Levitate (25 page)

I suck in a deep breath and lift my head. He’s watching me, his eyes glassy with tears. “You with me, babe?” he questions. I nod letting him know that I am indeed with him.

“You’re right here.” He holds his hand over his heart. “I love you with everything that I am. I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m sorry you’ve lived with this all these years. Sorry you’ve been dealing with it on your own. Your story changes nothing for me. I choose you, Kens. Baby, I will always choose you. Every time, no hesitation, no doubts. It’s me and you.”

Tears, which I don’t bother to stop, fall from my eyes. “Kensi,” he whispers my name and I need his arms around me. For just a little while, I want to pretend Justin is not a close friend of his, that I didn’t just release all the hurt and pain I’ve been holding in for far too long. I stand from my position on the bed, not able to stay away from him any longer. He mirrors my actions and it’s as if our bodies levitate toward each other.
“I want to make you levitate.”
His words the first time we made love come back to me and I realize that no matter what the situation is, those words will hold true.

He’s now standing in front of me. I reach for his hand and he laces his fingers through mine. “Let me be your rock, Kens.”

I lose the fight with his words and lean into him. He doesn’t hesitate to pull me tight against him. He murmurs his love for me and holds on tight. I hear him ask Bright and Nicole to give us a few minutes. A few seconds later, the room is quiet. “Kens, you’re exhausted; let’s lie down.” He leads us to the bed. Keeping a hold on me, he pulls back the covers and I slide in. He pulls off my shoes then kicks off his own. He climbs in beside me and engulfs me in his arms. He holds me while I cry and my heart breaks for what we could have had. I will always love him, but how can we go on when he is so close with Justin. I don’t think I would ever be okay with that. I know he would choose me, but I can’t ask him to do that. I push the thought out of my mind and go back to pretending that none of today’s events happened. I just want to feel his love a little longer.

“I got you.” His voice penetrates the quiet room. “There is nowhere I want to be more than I want to be right here with you. No matter what the situation may be, that will never change.” I feel him kiss the top of my head. “I love you, Kensington James.”

I squeeze my eyes closed and fight back yet another round of tears. I don’t know how I am going to move on from him. All I know is that I will cherish every moment I’ve spent with him and pray that it will get me through.

We lay tightly embraced for hours. I’m exhausted but sleep evades me. I know I’m not staying and the ache in my chest from that alone is keeping me awake. Maxton fought it as well. He held me and administered sweet kisses anywhere his lips could reach. I kept my body turned away from his. Getting lost in him is not a risk I can take at this point. I’ve already tried to talk myself out of leaving a million times. I finally hear his breathing even out and I know he has finally drifted off to sleep. He still has a tight grip on me, so I wait. Wait for him to fall into a deep sleep so I can slip out undetected and sever the connection we share. I just can’t be with him, not with Justin in the picture and not with them being friends. I just… can’t.

His hold on me loosens just enough that I think I can slip away. I swallow hard to fight off the tears. I need to leave quickly and quietly. As slowly as I can, I lift his arm and slide out from under him. He grumbles and rolls over. I sit still on the edge of the bed, waiting to see if he’s going to wake up. He doesn’t. Standing quietly, I grab the hotel pad of paper that is sitting on the table and the complimentary pen and write him a note. I don’t want him to worry, but he also needs to realize it’s over. My stomach twists painfully at the thought. Pushing through the pain and the heartache, I write to him.

Maxton-

You came into my life without warning and changed everything for me.

I never thought I could let myself fall in love with anyone, until you.

I’m sorry I slipped out while you were sleeping, but I couldn’t handle the pain in your eyes when you found out I was leaving. When I told you I loved you, I meant it.

You will always be the other half of me. I can’t ask you to choose a lifelong friend over me and I can’t stay and be involved in any part of his life. I need for you to understand that this is what needs to happen. Please let me go. I need you to know that I will cherish every moment, every touch, every kiss, every single memory from our time spent together. Please take care of you.

Love You, Forever and Always,

Kensington

My eyes are blurry from tears and I’m not even sure what I wrote, but regardless, he will get the point. I left and what we had has to end. Grabbing my keys and phone, I stop by his side of the bed and take in the sight of him sleeping. This is the last time I will ever see him this way. The pain is real, the tightness in my chest, the lead weight in the pit of my stomach, it’s real. I’m about to walk away from the best thing that ever happened to me. I place my hand over my mouth to prevent a sob from breaking free. I swallow hard a few times before I’m able to whisper the words, “I love you, always, Maxton Cooper.” Then turn and slip quietly out the door.

Keeping my head down, I’m able to make it to the car without anyone asking if I’m all right. I can only imagine how I look with the events of tonight wearing on me. Then again, it is the middle of the night. I’m sure the night staff couldn’t care less about my broken heart; they are just here to get paid.

The drive home is long. I drive straight through, just wanting my bed. I pull into the apartment at seven; the sun is just starting to rise. I have to muster up the energy to even get out of the car. I’m emotionally drained; my body is weak and I’m exhausted. I just want to sleep and try to block it all out. Knowing I have my bed waiting for me motivates me to exit the car. I stop in the lobby and get the mail, which will save me a trip down later. I’m expecting paperwork from school regarding my externship. Shit! I forgot all about the extern. I make a mental note to talk to my professor on Monday and start looking for a new site.

Once I’m in the apartment, I toss my keys and my phone on the table and sift through the mail. A letter catches my eye. I take a closer look and see that it’s from our attorney. The one Dad hired to prosecute for Mom’s murder. My hands start to shake and my palms are sweaty. My heart feels like it’s about to beat through my chest. As I attempt to open the envelope, I struggle to pull air into my lungs. I fight through the fear and manage to remove the letter. Sucking in slow deep breaths, I unfold the paper and skim the contents. No, Joe, he wants to talk to me. As if this day hasn’t been bad enough. A sob escapes me and I wish more than anything Maxton were here.

I can’t breathe. What could he possibly want to talk to me about? My heart is racing. I reach for the back of the couch to steady myself on wobbly legs, and before I know what happens, my world turns black.

ROLLING OVER, I reach out for Kens and the bed’s cold. My eyes immediately pop open and stare at the empty space in the bed where she should be.

I can feel it.

She left me.

Throwing the covers back, I jump out of bed and grab my phone. Swiping the screen, I see it’s five thirty in the morning. No messages and no missed calls. I pull up Bright’s name and hit send. Grabbing my shoes, I sit at the table. Holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder, I work on putting on my shoes. It’s the middle of the damn night and she’s alone, upset and not fucking here where she should be. Bright’s phone goes straight to voicemail. Of course, he’s sleeping snuggled up with his girl, where I wish I were in this exact moment. I slam my fist down on the table and it lands on a pen. Looking down, I see a pad of hotel paper with her handwriting. I read her words and a mixture of emotions swamp me.

I’m worried about her driving at night two hours home by herself. I’m hurt that she left me. I’m pissed off that she’s not fighting for what we have. That she’s letting them win. I tear the letter from the pad of paper and hastily fold it and slip it into my wallet. I try Bright again and this time he answers.

“Maxton—” I cut him off.

“She’s gone, Bright. She fucking left while I was sleeping. She was in my arms, where she belongs. I fell asleep and I just woke up and she’s gone. She left a fucking goodbye letter, man. She says it’s over. I have to find her; we have to go.” I ramble on. I know I’m probably not making any sense and I don’t give a fuck. He needs to either get moving or I’m leaving their asses here. I’m going to find her.

“We’ll meet you in the lobby in five,” he says.

“Make it three. I have no idea what time she left, man. I have to find her.” My voice is pleading. That same damn feeling from earlier is back. The same feeling that something isn’t right. It hits me that my feeling of needing to stay with her was because of JT. I’m following my gut this time and going to her. I can only assume that she went home. If she’s not there when I get there, I’m calling her dad. No holds barred. I need to know she’s okay.

“Maxton, you have to calm down. We’ll find her,” Bright tries to reason with me.

“Calm down. I cannot fucking calm down. She left me. She FUCKING LEFT ME!” I roar into the phone.

“She’s upset. I was there, man. I heard her story; I heard about what she went through. I heard her tell us what Joe did to her mother, the letter from JT. She’s been holding that shit in for over three years. She needs to process. She’ll come around; you just need to be patient.”

I hear what he’s saying. I felt her pain. Every damn word was like a knife to my heart. Sitting in that chair and not being able to go to her was hell for me. I wanted to hold her, reassure her that no matter what, it’s us. I choose her, choose us. I want to prove to her that the trust she has put into me is worth it, that what we have is worth it.

“We’re getting dressed. We’ll meet you in the lobby.”

I end the call without another word. I pull up her name and hit send. I know she’s not going to answer, but I need to call her anyway. The call goes straight to voicemail. “Kensi, it’s me. Wherever you are, please be safe. I’m coming home. I need to see you. Fuck, Kensington. I woke up and you were gone, just gone, and I need you here with me. I need to…” I swallow back the tears. “I need you to know that I love you. You hear me, Kens? I love you so fucking much that I don’t know who I am without you. Please, baby, just send me a message or Bright or Nic. Just let me know that you’re okay. I’m scared as hell. I have this feeling… same as yesterday and… please, just let me know you’re safe.” Her voicemail cuts me off.

Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I head toward the lobby. Bright and Nicole are there waiting on me and I’m grateful. “I tried to call her; got her voicemail,” Nicole says once we are in the truck.

I nod. “Yeah, same here. I’m going to the apartment. If she’s not there, I’m going to call her dad.”

“Max, she just needs—” Nicole tries to speak, but I interrupt her.

“To be okay. Yesterday I was worried. I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was going to happen. I was right. JT…” I clear my throat. “JT is a part of why the girl that owns me is torn apart inside. I could feel something was going to happen, I just didn’t know. If I knew, I would have never…”

“We know that,” Nicole says gently. “You love her, anyone can see that.”

“I have that same feeling now. Only this time it’s… stronger. I won’t push her to see me or talk to me, yet. I just need to know she’s okay.”

The rest of the drive is silent. Nicole tries to call Kensington over and over again from all three of our cells and she never picks up. Always straight to voicemail, her inbox is now full.

I make good time. We pull into the apartment a little after seven in the morning. I broke a few traffic laws to make it happen, but finally, I’m here and so is she. I park beside her car and exhale. Once I see her with my own eyes and know she’s really safe, I’ll leave. A knot forms in the pit of my stomach at the thought, but I won’t push her, not yet. I’ll give her time to process this, and then I’m fighting for her. She is what I want.

The three of us climb out of the truck and Nicole leads the way up to their apartment. Placing her key in the door, she turns the lock and turns the knob. “Kensington!” she cries and I push through them.

My girl is lying on the floor, out cold. “Call 911!” I scream. I drop to my knees beside her, careful not to move her until I know if and where she is hurt. I gently run my hands over her body, checking for injuries. I don’t see anything. She looks like she fell. With blurry eyes, I scan around her to see if I notice anything that might have made her fall.

“Don’t move her they said,” Bright relays. “They’re on the way.”

I don’t see anything but papers, mail thrown around. I focus my attention back on her. I gently move the hair from her eyes. The only reassuring fact of the entire situation is that her chest rises and falls with each breath she takes. She’s breathing; I send up a silent prayer that she’s going to be okay. I hold her hand and stroke her hair, just waiting. Taking her in, she’s pale; she has dark circles around her eyes. I hate what this has done to her. The tears that I’ve kept at bay unleash and I let them. My heart is lying on the ground, out cold. I’m wrecked over this girl. Please, God, let her be okay. I repeat this over and over.

I feel a strong hand on my shoulder. “Max, let them take care of her.” I jerk my head around to see Bright and Nicole with a swarm of EMT’s behind them.

Reluctantly, I stand and step away from her. I don’t take my eyes off her. I watch as they check her for injuries and rule out any type of attack. They take her vitals. Her blood pressure is low, but not dangerously so. Nicole asked them. I need to remember to thank her. Words are not something I can form at the moment. I watch as they handle her with care and place her on the gurney. They push her out the door and I’m hot on their heels. “I’m going with her,” I tell them as we reach the life squad.

“Sir, are you family?” they ask me.

“Yes, I’m her fiancé.” The words roll off my tongue.

“Sir, we—”

“That girl is my entire world. I don’t want her to wake up alone and scared. I’m coming with you. I’ll keep my mouth shut; I won’t interfere.” I let them know that this issue is not up for debate.

“Climb in,” the female driver says. I don’t hesitate. It was going to take an army to keep me from it. I’m glad they are seeing things my way.

I zone out on the ride to the hospital. I think back to all the time I’ve spent with her. The thought of my life without her in it is unbearable. I continue my silent prayers to please let her be okay. I promise God and anyone else who is listening—my dad, her mom maybe—that I will love her for the rest of my life. I promise to take care of her, to see her through all of this. I just need her to be okay. Her letter said she didn’t want me to choose between her and JT. What she doesn’t realize is that there was never a choice to be made. She comes first, always. JT and I were friends as kids, our families were friends, but Kensington, she’s my entire world.

We arrive at the emergency room and they whisk her away from me. I try to follow them back to a room, but they won’t let me. I try for the fiancé bit again, and this time it’s not enough. “Sir, you must be family or listed as next of kin. We have a Nicole—”

“That’s me,” Nicole says behind me. “I called her dad and he’s on the way.” She steps beside me and lays her hand on my arm. “I give permission for Maxton to be with her,” she says with authority. I make a mental note to get her a really good gift for Christmas.

“Ma’am, unfortunately, no one is allowed back until we assess her injuries. Please take a seat and we’ll let you know something as soon as we can.” The nurse turns on her heel and scurries down the hallway.

“Come on, man. Let’s take a seat and let them see what’s wrong with her. Her dad will be here soon and we can fill him in,” Bright says.

Defeated, I follow him to the waiting room. Its only occupant a guy with a busted lip and what appears to be his girlfriend. Bright and Nicole take a seat on the opposite side of the room. Taking a seat next to Bright, he hands me a piece of paper. “We found that on the floor,” Nicole says, leaning around him.

“I’m sure after everything that happened, seeing Justin again, it was a shock to her. I’m guessing it freaked her out and she had a panic attack. Our freshman year, it happened a couple of times. Never out longer than a few seconds. This time… she was out for a while,” she says. I watch the tears race down her cheeks before giving the letter in my hands my attention.

Joe, Justin’s brother, both were a part of my childhood, Justin more so than Joe. He’s the one who killed her mom. The one who attacked her with intentions to hurt her. Joe wants to talk to her.
Not. Going. To. Happen.
I will not let him anywhere near her. I don’t care if it’s a fucking letter he wants to send her; it’s not happening. He’s caused her enough pain.

I toss the letter back to Bright and walk to the window. I rest my head against the cold pane. Closing my eyes, I whisper, “Dad, if you can hear me, please save her. I get it now. I never thought I would, but I do. I can’t explain to you what she means to me, but I know I don’t have to. You already know. Please, if you have any pull whatsoever, bring my girl back to me. We’re just getting started. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours since I told her I love her, and I do, Dad. My heart is bursting with love for her. I wish you were here to meet her. She’s amazing and smart. She’s so breathtakingly beautiful that sometimes when I look at her, I have to remind myself to breathe. I want to build a life with her, give her our last name, and make you a grandpa. I want it all with her, so I need you to help me. Please, bring her back to me.”

A strong hand grips my shoulder. “Son,” a deep gravelly voice has me opening my eyes. Kensington’s dad is standing beside me, his eyes glassy with tears.

“Mr. James.” I hold my hand out to him. He shakes his head and pulls me into a hug. I’m reminded that she is all he has.

Stepping back, he says, “I heard you. Just now talking to your dad. I’m so glad she found you, Max. My little girl has been broken for so long. Since she met you, she smiles more; she’s actually living again. I cannot thank you enough,” he tells me.

“Don’t thank me, sir. Loving Kensington is as easy as breathing. I meant every word,” I tell him, referring to my one-sided conversation with my father. “Loving her is an honor and a privilege that I would love to have for the rest of my life.” I lay it out there for him. He might as well know my intentions.

“That’s a long time, son,” he replies.

“Yes, and it still won’t be long enough. I love her, sir. I want to ask her to marry me, give her my last name, babies, a house, a dog. Anything and everything she wants, I want to be the one to give it to her.”

“Are you asking my permission?”

“No, sir. Don’t get me wrong, I would be honored for you to give it to me, but I don’t need it to love her.”

He smiles. “You’re a good man, Maxton. I have no doubt you will take care of her. I would be thrilled to have you as a part of our family.”

“The family of Kensington James,” a nurse calls, walking in to the room. The four of us walk toward her. “This way please.” She leads us into a private room just like the one we were just in, only smaller. “The doctor will be right with you.” She turns and walks away.

The four of us stand and stare at the door, waiting for the doctor to give us even a tiny shred of information.

“Mr. James?” a tall slender guy says, walking into the room. “I’m Dr. Knolls. I’ve been treating your daughter. Is it all right to speak freely or would you prefer we step out?” he asks.

I grit my teeth. “No, these three are just as much her family as I am. What’s wrong with my daughter? Is she awake?” he asks.

“Yes, she’s awake and doing well. It seems she passed out. From the information we got from her, it was a panic attack. Not to mention she was dehydrated and hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. She was able to give me her history. I want to admit her for observation and some IV fluids. She should be able to go home tomorrow. They’re getting her set up in a room, and then you will be able to see her.

“Thank you.” Her dad reaches out to shake the doctor’s hand. I do the same.

I try to relax. The doctor said she’s going to be okay. Leaning my head back against the wall, I close my eyes and silently thank my dad and her mom for keeping her safe. Now I just need to see her. To see with my own eyes she’s awake and then maybe this tightness in my chest will ease up. I won’t be able to breathe with ease until she’s back in my arms where she belongs.