Living Courageously: You Can Face Anything, Just Do It Afraid (14 page)

When we approach the subject of fear, many things come to mind: a fear of failure, a fear of danger or harm to ourselves or those we love, the fear of losing what we have, fear that we are not doing enough to please God, and so on. But if there is one fear that stands above all the others, casting the longest shadow, it is perhaps the fear of man.

The fear of man for many people is an ever-present and addictive fear that attempts to maximize the position of man and minimize the power of God. The fear of man is the result of setting others, their opinions of us, and their importance or their perceived power above God.

Solomon said it this way…

In this one verse, Israel’s wisest king gives us both the risk and the reward. The fear of man is a snare—a trap. It will encage us if we allow it to. We risk our freedom when we fear man; however, we don’t have to fall prey to its deception. When we lean on, trust in, and put our confidence in the Lord, we will experience the reward of not fearing man and we will be safe and set on high.

A story from my own life explains how the fear of man takes away our freedom to be ourselves and make our own decisions:

Due to insecurities that developed in my childhood and a desperate need for friends and acceptance, I fell into the trap of saying and doing what I thought others wanted me to instead of being truthful. There existed a certain group within the church that my husband, my children, and I attended that would have been considered to be the “elite” group, the group most sought after to be part of. These church members controlled a lot of the decisions made at the church, and they more or less decided who was in their group and who was not. Groups like this exist in most places, and sadly, the church is usually not exempt from them. They are in schools, neighborhoods, governments, where we work, and yes, in the church.

I worked very hard to be part of this group and to be friends with one woman in particular who wielded a lot of power within the group. I knew that if I could gain her friendship and acceptance, that I could be part of the “in crowd.” In order to gain her approval, I had to do everything she wanted, and I do mean everything! I finally gained her acceptance but quickly found that I had to keep it the same way I gained it. After a short while I realized I was in a trap and had given up my right to be myself. Interestingly enough, getting out of a relationship like that is often harder than getting in. It cannot be done without an explosion of some sort, and that meant a lot of people would know and
probably blame me. Since we often cannot face the thought of the possible fallout, we stay in bondage; I did.

It is possible that you have experienced the same type of relationship I am describing, or it is even possible that you are currently in one. It will take great courage to break free, especially if that relationship has become a habitual pattern in your life.

I know you want to know the end of my story, so I will finish it before I go on. As I became increasingly tired of being controlled and found myself wanting to escape, I had to consider the benefits she afforded me and ask myself if I was willing to lose them. You see, I got invited to all the right parties, I was privy to all kinds of secrets about lots of people at the church, and had the distinction of being her “best friend.” Letting her control me gained me acceptance from others, and I had to decide if I was willing to give it all up.

As I was pondering how to handle this situation, I had a life-changing encounter with God. He touched my life in a very profound way and called me to teach His Word. I was excited, to say the least, but quickly discovered that my so-called friends were not excited. They felt that I had become too religious and was being deceived, and they made it clear that if I pursued the course I felt God had placed in front of me, I would be out of the group and no longer welcome at the church. Eventually, the elders of the church, many of whom were part of the group along with the pastor, gathered with Dave and me and asked us to leave the church because, in their opinion, I was deceived and being rebellious.

Wow! “Painful” doesn’t even begin to describe what I went through. I have since come to appreciate that painful part of my life. God revealed to me that these people were not ever true friends, and He saved me from further pain by arranging for my exit. I didn’t have to decide to leave… I was thrown out! Not a great way to start a ministry!

I wish I could say that I learned my lesson and never repeated the mistake again, but I did repeat it on at least two other occasions that I can recall. The same thing happened at the next church I went to. I was in leadership in that church, and by then I was teaching God’s Word and I finally felt valuable, but once again I allowed myself to be controlled by people in order to gain and maintain the position I had, as well as the acceptance of certain people. I had an important position, and it gained me admiration, but I paid a high price for it.

Have you ever had a boss at work who required more out of you than was right and fair, but you were afraid to speak up? Have you ever been part of a group of people who made it clear that you would be “out” if you didn’t do as they wanted? Have you ever had someone in your life who was a controller and a manipulator, and you knew deep down inside of you that you needed to stand up to that person and yet you didn’t? Have you felt peer pressure? Most of us have at some time, but the people who have serious problems with the fear of man are usually wounded, fearful, insecure people who have experienced rejection and don’t want to experience it again. The pain of rejection is intense, and most of us will do just about anything to avoid it.

Although none of us wants to be rejected, it is very important that we follow God rather than man. There are times when we can please both God and man, but that is not always the case. When we have to choose, we should always choose God. When we don’t obey God in order to please people,
we lose our peace and end up experiencing condemnation. Nothing feels quite as bad as knowing we shouldn’t do something but doing it anyway.

I recall how I felt during those years when I said “yes” to people even though my heart was screaming “no.” I felt guilty, pressured, and even angry that I was letting myself be controlled. I made excuses for my behavior that deceived me into thinking I was doing the right thing, but deep inside I knew I wasn’t. For example, I told myself that I was simply being easy to get along with, keeping the peace, or adapting to others. All of these can be good and are things the Word of God encourages us to do, but not at the cost of not walking in wisdom or disobeying God.

Most of us have heard the phrase, “Don’t be a ‘yes’ man.” Don’t be the kind of person who does what everyone else wants you to do all the time, at the cost of losing your own identity and freedom. And if you are in that trap right now in your life, then it is time to break free and start being true to your own heart even if you have to do it afraid. Let me remind you that fear cannot be conquered any way other than facing it and doing what you should do, even if you have to do it afraid.

The apostle Paul assured those that he ministered to that they could depend on him to be trustworthy and faithful in all of his speech. We should make a commitment to be the same way. Don’t be two-faced! Be the kind of person who says what you mean, and means what you say.

The people could depend on Paul to be truthful and honest with them, and I believe that is the basis for all truly good and healthy relationships. Not only should we be truthful with others, but we should also give them permission to be truthful with us. Don’t ever try to force people to do what you want them to do, but instead encourage them to follow their heart.

Jesus dealt with the importance of being truthful when He said…

God certainly never leads us to be people-pleasers or to be ensnared in the fear of man. He never leads us to say “yes” to people when we know in our heart we should say “no.” Nor does He lead us to say “no” when we know we should say “yes.” Being honest with ourselves and others is vital to our spiritual growth and freedom.

We might keep a job by always telling the boss what he or she wants to hear instead of being honest, but we will be miserable! We might keep our friends by always telling them what they want to hear, but we will be miserable! Jesus did not die for us so we could be miserable; He died so we could be free!

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that more people don’t fulfill their destiny than those who do, and the fear of man is one of the root causes.

In order to do what God is leading us to do, we often have to be
misunderstood or possibly even rejected by people. Jesus came to do the will of His Father in Heaven and to help mankind, yet He was rejected. Doing the right thing doesn’t always guarantee acceptance from people.

At some point in life, every person must decide whether they will be a “people-pleaser” or a “God-pleaser.” Our goal should be to please God no matter what the cost. It may cost us our reputation to walk away from something we don’t want to give up, or to do something we don’t want to do, but the rewards are always worth the sacrifice in the end.

Jesus had to lose His reputation to do the will of God, but His reputation today is excellent all around the world. I lost my reputation with my little group of so-called friends at church in order to do the will of God, and for a while I was lonely, but God has replaced those people who rejected me with many genuine friends and a better reputation than those former friends could have ever given me.

The apostle Paul said that if he had been trying to be popular with people, he would have never become an apostle (see Galatians 1:10). He followed God and fulfilled his destiny. There are others mentioned in the Bible who wanted to follow Jesus because they did believe in Him, but they would not for fear of being expelled from the synagogue (see John 12:41–43). They missed their destiny because they wanted to be loved and admired by people.

When I read this Scripture, it makes me sad to think of all the people who have missed their destiny for the same reason. They valued their reputation with men more than with God. When we are faced with these types of challenges in life, we should seriously consider the consequences of making the wrong choice. As most of us know, human beings are quite fickle and ever-changing in their commitments, so it is foolish indeed to let our fear of them rule us.

If you have made mistakes in the past, please remember and believe that it is never too late to begin again. A few right choices can often undo the results of a bad one. Anyone who is breathing has an opportunity to have a great life still. All they have to do is immediately start following God rather than people.

The fear of man is often merely the fear of what they think of us, but in reality what can a thought that someone else has do to us? Is it pride that makes us overly concerned with what people think? I believe it is! It is not what they think that we fear, but what they think of US! It is all about us.

The simple definition of pride is “I.” I want. I think. I feel. I need. Pride is defined in the
Vine’s Greek Dictionary
as
being high-minded, or thinking more highly of oneself than one ought to
. Our concern about what people think of us is usually excessive, and it creates fear and turns us into people-pleasers. Our pride must be dealt with before this fear can be eradicated! It hurts our pride
to consider that someone may think or say something critical about us, but it won’t defeat us if we truly know who we are in Christ and how much He loves and cares for us. God says many good things about us in His Word, so we shouldn’t be worried about the people who criticize us.

My husband is a very secure man and he really doesn’t care what people think of him. He always says, “If I am doing what I believe in my heart to be right and someone thinks badly of me, that is not my problem; it is between them and God.”

Being excessively concerned about what others think is a total waste of time because we cannot completely control what they think anyway. Certainly it is enjoyable to have a good reputation, and everyone wants to be well thought of; however, we must not become man-pleasers in order to get somewhere.

No matter what we do, someone won’t like it and someone will think something of us other than what we would like for them to, so why let it control us? The psalmist David said, “I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:6). And the writer of Hebrews quoted David in Hebrews 13:6 by repeating the same thing: “I will not fear. What can man do to me?” We need to say the same thing daily, or perhaps several times a day. Let’s be practical about this and ponder the question, “What can man really do to me?” Perhaps they can reject us, prevent us from getting something we want, or hurt our feelings, but what they can do to us is minor when compared to what God can do for us as we walk in obedience to Him.