Life Is Not a Reality Show
Read Life Is Not a Reality Show Online
Authors: Kyle Richards
LIFE IS NOT A
KEEPING IT REAL WITH THE
HOUSEWIFE WHO DOES IT ALL
This book is dedicated to my mother,
Kathleen Richards,
who made me feel that I could accomplish
anything if I set my mind to it and who taught me
that there is nothing more important in
this world than being a mommy.
I love and miss you so much.
4 The Job’s Not Over Once You’re Hired
Welcome to My World
Last night my husband, Mauricio, made a beautiful bubble bath for me. Don’t get too excited, though; it’s a rare occurrence! But it was nice. He even lit two of my favorite vanilla pillar candles. Very romantic.
I slipped into the water and was just starting to relax when my three-year-old daughter, Portia, came running into the bathroom squealing, “Yay! Bubbles!”
The next thing I knew there were all these Barbies and other dolls and ducks floating in the tub. I ended up taking my bubble bath with Ariel from
The Little Mermaid
and a couple of her friends. So much for romance!
Mauricio and I had to laugh. We laugh a lot around this house!
When you’re a mother of four, you don’t have a lot of time for yourself—or much of a chance to spend quiet, romantic moments with your husband (as he keeps reminding me).
And since I became one of the
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
, my schedule has gotten even crazier. Filming all the time and traveling for the show, taking care of my kids and my husband, and trying to look good through it all just leaves me completely exhausted. Sometimes it feels like there’s no time to even breathe! I look in the mirror and think,
Oh my God, this show is aging me!
And then, again, I just have to laugh.
If you’re a working mom, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I have it a lot easier than some mothers, of course. I really respect and admire women who have no choice but to work long hours away from their families, yet still manage to keep everyone and everything going, some without even the support of a husband.
I’ve always been fortunate. Anyone who watches
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
, or just
Real Housewives
, as I refer to it, knows that my family lives a comfortable life. You might even assume that in
real
real life all of us who live here just sit around sipping champagne and getting our hair done when we’re not lunching or limo-ing, while the kids are off who-knows-where with the nannies.
But you would be wrong—about me at least. It’s true that I grew up in this town and have lived here all my life. I’m Beverly Hills born and bred. But I am definitely not your typical Beverly Hills mom.
… You’re the only mommy in the Mommy and Me group!
… You run into paparazzi at the grocery store.
… Men have wives who are younger than their kids.
… Women’s engagement rings are the size of a small car.
Can you believe I know some people who never set foot inside a grocery store? They literally never do the household shopping for their families! They send their housekeeper or nanny or assistant instead. But I do the grocery shopping for my family. It’s just not the same if I don’t; my kids always notice that something isn’t quite right. (My oldest, Farrah, is twenty-three, through college, and has her own apartment now. But Alexia, who’s fifteen, Sophia, who’s almost twelve, and of course Portia are all still here with me.) I know exactly what they want and need.
Did you see our
Real Housewives
reunion special after season 1? Do you remember when Andy Cohen asked if any of the cast knew the price of a gallon of milk? I was the only one who raised my hand! And I was only twenty cents off, though I don’t think he was accounting for the higher prices in Beverly Hills. At my house we go through three gallons of milk a week, the one-percent organic kind. Two I get during the weekly grocery shopping and then I usually have to run back for another before the week is over.
I’ve never had a nanny. I do have a housekeeper, but no nanny. As their mom, I understand and care about my daughters’ needs more than anyone, and I want to be the one making their lunches and driving them to school. I want to spend every single minute I possibly can with my kids. Those are the most precious moments in the world to me.
As you may know, I’m opinionated. Ha! So this book is my chance to express my opinions about various aspects of my life, and the way I do things. People have been asking me for advice forever, it seems. Maybe it’s something I got from my mom. She was known among my sisters and friends as “the guru” because she was so good at giving advice. Now that I have a higher profile because of the show, all sorts of people, not just friends or family but even complete strangers, ask me about my life—and for my input about theirs.
For one thing, I think people see that I have a good marriage, and they want that for themselves. I really do have a good marriage and I am grateful for that: Mauricio is a wonderful husband and a fantastic father. (And you may have noticed how
gorgeous
he is. A little side benefit there!) I love the life that we’ve built together. One question I’m often asked is, “What’s the secret to a happy, lasting marriage?”
Look, I don’t pretend to have a doctorate in wedded bliss! I’m not a marriage counselor, but I do know what has worked for me. Growing up with two older sisters in a house full of women, I received quite an education about men and how to play the game of love, and I’m always happy to share what I’ve learned. So I’ll fill you in on some of the things I tell people when they come to me for advice. I’m amazed at the stupid moves we women sometimes make in our relationships, and I want to help you avoid them! I will also give you a few simple strategies to help you find the kind of man you want and build the kind of relationship you want. In other words, find him, catch him, keep him! Ha-ha!
I get other kinds of questions too—girlie questions about my hair and makeup. I
love
talking about that stuff; it’s so fun! And maybe I do know more about those topics than some of the folks in my hometown, because, in contrast to the norm around here, I do my own hair and makeup most of the time. I don’t want to spend my whole life at the salon, and I don’t want to be shelling out that kind of cash all the time either, so I typically do my hair and makeup myself. And you don’t have to spend a lot of money to care for your looks. I’ll point you to the products, most of which you can buy at the drugstore, that I totally swear by.
And fashion. How could I resist going there? You know I love it! Recently CNN and
InStyle
magazine both named me one of the most stylish TV housewives of all time! I can’t even describe how flattered that makes me feel, because I’m really just trying to figure it out like everybody else! When it comes to dressing myself, I face the same kind of dilemmas you do, for example, how to draw attention away from certain parts of my body I don’t really like. I’ve always had problem areas, and let me tell you, having four kids has not improved the situation! I understand the challenge of looking nice and put-together for your husband when you’ve been running around like a maniac all day.
Fortunately you don’t have to spend a fortune on your wardrobe either. I’ve learned how to make some carefully chosen expensive pieces work together with a lot of inexpensive things. I’ll tell you how I do it, and I’ll give you all my theories about how to dress so you feel beautiful. Because you know if you
feel
beautiful, you’ll look like it too!
Then there is the topic of money. A ver-r-r-y interesting topic in this town. I want you to know that I am not made of money. Yes, Mauricio and I are very well-off. We have a beautiful house and beautiful things (we’re not complaining!). But we have nowhere near the wealth of many of the people we know. We have three more girls to send to college, so we have to think seriously about how we spend our money. But that’s okay with us.
Growing up in L.A. I’ve seen many people competing to have the nicest car and the biggest house and the most attitude. It’s so ridiculous. I have friends who are having a hard time keeping food on the table right now, and friends who are billionaires, and everything in between. When Mauricio and I were first married, we didn’t have much. And who knows? That may be true again. Things could always change. That’s what I tell my girls: “You don’t know what the future holds. You don’t know what you’ll have or what you won’t.” But it really doesn’t matter. Someone can have millions of dollars and a twenty-five-thousand-square-foot home, but it doesn’t make their life better than yours or mine. They may not have the husband I have or your fabulous kids. I’ve never felt intimidated by the overabundance of wealth in this town, and I sure never hold it over someone who has less than me. I treat everyone with respect, no matter where they come from or who they are or what they have. I certainly enjoy and appreciate the nice things Mauricio and I have. We’re blessed. But those monetary blessings aren’t the most important things in my life.