Living Courageously: You Can Face Anything, Just Do It Afraid (10 page)

We can trust God to take care of us at all times and in every way. God has done so many amazing things in my life that I don’t have enough room in this book to share them all, but here are a couple that I remember fondly.

Our ministry was only a few years old and not very large yet, but we still had ministry bills to pay and lived from week to week, trusting God to provide what we needed. Most of the income came in from small conferences and meetings that I conducted locally. I went to the doctor for a regular checkup, and about three weeks later was in the hospital having surgery due to breast cancer. This was sudden and unexpected and we had no time to plan financially for the interval I would be off work. I was home from the hospital, trying not to worry while I was recovering, and one evening the doorbell rang. A local pastor that we didn’t know personally was standing outside and proceeded to tell Dave that he was going out of the ministry and had sold his church building and, as the law requires, was distributing the funds to other ministries. He handed us a check for $10,000! That was probably the largest offering we had ever received at that time and was more than enough to get us through until I
could go back to work. Luck? To us this was a huge miracle and certainly not something we attributed to coincidence or luck.

Another time Dave and I desperately needed a new car because ours was literally falling apart. We had no possible way to buy one because it was during the days when I had quit my job and we were trusting God for every little tiny thing we needed. One of Dave’s brothers, who didn’t know how desperate our situation was, called and said that they were getting a new car. Instead of trading in their station wagon that was in good condition, they felt that they wanted to give it to us!

I only tell you these stories to provoke you to believe God for miraculous provision in your own life. Give as God directs you and trust Him to meet all of your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus (see Philippians 4:19).

Money is certainly not the only thing we can lack. We need strength, ability, wisdom, creativity, relationships, and hundreds of other things. God’s Word teaches us that He will provide everything we need as we trust Him to do so. I daily trust God for grace, wisdom, creativity, and strength to do all that I need to do. I don’t merely assume that I will have it, or fear that I won’t have it; I ask for it. The apostle James said, “You do not have, because you do not ask” (James 4:2). The apostle John said, “Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:24 NKJV).

I was a practicing Christian for many years before I learned that God was my Provider in all things. I knew that my sins were forgiven and that I would go to Heaven when I died, but that was about all I depended on God for. In all other areas, I worked hard
to try to take care of myself. Of course I was frustrated, confused, and disappointed most of the time because God wants to take care of us. He will actually hinder us from being successful at whatever we’re doing until we trust Him to do it for us.

We should trust God for all things! If you need to confront a situation and you’re afraid you won’t know what to say, then you can ask God to give you the right words at the right time and trust that He will. If you are applying for a job but you’re afraid you won’t get it, you can ask God for favor and trust that you will get it. I pray for favor all the time. God’s favor causes situations to turn out favorably for you when there is no reason for them to, except that God is working on your behalf. If you are lonely, ask God to provide friends for you. The situations in which we need God’s help are endless, and life can get very exciting when we let Him into all of those situations and begin expecting to see Him at work in them.

David said that the Lord is our Shepherd and we shall not lack (see Psalm 23:1). A good shepherd takes care of his sheep, and Jesus is called “the Good Shepherd” (see John 10:11–14). God told the Israelites that He would lead them into a land where they would eat food without shortage and lack nothing in it (see Deuteronomy 8:7–10). God’s Word to us today is no different from what it was to them. We don’t have to fear lack! God will provide whatever you need in any situation. I admit that His timing is not always as speedy as we would like it to be, but He does not fail us. Even when we have to wait for something longer than we want to, we can trust that God’s timing in our life is perfect. Although He doesn’t always give us everything we want exactly when we want it, He will give us what we need at the right time, and we can rest in that.

I love this Scripture because it teaches me that my need gives me a right to ask! Wow! We don’t have to be perfect or special, we just have to have a need—and when we do, we can approach God in faith based on the authority of His Word, and we will not lack. Just think, instead of being afraid that we will not have enough of what we need, we can have faith that we will have enough. Don’t wait until you are experiencing some kind of disaster to start trusting God. I am trusting God right now that He will take care of me, my family, and our ministry and its partners as long as we are here on Earth. Sometimes we wait until we are in deep trouble before we turn to God, and by then, the devil has his roots deeply planted in all areas of our lives, and although God will certainly help us, it may take longer. If that is the case with you, then don’t give up. Be patient and go all the way through with God and learn to live by faith instead of by fear.

From its opening in Genesis, the Bible tells a story of abundance. In the first chapter, we see God as lavishly creative. He didn’t create a few stars, He created so many that they cannot be counted. His oceans are so huge that we cannot see to the end of them from the shore. He created large amounts of animals and plants and flowers and trees. And after He made it all—including man
and woman—He said that His creation was very good! Throughout the Bible we see a God of abundance, who called Himself
El Shaddai
, meaning the God of more than enough.

The people held regular feasts to honor and thank God for His abundance. I am not suggesting that scarcity has not come into this fallen and sinful world, but as citizens of God’s kingdom and economy, we can still benefit from God’s original plan for man. God sets good and evil, life and death, before us and asks us to choose life (see Deuteronomy 30:19). Choose faith instead of fear; trust God for abundance instead of fearing scarcity; believe that God has more than enough of everything to go around and start trusting Him for your portion.

You might say, “I thought we were supposed to be content with what we have.” You are right, we are to be content and that means satisfied to the point where we are not disturbed no matter what our circumstances are. But that does not mean that we should not trust God to improve our situation and provide for us abundantly.

I remember when I had a great fear of not having enough. I had learned early in life that I had to take care of myself. My father was a very stingy man and never seemed to want me to have the things that other children and teenagers had. He did provide for my basic needs but refused to buy me things like a class ring, school pictures, a yearbook, or a graduation dress. If I wanted those things I had to find a way to get them myself. I babysat and worked at a local merchandise store in order to have the things I needed. I think the way he treated me left me with a deep-seated belief that I was only worth the least of everything and should only expect what I had to have in order to get by in life. It was easy for me to make the transition into being an adult who was fearful of never having enough. I lived with as little as I could, but when I did need to purchase something, I searched for the
best bargain I could find. Looking for good prices is not wrong, but I was excessive to say the least. The fear of not having enough tormented me continually.

Through my relationship with God, I gradually learned to trust Him for abundance. I learned that God wants His children to have the best, not the least. He does exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond all we dare to hope, ask, or think (see Ephesians 3:20). I encourage you to develop a mind-set of abundance, not scarcity. Trust God to provide for all of your needs and to give you the desires of your heart (see Psalm 37:4). Don’t live in the fear of lack, for God promises that He will liberally supply your every need.

The fear of losing control is one of the most prevalent fears that people have. This is the fear that if you don’t manage to control the outcome of future events, something unpleasant or even terrible may happen. People who suffer from this fear have a lot of stress because trying to control the world and everyone in it is hard work. The stress of being a controller can eventually cause huge problems. It creates a lot of pressure that can develop into health problems, steals our peace and joy, and doesn’t foster good relationships.

I know about the agony of being a “controller” because I was one. For many years in my life I only felt safe when I thought I was controlling all my circumstances and the people I was close to. Part of my controlling nature was rooted in selfishness, but a larger part was rooted in fear. I was simply afraid that I would not be taken care of if I didn’t control my surroundings, so I made sure that I was in control.

I know now that the problem began in my childhood. My father was a very controlling man who was abusive in many
ways. My mother was too afraid to confront him, so she allowed him to not only control her, but my brother and me as well. His control mechanisms were anger, threats, and rejection. We were frequently threatened with the loss of privileges or provision, but mostly we were the recipients of his violent rages and anger that involved yelling, cursing, pushing, shoving, slapping, and even hitting. His anger also ended in his total rejection of the one who had not pleased him. Eventually he would recover from his current bout of displeasure, only to find something else and someone else to be unhappy with.

Because I despised these episodes, I did everything in my power to keep him happy, and that always involved letting him be in control of even the tiniest details of my life.

One would think that since I hated being controlled I certainly would not have become a controller myself, but I did. We do learn behavior patterns from our parents. They become to us the mirror image of what we assume we are to be. I watched my father get his way through anger and control, so as an adult I thought that was the way to get what I wanted.

Obviously, that kind of behavior is not God’s way, but at that point in my life I didn’t know any other way existed other than what I was doing. God wants us to trust Him to lead and guide us and to keep us safe, rather than us attempting to control circumstances and people. When I finally gave up the job of what I call “self-care,” I found a new joy I had not experienced before. I would like to say that it was easy and happened overnight, but that wasn’t the case. Even after I realized my behavior was wrong, I was in the dark about why I behaved the way I did. I couldn’t control my behavior
because, even in that, I was still trying to be in control without asking for God’s help.

So, here was my problem: I was a controller who was trying to control myself
not
to be a controller! It didn’t work. I needed God’s help. I needed to trust God with all of my circumstances, all the people in my life, and I especially needed to trust God to change me. That was a lot of trust that I needed and didn’t have. I didn’t even know how to have it because I had never been able to trust anyone in my life prior to that. My thinking, emotions, and actions were all riddled with the fear of being hurt or taken advantage of.

Man’s ways and God’s ways are very different from one another. God’s ways are better by far, but it takes us a long time to realize that. And then after that, we have to be willing to give up our old ways of doing things.

Our minds stay very busy planning, and those plans are for what we think will benefit us. God wants us to roll our works (planning and doing) on Him and get His plan instead of pushing ahead with ours. We are encouraged in Proverbs 3:6 to acknowledge Him in all of our ways. When we do, then things work out
much better and we have less stress and lots of joy, but it usually takes a while for us to learn God’s ways and be willing to submit to them.

My mother-in-law gave me my first Bible when Dave and I got married, and she wrote a Scripture in the front of it:

I thought it was a nice Scripture, but I had no idea at the time just how far away from doing it I was. I had no idea how much work God would need to do in my heart in order for that Scripture to be a reality in my life. Yes, God’s plan is quite different from ours. We often want to decide what to do and then pray that God will make it work, but He wants just the opposite. He wants us to pray first and take no action without His direction and approval. Is God a controller? It could sound like He is, but He is just the opposite. He gives us the ability to make our own decisions, but He does teach us which ones to make in order for life to turn out good.

God will try to guide us, but He won’t force us to do the right thing. I have finally learned to deal with my adult children the same way God deals with us. I may offer some advice, although I try to refrain from doing so too often, but when I do, I still realize that they will make their own decisions. And if they decide against what I suggested, then I say nothing more. It is not my job to control them!

Anything God tells us to do or not to do is for our benefit, and if we trust that, then we can follow His advice easier. God’s plan
is for us to willingly give our will to Him, asking Him to guide and lead us in all matters of life. He wants us to trust Him, and as we do we can enter into His peace and joy. We can then enjoy our lives while He is working on the circumstances and people in our lives, as well as on us and in us. God’s guidance leads us away from all that will cause stress and leads us into His rest.

What we want is certainty, but we live in a world of uncertainty. It is this unrealistic demand that creates stress and anxiety. Certainty makes us feel safe, and we all want that. We are safe with God, but we must learn to believe it and trust Him. Trusting God doesn’t mean that everything turns out the way we want it to, but it does mean that it turns out the way that it should. God doesn’t always lead us the easy way in life. Sometimes He leads us the long, hard route because in the end it will be the one that was best for us. Even when life hurts, God wants us to trust Him.

All things may not be good in and of themselves, but God can work them out for good if we will trust Him to do so.

Even if a person believes this promise, it can still take time for the results to manifest in their life. Waiting for God to do what only God can
do is always the most difficult part of trust. Our timing and His are usually two completely different things. He promises to never be late and even states that He is not slow as man defines slowness (see 2 Peter 3:9). But usually He isn’t early and we do have to wait. During this waiting is when we tend to take over again and try to control something that only God can control. We lose our joy and peace once again and go around the same mountains in life until we finally realize that we must let God be God in our lives! I have finally decided that if God doesn’t change a thing (even if that thing is me), then it simply won’t get changed. God is well able to do what needs to be done in all of our lives, and we should be still and let Him do it.

Our lives are like a canvas and God is the artist attempting to paint a perfect picture. Just imagine if while an artist was painting, the canvas refused to be still and kept moving about trying to instruct the painter. The project would be a mess; and that is often what happens in our lives.

Life on Earth won’t give up its uncertainty, so it is us who must concede. Life won’t change, so we must change. I have heard it said that “If we don’t learn to bend, life will break us all.” We don’t know what will happen tomorrow or, for that matter, in the next ten minutes, but God does. Since He knows, we can be content to know Him and trust Him.

We can learn to exercise the power we do have and control what we can control instead of trying to control what we can never control. We do have the power not to allow fear to rule our actions, and with God’s help we can control our reaction to
situations even when we cannot control the situation itself. We cannot control the direction of the wind, but we can set our sails to cooperate with it.

You must learn to let go because in reality, you were never in control anyway!

Learning to expect the unexpected isn’t having a negative attitude; it is simply accepting that we cannot control all of life and then trusting that God will enable us to deal with things as they come. When Noah went into the ark, he had to have complete confidence in God because he had no ability to control the direction of the ark since it had no rudder and no sails. He was out of control, and yet God brought him to a place of safety.

I decided to keep a log of the unexpected things that happened to me over an eight-week period of time. I logged 33 things. Thirty-three things that interrupted my plan and that I had to deal with. I had no choice—they were staring me in the face and I couldn’t avoid them; I couldn’t control them! But I was able to control my response to them, and for me that was a huge accomplishment. There would have been a time in my life when each of those things, most of which were very minor, would have sent me into either depression or ungodly aggression. In other words, I would have gotten angry. I would have been unable to simply trust God to help me deal with each one. Thank God He changes us! I am very excited to know that we don’t have to remain the same, but God is daily working with and in us toward positive change.

Not only can we learn to expect the unexpected, but we can refuse to fear the unexpected. We can live with a confident attitude
that God will give us the ability to deal with whatever we need to deal with in life. He has promised to never let more come on us than we can bear and to also always provide a way out (see 1 Corinthians 10:13). So I want you to think about this in a different way: Unexpected things add a touch of mystery to our lives, and I think we all want and need that.

Circumstances in life are not the only things that bring things we don’t expect, but people also do unexpected things. They fail us when we need them most. They do things we would have never in a million years thought they would do. We are shocked and hurt, but there it is and we have to deal with it. Perhaps we must let go of our idea of what we expected people to be and try to love them the way they are. Is it really people that disappoint us, or is it sometimes our expectation of them that disappoints us? Expecting people to never hurt us is certainly an unrealistic expectation and one that sets us up for disappointment.

Most of our pain in life is what I call “people pain.” We all need people, but developing good relationships is certainly not easy. Sometimes we want to let go when we should hold on, and sometimes we want to hold on when we should let go.

We need safe people in our lives, not ones who are volatile and are merely bombs waiting to explode. We need people who add to our lives, not ones who drain us. If we love or need a person, we often try to control them and make them what they ought to be. If they are hurting us, we try to change them so they are comfortable for us to be with. That doesn’t usually work, and when it doesn’t we may have to let go.

Some people think that holding on is heroic, but sometimes
letting go is the most heroic thing we can do. This is an area in which we must learn to be led by the Holy Spirit. I don’t advocate giving up on people easily, because sticking with someone through difficulty can be just the thing they need in order to change; however, if the relationship is making you sick emotionally and draining you of the energy you need for your life, then letting go may be the only thing you can do. Sometimes letting go is just a decision to stop trying to change them, and at other times it requires walking away. Walking away is not easy, but there are times in life when we must do it.

We cannot always simply walk away from family members, but we can let go of friends who are poisoning our lives if we feel that is what we are supposed to do. I would even say that if you are struggling with close family members who are hard to deal with, then you need safe friends even more. Healthy friendships can build you up and give you courage to deal with the things you must at home. A friend of mine has a special needs child, and she has shared with me how difficult and draining it can be. She loves the child and knows she will be taking care of him forever, and she is committed to doing so, but she needs friends who can add to her life rather than drain her further. She needs friends who are safe.

For many years I took care of my dad, who abused me. He died a few years ago and I am happy to say that he accepted Jesus before he died. I also take care of my mom who is 89 and my aunt who is 86. Although my parents had abused and abandoned me, I could not just walk away. God wanted me to treat them well even though they had failed to be good parents. It is often very draining trying to deal with them because they have lots of health and emotional issues. Because of this and other responsibilities in my life, it is important that I have safe friends who add to my life and
not ones who drain me even further. I have learned that laughter restores me, so I enjoy people who are not tense and difficult to please.