looks at me, his cheeks are wet with moisture, eyes wet and red from his tears. “I love you so fucking much, Kensington James.” Taking one hand away from mine, he cups my face. “You scared the hell out of me, beautiful. When I saw you lying on the floor,” he swallows hard, “I thought I lost you, Kensi.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead.

I start to talk, but he places his index finger over my lips. “I got your letter,” he says solemnly. “There is no choice, Kensington. You are a part of my soul. You don’t walk away from your soul. I need for you to understand what you mean to me.” The hand that is now resting on my stomach, rubs gently. “What this baby means to me.” He moves to sit on the edge of the bed, his eyes boring into mine. “I don’t know if I have the words to explain it to you. You are always in my thoughts. There is not one moment of any day that you are not there. You light up my world. I thought I never wanted this, someone to call mine. Never thought I wanted to be that guy who shouts from the rooftops that he’s going to be a dad.” He smiles at me and places his hand back on my belly. “You make me that guy. Your love makes me a better man. I don’t want to go through life without you by my side. I need you there, Kensi. I need to know, that above all else, I will always have you. You are what I want. You own me heart and soul. I want to wake up with you every fucking day in my arms. I want to fall asleep the same way. I want to raise this baby with you, show him or her what it means to love and be loved. I want you to have my last name. I want every moment of every day filled with us.”

Hot tears are racing down my cheeks. How did I ever think I could walk away from him? Mom must have sent him to me. I know she would have loved him. I smile at the thought.

“There’s my beautiful girl,” he says, tenderly tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Maxton…” His lips softly touch mine. My resolve is broken. His words crumbled the last bit of resistance I was hanging onto.

Breaking away from the kiss, his lips trail down my neck and up to my ear. “We made a baby, Kens. A part of me is growing inside of you.” He pulls away so he can see my face. “I can’t explain how that feels.” His hand is back on my belly yet again. His palm is lying flat, his fingers splayed. “I can’t wait to take this journey with you.”

“I love you,” I say through my tears. “I’m sorry I left; I didn’t want to come between you. I didn’t want you to resent me.”

“Never.” His words hold conviction. “We’re a family, you, me and this little peanut.” He holds up the ultrasound picture. “I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want this with you.”

“Knock, knock,” my dad says from the doorway. I quickly wipe my eyes. Maxton, however, does not. His cheeks are still wet from the tracks of his tears.

“Hey, Grandpa,” Maxton says happily.

My dad stops in his tracks, processing his words. I can tell once it really hits him because his face lights up. It’s the same smile he used to give my mother. He’s truly happy again in the moment. My baby did that.

“Grandpa, huh?” he asks, walking to the opposite side of the bed from Max.

Maxton hands him the ultrasound picture as confirmation. “That talk we had, it’s going to happen. I hope you’re with me,” Max says to my dad. I have no idea what they’re talking about, but Dad seems to understand. He nods and his smile grows even bigger, if that’s possible.

“Congratulations.” He kisses me on the cheek. “I think I prefer Papaw though, don’t you?”

Max and I both laugh at his request. There is another knock on the door and in walks Bright and Nicole. “What did we miss?” Bright asks when he sees the three of us smiling.

“This,” Maxton says, handing him the ultrasound picture.

Brighton studies it and then looks up. “What am I looking at exactly?” he asks hesitantly.

“That, young man, is a picture of my first grandchild,” my dad says proudly.

“Holy shit! Congratulations, guys.” He holds his fist out to Max and they bump knuckles.

“How are you feeling?” Nicole asks and I can read between the lines. She wants to make sure I’m okay with Max and the baby.

I look up at Max, who is already looking at me. “Never better,” I say, my eyes never leaving his. He leans down and kisses me on the lips.

“I love you,” he says. His voice is firm and loud. He makes sure everyone in the room heard him, causing me to blush. “Don’t leave me hanging, beautiful.” He chuckles.

“I love you, too.”

THE DOCTOR COMES in and tells us that Kensi will be able to go home tomorrow. I insist that she stays with me. She argues that she’s fine. I need for her to understand that I want to take care of them, her and the baby.

I’m going to be a dad.

“I can take care of myself,” she whines.

I cup her cheek in the palm of my hand. “I know you can take care of yourself. I also know I want you with me. I want to be the one you lean on. I want to take care of you.” I place my other hand over her belly. “Both of you.”

I watch as her eyes glass over with tears. This is hard for her. She, like me, never thought what we have was a possibility. She didn’t see herself finding what we have. It’s hard for her to accept that I’m in this.

Forever.

I can tell from the look in her eyes what she’s thinking.

“I can do this—”

I place a finger over her mouth to halt her words. “Not going to happen. I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong. I told you I loved you before you… left. I meant it. Baby or no baby, I want you with me.”

Her eyes bore into mine. She has trouble trusting and I know that. I’m okay with it. She will see that I’m not going anywhere. She’s a part of me and we’re having a baby. That’s just about as good as it gets. I really wish Dad were here to see this. To meet her and see how amazing she is, to see me become a dad. I will make damn sure I give our baby the love and support he/she needs.

“Don’t fight him, Kensi,” her dad pipes up. “Let the man spoil you. You deserve nothing less,” he tells her.

“See, let me spoil you. You have to listen to your father.” I wink at her.

“Since when are you two so chummy?” she pouts.

Leaning down, I place a chaste kiss on her lips. “Since you are the most important person in our world. We both love you; that alone is enough to bring us together,” I tell her.

“He reminds me of me at that age. I loved your mother and would stop at nothing to have her.” Her dad gives her a sad smile.

“Live life, Kensi. Love hard and enjoy every second.” His voice cracks.

“I love you, Dad.” Her voice is thick with the tears she’s fighting.

I sit on the edge of the bed and wrap my arms around her. She places her hand over mine. “Thank you,” she concedes.

Finally! “Never thank me for loving you, for taking care of you. It’s what I do.” I wink at her, trying to change the mood and dry up her tears.

“Now I just need to convince you to never leave,” I whisper in her ear. Her mouth drops open in surprise. I lift her chin to close it and kiss her softly on the lips. “We’re a family now, Kensi. The three of us.” I settle back against the bed and allow her to lean on me. This is where I’m supposed to be.