Lola Rose (14 page)

Well,
I
didn't need
them
.

I didn't need anyone. I was Lola Rose.

I just wished I
looked
more like my idea of Lola Rose.

I mooned in front of the mirror, experimenting with ways of doing my hair. I hunched my shoulders right up under my ears so that my hair seemed longer. I tugged at it, encouraging it to grow. Maybe next month, or the month after, or the one after
that
, it would have grown right down my back, fairy princess style.

I stole into the bathroom and squirted it with Mum's hairspray. Mum was so lucky having such thick hair. I could grow mine right down to the ground but it would always stay thin and wispy. It lay limp against my head now no matter how I tried to fluff it up.

I gave up on my hair and tried my face. I'd mucked about with make-up before, putting glitter on my eyelids and gloss on my lips, but I'd always wiped it off when Dad was due home. He said he didn't like to see his little girl all tarted up.

I could paint on make-up an inch thick now. I went crazy with Mum's make-up. I started properly with foundation and then pencilled in my eyebrows and smeared smoky grey on my eyelids. I outlined them with black pen, making it thicker whenever I wobbled. I put on two thick coats of mascara so I saw black fringe curtains every time I looked up.

Then I applied rouge on both cheeks. I knew you were supposed to follow the lines on your cheekbones, but my cheeks were so podgy I couldn't
find
my bones. At least I could see my lips. I attempted that special putting-on-lipstick smile but I got red all over my teeth, so I invented my own method, going slightly over the edge of my lips to make them look more voluptuous.

I hoped I looked much older. Twelve, fourteen, sixteen? I peeped in Mum's wardrobe and put on her high heels. We took nearly the same size now. I stuffed the ends of the shoes with tissues. I stuck more tissues inside one of her bras so that I had an impressive bust when I pulled on my tightest T-shirt.

Jake and Kendall stared at me when I strutted into the living room.

‘My goodness, Lola Rose,' said Jake.

‘She looks silly,' said Kendall.

‘You
are
silly,' I said. ‘I'm going out.'

‘Hang on,' said Jake. ‘Are you allowed out by yourself?'

‘I'm not going to
be
by myself. I'm meeting someone. Like a date.'

‘Oh no you're not,' said Jake.

‘Oh yes I am,' I said rushing to the front door.

Jake called to me to come back.

‘You can't tell me what to do,' I shouted. ‘You're not my dad.'

I met Steve and Andy down the road, coming back from a shopping trip, laden with Marks and Sparks carrier bags. Well, Andy was laden, two bags in either hand. Steve was swanning along carrying a plant pot. He raised his eyebrows at me and walked on, jasmine trailing decoratively down his arms. Andy stopped and balanced his shopping bags on the pavement. He mimed great delight to see me, clutching his heart.

‘Why it's Lola Rose, looking
gorgeous
!'

‘Hi, Andy,' I said. I tried to make my voice sound husky and provocative but it just sounded like I had a cold.

‘Hi, Lola Rose,' he said, his own voice as gruff as he could get. I laughed, even though he was taking the mickey.

I walked on down the road, though my ankles kept twisting in Mum's high heels. I decided to go round to Harpreet's house and show them off to her. I knocked at her door. I rang the bell too, in case they hadn't heard.

‘Shh!' said Harpreet, opening the door. ‘My dad's having a nap.' Then she looked at me properly. ‘
Lola Rose!
'

‘Can I come and play?'

‘Yeah. Well. For a bit. My mum's cooking our dinner.'

The wonderful hot savoury smell of it made my mouth water. I hoped I might get invited to share it. Harpreet took me into their front room. Her little sister Amandeep was sitting cross-legged in a corner, muttering to her Barbie dolls. Her big brother Amrit was hunched over the computer. He nodded in my direction without taking his eyes off the screen.

‘Can I try your shoes on, Lola Rose?' Harpreet begged.

‘Sure,' I said, slipping them off.

Harpreet wobbled around, roaring with laughter every step.

‘Look, why don't you kids play shoe shops in another room?' said Amrit, sighing. Then he looked up and saw me. He stayed looking. He started telling me about the work he was doing on the computer. Then he went on about his football team at school. Then he started bragging about this band he and his mates had started up. He was the drummer. He didn't have his own drum kit but he started beating out the rhythm on the wall.

‘Shut
up
, Amrit, you'll wake Dad,' said Harpreet.

‘Dad's already awake,' said Mr Gabrie, coming into the room in his socks. He yawned. His mouth stayed open when he saw me.

‘Good gracious, Lola Rose! No, it's not Lola Rose at all, silly me, she's just a little girl. You're her big sister. Good afternoon, Miss Luck, I'm delighted to meet you.'

I knew he was just kidding around, but it was fun, and Harpreet and Amandeep giggled. Amrit looked irritated.

‘What's all this noise? Have you naughty children woken your poor father?' said Mrs Gabrie, putting her head round the door.

Her eyes rolled when she saw me. ‘Does your mother know you're out like that, Lola Rose?' she said.

‘This isn't Lola Rose, this is Lola Rose's beautiful big sister,' said Harpreet's dad. ‘May I offer you a sherry, Miss Luck? Would you care for a cigarette?'

‘Don't encourage her,' said Mrs Gabrie crossly. ‘You'd better go home and wash your face, Lola Rose. Take those shoes off at once, Harpreet, and give them back to Lola Rose. Hurry up now, dinner's nearly ready.'

‘Can Lola Rose stay for dinner?' Harpreet asked.

I looked at Mr Gabrie hopefully, but his eyes swivelled to his wife.

‘I'm sorry, dear,' she said insincerely. ‘There isn't enough for another person.'

‘Lola Rose can eat mine. I'll be having a pizza with my mates later,' said Amrit.

I smiled at him with my shiny red lips, but Mrs Gabrie wouldn't relent.

‘Nonsense,' she snapped. ‘Lola Rose is going home for her own dinner now.' She looked at me beadily. ‘You've got lipstick on your front teeth!'

I wanted to bite her with my stained teeth. I shrugged instead, pretending it was a totally cool new fashion to have bright red teeth. I stalked out of their house. I tripped going down their front path. I hoped they weren't watching.

My feet were hurting in Mum's shoes. It felt like I was getting a blister. Several. I knew I should go home but I'd only been gone half an hour. I'd never be able to convince Jake I'd had a real date.

I couldn't convince myself. I could call myself Lola Rose until the cows came home but I was still stuck being shy, soft old Jayni. I was never going to get pretty and sparky and sexy like Mum. I was going to get bigger and blobbier and end up like Auntie Barbara, just as Mum said. Poor elephantine Auntie Barbara who was so wibbly wobbly that no man would ever want her.

Maybe no man would ever want me. Amrit had acted like he was chatting me up, but maybe he was just having a laugh at me.

The gang of boys were hanging around outside the video shop again. Ross was there. Peter Piglet too. I knew I should run away quickly.

I didn't run. I walked towards them.

They started making the kissing noises again but I smiled this time. I walked right up to them, wobbling on Mum's high heels.

‘You look daft in them shoes,' said Peter, his pink nostrils going in and out as he breathed heavily.

‘You
are
daft, in shoes or out of them,' I said. I tried to sweep past him, but tripped.

‘Whoopsie,' said Ross, and he clutched my arm to steady me.

He wasn't quite so good looking when you got close to him. His eyes were a little too close and his lips were too thin. I wasn't sure I wanted him hanging onto my arm. I tried to pull away.

‘It's OK, I'm just helping you,' he said. ‘It's Lola Rose, isn't it?

A tall boy in a torn T-shirt grinned. ‘Lola Rose sat on a pin. Lola rose!'

It wasn't funny but they all fell about laughing. I knew they were laughing at me – but I grinned too.

‘So you're in Pete's class?' said Ross. ‘You look older than him.'

‘I
act
older,' I said, tossing my hair.

He still had his hand on my arm. He wasn't gripping tight but his fingers felt weird on my skin. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not. He was obviously the boss guy of the gang. He was the best looking. He was the one all the girls fancied.

He was peering at me, head on one side. ‘Where are you off to then, Lola Rose?' he asked.

I liked the way he kept saying my name. I loved being reminded I was this new glamorous girl. She was so much more grown up than silly old Jayni.

I smiled back at Ross. ‘Nowhere special,' I said casually.

‘So hang out with us,' said Ross.

‘OK,' I said, as if I couldn't really be bothered. I was fizzing inside. I wondered where we'd go. I hoped it might be McDonald's. I was starving hungry.

Ross didn't seem to be thinking about food. ‘We'll go down the park,' he said, still smiling.

All the boys sniggered.

I took no notice. Ross was still smiling straight at me. His eyes were very blue with black lashes, and he had lovely smooth, rosy skin. He was big too, with muscles like he worked out. He could get any girl he wanted. He seemed to want
me
!

Ross and his mates strode off towards this park. I trotted along behind them, finding it hard to keep up in Mum's heels. Piglet Pete hung back, keeping pace with me.

I didn't want to be stuck with him. I wanted it to be a fairy tale. I looked almost pretty now I was Lola Rose. Maybe Ross wanted me to be his girlfriend. ‘Push off, Pete,' I said.

‘OK,' he said, shrugging. He ran ahead and joined the others.

‘Hey, Lola Rose!' Ross called, peering back at me. ‘Come on!' He beckoned with his finger, making little kissing encouraging noises.

The boys all laughed. I didn't like the way Ross was acting. He wasn't treating me like I was a girl. He was calling to me like I was his little dog.

I still followed him.

It wasn't a proper park, just a scrubby patch of grass and a tangle of bushes used as a rubbish dump. There was some woman walking her dogs way in the distance and an old man mumbling to himself, clutching a beer can. And all the boys, making stupid noises.

I wanted it to be just Ross and me in a beautiful big green park. We'd walk hand in hand and he'd be looking at me with those big blue eyes and whisper lovely things. But this was all so different. I was stuck by the bushes with all these boys and I didn't like it.

‘It's getting late. I have to go home now,' I said.

‘No you don't, Lola Rose. Come here!'

Ross bent his head and kissed me, right in front of the others. It wasn't gentle and loving, like he cared. He was just showing off. I struggled to get free but he held me tight. I twisted my head away and started yelling.

‘Shut up, you idiot!' said Ross.

I wouldn't shut up. I shouted.

‘Let that girl go!' someone called.

Ross hung onto me, but some of the others started running. A dog started barking furiously, getting nearer. Two dogs, leaping up at all of us, huge Alsatians.

Everyone was running now. I tried to run too, but I fell in my shoes. I huddled there on the grass, the dogs barking in my face, showing their sharp teeth. I started screaming.

‘It's all right, Lola Rose! They won't hurt you. They just like to make a lot of noise – like me!'

I peered up past the two dogs. Ms Balsam was standing over me!

‘Down, Bealey, down, Buss, down, girls! Stop barking, you're giving us both a headache. Give your paws to Lola Rose and show her you want to be friends!'

The two dogs quietened. They sat up on their back legs and politely offered me their paws. I took each one gingerly, giving it a tiny shake.

‘There!' said Ms Balsam. ‘See, I can control my dogs far better than I can control all you kids.'

‘Hello . . . Bealey?' I said, patting the dog's head.

‘This one's Miss Beale and this one's Miss Buss. They were amazing women who ran a school for girls in Victorian times. I called my dogs after them. I've had them since they were six weeks old. They're getting on a bit now but they can still make an impressive amount of noise. They scared off all the boys satisfactorily, didn't they? So what was going on, Lola Rose?'

‘Oh, nothing,' I mumbled. I slipped Mum's shoes on and struggled to stand up.

Mrs Balsam put her hands under my elbows and hauled me upright. ‘Are those your friends?'

‘Sort of.'

‘I know the big lad, Ross. I used to teach him. He was a real handful. Do you like him?'

‘No,' I said, wiping my lips with the back of my hand.

‘Here.' She fished in her pocket and found me a tissue. ‘You're all smudged. Have a good wipe. Good god, you've got half of Boots' make-up counter all over your face. Don't you dare turn up at school like that.
Or
in those shoes. How do you
walk
in them?'

‘I can't, not properly. They're my mum's.'

‘Doesn't she mind you borrowing her shoes?'

‘Well, she doesn't exactly know.'