Little Rainbows (15 page)

“Hector’s right.”

Talking business was easier. His behavior worried her.

“The people you’ve invited will be forming opinions about you, whether you like it or not. Such a meeting gives you the opportunity to have them do so on your terms.”

“Still makes me feel like I’ll be up for inspection.” Despite his words, his mood seemed to be lifting.

“You will be. There’s no avoiding it.” She took a deep breath.
Might as well get the bad news out now
. “And they’ll be looking to find fault.” She felt her own anger rising. “And you know this, Jason. Things are the same in America. This is a small and almost incestuous world. Outsiders don’t understand our desires and needs, are scared of them and want to find ways to discredit and shame us. It makes insiders suspicious of anything and anyone new.”

Suddenly Jason looked tired and every one of his forty-three years. “Yes, I do know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” He shook his head. “And I shouldn’t be taking all my doubts and second thoughts out on you. I’m sorry.” Jason took a deep breath and continued, “There’ll be two demonstrations on Saturday. One in the afternoon and one in the evening, depending on how the
getting to know the Dom session
goes.”

He smiled ruefully. She appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood. She desperately wanted to know what had him so down and couldn’t help worrying it might be her and the night they’d spent together. She just didn’t have the courage to ask.

* * * *

Jason watched as emotions rapidly replaced each other on Heather’s face. Surprise was replaced by pain before turning in to fear. Sometimes he was such a prick. He had no right taking his insecurities out on her. She’d been nothing but a delight ever since she arrived and in return he caused her pain because he couldn’t get his shit together.

“Weather allowing, I figured we’d have a barbeque outside, near the pond, on Saturday. It may even be possible to have that evening’s demonstration outside, provided the temperatures don’t change.”

He could feel himself relaxing. Listing all the details made it feel less daunting.

“People will start leaving late Sunday afternoon or early evening so the last demonstration will have to take place in the afternoon. Dinner for those who want it and then it will be over.”

Just the thought of having the whole affair behind him made him breathe out in relief.

Heather smiled at him and nodded. “That sounds good. What about workshops?”

“Those were offered on the invitations, but the interest was so low I’ve decided to let the idea go.” He shrugged. “Most, if not all, guests have been in the lifestyle for years. Maybe they don’t want or need workshops.”

He looked at her as she made a few notes on her pad. God, she was so beautiful. So perfect. And if he wasn’t careful, he would end up alienating her just because he wasn’t sure of himself. He had to avoid transferring his insecurities to her. She’d given him a reason to be optimistic just when he’d been sure he’d never feel good about himself again. She boosted his confidence. She’d wanted him. He wanted more of her.

“So, those demonstrations are delivered by you and…”

“No. I won’t be doing one.” He saw the shock in her eyes.

“You won’t be performing? Why ever not?”

It was on the tip of his tongue. He almost wanted to tell her. Again the need to share his burden nearly overwhelmed him and he still couldn’t bring himself to do it. “Because there’re others who do it better than me.”

He knew he sounded short and gruff again and could see confusion returning to her eyes. And,
fuck it all
, he didn’t know how to avoid worrying her without sharing feelings he didn’t want to admit to.

“Hector and Amber will do two. I’ve got a Domme performing with two subs and one all-male session. That will have to do.”

She shook her head while scribbling on her pad. “That’s not good enough, Jason. Those Doms will be expecting to see you in action. They’ll want to get your measure. Not showing your skills will leave them doubting you. They’ll assume you’re weak, a wannabe.”

And didn’t he know it? He just didn’t see an easy solution. Performing while he wasn’t in the zone would show him up as a fake, just as much as not performing would. It was the worst sort of lose-lose situation and he’d no idea how to fix it. He sighed.

“I know, Heather. Can we just leave it? I’m not going to do it, no matter what impression that’s going to leave. No matter what you, or anybody else, say. My mind is made up about this.”

“I don’t know, Jason.”

He saw the uncertainty in her eyes.

“If you’re dead set against it, I can’t make you. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re creating a problem where there’s no need for one.” She paused. “With all those egos gathering here, you shouldn’t hand them a reason to look down on you. They’ll be looking for reasons to do that anyway.” She looked into his eyes and swallowed. “And if you’re really not open to the idea, I’ll stop talking about it now. I’m not promising I won’t bring it up again though.” She tried to smile but didn’t quite succeed. “I like the variety in your exhibitions though. I can’t see anybody complaining their particular taste wasn’t catered to.”

Jason knew his attempt at a smile had to be as unconvincing as hers had been. “Roger and Leo, my all-male duo, will be trying out their scene tonight. I promised I’d go and watch. Wanna join me?”

For the first time since they’d started this meeting, she relaxed. “I would love that. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that dynamic.”

He loved seeing her at ease and was relieved she’d agreed to accompany him so readily. An all-male performance should be safe enough as well. The risk of Roger and Leo triggering memories of Darren were small as far as he could see.

“Oh, Heather, about your stay here…”

His ringtone cut him off at the worst possible time.
Blast
. He could have thrown the phone out of the window. While he listened to the voice talking about things he didn’t want to deal with right now but couldn’t avoid, he watched Heather gather her stuff and blow him a kiss. He managed to blow one back before he allowed the daily pressures of running a sex club to swallow him again.

Chapter Fourteen

“And then, when Rick fell, face first, into the cowpat”—his face broke into a wide smile—“I thought I’d never stop laughing. Of course, being blind drunk didn’t help.”

As soon as Jason mentioned the incident, the memories were back. Heather could see the scene in her mind. The short cut back from the pub to their cottages had seemed like a great idea right until the moment Rick had lost his footing and fallen into that mess. Moira, Jason and she had been torn between laughing until they’d cried and trying to help him up. Poor Rick had not been happy.

“Oh, but we did have fun, didn’t we?”

She picked up her coffee and looked at the handsome man across the table. There was no sign of his earlier anger and insecurity now. She was still worried about his strange behavior, but decided to let it go for now. The evening was too nice to allow her anxieties to spoil it.

She’d been nervous before she met him for dinner, afraid the evening would be tense, but he’d been relaxed and affectionate. His kiss, when they met, had awoken every nerve ending in her body. She had loved his arm around her, his hand in the small of her back, when they walked to the restaurant. The food had been as delicious as she’d come to expect and she’d enjoyed stealing bites off his plate while he did the same with hers. She’d been reminded of their younger selves, the same playfulness, the same easy banter. All the memories rushing back once they’d started talking about Wexford had taken her by surprise.

“The demonstration doesn’t start for another hour or so.”

Jason picked up her hand and stroked it while looking straight into her eyes. The urge to lower hers almost overwhelmed Heather, but she resisted. She wasn’t his sub. There had been none of that dynamic involved last night. They hadn’t talked about it.

“You’re sure you want to watch them tonight?” For the first time that evening, worry clouded his expression.

“I’m sure, Jason. I’m looking forward to it.” She smiled.

Two men together could never hurt her. She knew the scene would be beautiful, just as past experience told her watching it wouldn’t affect her personally.

“Seeing two men together could never hurt me. The dynamic is exactly the same yet completely different. I’m not sure I can explain it.”

The frown on his face told Heather her words hadn’t convinced him.

“Don’t worry. I don’t think there’s any risk of me having another breakdown.” She thought for a moment. “I think I could watch Hector and Amber again and not fall apart this time. The shock of recognition set me off two nights ago. I’ve dealt with it now. I’m okay, really.”

He looked more relaxed but she knew she still hadn’t convinced him.

“Do you promise to safe-word earlier if it gets too much tonight?”

“I do. I won’t need to, but if I do, I’ll let you know.” The light mood was gone and she wanted it back. “I saw there’s a band playing in the ballroom tonight?”

“Yes, and they’re quite good.”

“Would you take me dancing, Jason? I haven’t danced in ages.”

When his smile returned it was as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“I love that idea. Come.”

Jason took her hand as he helped her up, and kissed her on her lips. “I can’t think of anything I would rather do right now than keep you in my arms for the next hour or so.”

The ballroom wasn’t quite as grand as the name made it sound. It was impressive though. Dim lighting gave the long, wide space an intimate atmosphere, in stark contrast to the bright and airy impression it made during the day when natural light streamed in through the many, large windows. Now, the only bright lights were aimed at the stage and the four-piece band. Heather took a moment to watch the musicians. She liked the double bass, not something you usually saw accompanying a keyboard, drums and guitar. It worked better than she would have expected. The bass gave the music a richer, fuller sound. When the band broke into
Fly Me to the Moon
, shivers ran down her spine. Boy, the man could sing.

“This is wonderful, Jason. You’re right. They are good.”

She leaned closer into him, loving the feeling of his arms around her. She felt safe and wanted. When he pushed her to the dance floor and turned her so she faced him, she smiled and was delighted to see her happiness returned.

“They’re a local band. They play here once a week and are always a success.”

He clearly wasn’t exaggerating. The dance floor was busy, despite the relatively early hour. His arm came around her and pulled her close. She reached up and put one hand on his neck, just below his hair, enjoying the feel of it tickling her skin. She placed her other hand on his chest, and cherished his steady heartbeat underneath her palm.

He was a good dancer. She could have been floating across the floor. She got lost in the music, Jason’s presence and the pressure of his hand on her lower back. Her body responded when he pressed her tighter into him. Just being close, even without any intimate touches, was enough. She smiled as she realized it was quite possible he could feel her nipples harden against his chest. Just as she could feel his cock growing against her belly.

“This is just what I needed.”

Heather smiled up at his face. His brown eyes were focused on her and filled with more emotions than she could possibly name. The lust she detected didn’t surprise her since she could feel his body’s response to her hardening. But there was more. The worry still wasn’t completely gone although it did appear to be battling with—she wasn’t quite sure what to call it—satisfaction, maybe?

“You feel good in my arms, beautiful.”

His smile, at least, was relaxed. And his mouth was oh so hot and soft when it pressed down on hers. She pressed back, wanting more, needing to be closer, and welcomed his tongue when it slipped between her lips.

The music played and they moved around with their lips glued together. She couldn’t get enough of the taste of him, his smell or his strong body swallowing her smaller one. One song turned into another, creating a medley for their coming together, a soundtrack to her reawakening.

The realization that she could stay here forever came as a shock. In his arms, floating through a room surrounded by people who were little more than a vaguely outlined background, she felt safe. She wanted to press closer still, except there was no space left between them. She’d crawl into him if she could. The feeling scared as much as it delighted and she refused to investigate those reactions. She would enjoy this evening, this feeling, this sense of coming back alive. Everything else could wait.

“It’s time to move on, Heather.”

Jason’s voice brought her back to the present.

“Move on?”

“The demonstration will be starting in a few minutes. If we’re going to watch, we need to go now.”

Heather shook her head, unable to believe his words. “We’ve been dancing for an hour?”

“We have. And I’ve loved every single minute of it.”

Jason couldn’t believe how much he’d enjoyed this simple pleasure. Just holding her in his arms—no games, no talk, no sex. Just her body close to his, their endless kisses and her hand stroking his neck. If he could, he’d take her straight to his room, undress her and dance all over again, this time naked. But he’d promised he’d watch tonight and he would.

He kept one arm wrapped around her as he led her out of the ballroom and down the corridor toward the exhibition area.

“I don’t want to keep going on about this, but I need to know you’ll tell me when it gets too much.”

He hated the tiredness creeping into her smile, but he needed the reassurance.

“I will.” Her sigh sounded heavy. “Trust me, Jason. I don’t want to repeat that experience any more than you do.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded and started walking again. He’d have to stop this. He couldn’t continue to treat her like a child, as if she might break if he didn’t keep her together. He knew he wasn’t being reasonable but didn’t think he’d be able to live with himself if she fell apart again. He shook his head. It was time to let the worries go and concentrate on what was sure to be a spectacular performance. Roger and Leo had a fascinating dynamic between them and never failed to deliver.