Life of the Party (27 page)

“Well. I’m
really sorry if you feel that way. Really sorry.” Mom looked
repentant; her eyebrows were knit in sincere apology. I had to
remind myself to stay angry at her. “That was never our intention,
of course it wasn’t. We just felt that you were more … capable, I
guess, to be alone. Marcy was always so dependent on us, on me. But
you’ve always been braver than her. It was so different after she
moved away, when you didn’t need me as much. That’s why I didn’t
start working fulltime until after she graduated.”

I shrugged
again. “Whatever.” I sighed. I could feel myself softening but
resolved not to let it happen. Mom wasn’t going to talk her way out
of the last few years of total indifference, no matter how sweet
her words were now. I drudged up a memory to keep me focused on
anger. The memory that worked every time.

It was back
when I was chubby. I remember because my skirt wouldn’t zip up all
the way, I had a most unfortunate roll that did that to all my
zippers. I had to safety pin most of them so they would stay up. On
this occasion I was wearing a red and black plaid skirt with a
white tucked-in blouse, and black Mary-Jane shoes atop knee-high
white tights. My dark hair was done up properly in a French braid.
I was in grade eight at the time, because it was my second year
playing flute in Band. It was the night of our recital, and I was
nervous because I had a solo in one of the songs. I had beat out
the other five flutists to win that honour. Grade eight Mackenzie
was a bit of an over-achiever.

We had four
songs to play. The last song was my big moment. I spent nearly the
entire first three songs looking out into the crowded gymnasium
from the stage, searching for one of my parent’s faces. See, Marcy
also had a recital that night—she had taken ballet and jazz/tap for
most of her young life. My parents hadn’t decided yet who would go
to which show, but one was going to watch Marcy dance and one was
coming to watch me play.

Except neither
of them were at my recital. I missed playing a good twelve bars
during the third song in my desperation to see a familiar face in
the crowd, but they were nowhere to be found. When the time came
for my solo, I wanted to do good, I wanted to be perfect like
always, but in my distress I totally screwed it up. I played an F
instead of an E, and then became so flustered by my mistake that it
was all downhill from there. I practically ran from the stage
after, I was so embarrassed. I locked myself in a bathroom stall
and cried for what felt like hours. Not just because I had messed
up the solo and neither of my parents had been there, but because I
had a sneaking suspicion where both of them had gone.

And I was
right, in the end. When all three of them came to pick me up from
the school, my parents apologized profusely for their
“miscommunication.” That would have been an okay excuse, except
that both of them had stayed for Marcy’s entire recital. They
bought me an ice cream on the way home and kept wondering why I was
so quiet, why I didn’t tell them how it went at my concert. I think
it was something in the way Marcy gloated—the little half smile she
gave me as she flipped back her perfect shiny hair. That look said
it all. Give it up before you totally humiliate yourself,
Mackenzie. There’s no way you can compete with me.

I dropped Band
that year. And Advanced Science. And the Chess Club.

“Mackenzie?”

“What?” I came
back to the present then, good and justifiably angry, just how I
wanted to be. Mom could give me that damn sorry look all night, but
there was no way I was giving in now. All I had to do was imagine
that safety-pinned plaid skirt for the heat to start flowing.

“Did you hear
me? I was just saying that we’re willing to be flexible here, if
you’ll cooperate with us. We can work on a compromise and come up
with some reasonable boundaries for you.”

“I don’t need
boundaries, mom. Haven’t you been listening to me, like at
all?”

“No, Mackenzie.
We’ve been too lax for too long.” Dad decided firmly. “We’re making
some changes around here. Mom will switch her shifts if she has to,
and I’m going to rearrange my schedule. From now on one of us will
always be here with you.”

I groaned
loudly and slumped back against the couch cushions.

“Complain all
you want, but this is how it’s going to be.”

I had to shut
my eyes. I hated, hated the way he was talking to me, so smug and
casually matter-of-fact. I’d show him. Suddenly it was all I could
do not to pick up the crystal vase on the coffee table and smash it
on the floor. I imagined the delicious shattering noise it would
make and clenched my fists again to keep from actually doing it. A
deep breath helped to calm me.

“No, dad, it’s
not.”

“Excuse
me?”

“I said, no,
dad, it’s not. It’s not going to be this way. Look, you go ahead
and make all the damn rules you want.” I chuckled mirthlessly. “But
I’m not going to follow them. I haven’t had a curfew since I was
like, twelve, and there’s no way I’m going to start again now.”

“Mackenzie,
don’t be so difficult.” Mom frowned. I could tell she was trying to
be the rational one among us. “It’ll take some adjusting to, that’s
for sure, but it won’t be all bad. We can come up with a living
situation that works for all of us.”

“Yes, you know
what, I’ve got one.” Dad’s face was hard and angry, his calm façade
nearly out the window. He stabbed at me in the air with his finger.
“She moves out.”

His icy words
hung suspended a moment, totally unexpected. Both mom and I just
stared at him for a second.

“Mitch!”

“What?”

“Quit being so
irrational.”

“Who’s being
irrational? There are rules here. If she doesn’t like them, she can
leave.” He motioned to the front door. “We don’t need to put up
with this.”

It took me a
minute to fully comprehend his words. My dad wanted me to move out.
I had to admit, it stung a little, as I imagine it always will
whenever a child is told their parents’ desirable life scenario
doesn’t involve them anymore. I just hadn’t realized we’d reached
the kicking-out stage yet. At first I was hurt, but the more I
thought about it, the more I realized that moving out was exactly
what I wanted. What I’d always wanted. If I was on my own I could
do my own thing without having to put up with my parents anymore.
There’d be no one to try and tell me what to do. No one to fight
with and argue with about stupid shit that didn’t matter. Then I
could stay out all night, every night. I could be with Grey as much
as I wanted to.

Never had my
father ever had a better idea in his whole life.

I couldn’t let
on how excited I was by this unexpected turn of events, so I sat
quietly on the sofa, acting every part the wounded party.
Apparently my dad had failed to inform my mother of this new,
impromptu plan. She was more upset than I was about it.

“Mitch, you’re
overreacting. Let’s just sleep on it. Tomorrow we can talk again
once we’ve cleared our heads. There’s no need to do anything
rash.”

“No.” I stood
up then, hugging myself. “No. He wants me out, I can move out.” I
gave my mom a sad, brave smile. I avoided Dad all together.

“Mackenzie, you
don’t have to go ….”

“Yes, she
does.” He insisted.

“Mitch, how
could you do this—” Mom started in on him. I took this as the
perfect opportunity to leave, sliding away as they began to argue
and sneaking up the stairs to my room.

The first thing
I did upon entering my bedroom was pick up the phone and call
Charlie. It was just after ten, I hoped she’d be home from work by
then. I sat on my mattress and scanned the room idly as the phone
rang in my ear, picking out the things I would take with me and the
stuff I would leave behind when it came time for me to go.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Charlie,
it’s me.”

“Oh, hey baby!
How’s it going?”

“Good.” I could
barely make out Charlie’s voice amid the noisy din in the
background. I could hear a number of voices and loud, angry music.
“What’s going on over there?”

“Oh, not much.
The guys are over; we’re just drinking and hanging out.”

“Oh, yeah?” I
listened harder, frowning. I hated not being there with them, I
hated missing out on anything. “That’s cool.”

“Can you come
over?”

“I don’t think
so, not tonight anyway. But my last test is tomorrow, so after that
I’ll be free.”

“Oh, great. I
bet you’re looking forward to that.” She was exhaling her smoke; I
could hear it over the phone.

“I am. And,
you’ll never believe this but … I think I just got kicked out of my
house.” I cradled the phone against my shoulder.

“What?
Really?”

“Yeah, I think
so. I mean, ultimately I guess the choice is mine, but there’s no
way I’m going to choose to live here with their gay-ass rules.”

“No kidding.
Wow, that’s crazy. What—no, Mackenzie got kicked out of her house.”
She was speaking to someone there. “I think so, I don’t know … hey,
Mackenzie?”

“Yes?”

“Grey wants to
know if you’re okay.”

I smiled. Pure
happiness spread through my entire being. “Yes, I’m okay.” I
answered. I heard her relaying my message.

“Grey wants me
to ask if he should come and pick you up.”

I laughed. His
concern made my whole night. “Tell him thanks, but that’s probably
not the best idea.”

“So, what are
you going to do? Where are you going to live?” Charlie wondered
when she was back to me.

“I don’t know,
I’ve got to find a place, I guess. You don’t know of anything, do
you? I can’t afford much ….” I thought of my measly paychecks from
the restaurant. “But I guess once school’s done I can work full
time or something.”

“I don’t know …
I don’t know of anything off hand, but, maybe I can figure out
something. I’ll let you know as soon as I do.”

“Thanks
Charlie. That’s a big help, I don’t even know where to start.”

“No
problem.”

“I should let
you go have fun.” I decided wistfully. “I don’t know if I’ll be
around tomorrow either, I think a bunch of family is coming out for
my grad.”

“Oh right,
that’s this Saturday, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Oh hey,”
I bit my lip, “I was actually going to ask about that. I forgot to
get an appointment for my hair and stuff … do you think you could
help me get ready?”

“For grad? I’d
love to.”

“Are you
sure?”

“Of course I’m
sure. Just come over Saturday, bring your dress and everything,
we’ll make sure you’re all gussied up.”

“Oh, thanks
Charlie.”

“Anytime. No
problem. Hey, I’ve gotta go, it’s time to hit the rails. See you
Saturday?”

“Yeah,
Saturday. Have a good night, do one of those for me.”

“I already
have.” She giggled. “Night Mac.”

“Night.” I hung
up the phone and sighed heavily. I tried not to think of all the
fun they were having without me. It didn’t work.

Saturday
morning dawned clear and bright. I lay in my bed, blinking at the
sunlight and thinking about everything I had to do that day.
Despite myself, I was actually a little bit excited. Having never
graduated before, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Our school didn’t
go all out or anything, there was a family reception followed by a
formal ceremony and then the grad party that happened afterwards.
It was basically just an excuse to dress up and celebrate the end
of school and the beginning of the sweet, sweet freedom that I’d
been looking forward to for so long.

I made myself
get out of bed and get in the shower. I took extra care shaving my
legs, careful not to knick my knees like I always did. I put on
extra lotion afterwards so my skin would gleam. I didn’t have to
worry about my hair and make-up and clothes yet, Charlie would help
take care of that. I put on my black lace underwear and matching
bra, then my jeans and a t-shirt overtop. I let my long dark hair
air-dry over my shoulders.

The house was
bustling. My Aunt Linda and Uncle Paul had come the night before
with my three rowdy little boy cousins; I could hear them running
around downstairs. I got a kick out of them; they all still called
me “Mac ‘n Cheese” instead of Mackenzie, a nickname given to me by
the oldest one when he was just learning to talk. Other than them,
the only family coming to the graduation was my Grandma and my
Uncle Pat, who lived in town. My other aunts and uncles and cousins
either lived too far away to make the trip or they were all grown
up with kids of their own, too busy to come so far for just the
weekend. I didn’t really mind, I wouldn’t have a lot of time to
spend with them anyway. I tried to ignore the fact that nearly
every single one of them had been present when Marcy graduated.

I guess I
couldn’t blame them though. There would be no honours behind my
name when I crossed the stage, no scholarships or awards, not like
when Marcy graduated. I wasn’t even sure I had passed my tests. No,
my family would be seeing nothing that day but an unremarkable
Mackenzie who had scraped by with the minimum of effort. And that
was just how I wanted it.

I bounded down
the stairs and into the kitchen. Aunt Linda was standing in front
of the stove flipping pancakes. She was definitely my favourite
Aunt, tons of fun, constantly laughing and joking. She was plumper,
with curly red hair streaked with blonde and cut short. I leaned on
the counter and watched her for a minute.

“Good morning,
graduate.” She smiled warmly at me. “I’m making your favourite for
breakfast. Pancakes with whipped cream and maple syrup!”

“You spoil me.”
I grinned.

“As much as I
can.” She admitted. “You make sure you eat today. It’s easy to get
caught up in the excitement and wind up fainting because you’re
half-starved. You don’t want that to happen when you’re on that
stage, do you?”