Lola Rose (12 page)

‘Don't you love him any more?' I said, as Mum got into bed.

She wasn't listening properly, humming under her breath. ‘You what? Do I love Jake? It's early days, darling, early days.'

‘I said do you love
Dad
!'

‘Shh! Don't shout, you'll wake Kendall. Why are you going on about your dad, for God's sake? Don't you remember what he was like? He's left me with lots of little mementoes – look.' Mum tapped the caps on her teeth.

‘Yeah, I know, Mum. But that's just it. Why are you taking up with another guy when you've only just left Dad? Why can't you be happy with Kendall and me?'

‘Oh grow up, Jayni – sorry, Lola Rose.'

‘I
do
act grown up, you know I do,' I said, turning my back on her.

‘Oooh, don't go in a huff, sweetheart.' Mum cuddled up to me.

I tried to pull away, stiff as a board. Mum tickled me until I squealed and doubled up.

‘Shh, shh!' said Mum, though she was giggling too. She cuddled in quick and this time I didn't wriggle away. ‘I just mean when you
are
grown up you'll understand. I love you and little Kenny with all my heart, darling – but I need a man too. Life isn't worth living if you don't have someone to make your heart flutter. You'll see when you're older.'

I was sure I wouldn't. My heart had done enough fluttering to last me a lifetime. I didn't think I'd ever want a man. Especially not the kind of guy my mum liked.

I hoped this Jake would fade out of sight as quickly as the footballer, but Mum started going out with him on her nights off. When she was working he stayed till closing time and then walked her home. He came into our flat sometimes. Whenever I heard two lots of footsteps I snapped the light off quick and pretended to be asleep.

I wasn't in any hurry to meet him. I was very glad we only had one bedroom, and Kendall and I were sprawled right across the only bed.

But then he came round on Sunday, Mum's day off. I should have suspected something. Mum got up early and showered and shampooed for ages. She got dressed in a new tiny turquoise top that showed off her navel diamond and put on her tight white jeans. Usually on Sundays we had a long lie-in until eleven or twelve and then Mum just muddled around the house barefoot, a big cardie over her nightie.

But that Sunday Mum nagged at Kendall and me to get up bright and early. Well, it
was
early but we weren't feeling bright. I didn't want to get dressed in
my
new jeans. They were already uncomfortably tight around my tummy. I always seemed hungry now, especially in the evenings when Mum was out. I'd eat three bars of chocolate on the trot, or go on buttering slice after slice of bread until I'd polished off the whole loaf.

I wanted to stay in my nightie and sit up in bed and stick stuff in my scrapbook. Ms Balsam had given me lots of her magazines. I was having fun snipping out heads and bodies and arms and legs and making new people on my page. Sometimes I invented strange new species with six arms or car wheels for feet. I'd cut the heads off the skinniest fashion models and stick them onto enormous elephants and whales.

‘Come on, Lola Rose, stop that sticking and get
washed
,' said Mum, snatching my scrapbook. She pulled a face. ‘You're definitely sick, you! One warped, weird little kid. What's with the whale lady? Tell you what, she's a dead spit of your Auntie Barbara.' Mum giggled and adjusted her jeans over her own tiny hips.

Kendall wanted to stay in bed too. He was involved in a complicated game with George under the covers, swimming in their own dark private ocean. Mum fished him out and carried him squealing to the bathroom.

‘I want two clean, charming, well-dressed kids,
if
you don't mind,' she said.

‘Why?' I whined. ‘It's Sunday.'

‘Exactly,' said Mum. ‘It's Sunday.
Funday
. My Jake's coming round and we're all going out to have fun at Camden Lock market.'

Kendall and I were going to need some convincing. We got washed and dressed sullenly.

‘For God's sake, smile!' said Mum, when Jake knocked on the door. She glanced at us anxiously. Especially me. It was as if she was suddenly noticing how big I was.

Jake came as a shock. He
was
good looking in a scruffy sort of way. His fair hair was longer than mine, tied back in a ponytail. But he was young. I'd imagined this big artist guy in his thirties. Jake was an art
student
.

‘He's much younger than you, Mum,' I hissed in the ladies at Camden Lock.

‘Not
that
much,' said Mum.

‘How much?' I said. ‘He's still at art college, isn't he?'

‘Look, you're acting like he's still at school.'

‘How old
is
he, Mum?'

‘It doesn't
matter
. Now shut up and get a move on. I want to look round all the stalls. It's great here, isn't it? Jake told me all about it.'

When we came out of the ladies Jake and Kendall weren't there. We both stared at the wall where we'd left them as if expecting them to rematerialize. The spot stayed empty.

I clutched Mum's hand.

‘They'll be in the gents,' she said.

‘Kendall wouldn't let any stranger take him to the toilet,' I said.

Kendall was weirdly private. He hollered if Mum or I happened to burst in when he was on the loo. He'd often hang on grimly rather than use a public toilet. Sometimes he didn't make it in time.

‘Jake isn't a stranger,' Mum said crossly.

She walked over to the gents. I followed her. We waited a minute. I started to feel sick. I must have gone white because Mum nudged me.

‘It's OK, Lola Rose. For God's sake, they're just having a pee.' She shouted through the door. ‘Oi, Jake, Kendall, get a move on in there! Lola Rose is getting worried.'

No one answered. Mum swallowed, pulling her white jacket higher round her neck.

‘Jake? Kendall?' she shouted.

A strange man came out of the toilet, grinning stupidly. ‘You lost someone, darling?'

‘It's OK, it's just my boyfriend and my little boy. Maybe he's had a bit of an accident?'

‘There's no one in there, pet.'

‘What, not even in the cubicle?'

‘There's only one and I've just come out of it.'

‘Oh God,' said Mum. She looked at me. She chewed on her finger. ‘Well, they've obviously gone for a little wander round. Boys!' she said, trying to sound jaunty. She gave me another nudge because I was crying. ‘Stop it! Kendall will be fine. He's with Jake.'

‘We don't
know
Jake, not properly. And what if Dad tracked us down and saw them together? Maybe
he's
got Kenny?'

‘Oh my God, they've killed Kenny,' said the toilet guy, quoting
South Park
.

‘Shut it, mate,' said Mum. She pulled me away.

‘What are we going to do?' I looked at the heaving crowds in the market. ‘How are we going to find them?'

‘We
will
. Just shut up.'

‘We shouldn't have left Kenny with Jake. Why did we have to go out with him anyway? He's not part of our family.'

‘He could be one day,' said Mum. ‘Don't look at me like that. And
you
were the one whining on about needing to go to the ladies.'

It was so awful thinking it was my fault. ‘Kenny!' I yelled.

I rushed down the first little alleyway between the stalls. ‘Kenny, where are you?
Kenny!
'

‘I'm Kendall,' he said, bobbing up out of nowhere, laughing at me. ‘Look what we've got, Lola Rose. Pancakes! Yummy yum.'

‘Jammy crepes,' said Jake. ‘Kendall chose the jams. He's got blackcurrant for you, Lola Rose, because he says you like purple.'

I love pancakes. I love blackcurrant jam. But my stomach was so stirred up, it was like swallowing an old sock. I only ate a mouthful and then threw it away.

Mum glared at me. ‘You mean little cow,' she hissed. ‘It was sweet of him to buy us pancakes. He hasn't got much money, Lola Rose, seeing he's a student. You could at least act like you're grateful. You're showing me up. At least
Kendall'
s behaving beautifully.'

That made me feel sicker than ever. Kendall was usually so shy and strange with anyone new. But now he was holding Jake's free hand, skipping along happily, George carefully tucked under his armpit. He was babbling non-stop, most of it nonsense, some me-and-George saga. Jake wasn't even
listening
, but every time he gave a little grunt Kendall's face lit up delightedly.

Jake's other hand was holding Mum's.

I wanted them to look ridiculous as a couple.

They looked great together. Mum seemed so different when she was around Jake. When she was near Dad Mum was always twitching, scared because the slightest thing could set him off. She was always glancing anxiously at him. She never dared look at anyone else. Dad went berserk if he thought she was eyeing up any other men.

But now Mum mucked about and giggled and sang little snatches of song. Heaps of men turned to look at her. Some of them said stuff. Mum waved and blew them kisses. Jake grinned and waved too. His new silver bangle slid up his slim arm when he waved.

It was a present. Mum bought it for him. She bought me some sparkly stud earrings that looked like real diamonds. She bought Kendall a real wristwatch even though he can't tell the time yet. She bought herself a moonstone pendant. She got Jake to fasten it round her neck as if
he'd
bought it for her.

‘Aren't moonstones meant to be unlucky?' he said.

‘Not on me. I'm Lady Luck,' said Mum. ‘Don't you like it?'

‘It's pretty, very pretty.
You're
pretty,' said Jake. He kissed her neck where he'd fastened the clasp.

‘Um! Look at Mum and Jake, they're
kissing
,' said Kendall.

It was obvious what was going to happen next.

‘Maybe it would be a good idea to rearrange the flat a bit,' said Mum. ‘I've been thinking. You and Kendall might like your own den, more of a play space. So how about us turning the bedroom into
your
room. It's purple too, your favourite colour.'

‘Lilac isn't purple.'

‘It's
light
purple, Miss Picky. Anyway, I was thinking of getting a little portable telly for you two. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Then the living room could be more – well, my room.'

‘And you want to put a socking great bed in it for you and Jake,' I said coldly.

‘No I don't! Well. I was thinking about one of them sofa beds. Then if Jake should want to stay over . . .'

‘Why can't he stay in his own place?'

‘He hasn't exactly
got
his own place,' said Mum. ‘He's staying with a friend at the moment.'

‘Why can't he
get
his own place, then?' I said.

‘Because he hasn't got any money. He's a student.'

‘They give them rooms in the university, don't they?'

‘Only the first year. For God's sake, Lola Rose, give it a rest. He's coming to live with us and that's that. I don't see why you've got such a problem with it. We're in love, can't you see?'

‘He doesn't love you. He's just shacking up with us because he hasn't got anywhere else. And you spend a fortune on him.
Our
fortune.'

Mum slapped me straight across the face. Kendall was watching. He cried. I didn't cry. I stared Mum out.

‘You only slapped me because you know it's true.'

‘I slapped you because you're a spoilt little cow,' Mum snapped. ‘What's the matter with you, Lola Rose? You can't be jealous, can you?'

‘What, jealous of Jake?' I folded my arms. She was asking for it. ‘Well, he is more my age than yours.'

I stepped back smartly in case she tried another slap.

She was meaner than that.

‘Don't kid yourself
you'll
ever get a man like Jake,' she said, looking me up and down.

I didn't want her to see me cry. I slammed straight out of the house and down the path. I hoped she'd yell after me to come back but she didn't. So I went on walking, though I didn't really know where I was going.

I knew my way to school, I knew my way to the chippy and the Chinese, I knew my way to Mum's pub, I knew my way to the video shop. And I knew my way to Harpreet's house.

I could go and see Harpreet. She was my best friend now. We had our own special handshake and we each wore half of a Friends Forever locket. We told each other all sorts of secrets. We had very long whispered conversations about sex and often ended up giggling helplessly. But I didn't want to tell her about Mum and Jake. It was the one thing I couldn't talk about. My family.